Thursday, June 30, 2005

"Beauty and the Bee"



In order for the world to be
a more beautiful place......
We must remember to replenish.
Even the tiniest bee
works hard to procure
the next generation
of the beauty that surrounds us.

kmh 2005

Cuz, it matters to me

Trying to live my life to the best of my ability often has me reevaluating everything past and present. So here I sit today at 42, wondering what really matters to me. What are the few things that have my head and my heart at the same time. When I look around me, I see many things that are nice to have and bring a bit of joy to my life, but if they were suddenly taken away from me, would that devastate me?

Death is inevitable, but when it comes before we are expecting it through an illness, we feel robbed..... robbed of time..... robbed of life experience..... robbed of fairness...... imminent death has a way of putting things in perspective. Things we thought meant everything to us, now just fall by the way side. We care not of the things we found grand in life, fancy homes, fancy cars and finer things, we care about the small things. The hand drawn cards and clay ash trays made from the small hands of our children, the sentiment, the REAL sentiment of a wedding ring, moments in time forever immortalized through the art of photography and video.

So many things we loose over time........ memories, sights and sounds of our own childhood, but sometimes it comes back when we least expect it to, like the far off sound of the Ice Cream truck can bring us back to our past. I remember a commercial from a few years ago, it had to do with domestic violence and it showed a small child hidden in the darkness of a stair case, listening and possibly watching what was taking place below and instantly I was taken back to my own childhood, That was me at the top of the stairs listening to what my Mother was going through, I remember always having run to the bathroom to urinate several times in the matter of minutes while all this was taking place, the fear.... was that strong, and as I sat there trapped in my past watching that commercial I felt the need to run to the bathroom, just as I did as a small child. If we want things to change then we have to become part of the change. I made sure my children grew up in a house that was safe of addictions and domestic was my childhood and I didn't want it to be a part of theirs. I married a good man who knew that true love never hurts.

In the end the circle of life continues and what matters in the end is how you loved and how you were loved back. In my lifetime I have known only a few of the 2 generations of my family that came before me (parents and grandparents) and if I am lucky I will have the continuous pleasure of knowing my own children and possibly know my future grandchildren.......with the hope that I might even know a great-grandchild or two.....the generations of my family after that will not know me and I will just be an old photograph but I know my job now is to leave this place a better place than I found it.

I am trying to slow my life down enough to relish what means the most to me now....My Husband Jim and my Children and enjoy the many small and large things around my world.......the sentiments of my wedding ring, butterflies, rainbows, the warm smile from a stranger, the sound of laughter, the company of good friends, the keeper of the family stories, music that transports me to my past and then safely returns me to the present, a warm and windy night, belly laughs, the ability to discover myself over and over again and like what I see.......these are but a few things that matter to me.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Don't go there! lol lol lol

I recently did an entry on this "One Word" thing that had been going around the board and the other journals that I read. It reminded me of a few weeks ago while sitting on the beach at the lake with not only my sister and my sister-in-law but several of our girlfriends, some new to the Ya-Ya Sisterhood of friends. Some had been drinking and some had not and one of them came up with a topic to discuss......."What was the first impression you had about me and what is it now?"

I sat back quietly and thought this can't be a good thing, a bunch of women sitting around and telling other women what they really thought/think about her. My lack of participation went unnoticed because there was no way I was going to open that can of worms, each woman was saying I want the truth, no matter what it is and I am a firm believer that the 'truth' is not always a good thing, I'm more of a "I like you in spite of what my interpretation of the truth is about you" kinda person.

Even the person with the kindest heart can have another side to them that I do not agree with, that is what makes each of us unique. And I think when you like someone and I mean really like someone, you can still not like some part of their personality and still be OK with that. You know what I'm talking about right? The Good, The Bad and the Ugly..... just don't ask me to comment on the ugly! lol

The Good I have no problem sharing with you, the Bad can be said tactfully and without malice to anybody but who really wants to point out one's Ugly or have their own Ugly pointed out to them! LOL When my lack of participation finally was noticed, by the Grace Of God my cell phone rang and it was a call that I needed to take, it was one of my older daughters! Talk about saved by the bell! LOL By the time I came back from taking my call the discussion had turned to something else.......whewwwwwww!

The rule of "ONE WORD" was less dangerous to me, arguments can't be made with one word, so I think if that topic every comes up again I am going to try to steer it to the 'One Word' rule! LOL With each of these women I have unconditional love for them that means all of them, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly..but like I said.........Don't make me name the Ugly! LOL And I have no desire to know what my own Ugly is anyway, the Good of course! The bad of course too otherwise how am I too grow as a person but Ugly? No Way! AndI am hoping that I have already exorcised (as in the exorcist) my Ugly a long time ago.........that is what therapy was for right??? LOL LOL LOL

Sunday, June 26, 2005

I'm melting.....I'm melting

I attended a wedding of a friends son this past Friday night, it was an interesting wedding. The Son had flown his then soon to be fiance to Paris to ask her for her hand in marriage, he asked for her hand while taking in the view from on top the Eiffel Tower.....She said yes and they quickly set the date. Pretty hard not to be impressed with that proposal huh?

For their center pieces on each of the tables, they had a 12 inch wire replica of the Eiffel Tower placed on a square piece of mirror (sprinkled with rose pedals) with votive candles as table gifts with their names and wedding date etched on the glass......adorable! I know! The seating cards were of guests names with the name of a popular French tourist location instead of table number....loved that idea too! Then on each of the tables, was a black and white framed picture of them taken together at the location assigned to each table card....just love that idea too! Then instead of the traditional white guest book with the white feather pen, they had a 5 X 7 glossy black and white photo of them taken in front of the tower, matted into a very large black frame were each of the guest hand wrote their best wishes right onto the mat.......another fabulous idea! The card box was a leather mail case with air mail written in French, another nice touch and nice memento for them later. Event The wedding cake was done in the fashion of the Eiffel Tower (yummy too) lol

I just loved that they incorporated their romantic proposal into their wedding reception and the gardens around the place that they booked their reception was just beautiful, with reflection ponds, cascading water, brick pavements and flowers everywhere.........where they seemed to have lost their theme was the room that the reception actually was held in, it looked like a very large renovated loft kinda garage without any AIR CONDITIONING! Just floor to ceiling garage doors on two sides of the room with a bar on another and a loft up above.....lets not forget the indoor basket ball hoop hanging from above! Hello........It's June in Chicago....with temperatures reaching 96 degrees that day and a heat index of even higher I'm sure. It was actually more comfortable outside at least there was a slight breeze. The least they could of done was to let guests know this ahead of time......maybe a discreet mention of it noted in the invitation which was gorgeous by the way too.......and they didn't include directions to this place either, another faux pas (pardon my French! lol) in my with all these French themes you think they would of chosen a French Cuisine dinner menu.......nope it was southern BBQ buffet style (although very good)..........I love the idea of a theme wedding, but if your going to go that route....finish it to the end and for the love of Pete at least choose a place with air conditioning! By the end of the night (early) I was reduced to a puddle and could hardly breath the hot humid air's not good for people with health conditions such as mine (heart) it wasn't healthy for healthy people to breath in either anymore.

