Monday, January 9, 2006

Whre does one begin? Final in series


This is final entry in a series.....to read from the beginning click ~~> on this link  Where does one begin? (1)


A stipulation for W release from the hospital was that he stay at his Grandparents house Monday through Friday and then go to his parents house on the weekend. He was not allowed to return to his and Amanda's apartment or to work.  He had out patient therapy Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. and his grandparents house was very close to the hospital.

His family was still some how blaming Amanda for his illness. They thought he had to much stress from working and taking on all the responsibilities of covering their bills. What the doctor failed to realize is W's Mothers head games would put more stress on him then the responsibilities of becoming a responsible young man. It seemed to me that his Mother delighted in his breakdown, so she could rush and say, "See you need me!" I had even asked her during that nightmare of a conversation on the phone that night, why would a Mother of a 21 year old man, still want him to need her? He was finally working, he was maintaining his own apartment, he was paying down his fine and his debt to society and he had a girlfriend that was at his beck and call when ever he needed transportation to and from his job and his parole officer. His parents were no longer needed, I found out his father even showed up at W's job one day to tell him how proud he was of him, but the Mother seemed to want  him to stay dependant on them.

Since this time, W has been released from his daily out patient family and on his own accord moved back in the apartment with Amanda. His stress level from living at the grandparents house and parents house has all but disappeared. He has been recently informed that he was no longer covered on his parents health insurance, and his job's insurance didn't kick in until January 1st of this year, so this huge hospital bill, therapy bill and medicine bill is falling back on his shoulders. I was afraid the strain of having yet another curve ball thrown at his might set him back, but he is looking to see if the hospital could adjust his bill and find other ways of paying down his debt.He is back to working full time,  putting weight back on, taking his medications and knows their is a long road ahead of him on this.

Has his Mother learned anything from this? Did she NOT learn what her controlling ways have done to this young man? absolutely not! Upon her realization that W was not going to call it off with Amanda and was moving back into the apartment, she laid one more thing on him....... She brought up the amount of money W's stay at the hospital cost ($30,000.), the amount of money for the $650.00 a day out patient therapy sessions, the cost of his daily medications (3) and  what did his Mother say to him? She said........"Maybe I'll just kill myself so your Father can collect the insurance and pay off your debts!"

Now tell me, what kind of parent, lays this on their already fragile child's mind? I don't think Amanda knows how hard this is going to be, the one lesson she did learn out of this was not to ever be without her own income. She found full time employment less then a week of W's admittance into the hospital. She for the first time was able to cover all the expenses of the apartment and her car insurance. I told her how very proud I was of her and asked her if it felt good to know she could rely on herself when she needed to and her answer "yes!" was sealed with a smile that said, "I feel good about myself."

What the future holds for Amanda is uncertain, right now she wants to be in W's life. W's future is even more uncertain, but his illness with schizophrenia will always be his constant companion. I can find my solace in this by knowing what will be, will be and I can say for sure Amanda will find her own strength in this and her own way. Maybe not on my time schedule, but on her own.....after all this is her life anyway. And I remember a girl, that was even more stubborn on living her life her way, no matter what her own parents wishes were....and I turned out just fine!

Now, as for W's mother??  I can't even let myself go there! But she has been warned. Sometimes the most harm doesn't come at the hands of a stranger, sometimes it comes by someone who claims to love you. I hope that someday soon, W's Mother get the professional help she needs and that until then W"s should keep her at arms length and concentrate on what's best for him.

12 comments:

madcobug said...

Sounds like W's mother needs help as much as he does. She certainly is not thinking of his well being by making threats about herself to lay a guilt trip on his shoulders, Being wih Amanda may very well save his sanily and also his life. Glad she is handling everything in stride. Helen

my3gifts said...

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happysunshien said...

how sad is it that some parents just cannot let go and are doing more harm than good by subjecting their children to this....My mother sadly is the same way....but I stopped letting her affect me a long time ago...I still get angry and she still pushing my buttons sometimes...but ya know?  I dont let it get to me like I used to...My hubby has let her have it more than once in 17 years....

Kelly

chat2missie said...

I'm glad that mother never won any Mother of the Year Award!!
Missie :)

fgildt1 said...

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mum24boyz said...

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astaryth said...

It sounds to me like Amanda  is one of the best things that ever happened to this young man.... AND you aren't a bad thing either <g>
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind
http://adventuresofaneclecticmind.blogspot.com/

sdoscher458 said...

Believe me I know how hard it is to sit back, and actually let your kids fall on their faces at times.  It is the growing process, I have been going through it for the past year since my youngest flew the coup.  His wings have gotten crumpled a bit here and there, but he is surviving - he is forging ahead. The most I can wish for all my kids is that they love the right person, and that person loves them back with all their heart....doesn't matter who the person is..just the love needs to be true.  Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/IJustHadToLaugh

blgrn97 said...

I have been reading your journal now for about 3-4 month's. Your photo's are all very nice. It's good to see a mother that can draw the thin line between help and control. Though my kids aren't there yet I know they will be all to shortly. Hopefully I will remember your wisdom when they get to that stage of the game. Thanks for the humor and courage you show in your postings.
Brenda

psychfun said...

Did they ever say what type of Schizophrenia he has? Are they going to do any "family therapy" or pull in the parents even to help him? That is ideal at some point. I hope he can bring these horrific things his mom says to him up when he is in therapy so they can help him with it. Not to give any false hope but at times there seems later in life to be some whose symptoms disappear. They don't know why. John Nash is free of his meds. His one son still struggles. Keep talking with Amanda. It will be a tough road & the illusion of being needed can be a problem with balancing what you also need for your own life. It will be hard on the heartstrings.

sunnyside46 said...

you are a wise mother.
I know how hard it is to let them make their own mistakes.
Poor W.
marti

siennastarr said...

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