Thursday, May 31, 2007

Everybody Happy Dance with me!!!!

I had a great check up with Dr. Serious yesterday! Yahoooooooo!
Cancer marker tests were down 10 points.......any reduction is a welcome relief! lol Also my lungs are in no need of a future lung tap......can I get an amen on that one?? lol I will be having a thoracic CT/Scan in a couple of weeks to see if the tumors in my lungs have shrunk significantly to make sure the Xeloda Chemo is working it's magic.....then another Brain MRI in about 6 weeks to see if the tumor that is there is gone all together and then I will be a good candidate for a chemo booster they wanted me on before but because of the brain tumor it was too risky for a stroke....crossing fingers that I am able to do the booster!!!!

SIDE NOTE --Forgot to add that I started my 3 round of the Xeloda Chemo this morning too and I have lost a lil bit of hearing in both ears due to the Whole Brain radiation...keeps the teenage noise level down to bearable....side effects will wear off in a few weeks! lol

Every day that gets me farther from last Friday strengthens my life force's amazing how much better I feel and I have energy to spare now. I will not over load myself......Jim won't let me for one, but I actually have done lots of laundry and shopping and I even cooked dinner last is no longer my enemy! lol And did I mention a bowl of Moose tracks (ice cream) last night didn't hurt! lol

I wanted to show you how much my hair had grown before the radiation took it all away again....funny how only the lil stubborn gray/white hairs stayed! Grrrrr! Jim said my hair looked fiber optic because the ends were still blonde but the roots came in darker! I thought I took on a more schnauzer look myself! lol lol lol

The other two girls are my partners in crime....they went with me for my appointment yesterday...and they were making fun of me how I can't walk a straight line yet and how my words seems to escape me from time to I called them Dirty Rat Bass Turds and said, "Hey you try walking around with a brain tumor and then tell me how easy it is!!!" Even Doctor Serious laughed out loud on that one and then left the room for a minute and then poked his head back in the door and asked again. "What did you just call your girlfriends?" I repeated DIRTY RAT BASS TURDS!! He laughed again and left the room............I think personally we made his day! lol lol lol

It's a great day to be alive and I ain't missing another moment of it!



The picture  above was to give you an idea how fast my hair grew back from my last chemo (first round) which was January 2,  2007 until my last round of whole brain radiation a week ago. If I knew how many brain cells I would have had to sacrifice now I think I wouldn't of been such a wild child during my teens! MY BAD!!! lol lol lol

Me, Mar and Michelle ( I think this was taken over a month and a half ago.........chemo brain, radiation brain, blonde moment, bald moment I have lots of excuses now! lol lol lol)

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Good thing it's waterproof mascara! lol

Here I sat all smug that I went 2 whole days without a tear slipping away from me........then my J-land Angels arrive all boxed up neatly with the prayers and wishes to make all bad and scary things disappear here on earth......Mary, Stephanie, Nancy, Rebecca, Kathy, Mary Jo, Carlene and Christina....Tears of love, tears of joy, tears of compassion from people worlds away from each other....You are angels among many of us and I am so appreciative that our paths were meant to pass and that we have each other to share "Life" with!

I hope your hearts can feel how much love I have for all of you! I feel every good wish, every prayer sent my way, I feel all good vibes and great healing....I love you all! every lurker, every new reader, every dear old friend before I got sick....I had a great mentor on how to do this right, with grace and dignity and to share with all that may need to take something away from what I write....Pam (just one girls head noise) and Lahoma who for the brave shared her own experience with BC and dared to show the aftermath of her double Mastectomy if it helped or reminded one person do their "damn mammogram!" lol

We teach each other so many things, but what we all walk away with is a sense of life is good and we are blessed!

Happy just to be.......

I can't tell you how much "life" has been brought back to me since my last radiation on Friday.....I remember on New Years Eve and we were all together at the drop of midnight and I just flew into my Brother's arms and cried and cried....I was so happy that I could put that part of my life behind me......4 months of chemo and I kept saying to myself......New Years Eve and this will be all over with....didn't work out that way after all but it was a good symbolism of coming in and out of everything I had go through last year.