I very rarely rant........but I'm still feeling the effects of the heat that night. I would of never lasted in any other place in time if it didn't have air conditioning! I could just kiss the inventor of that fabulous idea! lol lol lol

Haviland Carrier(American) invented air conditioning in 1902.......Muahhh Haviland Muahhh!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Playing catch up

Last few days went by with me running at warp speed........I hate stress but seem to thrive on chaos and when things go too smoothly I always seem to expect Murphy's Law to come along and bust me!

Rachel had her last scheduled singing appearance on Thursday night, She sang the National Anthem for a summer concert series in another town, and then she was asked to perform another song and she did wonderfully. We ran into the Publisher of the suburban newspapers around Chicago and he was happy to have been able see her perform again. (He was in the show with her this past April and really was impressed with her) He had his Mother visiting from the Quad Cities and wanted to know if Rachel had made her CD yet, and due to a sinus infection in April, cauterization of bleeders in her nose in June and another battle with allergies and a sinus infection we have had to put her CD on hold. The good news is he gave me his business card and wants to publisher her when the CD is finished! Not a bad connection huh?

Now on to Amanda, When I went to pick up Rachel's latest prescription Amanda's birth control patch was ready to be picked up looking at the bigger picture is even though I am upset with her current situation I do not want to run the risk of an unexpected pregnancy for her, so I picked it up for her and called her to tell her I had it and asked where she would like me to drop it off. She didn't sound well......when I pulled up to meet her I could tell she was she has upset me and disappointed me with her slow to grow up attitude but I can not let my baby be out on the street when she is sick.......putting our problems to the side I got her medical help, she has a respiratory infection and in this 95 + degree weather the last thing she needed was to be homeless.......She is home temporarily until she is well enough to continue her lesson on fending for herself. I am still flying by the seat of my pants on this one but as with all parenting, you never know if you are doing the right thing or not, until they are grown and on their own and you can actually witness how your parenting skills are being put to use with them as adults.

Funny how when your 20 something and contemplating starting a family or not, the issues you look at are you loss of personal freedom, child care options, possible sleep deprivation and all the wonderful Pink and blue thoughts that go with it, but I for one NEVER fast forwarded to the teen years! If I would of reflected for just a few moments on the ugliest of my teenage years and what I put my own parents through I just might have stuck to my original plans of PUPPIES....NO KIDS! lol

I just have to stick to my daily mantra......"My grandchildren will not only be my reward but also my revenge!" I find total peace in knowing that!

PS - Went to a wedding last night,but I'll save that for another entry!

Until next time!

Friday, June 24, 2005

One Word........

One word

Please leave a one word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word.  No more.

Then copy and paste this into your journal so that I may leave a word about you...

Don't forget to leave your journal link.

Taken from  Lahoma...who took it from Jcole....who took it from......and so on and so on! lol

Weekend Assignment ....Summer Song Dedications

Weekend Assignment #65 -- Summer Song Dedications

Weekend Assignment #65: Dedicate a "summer song" to someone in your life. Could be a happy song for someone you like, a "kiss-off" song for someone you don't, or a romantic song for someone you want to know better. Point is, it has to be summery, and you have to intend it for someone.

Another easy choice for me! It is "Follow you, Follow Me" by the Band Genesis. I think mainly it hits me as a summer song, because the first time I heard it was at an outdoor concert of theirs.

It was one of those perfect summer nights with a cool breeze coming up from the stage, just strong enough to cool you off and keep your hair gently blowing off you was a very magical night for me, Even the music arrangement sounds like a breezy, flowing summer night. I knew in my heart, that the man that would someday be my forever love, would make me feel this way......... always.

"Stay With Me"

Stay with me,
My love I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I need you
Oh my love

In your arms,
I feel so safe and so secure
Everyday is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you

I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year

With the dark,
Oh I see so very clearly now
All my fears are drifting by me so slowly now
Fading away

I can say
The night is long but you are here
Close at hand, oh I'm better for the smile you give
And while I live

I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year there will be

I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year...

I have always loved the band Genesis, and this song in particular can transport me from now to back then with in just a few notes. My very first self burned CD of my all time favorites has this song in the number one slot, followed by Led Zeppelin's "Going to California" Heart's "Dog and Butterfly," Rush "Closer to the heart" Boston's "More than a feeling" Journey's "Lovin,'Touchn,'Squeezn."

So many of these songs can take me back to my late teen years where life went by a little slower and it seems I didn't have a care in the's a lovely time to go back too when today's life seems to get the best of me and I need to retreat into my past

Extra Credit: Ever have a song dedicated to you? What was it?

LOL! I saw so many cover bands with some rating from very good to some so bad they made your ears bleed......but for some reason the songs that were always tossed out to me as I danced freely in the audience were songs along the genre of "Spooky Little Girl Like You" and "Evil Woman" come on! I'm not that I? lol lol lol

Come see what everyone else cam up with ~~~~~>

John Scalzi/By the way


Thursday, June 23, 2005

Summer Wind

When I get my mind set on something, it is with great care and great thought. When I shop I have learned to walk around the store with the item I think I HAVE to have and usually in the end, I place it back to where I picked it up from. (I'm not the type to just lay it down where I stand)

This pretty much curbs my impulse buying. If I am still thinking about it the next day or so then I know it wasn't an impulse 'have to have it right now kinda thingy,' it is something that I really want or need. Now for the part that will put some gray hairs on my Husbands head for sure! I want my own motorcycle........I have been mulling it around for the last couple of years and I still want one. I was always drawn to feel of a bike, I love the wind through my hair and the cool summer nights on my skin and unfortunately I have the kind of hair that actually looks better AFTER I get OFF the back of a bike......(anybody know of a really good blow dryer turbo wind type?? lol)

When Jim and I first started dating we used to be able to sneak out after my daughter was already asleep for the night, (Grandma lived right upstairs and baby monitors were a blessing for sure!) and we would go for these wonderful night rides. Usually an 'off the beaten path' kind of road through the woods where you could feel the temperature drop at least 10 degrees. Most of my late teenage years and young adult years were on the back of a bike. Even when I was a teenager maybe 17, I used to sneak my brother's Harley out (This is where any guilt ridden lil sister would apologize but I can't! Cuz I'm not sorry! lol) when I knew he was out for the night with his car and ride all by myself.

