Journal Jar #71....Here comes the Bride (3)

Jim had heard that I was spending time with someone else, someone that I actually introduced to my family......My Sister's Husband and Jim had become the best of friends as was my Brother, I had never introduced anyone else that I dated to my family (during my on again off again time with Jim).....It wasn't that I was serious with John, we hadn't even explored where this relationship was going, All I knew is that I had to put Jim behind me and filling up my days as well as my head with other things was a good place to start.

Everything I had been trying to bury came back, all it took was that special way Jim has with looking at me, even to this day some 15 years later than that night, what we share is easily read on our faces. I knew this pattern well.....but this time things were going to be different.  Since staying away from each other proved to be harder than we thought, I made it perfectly clear that he was no longer a top priority in my life..........I was..... and I had no intention of getting back into a monogamous relationship with Jim, John or any other man that caught my eye that summer. Neither man was pleased.... But I didn't belong to either one of them.

After a couple of weeks it became difficult to juggle my new social life, I hid nothing from either one of them. The date was now August 1, 1990 I had been casually seeing them both for a little more than two weeks and even I was getting tired of it. One day afterJim had to witness me getting ready for a date with John he seemed to be at the end of his patience, he did not wish to share me anymore and asked me what would it take for things to go back to how things were between us.......I told him I would never settle for that again.......if I went back it had to be better. Even though I cared for John I did not love him.......I wasn't capable of loving him.....John new that. John showed up with roses and a beautiful note and over dinner told me what his intentions were with me, not that I asked, I didn't want to know......I was happy not knowing anyone's intentions that night. I left both of them that night knowing that I would never settle for what I had with Jim again and I wasn't settling for what John would offer me, how could I? I was still in love with.......Jim.

Lunch with Jim, Dinner with John both of them expecting something from me that I couldn't give......I just wanted the day to end, so I had John bring me home early, dinner and the mood was ruined all by good intentions.

Continued.......yet again( but hey I did do two entries today! lol)