Monday, September 5, 2005

A sincere question answered.....

Comment Added
A comment has been posted to the Journal:
I shaved my legs for this?
Monday Photo Shoot......End of Summer
Comment from: ashleekr
"Is your life as perfect as you always seem to portray it?"
 


I really had to put alot of thought into that question so I could give you a very sincere answer. My life is far from being the perfect life but it is perfect for me, if that makes any sense. Because in a perfect life I would have had the perfect childhood and my childhood was far from perfect. I spent most of it trying to become invisable when my Father was drunk and then trying to be visable at times when he wasn't. I fought hard not to believe what my tormenter, my brother told me all my life that I was worthless and stupid and that is all I would ever be and that I deserved nothing......It's a good thing I never believed him. I now know he was actually revealing how he felt about himself, he just didn't want to be alone in his pain.


In a perfect life I would not have to watch my two youngest struggle to be 'Normal' and be accepted. They both have disorders that will only hold them back during learning and childhood, but with the right medications and therapies the disorders are  barely noticable. But that doesn't help them with not being exactly like their friends. I wouldn't have had to watch my other child struggle with the school years either, just because she didn't look rail thin like the majority of girls did.......I wouldn't have to watch our oldest daughter struggle with what she had to bare witness to with the break up of her parents marriage, I am speaking about my step daughter.......she is finding it hard to trust in the happily ever after part of being in love and engaged.....she's is afraid that she won't be allowed a happily ever after even though she sees how strong my marrriage is to her father.


I try to always live a positive life now as an adult, so I very rarely let things hold me down or hold me back. It's not that I don't blog about the difficult times because I do, it's just that I have more blessings then troubles to write about and in that I am very fortunate and I have the grace to be thankful for it too. Raising my children is another check and balance act for me too....They are such wonderful kids, but disappoint me at times too......I hold nothing back in my journal......you get my life as it happens and sometimes in flash  backs.


My life is perfect in a way that suites me, but may not be perfect for someone else......I married a man who adores me and also understands that putting our marriage above even ourselves and our sometimes selfish ways is what makes it work. I believe in being happy with what is in front of me, always appreciating what we have instead of the have nots. I do envy other people, but not because of what they have, but because of what they are capable of doing............like painting, and music and such.


I think what I pride myself most on is my honesty......what you see is what you get, life has not allows been easy for me, most of the damage was what I  had caused myself with the exception of a few others. We all fall down or get kicked down from time to time, it's how fast you pick yourself up that matters. I have changed the things that I could have and have accepted what I cannot change and that has brought tremendous peace to my life now.


If you search my archives, you will find the not so perfect times written there too. Life's lessons are meant to be learned then shared with others, we give and take from each others strengths and weaknesses...... after all, we are here to hold each other up.

17 comments:

courtenaymphelan said...

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mzgoochi said...

Great answer Kim to what I thought was a very rude comment. Every time I read your journal I pray to God for him to bless me with a beautiful spirit like yours.

Love,

Lahoma

imshadowraven2 said...

Amen!! I was taken back by the comment of all the things i have read in your blog perfect is not a word i would have given. Maybe content with who you are and happy with what you have but lol never perfect i believe your honesty is what keeps us tuned into "I shaved my legs for this" That and Lord you make me feel so many emotions, I for one am glad to have found you Kim keep journaling...................................Robin

dornbrau said...

Hmmmmmmm, nobody has ever asked me that question.  I wonder why not?

sdoscher458 said...

I love your answer to the question. Idiotic question anyway. I've always liked your journal and you were one of the first that I put on alert. Oh, and as far as talent...you my friend have the talent to make people laugh, you also are a very good writer...some of what you have written is definitely from the soul.  Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/LifeIsFullOfSurprises

brandyp0509 said...

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tillysweetchops said...

I think that sometimes a troubled life can be a blessing, because as you say it makes you take a positive slant on things. Talking personally, nothing, my children getting hurt aside, can ever be as bad as what I went through growing up. This is why, being positive just comes naturally to some of us; we're just so grateful to have made it out the other side relatively intact. A few journal entries, or even a couple of years worth, can never sum up the total of a persons life. We are being granted segments of a life, and segments only.
Tilly
http://journals.aol.co.uk/tillysweetchops/Adventuresofadesperatelyfathouse/

cneinhorn said...

I think you have a great attitude, your writing inspires me, and let me congratulate you for the editors pick this week!  well done Kimberleigh!

~  www.jerseygirljournal.com

ajf527 said...

Kimberleigh,
Even though we just met Im thinking that I going to make my journal public with the exception of a few;) Come on! Who ever that poster is seems unhappy with her own life. I have eight children as you know and I think my life is pretty good with the exceptions of the usual ups and downs. Yes my husband and I work at great jobs ( me two overnights as a nurse so I won't be away from my kidlets)
But we own two cars less than 3 years old fully paid off, own our own home and are happy. If others choose to see this as a brag of sorts then Im right up there. If anyone reading this cares to respond feel free to do so. But if your going to do nothing but say negative things to me then I shall not answer.
My life is far from perfect. Im 42 years old have cancer and wanted to have more children. Just what is perfect????
Kimberleigh is a wonderful happy woman and she speaks from the heart. Isn't this what a blog/journal is for?? I apologize if I have offended anyone in my reply:)
Alexis

schnozbeary said...

I relate!!! My life isn't perfect by any stretch, but I am grateful for those people I have that make it bearable... things can be replaced, people can't... you have a beautiful attitude, Kim, one that mirrors my own and what the hell is wrong with passionately living/enjoying that which life offers you???? :) Penny

ashleekr said...

Very sincere answer, Kim.  I think what I meant by that, is you seem to have such a positive attitude about everything - maybe that is what indeeed does make a "perfect" life in an "imperfect" world.  You always seem so positive and upbeat (even humorous) about things, I admire that very much - something I need to strive for a little more in my own life. Love reading your journal! Usually brightens my day a little bit!

astaryth said...

Yep, that's what I love about you, your attitude towards your life....

rashgirl13 said...

I like this and you have a new reader.  This was an entry well worth reading.

jmorancoyle said...

    You and I have a similar background. I know those invisible days and those days when siblings feel their need to take out their lack of confidence. I also know that I am happy because I want to be. My husband is not perfect, and neither are my children. They are mine though, and I love them more than life itself. Your additude is what makes your life and your journal interesting.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/JMoranCoyle/MyWay

globetrotter2u said...

Amen! So well said sister! I had a very difficult childhood as well. How would you like your daddy to put you in a mental institution in your senior year of high school, just because you're depressed? Why was I depressed? Well, you can guess that living in a house where fear and tyranny pervailed was not exactly a picnic. Those scars stayed with me for 50 years, and pretty much affected the greater portion of my life. It is just now, after much soul-searching and therapy that I can sortof kinda maybe like myself. And I did find a peaceful closure with my dad right before he died, a moment I'll be eternally grateful for. Yes, if we can't share our mistakes with others, in the hopes of lifting them up, then our lives can end up a terrible waste. You're doing a fabulous job, my dear.
MAryanne

justaname4me2 said...

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lexykella said...

I find it a mark of strength to put the best of your life here to be read and contemplated. Much more admirable than one long "oh poor me" like so many others. I also leave the worst out of my journal, though the past year has left me with little to talk about by that rule!! Congratulations, on your children, and your life.