Because I Can

I howled at the moon last night
not because I was angry or sad
but because I could

I jump in a mud puddle now and then
not because I enjoy getting filthy
but because it takes me back to my youth

I dance in the rain often
not because I want the 'sniffles'
but because my heart tells me to dance

I offered food to a homeless person
not because "Hey look at me!"
but because I had 'extra' to give

I sing each day
not because I have a great voice
but because music makes me happy

I try to smile at every stranger
that meets my eye
because that might be their only smile that day

I try to live my life in this moment
not because I don't care about my past or my future
but because I don't want to miss a thing

I try to count my blessings regularly
not to gloat and feel superior
but so my struggles don't overwhelm me

I try to look for the reasoning
in every event in my life good and bad
 because it helps me to forgive and let go

I try to love with all my heart
for no other reason
but simply because I can

kmh 2005

Those Moments

Parenting.....Sometimes when the "Going gets Rough" I often think of what would my life be like now if I never had children.....my mind drifts to a clothes size somewhere between 3 and 5 (those days seem to be lost forever) and I think about how well off financially we would be (because 4 kids are expensive damn it! LOL) And I think about all the travels and the times we could alone....together....without a care in the world.....because when eventually you do have children....your cares in the world can only be described by the word "infinity"....you no longer care about yourself you care about everything and everybody and how it can or will effect your child.

If I didn't take those few moments of time to secretly think about how easy my life could of been without the worries of raising my kids....I would be overwhelmed with the sometimes difficult and trying times of raising children.........they say that like childbirth itself, when they are grown and gone and they have finally arrived at who they are meant to be, all the stress and the difficult times you sometimes had with them gets erased and only the good times come quickly to mind.

Another way I have keeping my sanity is to sneak in and watch them sleep for a few minutes, I have done this since they left my body..it reminds me how wonderful and precious they are to me (when their mouths aren't running a mile a minute and they aren't fighting with me or their siblings) Thank God for those moments....I need them!

Another way is to go over all the little gifts they have bestowed on me while growing up. I have clay ash trays and pots with tiny remnants of small finger prints from long ago, I have wonderful pictures hand drawn from how they viewed their world around them, I started each child a journal on their life to be given to them when they have experienced all the joy and terror of becoming a parent themselves. It's a manual strictly on them so when they look at me through tears streaked, blood shot eyes and ask me how I got through it all I can hand them each their manual on everything they did good and bad!

I also have these wonderful little books that each gave as a gift when they were in 1st grade. Here are a few excerpts from those pages I hope you laugh, cry and see something that touches your heart.

"This book is dedicated to my Mom because she deserves it" (the very next page is this child's description of me....remind me to kill her later! LOL) My Mom has blonde hair (True) green eyes (False! blue) and weighs 250 lbs (WHAT!! ..FALSE!!!..WHAT!! her death will be painful! I have gained some weight but 109 pounds...no feakin way!) If I could give my Mother something it would be $1,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 (OK she has redeemed herself! lmaooooo!) My Mom likes it best when we are not there. (Chit...they picked up on that huh??? LOL LOL LOL) My Mom is so smart she knows what my younger brother is doing even when she can't see him! (SOOO True! smart kid huh??? LOL) My Mom can do many things...she is best at being a Mom! (OK so her death won't be so painful! LOL LOL LOL) This Child is Now 19

"This book is dedicated to the greatest Mom in the world" Her description of me......"My Mom has blond hair, baby blue eyes and is 5 ft 2 inches tall (Close enough) and 148 lbs (At least she was closer than her older sister but....still....OUCH!) "My Mom looks prettiest when she gets ready for a party and wears make up (So much for natural beauty huh?? lol)"If I could give my Mom something it would be 3 hot tubs and pools and 4 houses (She mentions nothing about a Cabana boy or a maid to clean those 4 houses.. Geeeeesh!)" I hope my Mom never forgets me" (As if??? I have stretch marks to always remember the dear by! LOL) "My mommy is always loving, caring, my best friend, outstanding (Suck up! LOL) cuddles me, reassures me, helps me and is always there when I need her. This child is now 13

Now on to my baby, my sons book.  "You are special because you gave me a home, you feed me, you do nice things for me, you take care of me when I am sick, listen to my feelings, you get me off to school (He hates me now for this LOL) You let me do things, you love me and because you are my Mom. He is now 12 (Oddly enough a few of these things Ican see my Husband ticking off if I had asked him why he loves me so much! LOL LOL LOL)

My oldest Daughter is my Step Daughter, so I thought her book should be about her birth Mother and that who she dedicated her book to when she did hers......I know this child loves me and that is all that mattered and fostering a good relationship between her and her birth mother were more important than a book dedicated to me. This child is now 22

I would love to see some of the things you remember about your own kids growing up and for those that haven't chosen children if there is a special moment you had with your own Mother!

In Leiu of flowers Send Stink Bait! lol

It's official......my Husband has lost his lil Fishing buddy and he is taking it harder than I expected.....And just how did he loose his side kick for the last 12 years you ask?.......one word............GIRLS! In lieu of flowers send.... stink bait!

