Friday, July 28, 2006

Comfortably Numb........

I walked the quiet, neutral corridor
and I responded to smiles with a smile
I entered without a care in the world
I left with the weight of the world
on my shoulders......

Mammogram.....as rude as the tech
after she heard the results
her eyes never met mine again
I knew by the fast appearance
of sympathy that replaced her
I hate my job face.........

Ultra sound.... as gentle as the tech
she saw passed the patient
and remembered the person
she slipped quietly from the room
returning with the Radiologist

With his brown eyes looking
into my baby blues
he used words like non-suspicious,
borderline and suspicious
he added "way beyond" to my "suspicious"

I now not only have two breasts
I have two tumors
two tumors that were not there
just a few months ago...
now they are taking up residence
without a lease....squatters I will call them

Now suddenly there wasn't enough
space in that ultra sound room
Cancer had joined us and had sucked
up all the oxygen for a moment
I wanted Jim more than the oxygen anyway.....

I have cycled through all the emotions already
I see-saw between numb and really pissed off
It's a good thing I'm a warrior
and I can draw from my own strength
I will not walk quietly, I will carry a big stick.
I will not go quietly.

30 comments:

xomywayox said...

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coelha said...

Hugs to you...  My supervisor was diagnosed last year.  She has completed all of her treatments, and she is doing great now!  She is a strong woman---just like yourself.  Keep positive, don't lose your sense of humor, and fight this like the devil!  Just think-once you do chemo, you won't have to shave for months!  Hang in there--and best wishes--  Julie

cneinhorn said...

this is not what i wanted to read, here, ever.  i have no words kimberleigh, but you are in my thoughts and i pray your strength and courage will get you through this battle like the warrior you are.  

dwhee70041 said...

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am4039 said...

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thinkingoutloud said...

You must stay positive and strong.  
You just have to.

I will keep you in my prayers.
I believe in the power of prayer.  I'm not overly religious but I do believe.  And pray.

Your sense of humor will help you deal with all this.
Be thankful you caught it when you did.
Medicine is so advanced in treating this.
Thank God.
Huggs n love-
Niki

imshadowraven2 said...

ahhh a broad like u will kick it in the ass but just in case im praying for ya my friend...............Robin

coolcoo1017 said...

Kim you are in my prayers. Today they have so much new things and you caught it in time.  We will all pray and you are strong and have a great look on life.    SUNSHINE GIRL

candlejmr said...

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mumma4evr said...

hugs
Becky

mccine said...

............A Big ole hug.......

siennastarr said...

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jilly78 said...

Kim,

I am sooo sorry.  I know you are strong woman.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Jill

pennietoonz said...

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mzgoochi said...

We'll get through this. ((((Kim))))

mpnaz58 said...

Sending hugs your way {{{{{{Kim}}}}}  You are strong and courageous...maybe thats not how you're feeling right now, but once it kicks in, and it will, there will be no stopping you.  You have a strong support system, and you will draw from that strength when you need it.  Take care...
xoxo ~Myra

astaryth said...

If Cancer was a person I would feel sorry for it... why? Cause you are going to KICK IT'S ASS!!!!! Hang in there, you are a tough cookie and i know you will beat this... but, I am still sorry that you have to. This is another example of bad things happening to good people.

{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

dreamingbrwneyes said...

I read your entry this morning, started to reply but found myself just staring at the screen and at a loss for words. So, I waited and came back. Now 9:30 at night I still don't have anything great to say, nothing that will make the impact I hope it to. I just hope you know even those of us in J-Land that don't know you well are praying for you, and will be here encouraging you through this.
~ Jenny

sunnyside46 said...

having trouble catching my breath too.
I will stay close to you in my thoughts.
Marti
http://journals.aol.com/sunnyside46/MidlifeMusings

onecrabn3lilfish said...

I'm new to your journal but judging on what I have read so far, you're gonna win this!!  You seem like a strong lady! :-)  I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Amy

buggieboo1 said...

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plittle said...

I am reminded of a line from the movie A Knight's Tale.

Count Adhemar: "How would you beat him?"
Fence: "With a stick, while he sleeps."

beat it with a stick while it's still sleeping, Kim.
-Paul
http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/

wipforever said...

Oh gosh, Kim.  I'm kind of at a loss for words.  I am sorry this has happened to you.  The bright side is that breast cancer is mostly curable and thank God you caught it early.  Kick it's butt!!!!

Love,
Sheila

deabvt said...

I`m so sorry, Kim. My prayers are with you.
V

missheathyrmaree said...

(((Kim)))
I will be praying for you, and know that you will be in my thoughts constantly until you beat this thing :]
Hugs,
Heather

dornbrau said...

Good God!
Thats not what I came here to read LilChit.
But now that I'm here, what the heck.  I come bearing a big stick too, I've got your back, and I do believe I'm not the only one.

ashleekr said...

Ohhh, Kim.   You know I have been gone, and I have tears in my eyes reading this entry.  You are a fighter!!!!!!  I am thinking of you and your family.
Ash

sdoscher458 said...

Oh Kim....this is the first I'm reading I had vistors from out of town.  I had so hoped that yours was non malignant. I know that you are a fighter, we all will lend you our "virtual strength" and love..hope you can feel it pouring out to you. I read the top entries too sounds like you have an excellent doctor (McDreamy huh?hmmm) LOL....you my friend have an indomitable spirit and nothing is going to keep you down.....love...Sandi

nelishianatl said...

Kim;  AshleeKR forwarded me your link again and for that I am grateful.  I am there for you and with you.  I understand the shock of hearing devastating news from your Dr.  You are a warrior.  Lahomma knows and will also be of great help and a fantastic friend.  You're in my thoughts and in my prayers.  Missed you and glad I found you again and now have you on my alerts.
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WishingandHoping,PrayingandBelieving/

jeanno43 said...

This is exactly how I felt although if you read my journal entry it was slightly different because at first they told me I had nothing to worry about, it was a sebaceous cyst caused by my diabetes, he could feel no other lumps whatsoever.......until the mammogram.  Thank you for your email.  I am shattered today after yesterday, little sleep and another hour and a half with my doctor this morning so I want to lie down and see if I can grab a little sleep but I will be back to read more