Saturday, April 21, 2007

Tears, Fears and Cheers!

My Jim came home yesterday afternoon and all is right in my world for the moment...blessings come in all sizes and you really need to be keenly aware of them and thankful when they happen. I had to give my Jim my bad news over the phone...at the end of the quick conversation I heard his voice crack....that man has been a rock all of our 21 years together  and at least being out of town and alone he was finally able to let loose the grief he has been holding back for my sake.....if he was home or with me he would of been my soft place to land, or something life would provide him with yet another interruption....but alone in that hotel room he finally was free of all of his daily bonds and grieved and I am thankful for that....now we see why he was to be out of town and why I was to go to that Doctors appointment all by myself even though many asked to accompany me.

The oldest of our two children were finally told yesterday afternoon as well as the rest of my larger family...each is having a terrible time dealing with the news....My Melissa is so much like me and pissed as hell and all the "what's next as far as options" My Amanda is the soft soul with the large tears and bigger fears...I am going to see the house she just rented in a few minutes and maybe share some breakfast together...My Rachel, my angry at the world child is hiding her fears, but her Doctor as well as myself has seen through the facade and she is now on anti-depressants....My Son...the little old man trapped in the 14 year old body has taken over the head of household role until his Father came home and on his own cleaned the hell out of my house......all three floors and I am so very grateful...he too tries to hide how this is effecting him, he has always been my worrier..the Doctor now has him on anxiety meds....cancer isn't only effecting my life but everyone that cares and loves me and I hate being responsible for bringing so much pain... but we will all deal and I will be back to my feisty self come Tuesday......I am soooo ready to get this started so I can look at cancer and say, "Na na na na na naaaaaaaa!"

Oh, and of course the universe had to throw in "let's break her clothes dryer now too!" Dirty Rat Bass Turds!!! lol lol lol

That just happens to be my all time favorite expression...........Oops, My Bad!!! lol lol lol


Also, a million I love you's too all of you who stop by and cheer up my days....special people you all are and I hope everyone that you love knows that about you! And as far as for my readers that have yet to introduce yourself via the comment section......come on out and say Hi, I would love to get to know you as well!


Today is a beautiful day and I am out the door to enjoy it!


 


Love,


 


Kimberleigh

50 comments:

rgossett4195 said...

::sob:: Kim I am sharing a tear with you and yours too.  It is true that we are not alone and we effect so many.  Your fears are like most good mothers not for us but for ours.  I will say a special prayer for your children.  And be sending more on Tuesday!

Isn't today just gorgeous here in sunny, finally warm Illinois??!!!  my hosta's are growing like crazy!

You take good care!  xoxo Rose

inafrnz247 said...

heartfelt prayers for you, Kim.  Your "kick cancer's azz" attitude will see you through this.  Your beloved family will also follow your lead, and you will all be in this together, fighting tooth and nail.  You are a strongest and most courageous woman.  

((((((((((((Kim)))))))))))

Michelle

katie39041 said...

Its a big ass illness you are carrying and your family too will suffer, but in no way should you be sorry. You and your family will gather in strength and be strong enough to travel on the big ass rollacoster called life. I am so glad your Jim let loose of his grief. He will be able to keep you strong now. You are not alone you have a wonderful family who love you to bits and will not allow you to give up on your down days
your in my thoughts and prayers
love and hugs
katie

roxzee1 said...

Kim..I am sitting here...tears welling up in my eyes...your so brave.....you and yours are in my prayers!

ukgal36 said...

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karensull12 said...

Have a wonderful day.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

sunnyside46 said...

There is a reason...I beleive...even if there isn't, even if the cosmos is pure random chance, we can take that randomness and make something good come of  it.
If your kids are anyting like you (and I'm sure they are, a personality this strong has to come thru) they will honor you by taking this tragedy and finding their own way to turn it to the good.
I love you and I hurt for you right now.
Marti

chat2missie said...

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eternallife23 said...

Kim you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are such an amazing inspiration to so many. My heart goes out to you.
Louise

mpnaz58 said...

I've journeyed with you for a while, commented very little...cuz I just don't know what to say.  I feel like there should be something I should, can say to make it all better.  I can't, so I hide behind my silence.  I just want you to know that I am praying for you, for your family.  I admire your strength, even if you dont' feel you're not strong.  You are selfless, courageous.  Take care..
xoxo ~Myra

lilpriasebaybee1 said...

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pharmolo said...

Have a great weekend, Kim - we're along for the ride.

gosso23 said...