We have been used to "Our Lil Man" being chased by some very determined little girls, and after the first 10 years of "YUCK" then the 11th year of......"She's stalking me!" it is the final few months of his 12th year that it has finally turned into......."woooooo hooooo!" "Yowzaaa!" and "How yoooou doin'?" He is refusing fishing trips, days at the lake, Saturday afternoon Nascar races and such. Now he battles his older Sisters for the phone and recently has lost all "Online" privileges do to one girl in particular.....let's just call her 'I'm gonna hunt you down and rip out your heart if you break my Sons heart'

Apparently this girl has some pretty lenient parents......Last Friday night the phone rang at 11:07 P.M. and of course right away I'm thinking either bad news or one of my Older kids (19 & 22) needed something but... ohhhhh noooooo..... it's 'I'm gonna hunt you down and rip put your heart if you break my Sons heart!' Does she apologize for calling so late? NOOOOO! Does she say anything at all? NOOOOOO! How do I know it's her.......caller ID......So even though I knew I wasn't going to get a response.....I said, "Jimmy isn't allowed  phone calls after 9:30 at night, Thank You!" then I hung up on her.

He won't speak about her to anybody but me and that's only after I start prodding......."Any siblings?" No she was adopted and is an only child "How's her grades?" how am I supposed to know that? "What do her parents do for a living? I don't know that either "Do youhave her in any classes at school?" Yes...3 (now he's annoyed with the 20 questions so it's through gritted teeth he answers me  lol) "Does she sit by you in any of those classes?" YES! "You don't talk to her instead of listening to your teachers DO YOU!?" NO! MOM! She doesn't talk to me at all during school, only her friends talk to me (Ok but they gab for hours on the phone? and they used to IM for hours too!) lol Look Mom I really don't to talk about this anymore, so I'm going to my room......Where's the cordless phone?"......... I'm afraid I too......have lost my Lil Man.........someone please pass me a tissue.....sniffle sniffle.

This shot was taken last summer on our annual trip to the Northern Woods of Wisconsin.....He never missed a morning of getting up with his Dad (5:00 A.M.) to do some serious fishing only to come home 3 hours later snuggled up in the front of the row boat....sleepy and hungry for breakfast....... Sighhhh.....I feel my Darling Husband will be in mourning for a very...very long time!

Oldie but a Goodie

 

Bluer than blue

 

This is an older shot that I took last summer, it's of one of my favorite horses at the family's ranch. Her name is Brook and she was just as curious of me as I was of her the day this picture was taken. We are peering into each other eyes over the pasture gate. I'ts one of my all time favorite shots.

Extreme Make over?

While visiting another bloggers' journal she posed the question

If you could have an Extreme Make over....would you? Link to her journal below

http://journals.aol.com/cathy0o0/AroundtheCorner/entries/730

Since the onslaught of the reality shows I have thought long and hard about this....would I?.. Could I?.. Should I? And I have come to the conclusion that if I didn't have to be photographed from EVERY angle at my bad side and trust, me my good sides are becoming farther and fewer in between.....I do it in a heart beat!

But the thought of me posing for those dreadful, full-length shots of me in nude colored bra and panties for all my flaws to be seen just paralyzes me to no end! .I think the whole thing is definately a vanity issue, the make overs and  my reluctance to be viewed in that setting. It's rough on a forty-something diva to remember how she looked as a twenty something diva and not look at each and everyone of my children and hold them in contempt! LOL I can't really hold the first born in contempt of this issue because even though she was born from my heart she was not born from my body BUT she did contribute to my premature aging! lol, and my first born did nothing to alter my body during that pregnancy......no stretch marks and maybe after her arrival 10 extra pounds to loose......I walked out of that hospital carrying my newborn and zipped and tucked into my size 5 jeans......I was only 128 lbs full term with her....little did I know she was also going to prematuraly age me later in her teens! My Worry lines have their names tattoed under each of the ones they caused during their teens years!

Now those last two lil chits.........errrr I mean darlings.....I'm going to take the easy way with this and blame it all on them! LOL! Oh alright!The only responsibility I will claim as mine is being UN-PREGNANT 7 weeks between the last two........yes you heard me right........I was pregnant again when my last newborn was only 7 weeks old......just try to imagine that for a second and not reach for the prozac! LOL 

So for all the extra pounds, the gray hairs, the puffy eyes from lack of sleep, the new found nuerotic tendancies, and the worry lines along with the age spots, would I be caught dead strutting my 40 something body on national television for all the world to see in a nude bra and panty....unless...... I could have a bag over my head, and my name was changed to protect the innocent and the master copy was mine to edit all the before shots and only let the after shots and all my newly restored glory actually be seen.

Now there's that small part about letting my mind wander about all the obvious pain of being nipped and tucked and over hauled, then starved and pushed beyond my normal comfort zone of physical endurance........ohhhh that does throw a damper on an already frightening situation......but hell, I'd be away for 6 weeks in Los Angeles, having every whim taking care of by an accommodating staff and I'd have mansion to myself and let's not forget about the shopping spree! AND BE AWAY FROM THE KIDS???? Hell I might just sign up after all!

LOL LOL LOL........well maybe I'd be LOL after the pain meds kicked in!