Jim felt it was necessary to give up the bike when the responsibilities of parenting came along. He still doesn't feel the need to get one now that the kids are growing up, he says there are too many irresponsible drivers out there and it would take one idiot, to change our life completely.........I know in my heart he is right but the pull of the bike is tugging hard on me now. I would be perfectly happy on the back of his bike again or one of my own. 2 of my girlfriends just completed getting their motorcycle license and another one is considering getting her own now would make for a very interesting GIRLZ NIGHT OUT for sure! lol

Mid-life crisis?? who knows!........but at least I don't want a new corvette and a boyfriend right????

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

A Very Bob Seger - ish kinda night

Last Night was "Girls Night Out" again, Last nights choice was a local Tex/Mex Restaurant that one of the girls had tried with her husband and loved it! She was born and raised in Texas so this was comfort food to her.

It was a beautiful night for Summer Solstice.......full golden moon and margarita's with good friends. Most of the time when we all see each other it's with spouses and families in tow, so we don't get a good glimpse into each other's lives as women, that is what the girlz night out is for.

The conversations ran from raising kids, to husbands and their marital bloopers and to trying to maintain our own individuality as Mothers, Wives and every other hat we wear as women. We talked of trouble first marriages, dealing with ex-wife's and ex-husbands and dealing with different rules for step children and Pre nups.

It's nice to be able to have these deep conversations with other women without the interruptions of trying to do this with our families around us as what happens when we see each other at the lake on weekends. After a Girlz Night Out we all feel on more common ground then we did when we first met.

The night ended 5 hours later, after our appetites were sated and before the pitchers of Margarita's flavored with raspberry chambord caught up to us. I decided to take the long way home last night, the night was just to beautiful and as the moon followed me through the opened moon roof, a favorite radio station here in Chicago played an old hissing popping LP from the master of summer night drives himself......Bob Segar.

For even the briefest moment I was 20 again with my whole life a head of me, as I sang along to the words of "Night Moves" and "Old Time Rock and Roll" and even for the smallest moment, I was wishing I could be the girl in ....................

"Roll Me Away"

Words and music by bob seger

Took a look down a westbound road,
Right away I made my choice
Headed out to my big two-wheeler,
I was tired of my own voice
Took a bead on the northern plains
And just rolled that power on

Twelve hours out of mackinaw city
Stopped in a bar to have a brew
Met a girl and we had a few drinks
And I told her what I’d decided to do
She looked out the window a long long moment
Then she looked into my eyes
She didn’t have to say a thing,
I knew what she was thinkin’

Roll, roll me away,
Won’t you roll me away tonight
I too am lost, I feel double-crossed
And I’m sick of what’s wrong and what’s right
We never even said a word,
We just walked out and got on that bike
And we rolled
And we rolled clean out of sight

We rolled across the high plains
Deep into the mountains
Felt so good to me
Finally feelin’ free

Somewhere along a high road
The air began to turn cold
She said she missed her home
I headed on alone

Stood alone on a mountain top,
Starin’ out at the great divide
I could go east, I could go west,
It was all up to me to decide
Just then I saw a young hawk flyin’
And my soul began to rise
And pretty soon
My heart was singin’

Roll, roll me away,
I’m gonna roll me away tonight
Gotta keep rollin, gotta keep ridin’,
Keep searchin’ till I find what’s right
And as the sunset faded
I spoke to the faintest first starlight
And I said next time
Next time
We’ll get it right

Round Robin Challenge "Cliche's"


                 "Saving Face"








This is my very first entry into the Round Robin Photo Challenge. This was a wonderful Idea originally created by Odinemonet(Carly) and Maravin (Karen). It's a way for everyone who shares a passion with photography to showcase their own unique spin on how they view the world around them.

Their is a revolving guest host that chooses a theme to shoot and then the rest is open to interpretation. The photo must be an original only belonging to you and then however you interpret the theme is how you set the shot up and if you wish, a short essay on how you arrived at that shot, what you were trying to capture or simply the technique you used to capture it. 

<FONTFACE="COMIC size="4" MS? Sans>This months theme was chosen by Kat over at "From Every Angle" and she chose the theme "CLICHE'S"

Round Robin Linking List for Wednesday, June 22nd. Below are the links to the other participants...........

  Aunt NUb



Monday, June 20, 2005

Monday's Photo Shoot

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Sentimental Gifts


These are all that I have left of the Man I called Daddy....His burial flag which was given to me on my 41st Birthday by my Brother, this age was meaningful, I was the last of his babies to have lived longer than he was able too. The photo of him in is Air Force uniform when he first enlisted and his dog tags. He was not the greatest Father, he wasn't even close to Best Father, but he was my Daddy and I loved him so.

You never get over loosing your Father when you are a Daddy's girl, I lost him shortly after my 16th birthday. The pain may ease over the years but the void is felt a life time. I have many memories of his comings and goings as is with all military life, late night drives with my Mother to pick him up, snuggled in the back seat with my siblings in our pj's, seeing him walk up in his flight suit, so very handsome! Running around O'Hare Air Force base when I was a child,  after his tour of duty was up and he went from active duty to reservist, since my childhood they have closed that base down.  How many kids were able to run around from military plane to military plane, saluting all the other Military personal on base and pretending to be the best damn pilot the military had ever seen!

Most Sentimental...............You Betcha!


Wanna play along click here!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

To Dad

Happy Father's Day DaD........I am feeling your loss profoundly today, I can't even bare the thought of visiting your grave to feel close to you, I still get angry, I look how much of my life you have missed, you missed the birth of your first grandchild and all the grandchildren that followed, it was because you would not be there to walk me down the aisle that I opted to elope, that special place of honor you would have had my wedding day could not have been filled by anyone else but you, I would of felt my loss more than my joy that day, so I eloped.

I sometimes still feel stuck at the age you left me, 16.......such a traumatic time in life for a Daddy's girl to be without her Daddy. You were so flawed as a Father and as a Husband to my Mother, but we loved you anyway. I never got the chance to need you, but through the years that has passed since your death there have been many times I needed you, You would have love my choice of husbands even though you would have said he wasn't good enough, deep down you would have loved him as I do, you would have been bursting with pride and joy with each introduction to all 7 of your grandchildren. You would have found the patience you so lacked as a young Father and my Brother, Sister and Myself would have been in awe of how you loved your grandchildren.

I wish you would have fought harder Dad, I wished your love of life was stronger than your love for the bottle. I wish you didn't realize that it was a mistake to late for it to count. I know you know my loss, you lost your own Father when you were just 12, at least I had you a lil while longer. Every once in a while I smell you, that smokey, leathery, whiskey scent that lingers around me if only for a moment. I laugh at those times too, because I don't let anyone smoke in my house, but that doesn't stop you, you stubborn Irish man! I smell you in the car and my sixth sense kicks in and I buckle my seat belt, only to have something that would have sent me into the dashboard happen a mile or so down the road, I can't count all the times a street light, any street light will flicker just as I drive under it and say, "All right Dad, I'm clicking the seat belt!"