I have felt so lifeless during my three weeks of whole brain radiation............kinda just breathed in, and breathed out....didn't have any more energy to do more than that.  I spent this weekend out at the lake and even though I needed lots of naps in between, I had fun at the luau, was even able to sip a lil frozen rum runner down my throat and finally my appetite came was an all protein weekend and my body responded by feeling stronger each day.........I actually woke up yesterday with a big ole smile that I couldn't take off my face if I wanted to!  I had been an emotional wreck the whole 3 weeks of rads.......cry at the drop of a hat, had a butterfly land on me and sent me over the edge with just the sheer unexpected joy of it trusting me so much.

I feel a renewed strength coming back to me, I was a lil worried that it wasn't going to return, I couldn't get over how exhausted I was, 24/7.....but I can feel this new energy swelling up my heart and my spirit and it's about to bust all over!!! lol

Thank you all again for holding me up when I was to weak to take on the fight and for all the love sent my way....I owe you all so much and I love the J-Land community...YOU GUYS ROCK! lol lol lol

Nap time again.....I didn't have my camera out this past weekend but I'm sure I'll get some pictures from the people who did bring camera's and I will share with you all....

Thursday, May 24, 2007

A peacock without plumage! lol

So this is me again....the day after letting my hair scatter to all four winds that blew that day....I have been going out without head covering in hopes that other people who are self conscious about something about themselves say a BIG ...."SO WHAT?" It is not the size and shapes of our bodies that defines is who we are in our hearts and the hearts of those that love us that determines our true character and self worth.

Your self worth is what you deem upon yourself...........carry yourself high and others will follow strong and other will see you strong, be compassionate and others will show compassion....

Life is good and I am blessed and I am thankful for every moment. It is not the cancer that causes me to weep, it is the love that I receive unconditionally, from family, friends and strangers that I have only met in my heart....the simple, loving bond of human connection is what fills my heart as well as my eyes with are all so precious to me and I love you dearly!




Paying it forward!

I recently was asked to pay it forward for a lil boy who lives in Ontario, Canada...he is only 7 years old and I did check it out on first. He has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia....his wish is for lots of Birthday cards and wishes and if you can find it in your heart please take the time to show this little boy, a Mother's Son a little of what the J-Land community and American's with hearts can do in making a few wishes come true.

His birthday is coming lifted me when I was weary, can you lift little Shane too? Thanks Kelly for passing on lil Shanes story!

I will add the information that I did on, It's my time to pay it forward to a warrior smaller than me....but who has tremendous amount of his own courage!

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Shane Bernier

Also I will add Shanes Wish page

Shane's Wish

Side note: I am battling a war that I did not sign up for, mine is no noble cause...I fight for personal reasons, such as more time with my Jim and my loved ones.........the true hero's out in this world are our American Soldiers, they signed up for this fight, to keep our country free, to keep our liberties free.....they fight for the Red, White and Blue....they fight for me and you! They are the truest of hero's and have been generation after generations and I am very proud to have come from a very military family.....Both sides of my family as well as both sides of my husbands family.....GOD BLESS and keep our soldiers safe and God willing bring them home soon!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Some kind of freedom.....

Well, I just spent the last hour sitting outside under one of our tall birch tree's plucking my head hairless......With my Youngest Daughter Rachel by my side and Jim and lil Jimmy checking in on me telling me that I am beautiful and not having hair makes no difference....made for a quiet acceptance that I am once again bald.....a few tears fell but with a few hugs from my baby girl, the trials and tribulations seem sacred. There is a freedom knowing that you are going to lose your hair (once again) and knowing that it will come back again when it's ready. I chose not to buzz it, but let it come out at the root as to with the hopes that if it all came out follicle and all at the same time, it might just grow back in at the same pace instead of here there and everywhere......weird part is that just at the nape of my neck where the radiation didn't reach that hair won't pull out with a crow bar....I have fringe! lol

I'll post a new pic with my bad, bald self soon.....Rachel told me my eyes are even more beautiful when I don't have cute is she??? What a sight we must of been sitting on the bench grooming myself like a baboon, letting the wind carry my hair where ever the four winds blow...I feel at peace now knowing that it's all over and new hair can start coming back.

