As usual my intuition was correct...that tiny voice telling me that my cancer was back and that it's bad. Words that not only hurt my family, my friends but words that will hurt so many of you.
I met with one of Dr. Serious's Associates who us also an Associate Teaching Professor at a leading Medical University here in Chicago...I really liked her style and we clicked instantly. Before she could talk I told her that I knew that my cancer was back and that I knew that for it to have reoccurred so soon that it really never left my body, I told her what I didn't know was what they (Doctors) were going to do to try to stop it from taking my life. What I wasn't prepared for was the news that because it is in at least 4 possibly 5 places in BOTH lungs that they are unable to operate and remove them....1, 2 and possibly 3 places they can remove with an operation...3 or more leaves me with lungs that resemble swiss cheese...understood that analogy immediately.
The other blow to my heart was the fact that I am no longer considered curable, I will be what the medical field refers to as a Chronic Cancer Patient the rest of my life, my only hope now is for remission and that people can go a long time in remission before having to do battle again...with my cancer we never know where it will show up next. I did not know until late after noon yesterday if indeed it was my BC because of the drug Tomaxifen that I have been taking since ending chemo in January masked the tumors biopsy giving it a false negative to testing for estrogen receptive/progesterone receptive positive resultls indicating that for sure it was my BC that spread to my lungs...so they now had to look at the tumors that were taken out of my left breast in August of last year and compare them to the tissue that was taken out of the tumor in my right lung and it was a match...So for sure it is my BC that spread and believe it or not, that is the good news...many, many more options with BC than with Lung Cancer....so I am happy with the diagnosis.
Tuesday morning I start chemo again...this time in a pill form that I will be taking twice a day for 2 weeks, then a week off then two more weeks on then one week off and then I will be given another scan to see if there has been a change in the tumor, nodes and nodules...if there is a decrease in size then I am on the right meds if not if they grow or spread some more, a new chemo drug will be given. Still some more good news in this heart breaking entry is that the drugs I will be taking now during this round of chemo will not be as harsh on my body as the AC and T drugs that I took before and I most likely will be keeping my new hair, eyebrows and eyelashes....yahooooo! I don't mind being ill, I mind looking ill, it makes everyone who see's me uncomfortable. I get the look "OMG she has cancer, I wonder if she's dying?" or the look where they briefly envision themselves in my shoes and they look as if they are going to throw up.....or worse yet it takes them back to a time when they lost a loved one to cancer and I see the heart break revisited in their eyes....that one gets to me! No harm done, no harm taken with those looks...if it makes them re-evaluate what they are doing wrong in their life or for their life then stare away.
Cancer was found in 4 places in my right lung....the tumor in the top right portion of my lung, the right subcarinal lymph node and the right lower hilar lymph node as well as the left upper hilar lymph node in my left lung...I also have several small nodules in both lungs that are too small to detect cancer and will be watched during chemo to see if they disappear altogether.
Treatment and hopefully remission will allow time...another silver lining in this is that breast cancer study is at the for front of most cancers and new drugs and new treatments are being developed every day....so I have many things to try to save me and give me more time with my Jim and my kids....I am NOT terminal yet and as long as I have options I will battle like the PINK WARRIOR that I am!!!
So I think I will have a great summer after all even if my boobs are a lil lopsided in all those cute summer tops I bought...hmmmmm duct tape anyone?? lmaooooo