Ode to the" fill in the blank" day

Today I decided to start something new in my journal giving thanks for the little things that are most likely overlooked in the busy ways of everday life......So I think I will pay homage to the little things I take for grant it and couldn't live without........now mind you I'm only writing about the lil things.....the bigger things in life like family and love are a given.

Today it's all about the Cordless Phone......The only time I ever sing its praises is when for some reason the house looses power....if it wasn't for the plugged in version of the phone in the kitchen I certainely would be S.O.L as far as contacting the Electric Company in reporting an outage....I do have a cell phone.....but at home I rely on that one phone in the kitchen as a command center.

Now knowing that every baby monitor and other cordless phone withing a few blocks radius can pick up a private phone conversation on a cordless,  there have been many times that I needed the privacy of using the corded phone and even though the kitchen is built for a comfortable meal it is by no means as comfortable as my chair in my living room with my "window to the world" view and the comfort of even having a few long conversations in my bed. That is when you realize what in the world did I do before the cordless phone was invented??

I remember as a teenager when I wanted to be on the phone late at night without my parents knowledge that I had to take my Princess phone ( did you think I would have had any other type in my room?? lol) into my walk in closet, place a ton of blankets on the floor and block off any noise or light, to make myself invisable if someone was to glance up the stairs to my room! I think I lived in that closet from my 12th year to my 14th! It had a long line cord so my sister and I could share it back and forth across the hall to our bedrooms....that phone was also used to be a rocket launched weapon when there was a struggle over who would get the phone for the late night phone calls...can you sat "cat fight?".....but then again that's a whole other story! lol

With my cordless phones in my house now, I can talk comfortable fromany room in the house, walk down to the mail box, have coffee with the neighbors(their houses) and not miss any important phone calls if  I'm waiting for one. I just take that baby with me and with caller ID I can be selective on whether or not to answer it.

So this is my salute to the often overlooked and under appreciated...........CORDLESS PHONE!

HIP! HIP! HORRAY!!!!!!!!

The road to becoming..........Me

I guess no matter how far we think we have come from our painful childhoods, all's it takes is for a certain tone of voice or a quick unveiled, barbed jab to bring it all back again.

My Brother was my nemesis growing up, he beat me up on a regular basis to soothe his own pains from the beatings he took from an alcoholic abusive Father. It pretty much came down the order of command...My Father was beaten by his abusive Father before him and for how far back that actually reaches I will never know it was always taboo to talk about when I was younger and all of that generation has died off now.

My brother feeling broken and battered, became my abuser. I guess he HAD to purge all his own bad feeling while beating on me and my older sister. And of course he always made it seem our fault......oh the tender heart of a child, he tried to break me at every turn, but I have been defiant all my life in spite of this. It made me tougher and wiser and a lil more on guard..but by saying this I, by no means think he did me any favors. I am who I was destined to become.

It shocks most people when they find out it wasn't always wonderful, like it is today between us. Many have a hard time seeing him in that light, but they always seem to be able to see the side of me that can't be conquered. Even my Brother's wife has a hard time understanding how in spite of my Brother abusing me when we were younger I can still love him today, he has chose to block most of it out, he genuinely doesn't remember a lot of things that my Sister and I can never forget.

But I am not the same small, defenseless child anymore and he can't hurt or intimidate me.....that stopped my 16th year. I finally put fear into HIM that year and although he can become rather foul to be around he has never harmed me again (physically) and I will not back down from him now when he starts his tirades......Sometimes I wonder how his Wife puts up with him! He brags about how my Sister and I refuse to be dominated by our husbands, even though that is never an issue, we both married Men who are kind and love and respect us. My Brother doesn't seem to respect women at all.

We spent some time this past weekend around each other at the lake getting ready for the new season and he was in one of his 'Black' moods. At least with my Father the only time things were rough was when he was drinking, my Brother doesn't need any alcohol to get mean spirited, it's a scar from his youth and what he had to endure, because my Father was always meaner and rougher on him then he was with us. And that is the only reason I have found divine grace in not holding anything against him today....he did what he had to do to survive and we all by the Gods grace.... survived.

Today when he gets like that, he can't hurt me ....I stopped a long time ago caring what he thought about me or anything I did.....I never HAD to have his approval, I just showed him how much he underestimated me. That made a big difference in my life and letting go makes loving him despite himself (sometimes) easier for me.......He's not who he used to be and I am not who I used to be...his victim......now I'm a worthy adversary when I need to bring it, and he usually regrets taking me or my Sister on and that is my salvation.                                                  

JOurnal Jar Question (late as usual lol)

From Promiseluv372 Journal Jar
 
Question 24 ~ Car trouble?

Tell about a frustrating experience you have had with a car.

On those perfect summer days when the weather is not to hot, not to cold and not a cloud in the sky, I love to go garage sale (ing)! That old saying about another mans trash is another man's treasures sure rings true to me! I have found some wonderful old things and then again I have seen some things that always makes me walk away scratching my head and thinking "what do you do with that?" or as far as personal choice in home decorating "What in the world were they thinking?" Yikessssss!!!!

