Saturday, July 30, 2005

Not a good day to be.........Me

OK, criticism is good right? But when does one recognize deconstructive criticism from constructive criticism? They both still "smart" a whole hell of a lot!

If I am true to really trying on a daily basis to become a better me, I have to be able to handle my own personal.......good, bad and ugly. And then take some time to reflect on it and make changes or at least try to make the changes that I feel are necessary. Getting your good pointed out is a wonderful thing......getting your bad and your ugly pointed out is a not-so-wonderful thing. But I'm a big girl I can handle it as long as it's done with tact.

I had mentioned in a previous entry..within the last month I think about another run in I had with my Brother......the monster of my youth reared his ugly head for a few moments but the adult in me, who does not have the fear of the defenseless child, bit the monster back. I have no regrets with that situation, he did because he immediately tried to apologize and I wasn't in a very accepting mood.

While out with 'Dinner with the girls' which my Brother's wife is a part of a few days ago, after much dining and drinking and in the midst of the good time she brought the subject up. We discussed it briefly and both apologized to each other for each of our misconceptions of what took place.....I was there, she wasn't..... I thought that was the end of it. A little while later, after I had long switched to water but she continued to keep drinking, she decided it was a good time to start pointing out my flaws........in public, with other friends, among new acquaintances that we just met and I quietly told her this is not the time nor the place to do this........if she wanted to have this discussion at another time, and when she was sober I was all up for that, but not now......she agreed.

Well, after a few more drinks (her, I'm still sipping lemon water) she forgot about the agreement and let loose on me again.....I gave her fair warning....I told her she was just about to cross a line with me and that she really didn't want to do that with me, now the other girls were getting upset that the talk at the table was getting uncomfortable. SIL is now apologizing profusely but in her drunken stupor still continues a few minutes later.

OK, I know I talk a lot.......I am aware of that, I try to remind myself that I talk to much.....yes I am guilty of interrupting people from time to time,but group conversations are about the group conversing right? If I am rude and not aware of it, it's unintentional.......I know when I am intentionally being rude.....I think we all do. Well, I think it was about time I got intentionally rude with her. I tried to get her to 'table it' on several occasions.......she wouldn't so I thought OK, bring it on! I am NOT going to feel guilty because I can articulate how I feel better than most.....I know how I feel and I know how to word it.

I had spent that morning, having another knock down drag out with my 19 year old daughter, her story is still the same and I am still using the tough love approach....if it's working I am not privy to it. But I still believe if you enable your child you will have to do it their whole adult life.....and who wants to do that? It wasn't looking to be such a great day to be Kimberleigh.

Continued......

4 comments:

sahockenberry said...

I still don't know how I stumbled onto your blog, but they were sooo much like my life.  You have inspired me to start my own blog, and keep track of what goes on from day to day.
I love the poem Ode to the school bus..Hilarious!
I too am looking for that fairy tale ending with a very special man. I am currently waiting a divorce from a bad marriage, and everything seems at a standstill.
Hoping to find a new friend in which I seem to have a lot in common with!
Stacy
sahockenberry@aol.com

brandyp0509 said...

h

imshadowraven2 said...

isnt it hell how one person can ruin a fun time.

jmorancoyle said...

    Your sister-in-law is feeling the hurt, too. Wrong place, wrong time, though. Hope things work out better for you tomorrow.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/JMoranCoyle/MyWay