Earlier in the week, while I lounged around in my jammies drinking green tea, I watched one of the early morning news programs. And while they where giving a quick once over on everything that was to be a topic on the show, they talked about an upcoming story that they were going to be running on the after effects of raising over indulged children...... It tweaked my curiosity so I stayed tuned.
Apparently the 20 something crowds, who were over indulged as children are experiencing what they now are calling a 'Let Down Period.' I guess is starts to happen when they have to start relying on themselves to find their own ways on making themselves happy. How come this came as a shock to them? The only thing I ever over indulged my children with...... was love, even though the community that I live in believes in more is better and excess is GREAT!
What ever happened to giving gifts at appropriate times and appropriate ages? Or having a child 'earn' them. What is a child who was given a flat screen TV (for their room), a computer in their room, a phone line in their room, a cell phone, all before the age of 12 with a promise of a brand new car at 16 and body piercing going to expect upon High School graduation? I am not saying that we do not have these things in the house for our children to use, but they are not in their individual rooms.
How can you know what your child is watching, or what web site your child is visiting or who they are speaking with through IM's if they are locked away up in their rooms, out of your view? The cell phone I can see, because I want to be able to get in touch with my children whenever they leave the house, I want them to be able to keep in touch with me also, so for the younger two lil ones of ours, they only get the cell phone when they are out of my home and out of my site. The older two were given cell phones when they, Yes! they bought their own cars, that is a security issue.
As far as piercing and hair color, they were not a big issue with me, but not until they were 16 and piercing their tongues was NOT an option! I felt as long as they dressed with respect to their bodies, I didn't care what color hair they had, but not until at least sophomore year. Phone lines in their rooms were not installed until they hit high school either.
So I can see why these over indulged children that are now young adults are having a hard time wondering what happened, there are no more quick highs anymore, the pampering has stopped but for a few, who I am sure that some time down the line the parents of those children will see the error of their ways, when that child is 30 something and still living at home, or living somewhere with the assistance of Mom and Dad's money.
Boy am I glad I raised my children the same way my Parents raised me..........you want it? you earn it!
18 comments:
OOO...you would SOOO fit into my program here at "Camp Celeste"! I am regularly told I am an un-fun mom. We have one computer in a very public location. We have two phones in the whole house...none in the bedrooms. We have a family television. We have PLENTY of opportunity to have extra everything, but I know it would allow us to lose sight of each other...I see it all the time. My kiddies are given many opportunities to earn spending money...I don't do an allowance (part of my Camp Celeste outlook ;)), and they have to save 1/4 of whatever they have from whatever source. What I get in return for my efforts (besides my close family), are numerous compliments on how refreshing and unassuming my kids are. I love it. ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
Although I do not have children yet (working on it LOL), I SO agree with you. It amazes me the amount of children and teenagers who have their own personal phone line and computer with internet access in their bedrooms. How can you possibly monitor what your children are doing? That will NEVER be allowed in my home!
I agree, its how my parents raised me and I am thankful for it. I am glad I did not get too indulged that I cannot appreciate what I have and what I earn. I hope I am a parent that does not do the over indulgence when I have them.
Rachael
http://journals.aol.com/rashgirl13/RachsDailyLife
AMEN to your entry today. Helen
very good post................. and my X is busy now undoing a lot of the good I did in trying to raise our children. judi
Kim,
It so nice to get back to your refreshingly truthful and insightful entries! I've been overloaded with a bunch of stuff recently and haven't had much time to visit other journals, but today is my treat to myself since the hubby's out of town..(giggle)
I would have loved to have seen that show on TV, my husband and I have been predicting that these over-indulged kids are gonna get shell-shocked sooner or later. It has certainly happened. Unfortunately, I must admit that even my own kids have had way too much. It amazed me to hear that folks send their kids off to Aruba for a high school graduation gift. Jeez, what's next?
I think the US is in for some hard times going forward. Hate to say it, but there's been too much "pork" in too many homes over recent years.
Maryanne
http://journals.aol.com/globetrotter2u/Myfeelingsarereal/entries/1171
Kimberleigh, I see that you and I were raised the same way. Lots of love. My children are gifted on birthday and holidays are very big here but when they want something "big" they have to earn it. They also respect this which makes me feel that Im doing a good job:) I can see you are too!!!! I never gave myself credit till recently when I noticed how well they are turning out as they are getting older:)
I agree 100%. I am a little older than you, but I feel very comfortable with myself now. Just want to be healthy not really a Vogue model. My children are teenagers now. One drives but doesn't have a car. We share one just like we share one computer. They gripe about how slow and old our computer is. I told them, "The day one of us uses the computer 8 hours a day for a job, that is the day I get a new one!" My husband and I did not have a lot growing up. He worked very, very hard for everything he had (even as a teenager). He refuses to give them everything. He says, "They'll appreciate it more if they buy it themselves." You know, he is right.