As you some of you already know I live in what I prefer to call "Subdivision Hell" There aren't any old fashioned neighborhoods within miles of my place it's just new subdivision after subdivision.....with the only good points being that each new subdivision normally gets their own grade school so at least your kids go to school with their neighborhood friends and everybody pretty much knows everybody and everybody's business too! And last but not least the have these HUGE subdivision garage sales.....the whole subdivision joins in and the pickings are plenty.........you probably wondering how promise's Journal question fits into this entry.....but hey I'm getting there! lol

On a normal day I have so many things going through my head about what I still have to do, what is coming up in the next few say, plus still going over things I have already done, that I pretty much run on auto pilot. You know what I mean, you have done some thing's in your life so routinely that you no longer have to think about them, your just do them without thinking out each step. So, When I think I'm done for the day garage sale (ing), I make my way back to my Suburban (SUV) and I click on the remote door unlock, get in, put me key in the ignition and turn it over and ....nothing......not a click, not the whir of an engine trying to turn over.....nada.....nothing. I'm thinking, "GREAAAAAT!"

I try 3 or 4 more times and still nothing, I call my husband on the 2 way radio (nextel) and tell him what is going on or in actuality what is not going on and he says, "Did you shut the truck off on gear maybe?" I check just to make sure and nope didn't do that......hmmmm, its a brand new truck! I had it only for about 1 month and this is the first time that it acted up....hmmmm..... Husband says to call a tow truck...now I have been sitting in the Suburban about 5 minutes while all this is going on in front of the garage sale that I was just at and  a man (Homeowner) is watching me the whole time rather intently.....so I call the dealership up to request a tow and tell him about the trouble I'm having when he asks where to send the tow truck, Ok I have no idea where I am so I get out of the truck to go ask the homeowner the address I'm at and that's when it finally hit me.......I wasn't in my Suburban........I was in HIS!!! lmaoooooo

Imagine my embarrassment, and too make things worse he starts laughing at me! loudly!(well i guess it's better than calling the police on me huh?) lol he then says to me, "It's a nice Suburban and all, but yours in much newer and I'd be glad to trade with you" Now not only do I want to die a thousand deaths in front of this man I have to tell the dealership never mind with as little as possible as to the reason why, then I had to call my Husband back and tell him.....never mind! blonde moment! The trucks were the same make (GMC) and the same color just 3 years difference in age........can you say, "DUH?" lol

To participate in Promise's journal jar question here is a link to her journal..it's a great way of deciding on a topic on those days where you just can pull an idea of your own out, but you feel the need to write!

http://journals.aol.com/promiseluv372/TheJournalJar/

Heartsongs March Essay

March Artsy Essay ~~~ Judith Heartsong

http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/entries/1361

A MOST OUTRAGEOUS Fairy Tale

Once upon a time in a land not to far away lived a Desperate Housewife named "Cinderfreakinrella." For what she was desperate for she did not know, she just felt "desperate" She had all the fine little trappings of a good life but there was still something missing, so she decided to find out what it could be. She thought long and hard about things that used to make her happy and thought if I could just relive them for a bit, maybe she could be happy like she used to be.

It wasn't too long before she remembered she loved to dance, so that it where her first adventure took her........There was to be a "Ball" at a nearby castle...but there were many chores that had to be done, so she without haste she finished the cleaning, then the sewing, then the cooking and finally the Mini Van pool. Even though she was exhausted she was still eager to loose herself in dance again.....now there was a small problem of what to wear.....all her old gowns were just a little too tight, a little to dated, so wishing upon a falling star she wished for something grand to wear.

Suddenly a Fairy God sales girl showed up and told her that with a wave of a credit card, all her dreams of a beautiful gown and accessories could be fulfilled! With a small battle cry of "Charge" they were off and shopping. There needed to be a dress and of course she would need hair, nails and make-up for the evening and lets not forget a few new baubles to add some sparkle and then finally a new "Coach Bag" But what about her feet? She couldn't show up without one of the latest pairs of Prada's now could she? So with the wave of the magic credit card her feet were adorned with a perfectpair of glass Prada's size 6!

After her extreme make over she was finally ready for the Ball....but wouldn't you know it the Mini Van wouldn't start! So she once again called out to her Fairy God Sales lady and after explaining that even though she was primped and polished she had no way to get to the Ball, with a wave of the magic credit card a black long stretch limousine appeared in the driveway.......Then she thought she heard something about something that had to do with a clock and the hour of 12 but she was so wrapped up in thinking about the "Good Time" she was going to have that she really wasn't paying attention then it was time for the Ball!

When she arrived at the Ball the party was in full swing and every inch of the dance floor was covered younger, prettier, soon to be desperate housewives of their own and Cinderfreakinrella felt more like a chaperone than a Dancing Diva. Soon the younger, much younger, Prince's were asking her if she cared to dance, reluctantly she finally agreed! The first Prince was all hands, the second Prince was already in love with himself, the third Prince just plain smelled bad and the King's that were there in attendance were just waaaay to old, and Cinderfreakinrella was not out looking for a Sugar Daddy King anyway.

