From Birth announcements to Front Doors

I can't remember how many times I looked at my First Born Child and wondered if she would ever grow up.  It seems while she was home with me the first five years of her life dragged by so slowly then once she started Grade School it was a short milestone to Middle School, then on to High School which was a tumultuous blur for both of us.

Now since her graduation day things have really kicked into high gear and I can't stop time from whipping by me! I am used to a slow steady movement forward but since she's turned 18 its flying by me too fast....I'm having a hard time letting go of her and her hand.

That little hand that used to reach for mine as we crossed the street or when she became frightened, has grown into the hand of a young, strong, self assured woman. Just since graduation she has landed her first job, received her Drivers License, bought a car, and became sexually active for the first time with her steady boyfriend.  How is a mother to let go?

I'm the one who wanted her to get a part time job over the summer before she starts "higher education" in the fall, I wanted her to wait till she was 18 to drive, 16 seemed to young to be operating a motor vehicle, she bought the car herself so I helped with getting the Insurance started. I am so very thankful she came to me to tell me about being sexual active, so it was off to the Doctors office we went, for her first gynecological check up and to discuss birth control options, I always insisted she carry rubbers in her purse in case of emergency, We talked about her still wanting to use them everytime regardless of other birth control methods. Too much for a mother to go through when she can remember giving birth to her baby girl in what seems like yesterday!

I wanted to get her to this point in her life, a young adult and now I want my baby girl back.....I could protect my baby girl but how does one protect their adult child? I had all the talks, I gave all the lectures, I reminded her of the evils out there........now I'm wondering if I did enough! All her steps she was taking to her future now seem like steps farther away from me. I wasn't prepared for this onslaught of emotions, these paralyzing grips with fear.

Who knew letting go of a child was more painful then giving birth to one.  It's my heart out there, everytime she walks out that front door. I can remember walking out of my Mother's front door at 18, to take off for New York, never once looking back and now I think about how much it must have pained her to see her baby girl walk out that door.

We give birth to them, we love them, we guide them, we prepare them for life...........Now I'm the one who needs help in letting go!