Saturday, April 7, 2007

A sincere question answered and a million Thank You's!

I want to thank all of you who have reached across the world wide web to bring me comfort...this blog lets me say what is on my mind, it's like a really good friend who just lets me talk without interruption and all the comments are what is to be said after I am finished talking. Just know that you all have touched my life in ways people that I interact with daily are incapable of and I love you all so much for that. J-Land is where we allow each other to speak our minds and not hold judgement....for those that have experienced something different than that unconditional love.....I am so sorry.

I had a great comment left from Kathy over
Secret Garden
She wanted to know just what do people want to hear when they are seriously ill or dying and what they don't want to hear...so many people are afraid to address the issue because they do not know what to say....I can tell you my thoughts on this.

First off an "I love you!" always works...it gives the ill one a chance to say I love you back and sometimes that's all is needed. Those three little words carry so much meaning. Another one is "I am so sorry you are going through this, I can't even imagine how scared you might be!" Another one which will take a strong person to do is "Is there anything I can do for you that you don't think a loved one can handle?" and besides the "I love you" the next best one is to share with that person just how much they have meant to you, share an old memory, share an old story....let them know just how they touched your life or heart and if you can be specific about it. Saying I will pray for you is comforting, saying I think about you is wonderful, saying I wish there is something else I could do for you.....nice sentiments even though the person who is ill knows there is nothing to be done. Sometimes just a promise to call or visit is reassuring that they matter to you. We don't always want to talk or have visitors, no one likes others to see them when they are weak and vulnerable...wait for a good day and let them reach out to you...and don't think just because they aren't returning your calls or email that you must not matter to them, you do but they're dealing with something bigger at the moment.

What we don't want to hear when the news is really bad is that everything is going to be ok, ok came and went along time ago...I do not fear death for myself, like I said life or death is a win/win situation for me....stay and live with my loved ones here on Earth or go and be with my loved ones who have already passed.....my tears are for my loved ones are who are going to go through watching me suffer and letting me go. I don't like being the one to cause that kind of pain....but it is the circle of life and we all must leave or be left by someone. And when they want to talk about possibly dying don't tell them to hush, even though you don't want to think about it, or go there in your mind that it might happen that person, the one who is ill needs to say it out loud..they must be heard! It took away some of my fear and made me feel that I got some of my power back. Not talking about death doesn't make it go away.

I have a friend that is very angry at God right now for this, I try to change her way of thinking, I am not angry at God, I am angry at cancer...She also wanted to know how I still handle everyday with a fighting spirit and where to I get the drive to keep fighting..how can I not crawl up into my bed and let death take me? ....my analogy was this.....think of the Grinch who stole Christmas and how very small his heart was, so small he could not see the wonderment all around him and when he finally got and I mean really got it,,,,, how much bigger his heart became...and he was able to take in all that truly was wonderful and important to him...that is what cancer gave me....my heart is so big and full now.....every little thing I am thankful for and I am not going to go without a fight to have more time here, I am going to enjoy every moment that I have and give cancer only what I have to....a breast, an afternoon at the hospital, a day spent in bed, blood a few tears....but the rest of my time is mine and I want to spend it living it up! lol

I hope this give you all a lil more insight on what to do when this situation presents itself to you.

Life is good and I am thankful.....I just want more time....wish me more time!

44 comments:

topazscorpio27 said...

That's what friends do.  AOL dubbed J-Land a community and the people who got involved made it more than a marketing tagline.  All of us made this a place of constant comfort, support and hope.  That's what it's all about!  :) -Dawn-

seraphoflove9001 said...

h

midwestvintage said...

h

lmitc89854 said...

I wish you more time, lots more time. My sister had lung cancer and the doctors didn't even want to operate. I asked her to fight  and she did. Now the ugly old cancer is gone and she didn't even have to have chemo. It was all taken with the surgeon's knife.

plieck30 said...

I do wish you more time and more good times and what a helpful entry this is. Paula

caswellcs1 said...

I remember the period just before my brother passed and how angery I was at him. It seemed he was giving up; but I also knew he was tired. We were at the lake fishing on day and he looked at me and said I dont think I will be here much longer and that was certainly something I wanted to hear. I became afraid and hurting deep within my feelings. As I watched my mother loving and tender acted no different; she was sharing her stregenth and love with him. It only took me a short time to understand that he was still hear and we would not bury in our heart while he still lived. When he would have bad days; I could tell he wanted to give up, which only seemed to empower us to empty our closets of all the love devoition caring and attenion that would not die with him but. forever live within our sprit. God has away of leading you and giving you peace. How true it is that most of us enter this world as a happy event and salvation is why it should also be the same as we leave it. Sickness had changed his life for him; but it would not change our lives. as long as he was with us life is the same as it has been with him, and at the end the same because of him. Just wakeing up each day can be a good visit togather for you as well as life. In faith of your heart there lives blessings from God.

katie39041 said...

