Tuesday, November 15, 2005

MY Formal Protest

I have crashed my computer yet again, Ill be back as soon as I can.......well at blogspot, myspace and UK-Land! lol


If you have always considered my journal a nice place to visit, then please come join me at my new home for blogging. It's still AOL, but it's in the UK Journaling section now, which at this point is banner free. Blogspot is nice, but then there isn't a way for you to receive my updated alerts. So please remember to click alert me as entries are posted



The reason for BIG move was as follows........

Dear AOL,  

 Let this post serve as my official protest against you, AOL for spamming my personal journal with advertisements. I have used your "tell us" option, I have posted my thoughts on the journal board, I have left you a message at the link you provided for me in a message on the Journal boards and I have created a journal at blogspot.com and myspace.com

I wanted to familiarize myself with the differences between their blog space and yours because I have become an UNHAPPY CAMPER with my service at AOL.  

 I will not be posting here for awhile because I will be too busy visiting all the Bank of America's to plaster their walls with my journal. I want to see if they will be as amused as I was to find them plastered on my journal this morning.  

To my faithful readers,   As soon as I choose an alternative place I feel as comfortable at as I did with AOL Journals, I will post links to my new home. I am hoping maybe AOL will change their minds about this matter. I will be keeping this journal open (but don't intend to post) until I can make a decision that benefits..........ME!

I am fighting for my right to choose when and if I want to spam my readers with whom AOL chooses to sell me and my words to.  


Monday, November 14, 2005

It was a marvelous night


                   "Moon Dance"


Saturday, November 12, 2005

Me and Escort?.... Forgetaboutit!

Ode to my Nextel!

A few years back, we joined on the nextel band wagon along with most of our friends. A Friends brother was employed by them at the time so we were able to get in on the friends and family program. I absolutely love the direct connect feature. With my Husbands job it is almost impossible to reach him, so all I have to do now is press the side button on the side of my nextel phone and I get a hold of him instantly.

We have been able to "beep" each other when I was off sailing in the ocean blue, I was able to say goodnight to my children when I was away having Me time with friends all over the country. I can even reach my Husband when he is in the fishing on the Great Lakes or off hunting or fishing in other states. I am pretty sure he isn't thrilled with it at times! lol  It's like walkie talkies for adults!

When I was first assigned my cell number with nextel, I used to get the weirdest calls and voice mails! I had numerous men calling and asking if I could meet them in places like Seattle, Las Vegas, Boston, Mexico, Tokyo and places like that. If it was a voice mail I never returned the call, if I happened to answer it, I would just hang up. Then I got used to it, so I began just saying "No, Thank you!" Then my warped sense of humor kicked in, I'd say, "Well, Gee! Let me ask my Husband and if it's alright with him I'll pack a few things and I'll be on my way! Should I bring the kids? How about Los Angeles They would love to see Disney Land!" Now I was the one getting hung up on.....how rude! lol

This went on for about 2 months, it didn't bother me enough to change my number because my number was one digit away from my Husbands and it was easy for the kids to remember. Finally one time when I used my "well, Gee let me ask..." a man just started laughing! So I finally asked this man, "Just where did you get my number anyway?" at first he was silent then he said he found it in the personal ads in the back of a gentleman's magazine under escort services! Gee nextel! THANKS! Now everything made sense.

Just think of all the fun I could have had if I had known that all in the beginning! lol What a game of "Mother May I" or "Simon Said" Or even "Maybe I could after this rash clears up! (I know....MY BAD!) I could have had so much fun with that! lol lol lol

Friday, November 11, 2005

So, you come here often?


What's wrong with this picture?



It's supposed to be Duck! Duck! Goose! lol lol lol

(Sorry! Just couldn't help myself!  Ü Intervention I tell ya, I need an intervention! lol)

Have you thanked a Veteran today?



My parents met, fell in love, married and created a family while serving this beautiful country of ours. I don't believe War should be celebrated, but the American's who selflessly serve in it should always be honored! Have you thanked A Vet today?


                          Thanks Mom and Dad!

More on destiny

What I love the most about blogging, especially in a community like AOL Journals, is that it brings wonderful, interesting people into your life. I have met people who have inspired me, who have pushed the envelope with me, who have accepted me and who have challenged me. I love to meet people who make me think and open my mind to other ways of thinking.

Remember that old saying, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste?" I believe a 'closed mind' is even more terrible! I used to try and reason with 'closed minds' (That's me! Learn everything the hard way! lol) I am much more interested in people who have their own minds but are open to other peoples ways in life. I think people with open minds can only enrich my life. It is so interesting for me to meet people with different takes on different things in my life. The key word is acceptance.

