Monday, May 30, 2005



This is a picture taken of the sky right after a storm system passed through our area Friday night. It reminded me of what my youngest child, my son had said to me once when he was around 3 years old.  We were caught out in a storm in our car and the sky did something very similiar to this, he said to me, "Mommy do you see that?" and I said, "I sure do!" and said,"That's what God looks like mommy!" It was one of those moments where everything was right in the world for a brief  period of time, We all just watched as "God" shinned down on us for a few minutes. I Thought what a very profound statement to made from a lil 3 year old child.

This shot was taken while a bunch of us (friends and family) went to a local county stock car race, I hadn't been to the stock car races in about 15 years, I'm not fond of racing but my DH and my Son are die hard race fans even if its a local stock car race (they must be addicted to the fumes!) lol Little did I know that they were still looking for someone to start the race off by singing the National Anthem. What would the Mother of a 13 year old star in the making do? Why offer up her daughter to perform the national anthem for about 1500 stock car fans of course! As soon as the first note was out of her mouth you could of heard a pin drop, I always like to watch the crowd when she starts singing, they all look around at each other with their mouths open with disbelief that a voice like that came came out of a 13 year old girl! The applause at the end while she hit that last note and held on to it was almost deafening, they loved her! The announcer reminded the crowd again that she was only 13 years old and then he said, "I do believe we have the next American Idol in our midst people!" I of course had tears rolling down my cheeks! (I'm such a blubbering fool when ever she performs in public) She was invited back to sing anytime she wants too! YOU GO GIRL!!!!! lol

Saturday was spent out at the lake, we had a pig roast going on and I dragged out Rachel's karaoke machine for the night time festivities, the kids and even the adults had a good time sitting on the beach with a raging bonfire going all night and the smell of roasted marshmellow to make s'mores and great music!

Sunday was topped of with a pancake breakfast at the lake, and a kids talent show with performances including....A Saxaphone player, Oboe Players, Clarinet players, Singers and even some hulla Hoopers! We even had a magician scehduled to perform but I guess his nerves got the best of him and he bowed out via Mom. We then moved on to a horseshoe tournament, another big spread of food under the stars in the pavilion and another night of karaoking around the bonfire!

Now for today I think we are all going to spend it together again, just a lil quieter a lil slower.......maybe spend the day fishing....but then again we still have the karaoke waiting for us! lol lol lol

Until Next Time!

Friday, May 27, 2005

My Interview answers......wanna play?

1) What is the most important piece of advice you have taken either learned or heard? It came from my Mother when I was around 15 years old. She told me that If I relied on myself, I would never be disappointed, I held on to that and have found it to be true.
2) If you had to choose one hobby to stick with for eternity, what would it be and why? This is any easy one, it is my one going love affair with photography. You can capture so much with just the right shot, the perfect shot needs no words.
3) Is there anything in your life that you feel like you're in denial over? If so what is it? I think going through therapy taught me how to be honest with myself, I dealt with everything that needed to be dealt with, so I really don't think I have anything else to deny.
4) You have to relive two days of your good and one bad...describe the days you choose. I think the good day would have to be the birth of my first child, it was totaly amazing to watch life enter this world through my body, I actually enjoyed labor and delivery, it was the nine months of pregnancy and  almost 5 months of morning noon and night sickness that I couldn't handle, I only had one shot of demerol at the end of labor right before delivery which took all of 4 minutes with each of my children. I was blessed. Now on to the hardest day, it would have to be with loosing a child, it's still to painful to go into details, I have yet to journal about it, but I am at the point where I can talk about it now, my regret was not dealing with it when it happened, I just closed myself off from it for a very long time, to the point where I couldn't keep it hidden in me anymore and it was one of the toughest parts of therapy, I think if I would of, if we would of talked about it, it might not have destroyed so much of me.
5) AOL has decided to cancel Journals. As a frequent user of this community; write a quick argument on why this is a poor business decision on their part. Its by far the best feature besides the the search engine itself. You cancel it and I take my business and my money elsewhere.....simple, direct, to the point!
In keeping with breaking up the monotony I have created this bonus question.
Bonus Question: What is your most favorite journal entry that you have wrote and why? All my favorite entries are dedicated to and are about each of my children and my adoring husband they all can be accessed quickly in the section at the bottom portion of the " other journals" section on the left of my journal......why my favorite? Because they celebrate my most treasured belongings, the things I carry around in my heart.
Okay now the rules...After answering these questions you must post them in your journal with a link to the journal of the interviewer. Then either leave a link back in the interviewers interview entry or email the interviewer that you have posted your answers in your journal. Then you must offer to interview five other people. You may use these questions or make up your own. If someone is interested in being interviewed by you all they have to do is leave a comment saying interview me or something like that.  