You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you. I hope you do live your life Living it up.
your in my thoughts and prayers
lots of love
Katie

ajquinn354 said...

Kim, you words really touched my heart and I know everyone who reads them will remember them and help anyone they know and love who is going through an illness with more kinder thoughts, words and caring deeds that will help the one needing the help.  Prayers are comforting and can bring miracles which is my wish for you dear.  You have the right attitudet that you'll do everything to enjoy each moment that you can.  Keep that fighting spirit Kim. Bless you dear...Arlene (AJ)

rdautumnsage said...

h

roxzee1 said...

Thank you Kim...we all will lose someone we love...it's a helpless feeling...at a time when all we want to do is help...i know your journal will make that possible for the many who read it....your strength is an inspiration!
Roxie

pharmolo said...

You're doing absolutely great, Kim, and coping with an awful situation in an admirable fashion. There isn't much more anyone can do bar giving moral support. Which is what J-land is good at. You're aware the clock is ticking, but at least it's still ticking. Carpe Diem - and you do pick every single day, every single hour.
Have a great Easter!

mariebm56 said...

When you first dealt with cancer, I came & visited your journal, but could not leave any comments, just couldn't. ( I guess I just didn't know what to say) When you finished your treatment, & started to post more positive entries, I started to leave comments, again.  Now as I read your entries, I feel a need to say how inspirational you are, how amazing your attitude is.  You totally surprise me by what you come out with. Ü  You still have this great sense of humor.  I wish I could know you in person, I can tell you would be a great friend.
I will continue to pray for you.
(I would like to add you to my sidebar, like I have fr Donna's sister, Sugar, & Jeannette, with your permission, of course.)
Let me know~
{{Hugs}}
Marie
http://journals.aol.co.uk/mariebm56/PhotographsMemoriesToo/

happysunshien said...

I am kinda the same as Marie below...I didnt know what to say so I didnt say anything and time has gone by, and I have realized what an awesome life you are living in SPITE of the cancer...I have started to leave comments...You are an inspiration and I am not sure how you do it becuase I am sure I would fall apart...lol...maybe maybe not...love you, thinking about you, and hugging you thru the net... :)

Kelly

canyonsun04 said...

You are not only a very wise soul, but someone that appreciates all aspects of living, which include death. I think I would be like you, be more fearful of how others would be left. But all that said, I know your a fighter and you can do this again :) Kick Cancers AZZZZZZZZZZ
Love
Ang

justplainbill said...

Kim, thanks for this wonderful entry. You have given me a way to better handle what I have always found to be difficult sitiuations or events.
J Land for me has been a place of learning for me and I have learned so much from you.
I consider you a very special person and a friend I could count on in a time of need.
I love you and wish you and all a Happy Easter, Bill

dwhee70041 said...

Kim,  Thank you for this post.  I have read every entry and say a little prayer everynight.  I have been at a loss of words.  You are loved by us all and I don't think that can be expressed enough.  I try to identify with your wonderful husband and try to imagine how strong he must be.  It is comforting to know he is by your side while you confront this issue.
May the Lord bless you and keep you by his (her)side.
David

ekgillen said...

h

princesssaurora said...

Praying for more time for you.... You can beat it...

be well,
Dawn

olachiaclan said...

h

psychfun said...

This was lovely...even though I do know that talking about death is good at some point the research shows the positive is better for strength. Keeping things in is not good but as long as it is out & then one can bounce back & get that fighting spirit again. Like Elizabeth Edwards...she is being so positive & right now it turns out this is the good kind to have, even though at first they told her it wasn't. At that point she still wanted to campaign & if she got all down then it would have been wasted energy since they came back & said it was good. She was on Oprah yesterday talking...did you see her? Maybe you can go online & see some clips? The biggest thing to remember is really everyone is different. A Lance Armstrong is not everyone! And every day & every moment is different. Which is really true about anything in life. Maybe it is someone going through a divorce or losing a parent or even child etc. Glad you get to express through you journal! :-)

dklars said...

Thanks, Kim!  Great post and it answered all my questions.  God Bless
~~Kath~~

mamisely said...

praying for you and your family... Many blessings to come. Thank you for your strength.
Love,
Sely

cacklinrosie101 said...

Kim, thank you, and I do wish you more time.  HUGS Chris

lindaggeorge said...

Kim,

You will have more time, more than the person that will die in a road traffic accident tomorow, more time time than the person who will succomb to a stroke, or heart attack, who previously had no thought they might die. I am fit amd well but I might go before you.

Don't waste your time wondering WHEN you might go, just enjoy every moment you are here.