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mariebm56 said...

Try to get out & take lots of photos, get into your photography, if you can, keep photographing everything, everyday things & get your kids involved too.  You should enjoy your hobbies as much as you can before you get tired.  Sometimes it can be the best therapy~
You are so amazing, every entry I read, you keep showing us your strength & your family's.
Praying for you & your family~
{{{HUGS}}}
Marie

lisa41076 said...

Kim, glad Jim is home , I have a journal called Lisa's Place Of Thoughts and Ramblings, it's private but I'll add you as a reader, Hugs To you Lisa

pippa1116 said...

I am glad to hear you are out enjoying the day.  you are a true inspiration.
tina

ginabommer said...

you amaze me... you are one of a kind... i would be rolled up in a fetal position... i admire your courage to fight this thing head on... have a great day!!!!!! prayers are being sent.... love, gina

grofsand said...

Kimnerleigh~~~ Each of us lives within a border of Fear, Courage , Hope and Love.  (Someone who is afraid of flying, will not take up skydiving as a hobby!)..........YOU!!  You have stretched every border beyond my imagination with your entries. You amaze and inspire every person that reads your words.
Your words have broken the boundries that most words have!  I thank you for being so bold...and for kicking down the boundries that we are often confined in!
I am continually communing thoughts of peace and healing to you!   Marc :)

sdoscher458 said...

I'm happy your Jim is home with you now.  That must of been very difficult to take over the phone. Please (((Jim))) too, he needs it - he is such a standup type of guy I think they broke the mold with him.  Do some fun together, go watch the stars come out at night, take pictures of the first flowers, etc....just enjoy each other...love Sandi

ajquinn354 said...

Kim, glad your Jim is home, know he brings great comfort and love to you.  Know it's hard on the kids, glad you were all able to talk about your health situation and get whatever help you needed for the kids.  You do have some wonderful and laughable expressions dear....you keep us all laughing with them.  Enjoy your weekend with your family and have fun dear...Arlene (AJ)

madcobug said...

I am glad that Jim is home with you now. Your son is such a big help cleaning your home for you. You go ahead and enjoy this beautiful day. My prayers are still going up for you and your family. Helen

imshadowraven2 said...

And we love you too.............Robin

missy92980 said...

Hey Kim! I have been commenting more recently to let you know that I am here... reading, celebrating, and getting angry right here with you!!  I will not say that I know what you are going through, but I will say that my prayers are with you.  And I won't cry about this, simply because I am just too dang angry to be sad right now! I love everything that I have learned about you, and I am pledging my support to you in any way that you need.  I hope you never hesitate to ask. HUGS
Missy92980

jonathanfoxley said...

love to you
lucy x

msprdd said...

HELLO, I just happened to find your post , and am so sorry to hear that you are haveing health problems. I can I guess somewhat understand how you must feel. Cancer seems to be more and more prevalent than it was years ago, or maybe we are just finding it more.
 One of my brothers died of cancer 10 years ago, one of my daughters had bone cancer 5 years ago,but is doing very well now. She did lose her left arm , but she says ,you only need 1 arm, my ex-wife has terminal cancer and has been in the hospital for almost 4 weeks, ofcourse this affects me as it is very hard to see anyone struggle against this awful sickness. Now this week my mother found out that she has cancer in her uterus, but the Dr. seems to think it will be an easy thing to remove . So all we can do is pray that God will give us all strength and courage through this time, Keep looking up and dont give up.
Ken

plieck30 said...

Glad you are putting that cancer on the back burner today to enjoy the spring day. Paula

purplehazebarn said...

Much love to you, Kim.  Know you will be a fighter--and win the war!  LaVern

tendernoggle said...

I am so very proud of you Kim...You truly are a brave warrior....
love ya,
carlene

princesssaurora said...

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fasttrack58 said...

Stupid Dryer!! lol......
You are an inspiration!
and I'm here checking on you everyday...
Linda :)

chapjopapa said...

hi kimberleigh, i have been reading your journal now for a while. and i must say .... you are an amazing woman. to go through what you have and still have a killer attitude. and now to face this new "journey". with your attitude.. half the battle has been won. live each day to its fullest and have no regrets is my motto. and that is just what you have been doing. just know that there are MANY j-landers that care about you... even though we have never met you. you are truely an inspiration. my prayers are with you and your family.   Jo

psychfun said...