A journal buddy of mine who always challenges my mind on many of my theories is Psychfun, what I like about her so much is she is always pondering things, I ponder less these days because of my age I think. I am past my childhood, survived my 20's, 30's and in the beginning of my 40's I now understand that something's are just meant to be what they are.....they come with no hidden meanings. Ashlee reads my journal and asks the kinds of questions that make me go deeper in my explanations. She questioned fate and kismet from my last entry, and if they are real why does some love end up in divorce?

My theory again is based on time. I believe every union of love good or bad brings you closer and closer to true love, in a marriage that ends, we realize what we will accept and what will not accept from our next partner. Think of it as a father who gives away his daughter in a wedding ceremony. The dad has loved and nurtured this woman, but the time is right for her to go off in a new direction.

My own parents divorced for many reasons, does that mean they did not have love? No, they had love, it just wasn't meant to last a life time. It was destined to be that amount of time in each others lives, my siblings and myself were destined to come from that time. When Jim and I first met even though he was married, he still hadn't become a father yet, and I still had not become a mother to my daughter Amanda....I honestly believe we didn't come together at that time because Amanda and Melissa were destined to be and we both believe in the sanctity of marriage, like I said, he is an honorable man. I believe we both had to go through the experiences that we went through on those few years in between to make us ready for each other, to make us right for each other.

Even the bad things that I experienced as a child and teenager, brought something to my life. My Fathers alcoholism and abuse made me keenly aware of what I did not want in my marriage, my brothers physical abuse against me most of my childhood, taught me to stand up as an adult and make it perfectly clear what I will and what I won't put up with in my life, even the man who attempted to abduct me from my home (while home alone) and then later from the street at 16 made me a parent who is very diligent in keeping my children safe.

Everybody brings something to your life, I try to bring only positive things to the people whose lives I am entwined with or who I encounter as  I go through my life's journey. I also try to feed my own soul on a daily basis. Being thankful for the little things in life is what makes each day a wonderful experience.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Timing is everything! Even with love!

The first time I saw my now Husband, was in a bar (1981). Grant it I was under age by 3 years, but I had only stopped in because one of my girlfriends Mother owned the bar and another one of my girlfriends was dating a regular of the bar. The bar door had a bell above it and when someone walked in and the bar wasn't too noisy everyone would turn to see who just walked it.

We entered, the bells rang, the guys that were sitting at the bar all turned to see who came in and that's when my heart almost burst through my chest. You know that feeling, it is thrilling and terrifying at the same time. The introductions were made and he didn't look twice at me (something that I wasn't used to, but understood when my girl friend told me he's off limits, he's married!) It was like window shopping to me....liked it! wanted it! But I was not going to get it! lol Married men are taboo.....call me old fashioned! But I told my girlfriends who looked at me like I was nuts and said to them, "I am going to marry that man someday!"

Over the next 3 years we ran into each other a lot, I took off with a new love to New York but was in town a lot and Jim still never paid attention to me. To a girl who's Father could not honor his marriage vows from the start, I found this man (Jim) to be an honorable husband. By the beginning of 1985 I was through with New York and moved back home I needed to finish growing up and my Boyfriend, who I left behind in New York, loved me enough to let me go and do that, the door would always be open.

By the Spring of 1985 I ran into Jim again, it was like he noticed me for the first time, I could tell by the way he looked at me, (come on girls we know the difference when a man looks at us and then LOOKS at us! lol) During our first few minute of conversation of How you been? how is life treating you? I found out that Jim's marriage was over, divorce papers were filed and he was going through the same stages in life as I was at trying to figure out who he was and were he was going. We were to meet later for drinks after his softball game was over, but signals were crossed and we both waited at two different bars, thinking the other person just blew us off.

In life timing is everything, from the first time I saw him, my heart called out to him and patiently waited for a response, we did not see or speak to each other again until spring of 1986. He had run into some friends of mine who had told him how I felt about him all these years and even my girl friend who first introduced us told him how I said I was going to marry him someday........and on that day the stars finally lined up, we both no longer belonged to someone else and he called me and asked if he could take me out to dinner.

At first I had no idea who was on the other end of the phone, when I returned his call, just a message, Hi Kim this is Jim, could you please return my call? I called him back and when he asked me over for dinner, I still had to ask if I even knew him and he said, "I hope so you are supposed to marry me someday!" Right then I knew who it was, dropped the phone, danced around my kitchen for a minute, then casually picked up the phone and said "Yes" to dinner.....its been kismet ever since.

Many times before that call our paths crossed, but it wasn't our time to be. I believe that if we would of started this love affair at any time sooner than we did, it would not have lasted all these years. It was finally the right time, our time and even today when I look at him, I think that even if I just met him at this time, I would still fall in love at first sight and say to myself, "I'm going to marry that man someday!" That's how you know if it's forever love.......when you keep falling in love with the same person over and over again, that is what keeps old love new.

