March Artsy Essay ~~~ Judith Heartsong
A MOST OUTRAGEOUS Fairy Tale
Once upon a time in a land not to far away lived a Desperate Housewife named "Cinderfreakinrella." For what she was desperate for she did not know, she just felt "desperate" She had all the fine little trappings of a good life but there was still something missing, so she decided to find out what it could be. She thought long and hard about things that used to make her happy and thought if I could just relive them for a bit, maybe she could be happy like she used to be.
It wasn't too long before she remembered she loved to dance, so that it where her first adventure took her........There was to be a "Ball" at a nearby castle...but there were many chores that had to be done, so she without haste she finished the cleaning, then the sewing, then the cooking and finally the Mini Van pool. Even though she was exhausted she was still eager to loose herself in dance again.....now there was a small problem of what to wear.....all her old gowns were just a little too tight, a little to dated, so wishing upon a falling star she wished for something grand to wear.
Suddenly a Fairy God sales girl showed up and told her that with a wave of a credit card, all her dreams of a beautiful gown and accessories could be fulfilled! With a small battle cry of "Charge" they were off and shopping. There needed to be a dress and of course she would need hair, nails and make-up for the evening and lets not forget a few new baubles to add some sparkle and then finally a new "Coach Bag" But what about her feet? She couldn't show up without one of the latest pairs of Prada's now could she? So with the wave of the magic credit card her feet were adorned with a perfectpair of glass Prada's size 6!
After her extreme make over she was finally ready for the Ball....but wouldn't you know it the Mini Van wouldn't start! So she once again called out to her Fairy God Sales lady and after explaining that even though she was primped and polished she had no way to get to the Ball, with a wave of the magic credit card a black long stretch limousine appeared in the driveway.......Then she thought she heard something about something that had to do with a clock and the hour of 12 but she was so wrapped up in thinking about the "Good Time" she was going to have that she really wasn't paying attention then it was time for the Ball!
When she arrived at the Ball the party was in full swing and every inch of the dance floor was covered younger, prettier, soon to be desperate housewives of their own and Cinderfreakinrella felt more like a chaperone than a Dancing Diva. Soon the younger, much younger, Prince's were asking her if she cared to dance, reluctantly she finally agreed! The first Prince was all hands, the second Prince was already in love with himself, the third Prince just plain smelled bad and the King's that were there in attendance were just waaaay to old, and Cinderfreakinrella was not out looking for a Sugar Daddy King anyway.
While finishing her 5th cosmopolitan the clock struck 12, she then vaguely remembered something about leaving before midnight or something would turn back into something....or was it that her girdle would finally give out......if she could just remember! But the Cosmo's were going down so easy she just didn't care.....until the house lights went on and "last call" was yelled out.........now remembering that house lights were not her friend after a long night of drinking and dancing.......she took off running.....taking out a few of the younger, skinnier Bi*ches who did not get out of her way fast enough........Oops I meant younger, skinnier Princess's, Yeah that's what I meant! .......(My Bad!) lol
Cinderfreakinrella was almost to the door when the lights went on and in the blinding light of the house lights, she tripped on her Prada glass slipper and landed face down spread eagle with her gown up over head! She then finally admitted if only to herself........she was getting to old for this chit
and Dorothy was right.......there's no place like home! Oh wait I think I'm getting my fairy tales confused........
While limping home (because the limo was gone and nothing but a smashed pumpkin in its place in the street) Cinderfreakinrella thought long and hard about how the Prince she had waiting for her at home looks better and better to her every time she wanders away from her castle trying to catch just a small piece of her youth and those spoiled rotten Stepchildren Oops my bad again....I actually gave birth to them so they can be step or even all that bad right??? Oh well....... back to the cooking and the cleaning and the sewing and the car pools and PTA meetings and......life after the ball......happily ever after!