Childhood Leftovers

It's funny how things you lacked in your childhood are the things your still hungry for in your adulthood. Whether it be acceptance, love or even material things you still feel compelled to seek them out. At times the opposite might be true too, things you were given as a child you still need in your adult life, be it security, praise or acceptance.

The thing I remember as a child that I still feel I need in my adult life is security. I need to feel I can be protected at all times. I always felt safe sitting on the lap of my Mother or my Father, that gentle cradle as they held me in their arms, is something I still feel when my husband is holding me. Its a comfort zone that I still need.

After my parents divorce when I was 13, we had to learn to do without, my Father was not very good at making child support payments and my Mother had to hold down two jobs sometimes three jobs to keep everything as it was for us children. It wasn't until my fathers death three years later and Social Security kicked in, that she says she was finally able to go to the grocery store and buy what ever she wanted, she no longer had to worry about making ends meet. I can't even imagine how much weight this woman carried on her shoulders, my Father left her with three teenagers.

I think we all go into Parenting with the hopes that our children will not have to do without the things we had to do without, we always want a better life for our children. Some people confuse material things with giving your child what they need. I now live in a prominent neighborhood where excess of everything is rampant. (I only include this to show that these children are still lacking.) In being the "Mom" that not only my own children can talk to, but their friends as well, I have learned a great deal of these children have everything they could possibly want but "TIME" with their parents. The Father's are all off working hard to provide for their families, their Mother's are too busy with their own things and all these kids want is for someone to be home to talk to, to spend time with.

They like coming to my home because they say it feels more like a home. Its not a showcase with 'do not enter signs' in every room. Its house where rooms are lived in, there are shoes in the hallway, a few dishes in the sink, a muddy paw print occasionally, someone always home to talk to. We are a family of six, there is always a trace that someone has been somewhere. I couldn't be a 'Stepford Wife' if I wanted to be, it's simply not in my DNA.

When my Husband was growing up he said the worse thing for him was coming home to an empty house, so his only request for me is that I be here when the kids get home from school, that is his leftover need from his childhood. Our kids like knowing Mom is going to be there to talk when they need me. I also know I am very "LUCKY" to be able to stay at home, I saw my Mother and how hard she HAD to work. She might not have always been home to "save me," but I also knew she was always there to talk to...... I just chose not to. So I am keenly aware when children "NEED" to talk but are reluctant.

My children do have more than we did, but we don't give our children everything, so they appreciate what they do have more, but the one thing we do give them plenty of is........our time.