I laugh harder at the time while I was working 9 years after your death, I went to lunch with some of my coworkers and when I came back I had a message to call you, so when I went and found the person that took the original message and I asked about the phone call and was told that My Father had call (asked for me by name) and that he really needed to talk to me, so call him as soon as I returned from lunch! My first thought was Uh Oh What did I do now and how very much I would have loved to have returned that phone call! And last but not least every once in a while I still feel that swift kick to the seat of my pants just as I did when I was a child.

I am missing a lot of things today and I just wish you were here.


Finally had a good cry

OK, I finally got past my anger long enough to have a good cry yesterday, it came when I finally informed my own Mother on what is going on with her first born Grandchild. It came when I got to the point of telling her that I was by far more trouble to that woman then any of my children have been to me, but when reality finally set in for me, and the time came that I needed to grow up, I GREW UP!

I might have disrespected my Mother by doing the things she wouldn't approve of, but I NEVER would or could disrespect her to her face, fear would stop me dead in my tracks, not to mention the fact I would have never wanted to break her heart. If my generation ever spoke to their parents the way that child spoke to me, they would have been picking up their teeth........I know I would have been.

My Husband seems to be stuck on the way she talked to me, he never once disrespected his parents, he was a great kid even during his teenage years, never any trouble, great grades, didn't party, never even skipped a class at school. By now you all know I was the handful growing up, I too never thought it was going to hurt anybody but me and now that I am a parent I feel every blow when a child of mine messes up.

People that are close to me keep asking what do you think went wrong? Why do you think her National Anthem is "I don't want to work, I want to bang on my drums all day" The only thing I think I can trace this lack of work ethic to, is the fact that I did not let her work during High School, she is a very smart child and was honor roll in Middle School, but when she went to the state of the art 54 million dollar brand new High School, she stopped trying. She went from A's and B's to barely passing all her classes. My first instinct said drugs, that was my own demise in High School......but apart from her dabbling with pot and underage drinking and the taking up of cigarettes, it was simply the fact that she only wanted to do the bare minimum as far as attaining passing grades. That was the only trouble I had with that child........besides a smart mouth that met the back of my hand frequently.

I think if maybe I let her work during High School she would have worked through the pressures of a job by now and she would not be experiencing her problem with her work would have been routine by now. I have never over indulged any of my children,  I live in an affluent neighborhood,where it is common to give your children everything they ask for. I did the rewarding at age appropriate times. Early curfew during school weeks, no later then 10 p.m. on weekends, not being able to got a friends house unless a parent was home, and I did the follow up, I checked! No phone in the bedroom until she was 16, not trips to the mall with friends without an adult wandering around there too somewhere until High School, no cell phone, no car at 16, no PC in her room, no license until she maintained a good grade point average.....that never happened, she didn't get her license until after High School graduation. This child was grounded almost her entire High School years, if she wanted the privilege of going out with friends, she had to be passing her classes, every progress report came home with at least 2 different failing grades. By the time report cards came out she would bring them up to passing, but then get back into her old cycle of not asserting herself until the next final grading period.

I think what she is experiencing now is the freedom she was not granted during those high school years, a latent burst of irresponsibly that goes along with the ages of 14-18. I am sure I am to blame for some part of this, but I wanted her to want the best for herself......every parent does. I think that when this "newly found freedom" has reached it's peek she will no longer want to bang on her drums all day......she will start wanting the finer things in life and realize that she has to provide that for herself.

I just know that I am doing what is best for her in the long run.....I remember to clearly that a good friend of her crashed her brand new convertible and totaled it because she was driving drunk, and what did her Mommy and Daddy do..........bought her another brand new sports car the very next repercussions and I kept thinking "what is wrong with this picture!"

My entries about my Daughter are an open wound, it is painful to write about it and share my grief here, it is even more painful that it is my reality for right now, but I do know my daughter and I know that it is temporary, I know her morals and her standards are eventually going to kick in, when she has to start relying on herself. I know it was that way for me.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Update on Amanda

Dear Amanda,

There are a few things I want to share with you............

You don't tug on Superman's cape

You don't spit into the wind

You don't pull the mask of the old Lone Ranger

And you don't mess around with.................MOMMA!

You don't bite the hand that feeds you

then scream FU Mom, FU! When I take your house key away, because you refuse to live up to society and my own expectations of you! You remind me yet again, that it's your life and you want live it the way you want to, you want your independence and your freedom..... well now it is yours to do with what you will.......I will continue to  love you with my Mother's heart and hope you find what you are looking for in life or at least your way........... It is all up to you now.



A quick and Dirty IQ test

Just a lil along!


A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Your IQ Is 105

Your Logical Intelligence is Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Above Average

I just found another......A little bit more advanced..........On I'm a really thinking now! lol


Tickle IQ Test

Congratulations, K!
Your IQ score is 122

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

100 things??? not just yet! lol

OK, a lot has been posted about 100 things you should know about me thingy, I'm sure I can come up with more than 100 but do I want all my flaws out there in J-Land...........I don't think so! So I will start with a few for today and maybe just add on as I either want to confess to or remember!

I love Boxing! It is by far my most favorite sport to watch! Could I ever be in love with a boxer? absolutely not, I could not just sit by and watch someone pummel him and not want to jump in! The matriarch in the family Grandma Annie (The Troll) says we are related to Jack Dempsey the boxer, I'm not sure if it's in my blood or not, I just know I love a great Boxing Match!

I am a Blonde by birth, it's just that my shade has changed over the years......I had white hair as a child, then it just got darker and darker and then all of a sudden grayer and grayer! lol Naturally I blame it on the kids!

In my early part of 20 something (wilder days) I was kicked out of Walter Payton's Club with a bunch of my girlfriends, to this day we can't remember why? All's I know is when I woke up the next day I had on a Chefs hat (think Pillsbury doughboy hat!) and I was fully dressed with my coat on and my purse still on my arm in my bed with a note in my coat pocket telling me I was barred from ever returning (in case I didn't remember!lol)! If only that Chef's hat could talk! lol

In my mid 30 something, my children (the two youngest) and I were kicked out of Chuckie Cheese for pantsing the mouse! lol........Hmmmmmmmm...I see another family trait forming here! lol

My Mom, "If your friends told you to jump off a bridge would you?" Ummmm been there done that! ....Sorry Mom! And I jumped repeatedly until I had to go to the ER for ex-rays! Can you say duh?????

I had a boyfriend (another) up until the night before I married Jim........whole nother story, maybe someday I will go into

I walked out of the movie Gremlins......I'm not into paying getting the poop scared out me! Suspense movies yes! but not blood and gore. Worse movie I had to sit through would have to be Pokemon.....the things parents do for their children.....I would have rather played Russian Roulette!