While finishing her 5th cosmopolitan the clock struck 12, she then vaguely remembered something about leaving before midnight or something would turn back into something....or was it that her girdle would finally give out......if she could just remember! But the Cosmo's were going down so easy she just didn't care.....until the house lights went on and "last call" was yelled out.........now remembering that house lights were not her friend after a long night of drinking and dancing.......she took off running.....taking out a few of the younger, skinnier Bi*ches who did not get out of her way fast enough........Oops I meant younger, skinnier Princess's, Yeah that's what I meant! .......(My Bad!) lol

Cinderfreakinrella was almost to the door when the lights went on and in the blinding light of the house lights, she tripped on her Prada glass slipper and landed face down spread eagle with her gown up over head! She then finally admitted if only to herself........she was getting to old for this chit
and Dorothy was right.......there's no place like home! Oh wait I think I'm getting my fairy tales confused........

While limping home (because the limo was gone and nothing but a smashed pumpkin in  its place in the street) Cinderfreakinrella thought long and hard about how the Prince she had waiting for her at home looks better and better to her every time she wanders away from her castle trying to catch just a small piece of her youth and those spoiled rotten Stepchildren Oops my bad again....I actually gave birth to them so they can be step or even all that bad right??? Oh well....... back to the cooking and the cleaning and the sewing and the car pools and PTA meetings and......life after the ball......happily ever after!

Sunset at the Lake

Sunset at the Lake

kmh 2004

 

Golden Rays of Sunset

Sunset

Reelfoot Lake TN

kmh

Blue Heron

Blue Heron

Reelfoot Lake TN

kmh

 

Weekend Assignment

Weekend Assignment #51:  

Spring Haiku!  

           

I dance with the wind

and feast upon the flowers

to renew each spring  

PBS, A pint of Ale and good company!

Thank God for PBS! Whenever I get bored with regular broadcasting channels I can always find a great show on the local PBS station.

While channel surfing last night I came across a program they were running called "Celtic Woman" It was a concert performance by four extremely talented Irish Women (all who looked a lil impish! LOL) who sang old and new Irish tunes along with a full orchestra! They were amazing! They sang in English and they sang in Gaelic which is the native tongue in Ireland and which once was banned for using for many years. There are 3 forms of Gaelic language......Irish, Scottish and Manx.

There is something about a voice that sounds like a musical instrument unto itself.......their notes were pure and soft, there was no need to go down deep and pull up a high and long note, they flowed effortlessly from their mouths. They had a young woman that looked like a beautiful fairy playing up some mean violin solo's and one of the four women who performed singing also played the harp beautifully!

I was so taken with their performances that I just might have to see them perform live with they come through Chicago in the fall......Yes it was THAT magical.....if you get a chance and it repeats itself on your local PBS station, try to take a peek and be ready for a trip back in time to the Island of the Green, if only in your mind! 

It was a nice quiet way to enjoy St. Patrick's Day without the hangover of my youth, which used to always follow the celebration of my Irish Heritage! Ü

 

My Mini Me

While visiting a another bloggers's journal (DvlWitGrnEyes)she had posted about how her grandaughter (Miss America) looks just like her, so I thought it would be fun for those of us out there that have a "MINI ME" to journal about it with photo's (if possible). It could be a family member or for those of us out there who think their pet resemble them.... by all means journal away!

This is me and my mini me, my daughter Rachel.

   

Heard it in a love song

Although this song has been re-recorded by many of todays tops artists, it is sung at it's finest by Miss Roberta Flack. Her smooth tones and silky voice draw you close as if she is "singing my life in a song" (lyrica borrowed from another huge hit for her.....Killing me softly). I found myself held captive by the first note, the very first time I heard the belowed mentioned song. It's nice to know that love still feels like that! 

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,
To the dark and the empty skies.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
And felt your heart beat close to mine
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love
It would last till the end of time my love

The first time ever I saw your face, your face,
your face, your face 

 

" Secret Crush Update"

It's already time to update my ever growing list of "Not So Secret Crushes"

To view original entry clicky link below

http://journals.aol.com/demandnlilchit/LifeasIliveit/entries/655

 

And now for the new inductee's.........drum roll please............

 

I am in love with Paul.....not J-land Paul...... but Paul from Extreme Makeover Home Edition.......how much cuter and sincere can this guy be? I just love how he gets so emotional when something grabs hold of his heart and that man will work himself to death to get his projects done and always connects deeply with each family this gift of a new home is bestowed upon. But since my own darling husband is not so handy around the house my attraction might just be because this man knows his way around a tool belt! What I would do with a carpenter of my very own............sighhhhh.......lol

My other new crush is on Anwar from American Idol.....first his love for music drew me to him, then his dedication to the kids he teaches music too and to be perfectly real for a moment........he's a knockout! howl! Wolf-whistle! wooooo hoooooo......ok I have composed myself again....now if I had that man to compose something for me and then sing it while gazing into my eyes.......whewwww it's getting hot in here!

And now for the disclosure........Yes Hubby you are still my BIGGEST Crush! lol

Journal Jar Q and A

Promises Journal Jar Question

What did you do as a child to get in trouble with your parents and how did they handle it?

OK.....just where does one start with a loaded question like this??? lol

I will only list the more serious offenses of my misspent youth, that is all I have time for! LOL

Me and Bobby (neighbor boy I grew up with) painted each other head to toe with outdoor beige paint while we where told to "watch" the paint while his mother went to answer a phone call Our parents thought the pain we had to endure scrubbing the paint off our lil bodies was punishment enough!

