Journal Jar #71...Here comes the Bride (4)

Again I did my nightly ritual at bedtime and no sooner did I hit the pillows there was a knock on my door........It was getting kinda like Mystery Date.........I hear a knock and I have no idea who is on the other side of the door, for one reason the peep hole was installed for someone 5 ft 6 or better and I rank in at only 5 feet! The thought of keeping a step stool by the front door was just a lil to reminiscent of my childhood days with the step stool tucked under the bathroom sink so I could brush my teeth nightly...lol! So once again I open my front door to find Jim standing there.....I could tell he had a few things on his mind and he was about ready to share them with me.

The next 15 minutes of my life was spent sitting quietly on my couch watching Jim pace back and forth while mapping out the rest of our lives together.......I was to get rid of John immediately and marry Jim however which way I chose.......I could still have my big wedding or we could still fly to the Islands and have a wedding at night fall on the beach like we had planned all those years earlier, or if I wanted Vegas was still something we could do.......not at any point did this man ask me if I still wanted to marry him........I was told I WAS marrying him and I was going to like it! Funny how another man in my life suddenly made Jim so very clear on the rest of his life.

Now if you think this was all music to me ears you would be mistaken, other things came rushing back into my memory besides the love I felt for this man.......all the wedding dates that came and went, the cancellations that took place with each of them......the wonderful night he was finally free of his first marriage and he again popped the question to only call me at my office the next day and leave me in tears. Even though my office had four solid walls all the offices were opened ceiling, everybody knew everybody's business. I had just shared with everyone that morning that Jim and I were finally to be wed then have him call me and tell me he wasn't ready.....wait another 8 years! And now I had them trying to comfort me and tell me he didn't deserve me.....I was humiliated and hurt and about ready to run.

Now I sit on my couch and almost start laughing that maniacal laugh that you see in the movies from people who are just aboutto loose it......I guess I even stunned him silent with it...he stopped pacing and just stared at me. I finally stopped listening and started spewing a few thoughts of my own....... Ok Jim, let me get this straight after 4 and a half years together, 3 planned weddings, a 4th proposal that didn't even last long enough to set a date..... and now you want me to get rid of a perfectly good boyfriend.....(ok that was weird when did John go from a man I was seeing to a boyfriend?) because you now finally have figured out you really do want to spend the rest of your life with me?

No hallmark moments, no take your breath away words of love and a decent proposal.....just a you are marrying me and that's it? I asked how come now........why this damn minute did everything become so very clear to this man that marriage to me was what he wanted after all? And this is what he said.........Because I know now that I would be more miserable without you than I ever could with you! How is that for the perfect wedding proposal?.... but yet at that moment I knew he was serious and he finally knew what he wanted.....but was it still what I wanted?