What a gift that is and I am thankful!

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

"Autumns" show stopper


         kmh 2005

       Even fall recognizes red as a power color

Today's Sunrise Shot


kmh 2005

My poor neighbors! Once again I was out lurking at sunrise, camera and coffee cup in hand, dressed in my sweat pants and hoodie with my Miss Piggy slippers on. I'm not sure if they think I need an intervention of some type or if they have just gotten used to me lurking through their yards day and night, trying to get that 'Unusual Shot!'

The tree is spectacular and so was this morning sunrise, but how stunning they are when incorporated into each other! I only had to shoot 3 shots at different angles to get this shot that pleased me to no end!

High Maintenance...schmaintenance! lol

My 30's freed me from wearing high heels everywhere I went, I no longer considered having height over comfort. My 30's also freed me from thinking I had to wear make up every time I left the house, with 4 kids, my house and a small business..... who had time to apply the war paint right?? And now that I am in my 40's I have given up doing my hair everyday and just wrap it in a ponytail holder on the top of my head (see sidebar picture) I certainly have gone low maintenance! I now save the heels, war paint and hair down for those special occasions.

Well, I guess I have been looking pretty brutal! lol Sunday night I had joined some friends for cocktails and I decided it was time to 'clean myself up good!' So I did the old ritual. I used every product that I owned, from hair, to nails, to war paint and I even threw on my favorite red leather boots with my favorite red sweater. I could not count the compliments that night (even a stranger who looked like Tim McGraw......flutter!flutter!) From the girlfriends to their husbands to my own husband who was still trying to put the moves on me! lol Who knew what a lil shadow above the eye, a lil concealer under the eye (to cover shadows! lol!) and a slash of red lipstick could do for a girl! lol

Ok, So maybe I should add a lil color to me more often, get out of my usual sweat pants, jeans and hoodies once in awhile and show a lil of the diva that was once part of my everyday life........maybe, maybe not!  Well, at least I know why the call the mascara applicator 'wand'  now...... it must be magic! lol lol lol

Monday, November 7, 2005

Monday Photo Shoot

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Do "Before and After" photos on any subject you like. The idea is to show change over a bit of time. Some easy ideas would be haircuts, cleaned-up rooms, kittens growing up into cats, and etc. And yes, this means you can dip into your collection of old photos (they certainly qualify as "before").


"New Born Robin" Before and after all in the same shot!


kmh 2005

For more great photo's visit John Scalzi's blog and get before and after shots of other bloggers participating in Monday's Photo Shoot



      kmh 2005

 I love to capture my children through my photo lens when they aren't aware of my presence. My Son was fishing off the dock last summer and I captured his reflection in the water from the shore line. The sky was the perfect shade of blue with just wisps of airy clouds in the high noon sky. I love this photo, it captures a perfect summer day  in a young boys life who lives to fish.

A cry for help! lol

Ok, My name is Kimberleigh, AKA Demandnlilchit and I am an AOLaholic!  Wow, how liberating is that! I am also here to admit I  am in need of an AOL 10 step program. (Breath Kimberleigh breath!)

Here I was sitting at my computer this morning, updating Windows EP, going through some photo's old and new, trying to pick out a few photos that I wanted to post to my journal and whammo! I lost phone service (Yes, I'm still on dial up! lol I don't have the need for speed, just reliability.) I quickly grab the house phone and Nutn! Nada! So I grab the cell phone, dial the home number and I get the recording that my home line is being checked for trouble in the line.....PANIC! PANIC!! PANIC!!!!! Breath in! Breath out!

I call the phone company for an update, I'm told the new construction down the street hit the line and that they have been called by other neighbors effected by the outage (hooray! for the neighbors) and a repair truck is in route! Hip! Hip! Hooray!

Check the phone line, look at the clock, check the phone line, look at the clock..(repeat 20 times) Oh what the hell! Do some laundry, eat some oat meal, pay some bills and half an hour later........dial tone!!!!
(happy dance through family room while modem is connecting)

Human behavior is a very strange thing, if I didn't want to be on the computer (my choice) I'm ok with that, but the minute the choice is taken away from me......panic!!! outrage!!! Same thing with my truck, it can sit in the garage for days and I never think twice about it, but the minute it's at the repair shop....panic!!! outrage!!! But I need me truck! I can't be trapped in the house! I'll go crazy!!! lol

Human behavior is strange.....indeed!