Anybody game? Email me or leave a comment and I will respond with my own set of questions.......thanks  Lioneyes4you! theres a tough subject!

Religion.....its a tough subject, one that can get fanatical at the moment someone does not agree with your beliefs. My mind is too open of a mind to believe in only one way for spiritual enlightenment. I get a lil annoyed with people who think their way is the true way, just because they have a book (Bible, Koran, etc.) to try and prove their case.

I do believe in a higher power and I am not sure if that is because it was drilled into my head as a child or because my soul knows this. I was never baptized and neither were my siblings, My Father was raised and schooled in Catholicism, My Mother was raised Protestant, they felt pressured from my Fathers side to have us kids baptized, but they decided to let us find our own religion if we chose to when we became adults, I later found out that my Grandmother (The Troll, fondly referred) took me and my siblings to have the Catholic Priest at their church to at least bless us, does that save me from burning in eternal hell? I don't know, I won't know until I get "THERE"

The intelligent side of my brain lets me believe in the theory of evolution, but the child in me that did attend bible school once in a while, believes in a higher power. Call it faith, call it blind faith but it's there embedded in my DNA somewhere. My Husband was also never baptized so we are following the same suit as our parents regarding our children and their spiritualism, we are letting them find their own guides in life. My children did and the last 2 still do attend "youth group" at a non-denominational church in my area, I offered it and they accepted it, I want them to continually grow as future leaders in this world, with better understanding of other peoples beliefs it makes it a lil easier to accept other peoples differences.

Do I believe in science....of course I do........Do I believe in miracles.......of course I I pray.....of course I do......Do I believe in things I do not understand........sometimes and I am always willing to listen and learn from it but most of all I am willing to let you believe in what you want without passing any judgment on you......makes MY world a better place.


Until next time!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Rachel's Redneck Woman

This is Rachel singing Gretchen Wilson's "RedNeck Woman"

This is the song she had to learn for a friends wedding last summer, it was at this wedding that set the ball into play with lining up jobs after that. I still can't believe that big voice comes out of a 4 foot 9 inch, 90 pound ,13 year old girl!

"Wildflower" edited



Oh to be a wild flower
and dance in the wind
to feel the full sun
on me as I raise my face
up to the wild blue

To be chosen by someone's
beloved to be gathered
up in a lovers hand
to be given so freely and adoringly

To be pressed into a book
as a folded memory
to be experienced a new
with each turn of a page

Oh to be a wild flower


kmh 2005

Finding my 'fixes' when I can

Do we take so much for grant it here on this earth that we have become blind to all the beauty that surrounds us? Being in one place for too long has blinded me from it, I seem to only get excited when I can see something new to my senses. The under water world appeals to me because if is yet a place where I have had a chance to explore. When I see pictures and film from the true down under I am amazed at the vibrance of color and the shapes of the things that live freely there. I also am in awe of photos that are brought back to us from space.... another place I know I will never visit. Just look at this photo you will feel its awe too. (Thanks Courtenyay) I needed some inspiritation for today.


"The eye of God" courtesy of NASA Space Hubble Telescope"


I seem to be craving something and yet I have no idea what it is. I have found several quick fixes to tide me over, but I seem to need an experience fix at faster and faster intervals. Maybe it's because once again I have sabotaged myself by taking on more responsibilities that I want to commit to right now and I am feeling the effects of that. Being allowed the freedom of being a stay at home Mom for almost 14 years has spoiled me, I hate having to dance to anyone else's tunes and tempos. My true spirit, my free spirit.... lets me wander at will and I love that. If I want to spend hours with my camera... I can, If I want to spend hours in the kitchen on a cooking frenzy I can (although this doesn't happen anymore nearly as much as my family would like it too! lol) If I want to have a jammie day and lounge all day in my joe boxers and one of my Hubby's T-shirts I can do that too, Who knows!  One thing is for sure the house stays messy longer than I would like but I attribute that to the stay at home syndrome too....."why do today what you can put off until tomorrow" OK...... I know that is not the way the saying goes but it works for