I never wanted children, I just never could get the hang of birth control! My plan at 20 was to have puppies, no kids! look at me now.......4 kids later withno regrets....just gray hair! lol

I've only been married once........I married the right man the first time! I saw him for the first time when I was 18, told my friends, "I'm gonna marry that man someday!" even though we were never formally introduced until years later. We had our first date when I was 23 and have been together ever since. He still tops my all time favorite crush list!

k, that's all I'm ready to fess up to for today! lol

Until next time!

Friday, June 17, 2005

I spy the color........Purple!


               The girl with "Clematis" goes by.....


I'm sure by now my neighborhood must be used to me perusing their yards and gardens......Well, I haven't been arrested for trespassing just yet! I can't explain my fear of commitment when it comes to having a garden of my very own......perhaps someday. In the meantime I'll just keep showing up in my neighbors yards early in the morning wearing my jammies toting my camera, my coffee cup and passing out milk bones! lol

Judith's Artsy Essay

Of All The Myriad Colors In The Rainbow........

Tell us what your favorite color is, through poetry or prose. Tell us the story of how you came to love that color, what luscious items are the same color, which place you go to in your mind when you spy that color, or how that color makes you FEEL.

Judith Heartsong's Artsy Essay



All things Purple.......................

"Purple Rain"....... Prince

"Purple Haze".... Jimi Hendrix

"Harold and the Purple Crayon"............Crockett Johnson

"Purple Clover" ........Emily Dickinson

"The Color of Purple".......Alice walker

The purple found hidden in the deep blue colors of Vincent Van Gogh' Starry Starry Night

The purple birthday cake with purple frosting that I insisted on for my fourth birthday...Thanks Mom!!!! lol 

Lilacs......if the color purple were to have a scent it would be the scent of lilacs, always a constant reminder of My Grandmother and the rebirth of Spring

Amethyst......the birth stone associated with the month of my birth believed to have healing properties and to enhance ones spirituality.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

When ties don't bind

My relationship with my only sister is a difficult one, if it weren't for the fact that I have proof (pictures) that we indeed grew up in the same house, raised by the same parents I would not believe that we were even related. Our childhood was a difficult one, there are many scars, it's how we let it effect us in our adult lives is where we differ.

She is still so walled up by her childhood and I am sure it's not healthy, but you cannot even approach her in a manner where you are questioning her stunted emotional growth. She has two beautiful children of her own and she is a wonderful Mother, but she has only a handful of social relationships outside of her immediate family, and saying a handful is being generous. She seems to think that her view is the only view on things even in other people's life. She thinks she can say anything to anyone when most of the times it's in a very condescending tone. It's all based in her wording and tone of voice. I can't even have a discussion with her about anything personal because if she doesn't agree with me she will bite my head off, and I don't take kindly to people who irrationally try to bite my head off, I am open to constructive criticism, but not destructive criticism.......and she can be destructive. It's just a really weird sister-sister relationship, I cannot go to her for guidance or to just have a deep conversation about somthing that is going on in my life, she's too much of a close minded individual and I have a low tolerance of close minded people.(One of my many flaws!)

We have our moments of childhood memories that send us into a state of giggle and I love those moments, but she is not someone who I can have a close bond with, you have to feel safe with those people who you confide in and she is not a nurturing person, she is a judgmental person, she tells people how they should feel, and how they should live their lives. I have seen her destructive personality alienate many of her neighbors and people she works with, and other people we have common. I believe you can say just about anything you want to a person, but the art is in how you say it, she must have skipped those lessons. I really have no idea where her rudeness springs from. My brother and myself would never intentionally offend someone, when we do it's deliberate and with just cause! LOL She offends people right and left. She seems aware of her short comings and seems to be trying to make a change, but someone still has to follow behind her with damage control and after all these years I have to admit my fuse is shorter when I have to deal with her now. Being assertive and aggresive is a necessity in life, but being rude is not.

It seems we have a knock down fall out battle royal every four years or so, things are said and not forgotten and even though she thinks her views and opinions are just, I have to hold her in check by saying, "Must be hard being soooo perfect!" that usually stops her in her tracks. She has thrown in my face (many times) how it was hard growing up in my shadow, and I have to ask her how is that my fault? Her inferiority complex when it comes to me, is something she gave herself or let others give to her, it was not my doing. I am and always have been secure in who I am but have been mostly open to change when it was necessary . I am happy when I see people who I care about happy in life, even those with all the trappings of a good life too, but to her that only shows her what she does not have and that makes her bitter. I think that is the most difference between us, I choose to live outside myself in this world and she chooses to remain locked up inside herself in this world.

I cannot say I am in mourning of loosing a wonderful relationship, because you can't mourn something you never had, I just wish that we could have a bond outside of our blood ties. But I know that if we were not sisters she would not be somebody I would have in my life and how sad is that? I am also sad in knowing that if it wasn't for my niece and my newphew ( who I love deeply), my sister would have very limited access to my life at all.


Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Tough Loving It!

Having kids and letting them find their way in life is no easy feat! We spent most of their childhood rushing in to take care of them when they stumble and fall, some parent never learn the art of 'not rushing' in. Sometimes it is best for the child to stumble and learn to find their own balance, to find ways to soothe their own boo boo's.

I recently received an email from a total stranger who somehow stumbled across an old entry of mine called Blame Game. She has a 42 year old son with self imposed problems, (not medical in nature) and for some reason asked me for my take on her story. The only thing I could offer her, is to not let guilt help you enable your child. I was raised with the 'Tough Love' technique and I am raising my own children with the 'Tough Love' technique and let me tell you it's not easy to do all the time, I still hurt when they hurt but I have to let them find their own way in life, I am not always going to be around to rush in and save them. So teaching them to rely on themselves is the best gift I can ever give them.

My 19 year old daughter, Amanda graduated from High School last year, my expectations of her were to either continue her education or seek full time employment while deciding what she wants to do with the rest of her life. My only other requirement was that she clean up after herself while she lives in my house. This worked for a couple of months, then she decided to quit her job and not tell me. I know my children, I knew she was without a job even though she left the house on her old work schedual (sneaky huh?) so I called her on it, she told me the truth and said that she would get another job ASAP.  4 weeks had gone by with one application and no interviews, she for some strange reason thinks to wait until she hears from one place of potential employment until she seeks another........WRONG!

I gave her a dead line that she had to have some kind of employment by a specific date or she could no longer live here (home with all the perks) Small jobs are plenty in my area, she just feels she is too good to work at a few (we all know that syndrome don't we!) lol The deadline came with no other future prospects or attempts at looking for a job so I booted her, and guess what? She liked being homeless, she has found another of her peer groups who are jobless but their Mommy and Daddy don't worry so she's having a ball living freely, with no rules. She has no bills right now and all she wants to do is have fun!