I'm so glad the whole family is there to support you. I'm not sure if you mentioned your kids "doc" before so I don't know if that is a reference to general doc or psychiatrist? I hope not general gp. Also, watch, those can be quite addicting depending on what type. I'm big on the therapy part unless so severe they are not able to function daily. Just breath in & out that is what everyone has to do everyday with anything they have to deal with. Hard at the time I know but true nonetheless.

pengboo said...

Kim....I'm one of your silent readers.  You are an amazing woman.   Cancer is going to regret the day it ever reared its ugliness with you.   Fight with all you have Kim.  We are all here for you!!

Lori

justaname4me2 said...

I admit, I'm a quiet reader of every single entry you post. I'm not sure why, can't explain my lack of comments, but I am here, have been for quite some time......I suppose at times, my admiration stuns me silent, my observation personality keeps my opinion to myself and my overwhelming hope for you keeps me in quiet check. I know, it doesn't make sense. But I'm wishing and hoping for you, smiling and clapping for you and always standing in pure admiration of your battle.
Thinking of you,
Rebecca

buggieboo1 said...

today is another beautiful day!  Hope you are out again today to enjoy it!

hugs,
Sharon

swferstl said...

Just as I read about YOUR dryer, my hubby said ours is down. GREAT! Ah well...line drying never hurt anything. Have a fun day, Gal! hugs, sher (wunzuponatime)

ajquinn354 said...

Kim, hope you are having a great Sunday, was thinking of you, just dropping by to say hi to you dear.  Arlene (AJ)

olachiaclan said...

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lindaggeorge said...


Much love to you as always.

I still don't know what it was you shaved your legs for!

Linda x.

rdautumnsage said...

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ladyvictoriak said...

Hi Kim, I'm one of those lurkers that you were asking to "come out".  I had breast cancer in 2004.  I believe I may have gotten your link from a bc board and started following your journey when you were still doing chemo.  I'm sorry that you will have to fight it again.  That sucks!!!  Cancer sucks!!! If you ever would like to email me, I'm at LadyVictoriaK@aol.com   I hope to read soon that your treatments have been successful and I wish for you a long, long remission.  

In sisterhood,
Viki

candlejmr said...

I love you, I love you, I love you.....

Now, I want you to stop saying that YOU are causing people so much pain.  YOU do not cause them pain, CANCER does.  You are sweet and loving and give them a soft place to fall and you catch them with your wonderfully strong mommy arms.  Cancer is mean and cruel and hurtful and is the one causing the pain here.

Got it?? (lol)

((hugs))
Jeanne

siennastarr said...

You continue to inspire and awe me, Kim..   Cancer does affect the loved ones in our life, often times much more than it affects us.  You just keep fighting my friend!  And...never lose that remarkable sense of humor you have!

You are forever in my prayers..

Jackie

lmitc89854 said...

I am so, so very sorry that you are going through this. I have people in my life with breast cancer and my sister has lung cancer. I worry about all of them. You are fortunate in the love of your darling Jim and while I know you are scared, you have a wonderful sense of humor and they say humor heals. I pray it does.

am4039 said...

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millieukgirl said...

Hi Kimberleigh, firstly, I want to say hi, secondly, I want to say what a beautiful inspiration you are.  I have read back through your journey and learnt the journey you and your family are going through - my father's partner, a wonderful lady, is going though BC and she is in remission right now - but who knows what the future holds?  I just pray that she stays that way - and I pray for you too.  

You ar in my thoughts,

Millie
http://journals.aol.co.uk/millieukgirl/milliesmessings

queeniemart said...

i have commented before, still read daily. I have a private J if you'd like added.
I pray for you everyday though we dont know each other. You are so strong, such a fighter and i HOPE you know your attitude IS amazing. You are really special.
hugs, lisa jo

canyonsun04 said...

I had no idea just how deeply this truly effects others. My MIL had cancer, but it's different when it's not your MOM, you know what I mean?? Of course you do.  Jim sounds so wonderful, just give him a hug for me and tell him it's from some chick rooting your family on!!!
Love
Ang

rbrown6172 said...

{{{kim}}}  i can only imagine what you and your dear family are going through.  i do so admire your attitude and strength.  i know none of us really know how we would handle situations until we actually walk in it, but i hope i could be like you.  keeping you and your family in my prayers.
gina

pprrrr39 said...

Kim,

You have a wonderful loving family, who would take the stars out of the sky for you if they could.
I sent prayers for each and every one of them that they may stay strong and you can battle this together.
God Bless you all
Jayne