I think another contributing factor to my on going funk is school is letting out soon and my days alone with my thoughts are dwindling. My summer will be filled with, "I'm Bored! There's nothing to do" and "Can we go somewhere today?" and the dreaded, "What's to eat? there's nothing to eat in this house!" Part of this is my fault, I keep my lil ones close to me, they are not allowed to roam free for hours and hours like most of their friends. I had two very frightening experiences when I was younger, one at 12 then another when I was 16 and those have almost paralyzed me with fear that some harm can come to my child, my baby so I am forever vigilant in keeping them safe. My older two don't seemed harmed by my parenting techniques, so I pretty much stick to form on the last two lil ones.

We as parents try to do a little better than our parents did, I was very lucky because my Mother made few mistakes, it is with her voice that I let guide me in so many of my parenting skills, My father was deficient in parenting skills but when he was in his "dad" mode he was a lot of fun to be around, so I have taken that with me in my children's lives. I try to have plenty of fun with them. In retrospect they only need us for a very short time in the span of their lives so I make sure I am always available or at least I try to......This girl has learned the hard why that I too need to spend time with me! lol

Until next time!


Tuesday, May 24, 2005


I feel a new change coming on, I've been in what I call a funk for the last few weeks and for the first time in a long time I found myself getting frustrated because I couldn't figure out the cause of it. I'm not unhappy at home, although parenting has its trials and tribulations. I do believe I was one of the chosen few and found the man of my little girl dreams early in life, but something was gnawing at me and I was starting to get paranoid about it.

I started asking myself questions that I thought I had already settled about myself and I hate second guessing myself more than anything, I am a very intuitive when it comes to me and my life, but I kept getting this strong feeling of foreboding and it really started getting to me, so I shut down and spent a lot of time alone soul searching again. I am settled with my past, there is nothing back there that can hurt me now at this stage in my life, I see no drastic changes coming in my future, vibes are good. I liken it to how I get in the fall when I know winter is coming, I don't do well in the early months of winter, I go into my own hibernation.

I think I finally had a good read on what it could be......I think maybe my daily life is getting a bit to mundane which happens when your caught in the "tween" time with kids, some able to fend for themselves and some still needed Mom several times a's like you see the clearing up ahead but it's still a ways off, kinda like what a race horse must feel like when it's in the gate and ready to run. So I made plans with girlfriends for the middle of the week slump....the time when you are rested from the weekend before but its not time to get excited about the weekend coming up.

Yesterday afternoon, some of us girls got together and hit a new outlet mall in the area, (what fun!) then had a martini break in between, and the owner of the establishment was kind enough to have a taste test a few new appetizers he was planning on adding to the menu.....can you say YUMMY!! We tried to get him to let is taste test some more martini's but he wasn't going for that! lol Then we did some more power shopping and then went off to a fabulous restaurant that has a Cuban/Miami feel to it. Nothing like the sound of running water, some great fresh seafood and a few more martinis to top of the day!

I have to admit it was funto do a spur of the moment get together .......and shop and fine dine! We decided we should do a girls night out dinner once a month in the middle of the week, no kids or hubby's invited and every month someone picks out the restaurant to share the experience with friends, sounds like fun huh? And finally at 42 I am not so quick to say "YUCK" on trying new foods lol.... I tried escargot on the cruise in February with the girlfriends, I didn't care for it but I'm glad I tried it, this month so far, I've tried oysters Rockefeller, calamari and mahi mahi.........only 1 yum and that was the Mahi Mahi! who knew???? They blackened then steamed it over an open flame on a cedar plank and it was served with some type of Caribbean salsa on top, fresh veggies and dirty rice.......YUMMY!

Things to try when given the chance

Midnight Martini - Chilled glass, raspberry vodka, raspberry chambord, a splash of sprite and a few fresh black grapes

Peprocini appetizers - wash and cut about one inch from the stem, clean out cavity, roll some smoked mozzarella into a strip of
Prosciutto dipped in any flavored dipping oil and serve chilled!