Sneaking out after bedtime (at 13) with friends and taking one of our families members car for all night joy rides.......everybody else was caught but me (sneaking out that is)......SORRY Mom!

Getting suspended with most of my 7th grade class for picking up and moving our music teachers brand new car on April Fools day.......he was not amused and neither were my parents......grounded and probably whipped a good one....can't remember LOL

Getting caught egging the mean old neighbor's house down the street with my best friend from my youth and my father made me go back down the street with a bucket of hot soapy water, a sponge and a ladder and clean it all off......whipped again....I'm sure! LOL

Getting caught with a lot of other high school students in a drug sting, that we knew about but were arrogant enough to not care (Idiots!) and my Mother had to go to the school on a Saturday to look at surveillance photo's of her darling lil daughter drinking and smoking pot before and during school.....the cops who took the photo's told my guidance councilor who ID'd me in the pictures, "She's very photogenic"....... too bad it wasn't in a positive moment huh???  grounded and whipped for that too

Taking my Mother's car at 15 without a license and finally getting caught by my older brother, who proceeded to kick my ass and when my Mother came home and found out, I tried to Sara Bernhardt my way out getting into more trouble by playing the "Older Brother beat the hell out of me" card and guess what?.........it didn't work she whacked the hell out of me again!

Spending most of my Junior High School year ditching my school and going to hang out at other surrounding High Schools because the "Boys were cuter"

Hitchhiking to Michigan with 2 friends for a weekend while both of my parents thought I was with the other parent (divorce) I was 15 maybe??

Going downtown Chicago with my girlfriends and going out on Lake Michigan with total strangers on their boats (and skinny dipping)....freaks me out today when I think about it because of everything that could of gone wrong but at the time I was suffering from "that's never gonna happen to me" syndrome.

My bad girl/wicked ways list seems to be endless and I'm getting tired of typing........so you see why my Mother put that ole curse on me now dontcha????

Grass is always greener

Funny how things are sometimes huh?

Its the single person who sometimes wonders what it would feel like to be married, while the ones who are married sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be single again.

It's the couple who's married and a lil overwhelmed with children who reminisce about the easier, less stressful days before the children came along. And it's the married couple who has yet to experience parenthood who look at couples with kids and thinks someday I hope to be that lucky to have a family of my own!

It's the person who thinks it would be great to be my own boss, that way at work there won't be anyone telling them how to do things and  then there is the person who owns the company who says, "Gee wouldn't it be nice to be able to pass along all the problems and just punch out on the time clock!"

Its the young couple in new love who looks at the couple that have been together for decades and decades and thinks they can only hope for a love that old and the older couple that glances at the young couple and sighs and says....."Young love, wasn't it grand!"

It's the Mother who's children who have grown and left the nest that looks at a the Mother with small children and secretely wishes hers were still that young and the Mother of the young children who is looking back at the other woman with a tinge of jealousy wondering how wonderful it must feel having that kind of freedom again! 

It's the person who feels trapped in an apartment who longs for a place of their own and then there is the home owner who wishes they had a landlord to take on all the burdens of owning the home.

It's the tall person who wishes they were just a lil shorter and the shorter person who wishes they were just a lil taller, it's the brunette who wonders what it's like to be a blonde and it's the blonde who would kill for a shade in brunette or red or even black. It's the blue eyed person who wishes they had big soft brown eyes and it's the brown eye person who wishes for the baby blues.

I think everybody at some point in their life has wished for something different, It's only natural to do so.........BUT you also have to be able to see what you DO have and find peace with that, But most of all be thankful for the things you have been blessed with.

My Mother's curse is upon me (again)

Ok..... I thought I would get a longer "LULL" in between the teribble "TEEN yEARS" but..... Oh lucky me! My last two lil ones are right on time.

Just when I thought either "I DID IT ALL-SEEN IT ALL" or at least my 2 oldest children attempted to try and get away with something(They are 19 and 22 respectfully now....WHEWWWW!) when my youngest who will be 13 this spring blew me outta the water!

I go to log on to another AOL screen name that I use just for friends and family so I my blog in peace and my password comes back invalid.....Hmmmmm...How can this be??? Uhhhh maybe my son attempted to hack my password and then was brought to the AOL Security Question page where he bypassed the "Security" question and went through my personal papers and retrieved the account information numbers that he needed to set up a new password and continued to change my profile AND make up a homepage??? Yes........he did!

Now when I go and wake him from his pre-teen late saturday morning sleep in and ask him "HOW" he did this, with a smug look on his face and a tone I surely would of been killed for if used in front of my parents at his age....He say's "Cus I'm a genuis! (when in actuality he is 3 points off of genuis) I am stunned silent........(No mere feat mind you!)

Now when I was younger, I was wild, sneaky and deviate and quite excellent at it, but I was only of above average intelligence........He's almost a genuis.....How do I work with that, while trying to make sure he stays safe long enough to become an adult??