One tired Pink Warrior....battles on!

Again it seems my words and thoughts might fail me, but I'm gonna try to get an entry out anyway....again being stubborn pays off! lol

Saturday was spent out at the lake enjoying watching my friends and family live each moment without a care in the world which helps me to forget some of my cares too....if only for a little while. I socialize when I can, I rest when I need to and I need those days out in the fresh air....even if I get the chills in temperatures in the high 70's...I have no problem sitting by the lake all wrapped up like I'm going to the Chicago Bears game in mid January! lol

I like being on the oral chemo (Xeloda) much better than the AC & T that I had to have through an IV every two weeks at the cancer center...this stuff doesn't bring you to deaths door, but I will be feeling much better come Friday when I have my last radiation...then I think I get a week off, then a new brain MRI to see if that tumor has shrunk, become dormant or has left the building all together! lol No tumor could mean all cancer cells floating around my brain could all be nonexistant too! I promise I will have Jim take a picture of me and my mask on the radiation table my last time around...then you can also see how much hair has grown back before it leaves it's place of residency again! lol

This past Sunday I was able to run my fingers through my hair and see the beginning of my hair loss again....We still haven't told Jim's family that I have been sick all this time, we are going to wait until the family reunion or shortly before to let them know....we decided since they didn't handle it very well the first time around we will let them enjoy these past few months with peace in their hearts. By the time I see them again I will be bald and neither one of them could handle seeing me that way so Goldylocks was forever worn in their presence....small, itchy inconvenience on my part.

Last week My Baby Boy turned 15....I have lost all vision of his sweet baby face....he had a fantastic weekend....caught a rather large Walleye out at the lake (catch and release) and when on a 3D archery hunt with the grown men and outshoot almost all of them......except for his Daddy of right now I have two fifteen year olds until next month when Rachel turns 16.......did I mention that she has her permit and in Illinois you have to have 50 hours behind the wheel with your permitted child??  There isn't enough XANAX to get me through all my family has been pitching in and white knuckle driving with the I don't already have enough stress in my life huh??? lol lol lol

Friday, May 18, 2007

Better Days are coming!

So much to tell so little brain function available to put it all down in words so forgive me for any "What?" you might come!

I am finding doing oral chemo and whole brain radiation a bit more taxing on my mind this time then before on just the chemo...nuff said about that, so all I want to do is daze in and out of sleep Monday through Friday which I am blessed to be able to do....sometimes it's hard being a stay at home goddess! <smirk>

Last Wednesday I reached my half way point on radiation and met with Dr. Nuke and went over the problems I was experiencing while being became an enemy and I now weigh less that my Driver's License says I do! Give me an amen on that everyone! lol In my grand schemes of things or my irrational thinking of why I am going through everything I am going through is I BETTER get a long remission in able to finally feel comfortable to strut my stuff down here on earth before passing on to my next appointment! Whatever works for motivation on the days I need it works for me right?? lol
I was put on steroids for some minor brain swelling due to whole brain radiation, which will also take care of my dry heaves, loss of appetite and loss of go steroids!