Yes, I think I might of found my 'GROOVE' yet again........feels good to be back! lol lol lol

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Turtle Rescue 911

We spent the weekend getting the beach at the lake ready, and before the tractor could get out there with the huge rakes on the end to clean it of all the winter debris, the kids ran out to do a baby turtle rescue first.


So with plastic yard rakes they went along the waters edge along the tree line and found about 7 babies that needed to be relocated before they were crushed beneath the tractors weight. My son brought along my camera and he was able to capture the rescue up close and personal.......think he's got his Mommsa's eye! lol


Cutest turtle in the world don't ya think! lol

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Yet another curve ball....

When life throws you curve balls...........

Yesterday was one of those days....we all have them....there's usually a lesson to be taught, a lesson to be learned and a mental image burned so deep you don't make that mistake a second time.

My husband took our youngest son with him to the store to pick up a few things we needed for the lake, every weekend is spent at the lake among friends and family, its a safe place to let the kids run free and the parents can sit back and enjoy other adult company and conversation.

Lil Jimmy decided to make a bad decision........he saw a small package of Nike sweat wrist bands and took them without paying for them......yes, he shoplifted. Now DH didn't even realize this until they were half way home.....what did DH decide to do you ask? He decided to let Mom handle it.............Thanks HUN!!!!

My son tearfully told me what he did, but could not explain to me or himself why he did it. I said, "You know we are going back to the store and finding the store manager and make this right don't you?" And as he hung his head in shame he whispered "Yes" I said it's not only the right thing to do, but it will make you feel better about yourself, because I'm sure your not feeling good about you right now, are you?" He whispered, " No.... I'm not ." He actually asked or should I say begged to be grounded forever, have some of his favorite things taken away from him, even spanked.......anything but suffer the humiliation of admitting to the Manager what he did, he was truly embarrassed........But I thought good lesson..... taught the hard way.

We drove to his bank, took out a 10 dollar withdrawal, and drove silently back to the store, I asked to speak to the manager at the service desk, I was asked as to why, I stated personal reasons and we waited for the Manager to arrive. Within a few minutes he approached us, I introduced myself and my son and told him my son had something to tell him, he escorted us to his office with my son in a hyperventilation state (true). We gave him a moment to catch his breath, I gave him a wink and he spilled his guts.

The Manager was a very nice man, who told my son that he didn't have to come back to the store and own up to what he did, and then he praised him for taking responsibility for what he did. He gave him a run down of what could of happened to my son, if they decided to press charges or if he was actually caught shoplifting.......the police would of been called, other agencies because he was a minor, and how his parents can be held liable for him with the store having the right to collect up to 10 times the amount stolen......My son apologized to the Manager and then to me and told the manager he wanted to do the right thing and pay for the item with his own money.

Now for Mom's twist on what to do........Yes, I made my Son pay for the item.... tax and all, but he was not allowed to buy the item, the item was returned to the store and the money given was donated to the stores current fundraiser, which happened to be for breast cancer research.

I told my Son that there are going to be plenty of times that I might not be proud of him or his choices, but that I.... his Momma is always going to love him and even though he made a wrong decision that day, I was very proud of him when he stood up and took responsibility for it. He was able to walk out of there with his head held up high again because he righted the wrong that he did and felt better about himself. I'm sure he's going to remember that ride home from the store (when he was caught), the ride to his bank and then the ride back to the store with that long walk back to the Managers was probably the longest 45 minutes of his 12 year old life.

A lesson, a lil humiliation and a hug and all was right in the world again.

Friday, May 13, 2005


Weekend Assignment #59: Teachers Worth Remembering

John Scalzi

Mrs. D has this hands down! She was not my teacher but the 1st grade teacher to my Son James. Since his birth I always knew there was something different about this child, he was born a great thinker and not only was his mind racing at top speed all the time but so was his tiny little body! He wasn't the type of child that took how anything ran at face value, no he had to take it apart to see how it worked, then put it back together then take it apart again to see if he could improve on its design.