This is not sitting well with me, but she is 19 and not living under my roof so what can I do about it? absolutely nothing! I'm "TOUGH LOVing" it. She cannot ask me for gas money, or for hand outs! She wants something she has to work for it, just like I along with other people of the world had to do. I would not be doing her any favors by giving in now and saying poor baby! Their are plenty of reasons that I could find to do so, but in the end I would not really be helping her, I would be enabling her to feel sorry for herself and in the end society would end up supporting her and not herself.

In her month or so of being homeless and yes there were some nights she slept in her car with her friends, she is now realizing it is not so fun anymore, she's not getting the rest she needs, her belly has gone hungry and she now is ready to become part of the society that provides for themselves. She cannot return to the nest without a job and a start date.

I know that there are going to be a lot of people out there that don't agree with my choice of tough love, but believe me when I say this, it's tougher on the one doling out the tough love! I as a mother, as a parent want to rush in and save her, save her from herself if I had too, but in the end I would not be doing her any favors now would I? I am not going to be on this earth forever, she has to start living her life and take care of herself. I have instilled that in her all through her informative years, this is nothing she needs to learn, she just needs to apply it now.

Artistically Stalled

Oh, I'm ripe for a new adventure! I feel as if I am stalled artistically, I wander around J-land and visit areas beautifully captured through someone's camera lens and a twinge of jealousy stirs from somewhere deep. I find that kind of weird in its own way, I've never been a jealous person, I learned along time ago, to be satisfied with what's in front of me, even in love I am not a jealous person, both of us know of the love that binds us.

Summer vacation started last week for my two youngest children and now that I have adjusted to that, I can feel wanderlust taking it's hold on me, I want to go somewhere I have not traveled before, see things that my eyes have not had the pleasure to rest upon. It's not that I don't have the ability to find beauty where ever I am at, I just need a change. The old barns and farms are no longer calling my name, even the woods have lost their appeal to me with their rich browns and greens and shadows.

I know myself and my cycles well enough to know, it's time for my camera. I do not feel the pull to write at this moment, or the need to shop, or the need to throw myself into finding and becoming consumed in a new study, and I am sad to say my family is still waiting for cycle of cooking and cleaning to hit with a lunatic fringe. Although I do hear the laundry whispering, "Don't ignore me I know you can see me!" LOL It's a good thing I have a shop cycle and my kids have enough clothes to clothe a small country, but that just means the dirty laundry pile can get as large as a small country and eventually I will be spending a lot of time hidden from view in the laundry room. (someday)

If it weren't for obligations I made for the rest of June, I would be packing up my youngest two and hit the open road! I need a change of scenery, I need to see some things that my current location can't offer me. Hmmmmmm......... I better check the calendar and see what July looks like, maybe I can pencil in a road trip after all!

Until next time!


Monday, June 13, 2005

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Red

    Your Monday Photo Shoot: Red       



I love the color red! I recently read an article about the color red and the benefits of wearing it, did you know more people pay attention to you when you are wear the color red? It's becoming quite the power color! And let's face it there isn't any thing sexier than a Woman's hand when her nails are done in Red Nail Polish!  If you want to play along in John Scalzi's Monday phot shoot please visit him at his journal 'By the way" Link as follows......................................   The Scalzi Report    

Mother like Daughter??? lol


                                              Future Diva? Say it ain't so!


I think I have a full fledged Diva on my hands........I guess she didn't get the memo about only being one Diva, per house and this house already has one?.................ME!

Yesterday Rachel had another show along with an attitude, I can't hold her solely responsible, things did not go as planned by the woman who owns the dance studio and who ran the recital either. We agreed that there would be no payment for Rachel to sing, but that she would have a costume ordered and made in New York........I carefully took Rachel's measurements and phoned them in and in the end no costume, so I'm thinking that's OK it's 'exposure' to who knows what or who right?........right? She was to perform the opening, the intermission and then close the show, she was booked for this performance 9 months ago, so is she even listed as a performer in the program... Nope! Not one mention of her, and I was given a lame reason as to why, she wanted her to be a surprise! I can see if Rachel's name was a household word but it's not, so how could putting her name in the program, be a give away? Not only that, she changed her songs, and her line up! She took out a song of Rachel's because she just realized the song was already in one of the dance numbers.

In the mean time I was still dealing with the new emerging lil Diva and ummmmm I don't like it! LOL I don't know if it was because I let her cousin (best friend) and her cousins boyfriend come along and she was just trying on the angst of being a 14 year old girl, but I encouraged her for the past few weeks to practice, EVERYBODY  has to practice and I was given the 'Your turning into a stage mother' evil eye and she never threw her heart into practicing, and where did that show up..........why on stage of course! She gave an outstanding performance on the National Anthem, She was told on Thursday that they wanted her to sing amazing grace and she had to learn 2 more verses of Amazing Grace, she new the first verse forward and backward, it was the first song she learned at the age of 4, all her performances were to be a cappella so she had to get the right phrasing to the right melody that played in her head, she nailed the first one (of course) messed up on the second one (but continued) and did fine with the last verse and repeat of the first verse to end the song. Her finale.......Traveln' Soldier another song she knows in her sleep, but sang the 3rd verse twice then ended the song with the correct chorus but forgot to sing the 4 (most important part of the story) verse....She's a kid, she's never had lessons, I know she's going to make mistakes, that's a given, but then give her Momma attitude??????I don't think so! Like I said only one Diva in this house and that's me! LOL

If I wasn't told repeatedly by this Child, "Mom I know what I'm doing leave me alone already!" I would not have been so taken a back with the mess ups.........and the last thing I want to become is a "Stage Mother" Singing in public is something Rachel wants, not Mom, it's a lot of work and traveling for me and that takes me away from my other duties as Mom to our other children, But I had to remind that child if you really want it, and I mean really want it you still have to work for it, even when you've been given the gift of natural born talent! I'm so glad this past week is over, now only one song is necessary for her Father's Day appearance at another towns summer bash and then 2 songs for a performance at another towns function at the end of the month, then it's back to being a normal kid...........whewwwwww lot's of pressure! yikessss! lol

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The amazing Wonder Dog!


                                                     Blue The Amazing Wonderdog!
           Along with two of my amazing daughters, Melissa and Rachel



Blue is the 'Baby' of my oldest daughter Melissa who is pictured up top with my youngest Daughter Rachel at Melissa and Tony's new apartment. Isn't he the cutest grand dog in the world! Melissa, Tony and Baby Blu live just a few minutes from me now so we get to spend alot of time together again just like we did before she went and grew up on me! lol Kids have a way fo doing that don't they?

Friday, June 10, 2005

"Amazing Grace"



"Amazing Grace"


kmh 2005

Ghost Ship?