I also met with Dr. Serious who was none to thrilled over my latest tumor marker test and even less pleased with my latest chest x -ray....fluid was building back up under my left lung and I was ordered to go down stairs to out patient and have another chest x-ray which warranted for me to go back into the hospital for an out patient lung tap again.....last time they drained 600 cc's of fluid out of my lungs this time 1300 cc's but the good news in all this is the largest tumor in my right lung did show a slight decrease in size after only one dose of the new oral chemo drug called go ME!!!! If the big one shrunk they are assuming that the middle ones and little ones and the lesion might vanish all together as treatment goes on! Everybody happy dance with me! After my lung tap I was able to go with my best friends Michelle and Mar out to a late lunch in an out door lunch cafe and it felt so good to be out in the warm fresh air after 2 weeks of nothing but bed life's battery got a jump start on feeling better and knowing that I only have the one more week of radiation brought back a little bit of my warrior spark....which I desperately went inside seeking to find.

My hair should start falling out any day now, and if it starts to overwhelm me I will let my Brother have the honor of shaving it all off instead of watching it fall out slowly....buzzing it give me the power over my hair loss not the whole brain radiation...I get some extra warrior strength at being in charge of that instead of the treatment.

I was finally able to reach the spot deep inside myself to be able to express what I am feeling this time around and once I found the words it became easier to deal with....what I learned was that even though I have the utmost trust and respect in my medical staff and the utmost respect and trust in the cancer center that is treating me, but what I am lacking this time around is having blind trust in the treatment this time around considering I did everything on time and as planned the first time around to only find out that it did absolutely nothing for body didn't respond to the treatment that it has done for millions of other breast cancer trusting with blind faith that this treatment will be the one that works I am finding my self struggling to believe in that whole heartedly and most understand as to why...once I knew what it was that was bothering me I had a quick change around and started to feel better emotionally and I needed that.

Next week is my last (I hope) of radiation and I am looking forward to that date more than you more treatment under my belt once less bad/sad experience I can let go of....if I look back and go over every stumbling block that I had to over come I would be so overwhelmed and paralyzed to take the next step forward so I never look back over what I have accomplished so far throughout this ordeal and in doing so it lets me take one moment by moment of each day and to be able to warrior through it to give me another tomorrow.

Next I would like to thank Angie from over at the Giving Tree and all the special angels that contributed to my special bracelet of arrived just in time to wear it to my nuke appointment and it gave me great strength while fingering each slide on there while undergoing treatment it gave me such strength just when I needed it....your love and caring for me reaches many miles all the way to my heart and I thank you!

Mary your card and quick notes always hit the right spot with me...I giggle and feel the hugs with each card.........Jeanne youare so very special to me because of your belief in my over coming this battle re ignites me just when I need it the all my other chemo/cancer angels who leave prayers, best wishes and good karma carry me many more days than you will every know and I will never be able to tell you how much that means to me!

The trickle down effect of all this goodwill sent through J-Land is extraordinary and the ripple effect reaches far and wide and finds ways into other people hearts, other people lifes and other people problems that it gives a quiet ripple effect that reaches far and wide....I often get asked about how easily I find sharing my personal cancer journey with every friend and new stranger that stumbles across my blog and I always say that to have lived, learned and experienced everything I have gone through so far, to keep it under lock and key would only show how shallow of a humanitarian I would be if I kept all this to myself to wallow in self pity instead of putting it ALL out there to help the next person whose path is meant to cross mine and mine is meant to cross theirs to make their burden a lil less heavy and to take load off of mine from time to time....reaching out and helping the next person who needs a lil guidance has brought me tremendous peace and a new calling once I kick this cancer ass this time around.

I hope my drug induced words that somehow found there way into thoughts makes some sense to someone and gives others the insight that they need to be the caretakers, family and friends of those who are going through a life changing illness....when I am strong I want to help the next person that crosses my path and is meant to cross that path and when I am weak I let all of you carry me until I am strong enough to carry myself again....what a wonderful full circle that give me and strengthens me at the same time.

I promise once I finish up my last round of radiation, and an additional week to recover from that.... the old warrior will emerge and I will share everything in a more timely the meantime take care of yourselves and each other!