He never sat still, he was always in motion.... a constant blur and a constant challenge. I decided when he was 3 to put him in a 2 afternoon a week Parents Day Out Program so I could spend some alone time with his sister who was just 10.5 months older than him, I felt that she was robbed of 'Mommy' time because his arrival was so short after hers, and she was by far the least squeaky wheel in the family, she didn't mind taking a back seat to her siblings but I wanted time set aside for her and I. We spent those afternoons talking, playing, shopping, tea parties you name it we did it.

The good times were always over shadowed when ever I picked my Son up from the PDO program, I was ALWAYS told how he disrupted the class, how he couldn't follow the simplest direction, how he could not sit still, how he bothered everybody included the teacher, how he seemed to bully the other kids, the last straw came when I walked in one afternoon to pick him up only to over hear the teacher (not Mrs. D) say "how she hated Tuesdays and Thursdays because HE was there!" to another Mother.....needless to say I was LIVID! How very unprofessional of her, and believe you me!!!!  I voiced my concerns with her and the administrator and I pulled him from that class.

The following year came a wonderful Preschool teacher who was better equipped to handle my Son......She knew he was a handful but loved him in spite of himself.....Then Kindergarten and I was constantly called on the carpet because of the same issues he exhibited earlier and was told he was a discipline problem over and over......Well I am not about tobeat the Holy hell out of my child everyday to make him a better student...I needed answers and didn't know where to look for them......he was my only boy with 3 older sisters and I and everybody else that knew him attributed this to 'He's a boy that is what boys do' and since I had no one to compare him to I bought into that for a while too.

First Grade and Mrs. D.....finally half way through school she called me in one day and said, "I don't think Jimmy CAN control himself and his impulses, I want to have him tested for ADHD"......finally someone who saw what I saw and possibly had a solution and not just pass it off as a discipline problem for me to handle at home. After several batteries of tests, being evaluated by a Pediatric Specialist, cat scans and mri scans of the brain, blood tests to make sure it wasn't biological in nature and then finally a PET scan he was diagnosed severe ADHD he was textbook perfect ADHD.(future testing showed other things that we can be exposed to as he grows and a year later he was diagnosed with ODD.. Oppositional Defiant Disorder.)Whole nother ballgame!

With Mrs. D by my side along with his Doctors my son was finally given a fighting chance to get the best education he deserves, with the right amount of medication and behavior therapy he is a happy (most of the time Ü) well adjusted child who can sit still in class and not disrupt his fellow students who can process what he is being taught and has become not only an excellent student but there aren't any more discipline problems out of the realm of normalcy.

Mrs. D.....that one teacher who could step out of the box and realized that not every child is from the cookie cutter type and that the ones with special needs are worthy of understanding, patience and a good education. We all became better at our jobs, her as a teacher, it taught her to look for signs early and act on them, me as a parent because the whole process taught me the tools I needed to handle Jimmy and Jimmy  himself to become all he can be. He is in advanced studies and he is no longer is a discipline problem at home or school and he is ready to take on 8th grade in the fall!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Travelin' Soldier

This is Racehl again with her rendition of the Dixie Chicks soon to be classic Travelin' Soldier. The song tells a story of yet another 'America's Soldier' going off to war and the love that was left behind. She gets requests for this song all the time and every time she sings this song in public, there are always tears to be wiped away. I hope you enjoy her as much as I do.


Rachels Momma (lol)


Shadows of the Woods





I hide in the shadows
as I walk in the forest
I go in deep, so as not to be seen
I find solace there
Everyone runs and calls my name
but I remain silent....
Not wanting to be found.

To be one with the woods
hidden from the busy comings
and goings of a hectic world
I like the shadows of the woods
they protect me well.
I hear them....... pleading
come out... come out
where ever you are
waiting..... patiently for their
breath of fresh air
but my breath is

I'll wait for the moment
that I need Sun on my face
then I will emerge refreshed
maybe even more enlightened
from my time spent hidden within

KMH 2005



        freeze frame


KMH 2005

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Sports!