I've shown your pictures to Mike, my husband, he loves you too. Keep fighting.

Linda xxxx.

rgossett4195 said...

Many times people avoid or fear death, sickness, etc.  Those of us who have had an unwelcome visit from death & terminal illness thank God every single day for the time we have with our loved ones that are still here.  We are grateful to God to be alive ourselves.  After the tragic accident that killed 5 kids in my town I was never so grateful to see one of the survivors this very day.  He was on crutches but I asked him if I could hug him and then I told him to embrace the miracle that God had given him.  Then I cried, that kid is blessed & he knows it.  None of us knows when it's our time, & those of us that still have much living to do must remember that illness can strike at any time we must cherish every single day.  May God bless you with many, many more days ahead!  xox  Love, Rose~

rbrown6172 said...

i wish and pray for you much more time!!!  this is a wonderful, heartfelt entry.  it is hard for most of us to know what to say and do in difficult situations such as yours...i know that even as a nurse, i feel so inept, but i realize that just being available and lending a shoulder is so very important.  i will say this kim, you enter my mind several times a day, and i do breathe a prayer for you each time.  
gina

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Hugs,wishing you a blessed Easter and praying for you!  Hugs,TerryAnn

gandsbrock said...

Excellent entry Kim.  And I LOVE the Grinch analogy.  You got it.  Hit the nail on the head with everything in your post.  Now go out there and love on your peoples.  :-)
Stephanie

tendernoggle said...

I pray that you have many many more wonderful years with your loved ones Kim...
love ya,
carlene

thinkingoutloud said...

Thank you for this entry.

I have a cousin, she is 45 and has pancreatic cancer.  She is not dealing with it at all.  She crawled into her bed 6 months ago and stopped living.  She has 3 young girls.  It is so sad to see her die before she actually does.  
I wish she had one percent of your strength.

I love you-
Niki

dornbrau said...

I love you.
On this Easter I pray for you for more time.  I pray for us for more time.
Jody~

wickedpink64 said...

I wish you a life time!

Hugs

Wendy in Oz

am4039 said...

h

sunnyside46 said...

whatever time there is...you will make the most of it
Marti

nhd106 said...

h

lanurseprn said...

This is a great entry. My best friend has Cancer and sometimes I just don't know what to say. Thanks.
Have a Blessed Easter, Kim.
Pam

totallymentalben said...

{{{{ Kim }}}}

This post should be required reading for every human being. Thank you for this and every other way you've opened yourself up to this community. Of course we adore you...you've given us reason to, and you've given of yourself in ways that allow us the opportunity to. You're more real through this piece of glass than a lot of people I deal with are face-to-face.

Ben
http://journals.aol.com/totallymentalben/better-left-unsaid

jlocorriere05 said...

You put this so well Kim. I've always said it's easier to write in the journal rather than talk to people. You get to finish what you want to say before anyone butts in. I know you're going to put up a hell of a fight and we'll all be here cheering you on. Jeannette xx  http://journals.aol.co.uk/jlocorriere05/Welcometomytravels/  

jmorancoyle said...

     Thank you for the education. I think this is something most of us haven't got the guts to ask about.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

rayne1123 said...

this is a great entry.  some times peope just dont know what to say so they say nothing at all.  i do wish you more time. many many many more years to come. i will keep you in my prayers
hugs
noelle

scotthlori said...

Thank you for writing this entry.  It really helped me as I'm sure it did for dozens of others!  :o)

LORI

Who I am… underneath it all:  
http://journals.aol.com/scotthlori/DiscoveringMe

siennastarr said...

h

imaginationsgcb said...

Girlfriend, it sounds like you are a pillar of strength.  I wish you more time, and you shall get it.  Trust me.  I believe that the waiting is the hardest part, at least for me looking at my friend who was diagnosed 3 years ago with lymphoma (all over his body).   No history of cancer in his family, just got sick one day.  Even with khemo, and radiation treatments - he never missed a day of work.  They will now give him maybe a 3 month break until his nest pet scan, but man, the waiting on the results makes ME  so mad.  How unsettling that must be.  Keep doing what you're doing, and watch what you eat...I feel like some veggies and fruit are actually cancer fighting ninja's. Check online, if you haven't, to get you a good healthy list.  And you keep doing what you're doing.  Heck, who knows how many people you have helped with your story.  Hang in there hun.  Ginger

swferstl said...

I am so behind on reading my blogs, Kim. You threw me for a loop when I heard about your lung. But thank you SO much for answering questions that many of us have. I don't only wish you much, much more time...for many need you out here...but I wish that the loads of time give you much happiness with your family & friends. I love the crazy, fun times you've ALREADY shared. Just keep it comin' a lot longer! :-) lotsa hugs, sher (wunzuponatime)