Friday, May 11, 2007

Coping with least I think I am

I think I am finally dealing with the betrayal of my cancer never leaving my body, I gave a breast, I gave my life's blood and I went through 4 months of hell called chemotherapy.....I did it for me, my Jim, my Kids and my Family and friends....I did it because I believed  that I could be one the lucky ones that only had to deal with this once in my lifetime....I found out way toooo soon that this was not to be true.

Here I was barely 3 months out of treatment and all the time the cancer cells were multiplying and multiplying...then after a 6 day stay in the hospital I find out that it has already spread to my lungs, my spine and my brain.....I do not ask "Why Me?" There is no answer to that question....what I am having a hard time understanding is why is it trying so hard to take me from those I love? With cancer there are only two sides to fall on.....the ones that live after their diagnosis and the ones that don't.....I thought I knew which side I was going to land on....I am struggling so hard this time around emotionally......I am a strong woman, I know that...what I am having a hard time doing is going deeper for more of my fighting nature to keep battling with the strength that I did in the beginning....before it was just a breast, now it's every breath I take, it's the broken thought processes that I am now experiencing, it's the fear that every pain I feel I think to myself is that cancer? has it spread to that part of me too?

I have to admit I am weaker this time around but that does NOT mean I am giving up, I am just staying in my head a lil longer than usual....there (in my head) is where I remember who I am and where I came from and all that I have had to endure to get me to where I am today....that is where I find the warrior in me....give me some time and I will find her again....right now I need to just be quiet, just be still and rest. There are quite a number of reasons I am exhausted....cancer itself for one, chemo (again) radiation and every smell makes me want to get sick...nothing sounds good enough for me to eat, so when I do eat I am making healthier choices.....plenty of fresh fruit, raw vegetables, for protein I eat string cheese and to make sure I get enough vitamins and nutrients I am drinking slim fasts.

Today I will complete my first week of radiation.....I hate it because for a few minutes I am strapped to a table by my face and head under a mask, but once that machine kicks on and I hear the noise that the radiation or machine makes I feel like jumping up and screaming die you bastards die......not the tech's....the cancer cells! lol Today is also my first whole day off of chemo....I get a week off and then probably back on again for two weeks. I hope I get some of my strength back this weekend....all I want to do now is sleep on and off all day, so I do.

I want this treatment to work this time.......they say after cancer all you have left is hope.....I don't want hope if it's false hope, I don't want the rest of my life to always be about treatment....I want some of the joy and the happiness that I had before cancer...when I am sick...I am weak, but I still throw those pills down my throat twice a day, I still show up for the radiation, I still make and keep all Doctor appointments and I still want to kick cancers ass. Right now I need time to rest, time for my family...if I don't return a phone call or an email or a two way, it's not that you aren't important to me because you all are, you're my's just that I need time in my safe head and Jim's arms.

This is my journey, this is my life.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Taking a break....

Thank you everyone that has showed such love and compassion to my family and are truly angels among my family.

I am having a hard time having to go through all this again so soon from the last time, it's all still to fresh in my head and I need to go inside myself for a few days to gather more strength, I am so very tired, I can't think, I can't write I don't have the strength right now to do that so I need to shut down for a few days. I did start my radiation Monday and I will be getting a week off of chemo starting Thursday afternoon...I am hoping I get a little reprieve from the fatigue, the dry heaves, the not so dry heaves and the body aches.

I promise I'll write when I all mean so much to me!




Sunday, May 6, 2007

It's a great day to be alive!

I met with Dr. Nuke Friday morning and I was assured once again that I really do like her Doctoring style! lol We once again went over what whole brain radiation is and what the risks are and I am comfortable with everything. She asked me if I ever wore a football helmut before......Hmmmmm can't say for sure if I have, she laughed and said that is the part of my head that will be nuked, all that would be covered by a football since my face won't be nuked I get to keep my eyebrows and eyelashes....vain as it is, they help define a face when there is no hair....I can do bald again, no problem and just as I finish up with my last nuke my hair should start to fall out.....go figure! lol lol lol