John Scalzi



This is a shot taken just a few hours after my Son saved his cousin Michael, who accidently fell off of a pier while fishing and went under. I am so very proud of my Son, he did not panick, he did not go into shock but most of all he did not stand there and watch his 10 year old cousin go under for a second time. He immediately threw himself down on the pier so he he could hook his lil cousin under the arms and hoist him back up onto the pier, who by the way weighs just as much as himself (he called this super power) lol and then once he knew his cousin was safe he took off running to get an adult to take over. My Nephew can swim but only like something that resembles a doggy paddle and only as long as he can still touch ground even if its by the tips of his toes. He was trying to net a fish, but lost his balance with the net and the weight of the fish.

My Son is into all kinds of sports but fishing, archery and shooting is where his passions lie. He lives for summertime and long lazy days spent at the lake. You can bet he will be teaching his younger cousin how to be a better swimmer this summer!

Monday, May 9, 2005

Even Camelot has moments

Even Camelot has moments........besides suffering from huge writers block the last week or so, and I don't know if it's because I have disassociated myself from life ( "safe mode" left over trick from my childhood) or it's because I am completely overwhelmed with what is on my plate right now, that I can't think about it or even write down a few sentences as to not send me into over load. But I am going to try to get some of it out so I can at least get rid of some of the stress of holding it all in.

Thursday - spent day at outlet mall helping a new friend update her wardrobe after being widowed 2 years, she wants to get back into life but long day!

Friday - kids have half day (not always a good precursor for parents) One was grounded for lying about homework, one was whining because he couldn't go shoot his bow, the other one was whining just because she can and I have to go grocery shopping and do light housekeeping plus I have plans to go out with friends to celebrate "Denise's" return to her life, night ends with exhaustion around 2:00 am

Saturday - phone rings 6:40 a.m (early phone calls/late phone calls always bad news) it's my sister telling me one of our friends son died the night before, His mother (Judy, my Girlfriend) had just left to spend time with her mother in Florida, it has been a rough 2 years for this friend and she was one of my friends on the cruise we all took in February. Her son was a recovering heroin addict and was found dead in his new apartment by his roommate. We are still waiting for the autopsy, more disturbing news this 'roommate' last roommate was recently found dead in same 2 weeks ago!  I can't even talk about this anymore.

Mother's day is spent waking up at 5 a.m. to get the family ready for breakfast with my Mom and siblings, then off to the ranch to spend a couple hours with another woman who is Motherly to me, I call My mother-in-law to wish her a happy Mother's day and find out they are planning to come up for an extended visit some time next month (OH JOY!) Now just in the last year or so for some reason my body just starts to turn on me, I have problems with swelling in the soft tissue and the joints in my body at random and of course it picks today to flare up, walking and even sitting becomes painful, but I still have to join my family again back at the lake, for a Mothers day cook out, but at least I was finally able to meet another girlfriends mid life baby......her other child just turned 16 when they found out they were having a mid life baby......they are both in their mid 40's.....Julianna is just beautiful. The day is still over shadowed by the news of Judy loosing her only child. By 9:30 p.m I can't seem to handle anything and as I shut my bedroom door for the night saying I just can't take anymore today as I hobble back to my bed, Hubby makes a HUGE mistake and says, "What was so stressful for you this weekend?" I mumble something along the lines "Go to hell and oh by the way..... thanks for topping off a lovely Mother's day!" as I drift off to sleep with tears in my eyes.

And that was only the last 4 days......

Friday, May 6, 2005

Heartland Photo Series







Monday, May 2, 2005

Monday Photo Shoot

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Significant Others


Don't know how you do it
Like there's nothing to it
You just look my way
I lose my composure
Don't know what to say
I'm overwhelmed, you smile, I melt

Shiver, tremble, I never
No I never once felt so much
It shakes me how you take me
Deeper then I've ever been
It's to the core, under my skin I

I love the way your whisper
Slowly,softly lingers
In my ear
You move a little lower
The world starts spinning slower
Then it disappears
Your lips so close,we kiss almost
Just barely touch, but that's enough
To make me

Shiver, tremble, I never
No I never once felt so much
It shakes me how you take me
Deeper then I've ever been
It's to the core, under my skin I

It shakes me
How you take me
Deeper then I've ever been
It's to the core, under my skin I

Shiver,tremble,I never
No I never once felt so much
It shakes me how you take me
Deeper then I've ever been
It's to the core, under my skin I

I shiver

Jamie O'Neal