Ghost ship?.....nope!

Under water utility poles?......nope!


It's a Heron Rookery that provides protected nesting sites for the herons and egrets! Sorry I couldn't get a closer shot, but if I tried to get closer I would of been arrested for tresspassing on a protected area, I thought about dressing in feathers or cammo, but since I don't look good in either..........fagetaboutit! lol

Surviving Yesterday! lol

I survived yesterday! LOL When going over Rachel's line up of songs we knew we were dealing with senior citizens, after all it was a retiree's luncheon. So we first had her perform songs from current country music and ended the show with the older more classic tunes. When she ended her show it was to a standing ovation and the man along with his wife who are in charge of booking the talent, were holding hands and had tears rolling down their faces, a few others in the audience too and of course I wept like a willow!

She had opened the luncheon with the National Anthem (A Cappella), before she was to take the stage to sing this, one of the waitresses who was familiar with this regular group told me about 'George.' George loved to sing "God Bless America" much to the chagrin of his fellow retirees, (George who is turning 93 this year!) I was more than happy to let this man sing his song, even if it was not well received that George was going to sing this song again among his peer group, a few moans later George took the stage and reminded us that we have a war going on and that some of our children won't be returning from it (a very somber moment for sure.......many from this group served in more than one war!) I think a majority of Americans forget about it in their daily lives unless they have a loved one who has/is serving this country right now. I don't care that George sang off key and was totally tone deaf I thought he was awesome and so did Rachel! You Rocked George!!! LOL

I had given Richard (the man who booked Rachel for the show) about 50 of her pink daisy business cards, by the end of the luncheon all but 2 remained which he said he was keeping! LOL After the show and luncheon many came up to give that baby of mine a hug along with their best wishes and words of encouragement of pursuing her gift. She singled out George and told him he can sing with her anytime he wanted to! He got a big kick out of that!

Even though I am Rachel's biggest fan, Mother and devoted roadie the one thing I forgot to do yesterday was take a picture of my baby up on that stage shining brightly but hey I was lucky I didn't let my nerves get the best of me and loose my lunch where I stood! LOL  She later went to rehearsal for the show she is booked for on Sunday, She is too sing the National Anthem to start the show, Travelin' Soldier and God Bless the USA during intermission and then end the show with Amazing can bet I will remember to snap picture to that performance and hopefully I can get her to do an AOLBYPHONE entry singing Amazing Grace for you all. Thanks for those that always leave wonderful comments for her to read, they make me beam and make her a lil more proud of herself.

Until next time!

Thursday, June 9, 2005

So nervous I could throw up! lol

Today is a big day for my lil one, Rachel. She has her first solo show performance. A few months ago (And I can't believe that much time has gone by already) She had auditioned for an upcoming charity event, she was the only child selected to sing solo at that performance. It was to help fill the coffers of a child based charity that not only is local but nation wide. She really shined on that stage and it has opened up many doors for her, they say it just takes one time for someone to see her talent and the it would just take off from there.......and it has.

A retired gentleman was in the audience that first night who is in charge of booking talent for his fellow retirees monthly luncheons. He met with me after the show and booked her for a show when school got out (education first!!!) Well, today's the day and of course she is still sleeping like a baby and I'm a nervous wreck! LOL Between a hefty contribution of her own, gift for her Birthday last week and Graduation from Middle School, we purchased a Pro Audio sound system. (I believe if she contributed to the cost of it she would appreciate it more and take better care of her investment.) We now don't have to rely on anyone else for a sound system and it's hers to take with her on her journey in life as a performer.

Click link for Fender Pro Audio Sound System


So today she has to put on a show that lasts about a half hour and she will be paid handsomely for it, I originally said she would sing for cookies but they said no, they want to pay her for her service (Think College Fund! LOL) Her song list goes as follows.............

God Bless the USA (Lee Greenwood)
Travelin' Soldier (Dixie Chicks)
Let Er' Rip (Dixie Chicks)
Born To Fly (Sara Evans)
Could Not Ask For more (Sara Evans)
You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man (Loretta Lynn)
Stand By Your Man (Tammy Wynette)
Walkin After Midnight (Patsy Cline)
Crazy (Patsy Cline)

For those of you new to my journal there is a link in my side bar that will take you to an old entry that show cases this lil one's talent. Rachel's Link After she is done entertaining we are invited to lunch and then this evening she as a rehearsal for another show on Sunday were she is the entertainmentfor a dance recital. The owner of the studio saw her perform a song at a mutual friends outdoor wedding reception and hired her immediately for the studios dance recital. She will be opening that show with the National Anthem, singing during intermission, then closing the show with God Bless's a patriotic dance recital. I know she will do just fine and I am glad that it's me who get so nervous before each performance and not her.........I better bring a barf bag and maybe some smelling salts...I think this Momma is going to need them! LOL She still has two more 'gigs" later this month, one singing the National Anthem for an outdoor summer concert (along with a brief intermission spot) sponsored by a local town and then a summer festival for another town.......Who knows where these bookings will lead too!

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Journal Jar Question 61

Question 61 ~ life after....

How do you feel about death?   What is your philosophy of the "after life?"

I know of no other way to say this then in a conversation I had a while ago with my Mother......We were discussing our wishes after we pass.

My Mother found her true love with my Father on a military base in Florida in 1957, it was a fast falling in love. They met, dated exclusively and they eloped 2 months later. Even with all of his infidelities, alcoholic abuse and even with the demise of their marriage (divorce) they still loved each other deeply, but had come to understand that they could no longer live together as man and wife.

Eventually living a fast life style and alcohol contributed to his untimely death at 41, it was too late for him to choose his wife and family over the pull of the bottle. That dream of a broken family  becoming whole again, never had a chance. He was buried with full Military honor and buried in a Catholic cemetery.

I spent time as I got older, occasionally thinking how unfair that my parents would be separated in death as much as they were in life, due to the fact that they were divorced and she wasn't Catholic.(silly Catholic cemetery rules!) After many years of thought and much consideration, I sought my Older sister's advice on how I wanted to rectify this.........I wanted to unearth my Father's remains and place them somewhere where my Mother could later join him when it was  time to. My sister agreed and then also agreed that my Older Brother was not going to be any part of it, to this day he is unable to accept my Fathers death, he won't visit the cemetery and gets angry the way I try to keep my Father's memories alive for the sake of me and my children, (the grandchildren he never met) with stories good and bad about the man I knew as Daddy.

I finally brought up the courage to talk about my Mother's  own departure from this world with her and asked how she felt about what my Sister and I wanted to do........She again with wise words said, "Your Father and I are soul mates, it does not matter where our bodies rest, because we will find each other again when the time is right and we won't need what is left of our bones, so leave your Father where he rests and just sprinkle my ashes on his grave and know that we will be together again someday"

So back to your question.............I think you soul goes where you want it to go and this death is only the beginning to something else.


