Total Recall

In mid march of this year, I had another "episode" I don't know what else to call them since my Doctors are unable to reach a conclusion. It's funny how growing up you think that Doctoring is an exact science. It's not, the human body is a complex thing and the Doctor's don't always know how it ticks.

I have had seizures since I was preteen because of a childhood head injury. I also suffer from inherited migraines. When something happens frequently in your life you get used to it. A few years ago I started having sick to my stomach migraines which helped the migraine to pass quicker. Anything to help it run its course is good to me. Six years ago I had my first "episode."

While experiencing the usual migraine, I got sick to my stomach and passed out, only to wake moments later when I hit the floor, although I was still somewhat disoriented I knew something was terribly wrong with my heart, I felt EVERY heartbeat through my entire body. I went to my Husband who put his hand over my heart and he quickly rushed me off the hospital. I was in Atrial Fibrillation, it's where the top of your heart just quivers and the bottom functions properly, the threat comes with a blood clot forming and when your heart goes back into normal sinus rhythm the clot could break free and enter your brain causing a stroke, possibly death or you could blow a clot into your lungs which is just as deadly.

At the time I was only 35, no history of heart problems, I don't smoke I had normal if not low blood pressure, my cholesterol was low, so there weren't any risk factors that I was aware of. The hospital kept me over night with an IV cocktail and I was back in normal sinus rhythm by the next day.  Off for a battery of tests of my head and my heart this time they couldn't figure out what happened, wrote it up as a fluke of some kind and sent me on my way.

It has happened several times since then but only with a "Sick Migraine" This last time (in March) the migraine lasted for almost eight days. I had brain swelling and I went into Atrial Fib again.
Since that time whether as a result of the swelling or as the result of all the medications I am on now, my ability to remember things has diminished. Sometimes this is a good thing because it has wiped out some of my childhood years and sometimes this is a bad thing, I wonder how much of my everyday life with my family I will be able to hang on to.

I think I subconsciously started this journal just to see what I CAN remember and maybe as a log of things I don't want to forget. I know how painful forgetting can be, I can't remember my Father's voice and that upsets me beyond belief. When I have a day with total recall I am joyous about it, when I have a day where I can't even remember a few days ago I get frustrated and sometimes really pissed off. I have tried new medications and refused to take a few, I need my memories I have to remember how I got here.