They asked me if I was claustrophobic, I am not, they asked if I ever had a mask made of my face...ohhhh I feel a slight bit of panic there, I said no, never had a mask made of my face....they asked if I ever had
Ativan...nope to that question too! lol So they give me two of the tiniest pills I have ever seen and next thing you know I am one stoned woman, they asked if I needed assistance while we walked down the hall to the room they were going to 'mask' me and scan me and I said no thank you I have been to plenty of happy hours! They laughed and I giggled, Jim just held my hand tighter! lol

Thank God I took them up on the offer of the Ativan! Even though the mask is open and airy, kinda like a mesh laundry bag it was heavy and wet when they put it on my face, since my eyes were covered with gauze I couldn't see how "netty" the material was and when they first put it on my face I panicked wondering why aren't they poking holes where my nose and mouth is.......duh it was a net! But if felt as if someone who was tossing a pizza dough around in the air landed on my took about 10 minutes for it to mold and harden on my face...but boy did that Ativan knock me on my butt, don't remember lunch out with Jim, don't remember talking to Rachel and Jimmy but I do remember saying Hi to my Middle daughter and her friend who had stopped by and next thing I know Jim is waking me up 4 hours later because he was worried! lol I could of slept for weeks! lol lol lol

Tomorrowat 9:00 I will be having my first Rad, I won't be taking any Ativan...the nuke procedure is only 2 minutes long, if I panic with the mask on tomorrow I will ask for only 1 Ativan Tuesday....I don't want to sleep the next three weeks away!

Yesterday I only needed to take half of a pain pill and today I am still pain free......that is a beautiful thing considering they sent me home with a war chest of pain killers...Both Dr. Serious and Dr. Nuke think this is a very good sign....that this chemo is doing what it is supposed to and the tumors and lesions in my lungs aren't producing any more fluid so breathing is an easy thing for me once again.

Life........I like it, I love it, I want some more of it! lol lol lol

Thursday, May 3, 2007

To be soooo loved! Ü

I met with Dr. Serious this afternoon and both he and I agree that me feeling so well so fast very well could be an early indication that the Xeloda is doing is stuff! Ü... Yesterday I went with Jim to the Orthopedic Specialist to check on his leg injury and thank God it's just a really bad contusion (bruise) They gave him a flexible leg brace to wear on his leg when he has to stand and that can easily be pulled down to the ankle when he is sitting and be taken off completely while asleep...Thank You all for Jim's prayers!

I felt so good yesterday afternoon Jim and I took an old dear friend of mine out for an early dinner so she could see I looked and felt great....that was the time Jim informed me how bad I looked at the hospital....I of course blamed it on the lighting! lol Who looks good in fluorescent lighting anyway?? lmaooooo After lunch we picked up my new meds...I was a lil shocked to see all the pain meds...morphine patches, liquid morphine for when I need instant relief and then a huge bottle of vicodin....I swear if I end up winning this battle with cancer it will be a miracle if I don't pick up a drug addiction along the way! lol lol lol  I only take what I need, when I need it so no worries there! lol lol lol....Jim says I am quite entertaining at times!

Tomorrow I meet with my newest Doctor to join my medical army...I liked her the moment I met her...she see's the urgency to get started immediately... she shall now be known as Dr. Nuke lol! (Radiation Oncologist) I told all my Doctors when I was in the hospital and given the news that it had spread even faster then they anticipated that I am no longer going to wait for anything....they are all in agreement and that gives me a great deal of peace of mind! My hair should start falling out in 2 weeks, of course by then I will only have one more week of rads (radiation) but such is life huh? I truly am Ok with this...I hope the facial hair blonde as it is falls out too! lol....getting tired of looking in the mirror and seeing Elvis side burns...very blonde but very ewwwww! lmaooooo

We ended up going by Jay and Annettes house last night (both mine and Jim's best friends) it was a long day but I soooo needed to be out of the house and socialize although there were many a party my 6 days at the hospital! lol lol lol

Today we both rest and that sounds lovely! Thank you for all the heartfelt words of love and encouragement....I AM A WARRIOR! lol lol lol

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

It's good to be home!