So......So far the consequences of this on top of another "Computer infraction" is his screen name is on lock down, he is grounded and has lost phone priviledges, he is going to take over his sisters chores on the fine art of vacuuming AND dusting......but what I want to know now is how do I keep this half pint genuis from logging on the computer at all?? Is there a keyboard that I can buy that has a lock? Kids his age are more than willing to give up their own passwords to their screen names and all he has to do is sign on as a guest at home with their information, so just deleting his screen name will not solve anything.....Any suggestions that will not cause me to get arrested for child endangerment would be sincerely appreciated!

So far they have never been able to get away with too much because I was such a wild child myself, but then again.....They didn't have Personal Computers around when I was a mischief maker.....Oh the curses my Mother put on me growing up about "May you have a child just like you!" are ringing true now.......but did I have to get cursed with more than one of me?????? lol   HELP!!!!!!! PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME WITH SUGGESTIONS.

Big Fun.......Tonight

I am soooo excited! I just can't hide and I know, I know, I know that I want..........Japanese food.........lalalalalala

It's another one of my girlfriend's birthday's and us along with 5 other couples are going to my favorite Japanese Restaurant. The food is prepared like a beautifully orchestrated performance, Everything is prepared for you right there at your hibachi table served in courses. The chef chops and dices at the spead of light, flips shrimp into your mouth like your a seal begging at a water show and can flip an egg over and over without cracking it, to then only turn the cooking tool on the side balanced perfectly over the soon to be pork fried rice and adds the contents of the egg. The Sushi is always fresh (not that I will try it.....nope.... never...I don't even like cook fish let alone raw.......yikesssss!) The saki is always........interesting... and the yolk sauce that you can request for your lobster and shrimp is enough to give you an......(not going there! lol)

The second best part of the night is the karaoke bar, after knocking back some Saki and some Kirin beer (16 oz bottle of beer?) and a meal so satisfying that you'll want to tell everyone you know about the place, then it's off to see who can embarrass themselves the most in the karaoke bar! Sometimes we win hands down and sometime you think that "other" person makes you sound GOOD!!!! lol

This is our last group off friends that have yet to experience Japanese food at it's finest here in the Burbs of Chicago. The first time we found it was by complete accident......It was New Years Eve and of course we waited to long to make any reservations, so me AKA Sara Bernhardt, (Silent screen star) except that I am no where near the silent type, bluffed our way into prime time dinner reservations at 7:00 P.M. for a party of 10! I gave that old "What do you mean you don't have me down on your list? I made this reservation 3 weeks ago! (this always works! Nobody wants to see me mad AND loud!!!! lol)........my bad!

We had basically taken over the kareoke machine by the end of the night and finally after spending almost 7 hours between the dinner and the bar, the Bartender came out from behind the bar and ripped the microphone out of my hand, and I was right at the beginning of my tribute to Sinatra's "My kind of town Chicago is" and said to me, (pardon my bad impression of the Japanese dialect on the English laanguage) "Bloss say you no more sing!!!!!! Bloss say you go home now!" where I proceeded to rip the microphone back out of this mans hands and said, "You tell bloss I said NO! You tell bloss he goes home now!!!!" Needless to say I never got to finish my song.........lmaooooooo

Apparently my daughter didn't get her beautiful gift of song from me, but I don't care.......we had a blast!!!!!! And I woke up the next morning with tiny little colorful drink umbrella's stuck in my hair!!! Ha Ha Ha...My so called friends!!!! And my Husband let me walk around like that all night for how long?????

And since I either have no sense or no shame, I continue to bring new friends for the great Japanese food and atmosphere and I think the "Bloss" loves me now! lol

Some stuff I still gotta do! Ü

I still have a huge list of things I want and/or need to do before I get to old to enjoy any of it! Here is just a few things that are at the top of the list.

One of these days I will actually sign up for an art class and really see if there is a latent talent for painting hidden somewhere deep inside me (I'm hoping this is true of course!) I'm kinda on the artsy side and some of the things that pertain to it come naturally to me...I'm just afraid to find out that I can't paint and then this secret hope that I can paint will be gone forever........What a bubble burster that will be!

I still want to get my nose pierced, YES I SAID I WANT MY NOSE PIERCED! But Hubby is still reeling over the tattoo I had strategically placed on my posterior of a Kelly Green four leaf clover 8 years ago, I really think he would either put me in a hospital for "rest" or sign me up for a freak show if I actually do get my nose pierced. I'm not looking to sell marketing space on ebay with a shingle hanging from my nose, I just want a really teeny tiny marcasite stone, no bigger than a freckle as my preferred choice of nose jewelry.

I still have a long list of things around America I want to see, I want to take the kids and go see Mount Rushmore, I want to run around the Redwood Forest up in Northern California, I want to Balloon Ride over the Grand Canyon, and I still want to vacation in an old spooky castle! My list of things that I have already experienced from this Wish List is, I have swam in both of the surrounding oceans, I have crawled around the catskill mountains, I have seen Niagra Falls, I have lived in another country (England), and I have cruised down to Mexico, I have been to Sin City and sinned just a little and I have walked in the desert and I have gone cave exploring. I used to want to go scuba diving and wander around the underwater world, but the thought of me now in a wet suite, would depress me for the rest of my life! Nope...just can't even go there in my mind!