Friday, November 4, 2005

Another self discovery

When I started writing in this journal I had blogged about letting go of toxic friendships, ones that always seem to take more than they gave and were exhausting on a daily basis. I had to let go of my best friend, it was bittersweet, but necessary for me to do at that time in my life. It wasn't because I had enabled her to stay stuck where she was, but the complete opposite, I fought hard to get her to release herself. And in the end, I had given up because she and now I, both knew that is where she was going to stay. She didn't want change, she just wanted to vent.

 It's been almost 2 years since we have had a conversation, we had some small ones, like when she repaid on a loan I had given her, and I called to thank her but nothing deep.  

 We had a 2 hour conversation earlier in the week, and she revealed somethings to me that she knew were going to upset me but, we were both surprised when I had no reaction to it. It is her life, she can live it the way she wants too......just like I am living mine. Big change on my part, because I am a "Fixer" and I let the moment pass without thinking she needed a resolution to what she shared with me.  

What I am just coming to realize about myself is that whenever I see a 'situation' I always try to solve it the way I would. But I lost sight of I am the only me, so why would I expect someone else to resolve something just like I would?

Knowing how I would handle certain situations is always a good thing, it's a plan in case something happens, but expecting everyone to handle it just like I would is wrong, I know that now.  

What I noticed about the elderly is that they get hard set in their ways, some do it without knowing and some do it because they think they have the right to be that way. That they earned their stripes and their scars and they can be how they want. I know that I am not old yet, because I am still in the process of changing. Old way views are taking on a new spins for me. I now know that everybody is handling their lives just how they want it do be done, otherwise they would find their own solutions and act on it, make the changes if they felt they needed to.  

My first instinct is to always rush in and solve problems, that is what I do with my problems. I never sit and dwell, my mind processes things to fast, my first instinct is ok, what do I do about this? This new perspective that is revealing itself to me slowly is teaching me to not be so judgmental, people have the right to live their life the way they choose and who am I to tell them they are doing it wrong? If it's wrong they will get there on their own time and make the changes they feel are needed to make it right. People are going to do what they are going to do so why knock myself out over it?  

My friends life is still the same, but my view has changed on how I see it, I tried to get her help when she needed and wanted it, but the changes had to come from her, and because her situation is something that I would never allow myself to be in doesn't mean it's wrong for her. If she is accepting that as her life then I should too.  

I can still say I would do things differently but I now only speak for myself. What I learned from this is, people are different and that means I needed to let people be different. Everybody has a way and eventually everybody finds their own way and lives their life as it is intended.  

We will never be as close as we were, but that is ok with both of us now. We both learned valuable lessons, Hers- if you don't want everybody up in your business then don't invite them into it. Mine-When your a "Fixer" not everybody wants to be "Fixed."  

It's all about bounderies,  yours and theirs.

Thursday, November 3, 2005

"The Colors of Autumn"


"Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower"
Albert Camus

I'm sucha stinka! lol

I should of named my last photo's in series "midnight in the garden of good and evil"....I loved that movie and I think it is an excellent title! What good and evil am I struggling with today? My Darling Husband wants to borrow my digital camera for an upcoming trip! This has sent me into somewhat of a panic attack! lol Now mind you I can ignore the call of my camera for weeks even months on end, but that is by my choice, the thought of not having my camera by the front door for any of my whims to go shoot is sending me into a panic attack! lol  

Good Kim: Just let him take the camera and let him enjoy it! Bad Kim: Let him get his own damn camera!  

 Hmmmmmm.......I wonder which Kim is going to win out! lol But then again, just look at my screen name, it's a no brainer! lol   I'm sucha stinka! lol

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

"Water Bearer"


            kmh 2005

"The Gazebo" in sepia


               kmh 2005

"Secret Garden"




kmh 2005

"Woman Child"


In most of my shots, if you look close enough you can sense how I am feeling at that moment. My need to share the view of what goes on in my head is what drives me on those days where I am compelled to take aim with my camera and shoot. Every shot I take and share with others is but a glimpse of how I envision my world around me.

With every view I take I usually see something that I want to capture with my camera lens. Sometimes I have to wait for the right mood, the right time of day and even the right lighting, but I use no fancy tricks with my camera, no artificial lights, lenses or filters. Nature creates enough beauty for me that I feel it needs no further embellishments.

I use a simple point and shoot digital camera, I was once told it has nothing to do with the equipment that you use, it has everything to do with seeing with your minds eye, that perfect shot and taking it. I am often overjoyed with what I see when I am finished. It is my art form and I hope you enjoy discovering it as much as I enjoy sharing it!

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

"Red Leaf"


Now Autumn's fire burns slowly along the woods, And day by day the dead leaves fall and melt, And night by night the monitory blast Wails in the key-hole, telling how it pass'd O'er empty fields, or upland solitudes, Or grim wide wave; and now the power is felt Of melancholy, tenderer in its moods Than any joy indulgent Summer dealt.  
 William Allingham