I want to thank all of you who have reached across the world wide web to bring me comfort...this blog lets me say what is on my mind, it's like a really good friend who just lets me talk without interruption and all the comments are what is to be said after I am finished talking. Just know that you all have touched my life in ways people that I interact with daily are incapable of and I love you all so much for that. J-Land is where we allow each other to speak our minds and not hold judgement....for those that have experienced something different than that unconditional love.....I am so sorry.
I had a great comment left from Kathy over Secret Garden
She wanted to know just what do people want to hear when they are seriously ill or dying and what they don't want to hear...so many people are afraid to address the issue because they do not know what to say....I can tell you my thoughts on this.
First off an "I love you!" always works...it gives the ill one a chance to say I love you back and sometimes that's all is needed. Those three little words carry so much meaning. Another one is "I am so sorry you are going through this, I can't even imagine how scared you might be!" Another one which will take a strong person to do is "Is there anything I can do for you that you don't think a loved one can handle?" and besides the "I love you" the next best one is to share with that person just how much they have meant to you, share an old memory, share an old story....let them know just how they touched your life or heart and if you can be specific about it. Saying I will pray for you is comforting, saying I think about you is wonderful, saying I wish there is something else I could do for you.....nice sentiments even though the person who is ill knows there is nothing to be done. Sometimes just a promise to call or visit is reassuring that they matter to you. We don't always want to talk or have visitors, no one likes others to see them when they are weak and vulnerable...wait for a good day and let them reach out to you...and don't think just because they aren't returning your calls or email that you must not matter to them, you do but they're dealing with something bigger at the moment.
What we don't want to hear when the news is really bad is that everything is going to be ok, ok came and went along time ago...I do not fear death for myself, like I said life or death is a win/win situation for me....stay and live with my loved ones here on Earth or go and be with my loved ones who have already passed.....my tears are for my loved ones are who are going to go through watching me suffer and letting me go. I don't like being the one to cause that kind of pain....but it is the circle of life and we all must leave or be left by someone. And when they want to talk about possibly dying don't tell them to hush, even though you don't want to think about it, or go there in your mind that it might happen that person, the one who is ill needs to say it out loud..they must be heard! It took away some of my fear and made me feel that I got some of my power back. Not talking about death doesn't make it go away.
I have a friend that is very angry at God right now for this, I try to change her way of thinking, I am not angry at God, I am angry at cancer...She also wanted to know how I still handle everyday with a fighting spirit and where to I get the drive to keep fighting..how can I not crawl up into my bed and let death take me? ....my analogy was this.....think of the Grinch who stole Christmas and how very small his heart was, so small he could not see the wonderment all around him and when he finally got and I mean really got it,,,,, how much bigger his heart became...and he was able to take in all that truly was wonderful and important to him...that is what cancer gave me....my heart is so big and full now.....every little thing I am thankful for and I am not going to go without a fight to have more time here, I am going to enjoy every moment that I have and give cancer only what I have to....a breast, an afternoon at the hospital, a day spent in bed, blood a few tears....but the rest of my time is mine and I want to spend it living it up! lol
I hope this give you all a lil more insight on what to do when this situation presents itself to you.
Life is good and I am thankful.....I just want more time....wish me more time!