My journey to find "Me" again has been up to this point "freeing." I have been able without guilt, to spend some time with my thoughts and relive some of my past. Standing on the outside looking in, I'm sure many see how good I have it, I have an adoring Husband who I love very much and who I still have a major crush on ever since I first saw him 23 years ago, very handsome and very supportive. I have (4) healthy, beautiful children who "shine" in their own right, I have the nice house in a neighborhood that has won the award of "Best place to raise a family in", the stay at home and raise my children job and extended family and friends who love and enjoy me and I like who I am.
But often when I reflect back, I see things that I didn't get to do because I became a Wife and a Mother. In doing so, especially with children you give so much of yourself up or away. I remember when I was a Mother for the first time and thinking, "Ok....I've done this for about 6 weeks...When do I get a break?"....YES! I really thought that.....silly me!
Right now looking back I can't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'll have to call my mother later and see if she remembers what I wanted to be. I knew that I would be married and have a family, after all with my generation isn't that drilled into our heads with our first baby doll and doll house? But somehow I thought I would have time for me. Now here I sit at 41 and I wonder where did the time go? Older, wiser people in my life tell me, "Wait.....Your turn will come" so that is what I am doing.....I am waiting for my turn to come!
Well, at least I have time to write again, which I haven't done in many years, I have time to sneak away with my camera again, and not think I must shoot roll after roll of my Children's lives. I can shoot what I find beautiful in my world and I have enough pictures of my "Beautiful Children" for now! lol
People say I have a "gift" for writing and an "eye" for the camera but I want to explore other possibilities....I want to try my hand at painting in any medium....but I don't even know where to start with that.....Then the "guilt" that comes shortly after you give birth for the first time......I mustn't do anything that will take away from my Children...... So every dime is spent on their needs, not their whims, and all my time is spent on their whims.
Yes, my turn will come....in the meantime I will keep searching for the "old Me," the "new Me" and the "Me yet to come."
4 comments:
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I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING ABOUT YOU SINCE YOU ARE TRYING TO FIND OUT ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU ARE A LADY WITH MUCH CLASS WHO WILL ACHEIVE HER GOALS SUCH AS PAINTING AND TAKING PICTURES. IT APPEARS TO ME THAT YOU ARE THE TYPE WHO WILL GO WHERE SHE WANTS TO GO IN THIS WORLD. BUT, IF YA ASK ME, YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MORE IN YOUR 41 YEARS THAN MOST DO IN A LIFETIME. :) LOOK AROUND YOU, AND RE READ YOUR ENTRY FOR TODAY, ESPECIALLY THE FIRST PARAGRAPH.
YOU DO HAVE A GIFT FOR WRITING AND AN EYE FOR PHOTOGRAPHY AS WELL. I WISH YOU LOTS OF LUCK IN ALL YOUR ENDEAVORS.
KIM.
(((kimbellina)))))
Thank you for always having a kind word for me! I know I'll get it all done someday (being a strong, stubborn Irish woman has its privileges ya know! Ü). but for some reason that "Someday" seemed a lil too far off for me today! Thanks for always helping me to hold myself high!
good entry and yes you are agood writer.
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