Now on a more personal level I can't wait to live alone with my Husband! Since we both came into our relationship with 2 small children, and then adding 2 of our own, we have yet to be alone. It's hard to call what we did "Dating" because who actually dates with two children tagging along? We are soooooooo looking forward to being able to be completely, utterly alone! It almost makes me blush at the thought of it! But then again I'm not a blushing kinda gal!

Oh the possibilities!

Birch Tree in Photo and Prose

                                

Oh how I love the birch tree......with its green leaves of summer and its fragile branches forever dropping on the whim of the wind. It lets in just enough of the flickering light of summer to dapple across the lush dew on the morning grass.  How elegant it looks still, with its peeling layers curled open, exposing itself, for all who cares to see. Nothing can compare to the brilliance of the "Sun Yellow" the leaves turn against its white washed trunk, with the approach of Fall, but it is always the trunk of the tree that appeals to me most, much like the heart of a woman, deep with many layers, waiting for someone to take notice and celebrate its inner beauty.

 

 

Momma Bear

Often when I feel the need to write but I can't find something I can write about passionately, I go to the boards......I find something that sparks a memory, or an idea.......or find the inspiration that I need to make an entry. I found today's story in another fellow journal's blog about school bullies.

Rewind back to 1989, I'm a single parent of a 3 1/2 year old little girl, who I would surely give my life for. I enrolled her in the same preschool that my soon to be step daughter was enrolled at 2 years earlier. After the 4th day, this normally happy go lucky child, was reluctant about going to preschool now. After prodding her to tell me why, she told me there is a lil boy there who is mean to her and every morning after I walk out the front door he slaps her. I later found out that same day that the teachers have scolded him for this the first time he hit her....my BIG question was why wasn't I told about this the first time!!!

He hit her on her first day, then again on the second day where a phone call was placed to his parents, he hit her again on the 3rd day......it was the next day that she finally told me.......when I brought her into the school on the 4th day, I talked to her teachers, I talked to the School Director, I was assured that the matter was taken care of and that he would never hit my child again............WRONG!

This time the lil boy didn't even wait for me to walk out the door and right when my hand was on the door to leave.....I heard the "Crack" then as only a Mother knows....I heard the cry of my child!

In less than 3 seconds and after hurdling a few children sitting on the floor I got down to eye level with this child........I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Touch my daughter again and I will beat the HELL out of your Mother" He never touched her again for the remainder of the 2 weeks it took me to find a suitable replacement preschool.

It was so UN-PC that it wasn't funny....but then again it got the result that the school, the teachers, the school director and obviously his parents couldn't get!

Signed,
Momma Bear..............lol lol lol

0 for 3

Has this ever happened to you........not only said the wrong thing once to somebody but several times not knowing of course until it was too late??  Oh well.......I guess if everybody liked me, I'd have to run for President of the United States.......good thing I don't have to huh?? lol

Let me set this up for you.......We are at a formal Dinner party at a friends house, She has invited her Sister's and Brother-in laws and a few other "couple" friends of her siblings......

Faux pau (1)
Some how the conversation during cocktails came up about entertaining at home and what a host expects from there guests....you know like you don't expect someone to go through your medicine chest in the bathroom, but apparently there are quite a few people that just can't help themselves while they are in there! lol My lil thing is even though I expect my family to remove their shoes at the front door, I WOULD NEVER ask a guest to leave their shoes at the door. My reasoning is if you are inviting someone to your home, you should make sure they feel comfortable at all times and some people aren't comfortable removing their shoes. Well, I guess it struck a cord with another guest at this party, lets call her Uptight Annie .....(oops my bad!) She says, "Well I ask guests to remove their shoes at the door because I HAVE WHITE CARPET" I'm thinking OK, but I still wouldn't ask my guests to remove their shoes.....a few minutes pass and I guess she still felt she had to justify to me why she has to do this so she follows up with, "Plus I have a stone driveway and there is always so much dirt and dust!" Now I'm politely smiling and STILL thinking, "Hey to each their own but I would still never ask a guest to remove their shoes" Uptight Annie seems to be put off by my silence to her reasoning.....Oh well!

Faux Pau (2) During the appetizer stage of this Formal Dinner, my Husband is going on and on over this Liver Pate and in his usual cajoling in trying to get me to try new foods, he's like come' on just try it, Nope not gonna.......just one bite.....nope can't make me......why?........Cuz I don't eat body organs......now everyone laughs but Uptight Annie.......why you ask.......cuz she's the one who made the liver pate appetizer!.........OOOPS MY BAD (again) 0 for 2 if anyone is keeping score......LOL!

Faux Pau (3) During dinner the talk with the men turns "Shop" and My husband works for General Motors so I'm kinda spoiled by getting a new suburban every six months...the hostess (my girlfriend) calls me a BRAT and asks me if I like my newest one....I say," It's OK, but it has blue interior leather seats and I just don't think blue and leather go together!"....it's just my personal opinion...not meant to offend anyone.....well guess what?..........who has blue leather furniture on her white carpet in her house that has a rock driveway who happens to eat body organs????........you got it.......UPTIGHT ANNIE

It's official.......I can't run for President of the United States
I am now 0 for 3.......Oh well, Life goes on! lol lol lol