Just another bump in my road....Wednesday April 24th I started to feel myself get short of breath and a very slight pain in my sternum by Thursday afternoon I could hardly breath and the pain became intense so I called Dr. Serious and they told me to go to the ER...I didn't get home until the following Tuesday afternoon.

When they compared my newest lung scan (from the ER) to my Pet Scan done earlier in the month there were several changes taking place in my lungs, it's now all through both lungs and the pain I was feeling and the shortness of breath was because fluid was building up between my chest wall and my much fluid that my lungs were floating in it...when this fluid was tested it was loaded with cancer they did a tap, a needle into the fluid sac and drained the fluid, I received immediate relief with the first needle draw.....yahoooo for me! lol

I already had a brain MRI and a thoracic MRI scheduled for that following Friday but because that was the day they were doing the fluid drain I had to wait until biggie, I'm already stuck in the hospital anyway. The MRI's revealed that I have a very tiny tumor in the brain and even though it's very small it has all the characteristics of cancer...we all know now that we can't wait on anything....I went from having a little bit of cancer in my lungs to a lot of cancer in my lungs in a few short weeks and we are not taking that chance with the brain now so I will be starting radiation this coming Monday. I will have if Monday through Friday for 3 weeks, the good news is that I can still take my oral chemo through all of this and that should clear up the lungs and the spot on my spine...the oral chemo can't penetrate the brain so that is why I have to have full head radiation....they are not only going after the small tumor but they are not leaving any chances for any cancer cells to remain active in my brain either.....we are going to zap all of those little buggers! I am thrilled that they aren't leaving anything to chance even though I will once again be the 'Hot bald chick!" lol I would rather lose my hair (again) than my life right now so I am giving it all I got once again! God it's good to be stubborn! I am sure there were many days in my childhood that both my parents wished I wasn't so head strong, strong willed and stubborn but it's a big pay off now right Momma??? lol

So the Silver linings in all this mess...I didn't need to come home with oxygen, it's only a teeny tiny tumor on the brain and a teeny tiny lesion on the spine, and the fluid has not built back up again due to the oozing of the lesions in my lungs so that is an early indication that my oral chemo (Xeloda) is doing its stuff, I only get a little winded now and I am now on a morphine patch and I am pain free....again I asked my Oncologist's if they still can get me into remission with all this new stuff taking place and on two different occasions with two different Oncologist's they both said they had no doubt they could as long as we are on the right chemo drugs....and so far my intuition tells me I am....I am barely coughing anymore so that too is an early indication that my lungs don't seem to be under so much duress, every day I can breath deeper and deeper without coughing or pain and I am one appreciative patient!

Thank you for all your uplifting comments, the cards and gifts you all are such special angels protecting me while I fight this battle.....I must have pretty good karma to have all of you in my life!

I'm off to take my Jim to an Orthopedic Surgeon, that stubborn man hurt himself the same day I had to go to the ER and now he might have to have surgery due to something being torn in the back of his leg under his knee cap....send a prayer up for My Guy...he has taken such good care of me now it's my turn to return the love and the favor!

Life is good and I ain't about to give up now! lol lol lol

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

I'm home!!! lol

I am finally home and I was able to take a long nap in my own bed, side by side with my Jim....We are both exhausted! I will update you all with everything very soon but right now I just need to catch up on some rest....hospitals are not very good for that! lol

A million MUAHHHHS and a million Thank You's to everyone here in J-Land! We are told over and over that the Internet is a scary and dangerous guys ain't so scary are you!?!?! lol lol lol What a wonderful community we have here in J-Land filled with the best people with the biggest hearts....I adore so many of you and each and everyone of you that has reached out to me and my family during all this craziness...brings tears of love to my all have touched me so deeply and carried me when I was weary and I'll always love you all so very much for that!