I thought learning my own lessons while growing up was painful, I have come to the conclusion watching your own child learn theirs is way more difficult!
A mothers first instinct is to try and make it "All Better" but there are times a Mother has to hold back and let the child hurt just a little so the lesson is learned. That happened to my youngest, my baby boy (12) yesterday and I almost had to turn away and have a moment to myself, but If I would have rushed in and made it "All Better" he might not have this lesson in life..... long learned.
We were at a "lake" sponsored Halloween party and as usual the adults mingled in their circles and the kids mingled in their own, and some inappropriate language was used by a few of the kids, mine included, and my son was the one overheard by another parent of one of the children.
The other parent did the right thing and came to find me instead of just chewing my Son up without the presence of one of his parents. That I have a hard time with, I don't want someone else parenting one of my children when I'm right there and can handle it myself, I believe no one should have to parent another persons child in plain view of their own parent.
After listening to both sides and still feeling my Son was in the wrong, he apologized to the girls he spoke to and then their parents. I told them I appreciated them coming to find me and that I am not one of those parents that say, "Not my child!" I could tell on my Sons face when they first walked up, he was guilty and thought,'What did he do now?" After this was all over and my son and I were walking back to our lil group I said,"Sure feels terrible when your in the wrong doesn't it?" He couldn't even look me in the eyes, he just nodded his head, his shame took over and he just walked off in the woods for a while.
That is the part that was painful for me, I wanted to rush off and say, "You were wrong, you apologized and it's over now, come join the party" But in doing that he wouldn't have spent anytime going over in his head what he did, how he felt now and stored that yucky feeling away as something he doesn't want to feel again....... ever.
Some lessons are better and forever learned when it "smarts" just a lil while longer.
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5 comments:
What a great entry.... you're a good Mom. judi
Hi lil, I can relate. I have 2 kids ages 4 and 7. It is hard to do, but I have had to do the same sort of thing.
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You are a good Mom! Somethings we just can't do for them, but that doesn't make it any easier. I think that's whats wrong with a lot of kids these days. They never learned to accept the consequences of their actions. It sounds like your son has.
It does hurt to have our children hurt, but when they need it, we have to give that to them as well. In a way, depriving them of the hurt they have earned is as bad as depriving them of food when they're hungry.
You seem to be right in line in raising your children. Good for you, Paula
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