To view other J-Landers answers click on the link below

Promises Journal Jar


Tuesday, June 7, 2005





Many times you arrived
with an "I love you"
and words carefully in prose
You never cease to amaze me
Your Wild Irish Rose

kmh 2005



True Color



Even in the depth of winter
you stay true to yourself
you are forever.......


kmh 2005

My day in the sun



I am like a perennial
in its stages of life,
hibernation and rebirth
Each new year promises
the root a new depth
to hold fast to,
to grow stronger from
with the passing of time.
I too, bask in the warmth of the sun
shinning full on my face
But I know what the flowers can't
I know that I will be back next spring
ready for my day in the sun once more




He loves me.........



He loves me, He loves me............Forever
He over looks my many imperfections
He loves even the smallest of things
To him I will never be insignificant

He never tries to analyze me
for I am woman and change quickly
He says his job is to simply adore me
and let me be who I am to be

He never tries to take ownership of me
for I am his equal in life and in love
He is the keeper of my heart
He loves me, He loves me..........forever



Monday, June 6, 2005

Journal Jar Question 60

Journal Jar - Question 60 Childhood vacations

Tell about a favorite childhood vacation.

This will be a repeat of one of my first few entries into this journal back in August of 2004. I wish that I had a picture of the house my Mother grew up in but I don't, but what I do have is a small ceramic house that I found at an antique shop that reminded me of my Grandparents home, so I'll share a picture of that "treasure" then repeat the entry I did on my childhood summer vacations.




(Orginally written 8/04)

I'm trying to not make my first few impressions on this Journal so deep and heavy, but that is what I've been feeling for the past few days......... I'm sure listening to "My Immortal" isn't helping to lighten my mood either.....But I'm comfortable hidden in the shadows today.  Is it because Fall is coming? I am hoping for an Indian alive I feel when the sun is shining warm on me!

Funny how as a child, summer seemed to last for years or was that the long distance car ride to Grandma's on East Coast every summer? I can still feel the wind swoooshing past me in the back seat of my parents car as my brother, sister and I make the miles seem endless for our parents.  But when we arrive at Grandma's its all worth the endless Noogies and pinches from my siblings.  I loved my Grandparents house in New Jersey! A quaint lil cottage painted white with green shutters and matching adirondack furniture out on the slate patio. It sat up on a small hill with birch trees on one side, Oh how much I loved that place! So much that when I bought my own house it also had birch trees on it's side, as did my brothers!  The inside of the house smelled of cedar rafters on the open ceiling, the fireplace that sat in the center of the home with openings in all 4 rooms of the house, the creaking of the bathroom door painted white with a skeleton key to lock it. I thought my mother must of loved growing up here! I still go back there in my minds eye

I would love to go back there someday and see if it's just the way we left it, when my grandfather died and my grandmother had to come live with us in Chicago.  But I would hate to see the changes that it has probably made all these years later.  So I'll just keep it, in my minds eye, painted white with green shutters smelling of cedar

And that ain't no bull! lol



On the way out to the family ranch I pass this small homstead that always has an endless supply of out of the ordinary "pets." This summer it has this guy and a few of his 'girls' in one penned area, I don't think he likes being photographed....what do you think?? lol lol lol



Now this Emu was not the least bit camera shy........she was just as interested in me as I was interested in her, but I DIDN'T try to take a bite out of her! Maybe she wasn't ready for her close lol lol lol

"Lake Life"



Mother Nature gives us so much to work with, she is the greatest creator of Abstract Art. I am noticing more and more how much a simple shot of almost nothing can become art when a frame is placed around it. I ran off at the lake for a quick few moments of serenity this pass weekend with my camera and found the patterns of algea and weeds in the lake intoxicating with all its varying shades of blue and the fluorescent greens of the underwater plant life. I love when I see something 'finished' in my minds eye then I am able to capture it perfectly through the lens.

Friday, June 3, 2005

My Guys



Both have promised to be mine forever, one I know will keep that promise, and one will only be mine until he finds his own true love. There is something about that old saying about a Mother's bond with her son, just as I know the bond between a Father and his little girl, I was a Daddy's girl myself.

Another old saying is "A Daughter is your daughter all her life and A Son is your Son until he takes a wife" I know this to be true too, because I see how much closer my own Husband is to me and my family and how much he has pulled away from his own. I know that someday my Son is going to choose another woman over me and even though I know this is coming, it doesn't make it an easier to prepare for, right now I am thankful that he is only 13 and I will still have his heart for a lil while longer. All this has given me a better understanding of my Mother-in-law, She had 3 boys she had to love and then let go of, I used to love the power I had over her and now I understand her hold fast and I am sad that I too will experience this myself in a few years.

My Son still fascinates me with all this 'Boyness' It is through him that I appreciate a baseball game played well, the spiral of a perfectly thrown football and the planet around me....... Who knew a 5 minute lecture on earth worms would hold my interest as well as my heart when told with his voice and seen through his eyes. I already see the little girls swoon in his presence, I had a little girl probably 6 or 7 years old, come up to me at the lake and whisper with adoring eyes that, "Jimmy used her towel" to dry off with at the lake.....I almost couldn't suppress my urge to giggle out loud! He is so much like his Father, the other keeper of my heart that I often get emotional over stolen moments of just watching the two of them interact with each other in their own Father and Son moments. I know he is his Father's son but....... he will always be my baby.

Watching time fly by...........

grad.jpg                                  diploma.jpg


It was a very busy day for my youngest daughter Rachel, not only did she turn 14 yesterday but she also graduated from Middle School.  Now times does seem as if it's flying by, I remember the day I gave birth to her and when the Doctor placed her in my arms she said, "This little girl is nothing but eyeballs and eyelashes!" She was just a lil bity thing and even though she was 2 weeks LATE she only weighed in at 5 pounds 7 ounces. I found myself on the verge of tears several times yesterday watching this woman child becoming who she is meant to be. Yes, Rachel is a force to be reckoned with in her own right and she's here to take on the world!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!!!!!

Thursday, June 2, 2005

Weekend Assignment

Weekend Assignment #62: Hairstyles from Hell

Johns Scalzi's Journal

This is an easy one, anything I did to my hair in the 80's aka "Big Hair era" They say a picture is worth a thousand words.......... Normally I am 5 foot even but on this particular hair day I do believe I made it up to at least 5 foot 9 inches............I can hear the snickering all the way over here! lol lol lol


OK DISCLAIMER- For those few idiots that are commenting without reading the entry, that picture was taken in the 1980's THAT IS NOT HOW I WEAR MY HAIR NOW. You IDIOTS know who you are, but then again that mightbe debatable!


Can you say BIG HAIR? lol lol lol