I never had it to be able to give my kids all of those 'necessities.' If they want phones in their rooms, they can pay the phone bill. I couldn't afford to buy my daughter American Girl dolls, and I could afford to buy my boys high priced game systems. My kids have all kinds of electronic gadgets now, but they paid for them themselves. I couldn't afford to buy them a lot of clothes either. They wore Target and K-Mart. I knew what they were watching on TV, and until a couple of years ago, we weren't on line. My kids also had curfews and were expected to behave in a certain manner. Long story, short: I'm not disappointed with the way they turned out. My daughter is in high school, but my boys are working.
Jude
http://journal.aol.com/JMoranCoyle/MyWay
h
I agree with what you have said coming from that now 20 something crowd. I never had these things the cell was not given to me until I got my car. I was never allowed to change my hair color or get pericing and I am still not allowed to. My parents have always made it understood that when I become fully independent then I am free to do whatever I'd like, but as long as they have a say I will follow their rules. I think this is the best way to be raised. I am not saying that it can't be done other ways, but I greatly appreciate how I have been raised.
Another thing on the cell phone I don't think a child should ever have a cell phone I don't understand who an eight has to talk to. I mean if they are out, they should be with their parents or an adult who do have a cell phone, otherwise they shouldn't be there.
I totally agree. I hate to sound like the wicked step mother...but I see it has happened to my step daughter to a certain degree. I remember the only time I ever received anything was on my birthday or Christmas. Today, kids are just given stuff and given stuff and given stuff. She came to stay with us not long ago and at 10 years old had a cell phone! I can't imagine. I just keep my mouth shut. lol.
h
We never allowed our children to have computers or tv's and telephones in their room.
We felt that it separated the family!
Good entry!!
Mary Louise
http://journals.aol.com/mlrhjeh/WatchingMySisterDisappear
I am so with you, Kimberleigh!! My girls (13 and 16) do NOT have TVs or computers in their rooms (they use my computer to go online and they have time limits AND parental controls). Neither of them have cell phones, though I do plan to get one for the older one once she's out driving on her own. They have daily and weekly chores and earn small allowances. I will pay their admission to the movies, but they have to buy their own refreshments. I will pay for a certain amount of their clothes and shoes, but if they want more or name brands, they must pay half. I won't allow any body piercing or tatooing until they are no longer dependent on us (i.e. what they do after moving out/college is their business). I do allow the hair dye though - I prefer to pick my battles and this is not one of them. The older one has dyed her hair twice, and the younger one just did it for the first time. No big deal - they're both honor roll students and good girls, so who cares?!
I can tell they both know the value of money, unlike so many of their friends. They appreciate anything they get from us because they have to earn it, like your kids.
I wish there were more mean mothers like us, don't you?!
:) Carol
Great entry as usual. My daughters had to buy their own first car, but I can't say the same for my grandkids. They do have to keep up their grades though and I'm glad of that. Paula
hello
i am also at that age 43 and i still have trouble believing it!!! what the hell happened to 1979 or 1982? i know i know,,,,, well your right about earning!!! I have a 18 and a 11 year old who constantly get mad at me for making them "earn" things but i dont give a damn!!!! u want it u earn it!!!! I also keep a journal but i have trouble articulating what i feel.... hence hardly anything ever gets written. "a fallen angel" @aol journals take care
debbie
Sometimes I think the older generation had it a little easier as far as raising children is concerned. Life used to be a lot simpler as society wasn't completely awash with "stuff" that children today seem to think is vital for their quality of life. Talking personally, I have 6 children under 11 years of age, and have been fortunate enough to spend a great deal of time with them. I have always used praise and a star chart system to teach the idea of earning rewards and this seems to have worked fine so far. (I'm dreading the teenage years!) The problem is ME - I'm the one that needs watching, because I'm always tempted to spoil them and often struggle to retain my good sense. God only knows what would become of their poor little souls if I should win the lottery!!
Tilly
http://journals.aol.co.uk/tillysweetchops/Adventuresofadesperatelyfathouse/
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