I'm having a hard time letting go of a phone conversation I had right before the Christmas holidays. Mostly because of how disturbing the conversation was and because even 3 weeks after having it, it is still leaving me just shaking my head. The conversation was with my middle daughter's live in boyfriends' Mother, it was the first and probably last conversation I will have with that woman. My Middle Daughter is the one that has pushed the "Tough Love" envelope with me many times, but since my own Mother never gave up on me, I was a far more difficult child, I can't give up on her. For those that need to be brought up on speed on what my "Tough Love" punishment was just click on this old entry about it. "Tough Loving It" For those that aren't sure if it really works, it has for me.
Before my Daughter met this young man, she finished her last year of High School with merit, had plans to continue her education, had a job, was dating another young man who had ambition of his own and was continuing his education in the computer field and she was responsible in her personal life, I had no huge worries. Then along came the current boyfriend....No job, homeless, a felony record (driving related), probation and no direction for a better life. (Can you say Mother's worst nightmare?) I didn't even want to meet him, I hoped the infatuation would pass quickly.....it didn't.
After a few weeks, I finally broke down and agreed to meet him, what I found was a young man who knew he did wrong, was trying to make amends, was living a clean life and just needed a lil push in the right direction. He treated my daughter with kindness and respect, I found myself liking him for who is was, but still wished he was only just a friend to my daughter. Needless to say my daughter soon quit her job, stopped coming home on some nights and lied to me about seeking employment. I gave her a set time (generous amount mind you) to find a job, start her continuing education or she couldn't use my home as a flop house anymore. She decided when her time was up, she didn't want to follow my rules any longer and chose to become homeless along with her new boyfriend and some other friends (as referred to in the older entry)
After what seemed a lifetime, the boyfriend found full time employment, they found an apartment together along with another couple and moved in. Their bills were being paid, the apartment had food and life was going by very smoothly. I stopped worrying about them even though my daughter was not working and contributing, because that was ok with the boyfriend even though it was not ok with me. I have had many conversations with this young man about his background, his home life and his goals, I waited to hold my final judgment.
Around the Thanksgiving holiday he started exhibiting a change in behavior, he lost weight rapidly, he was no longer sleeping, he seemed to go from an overly chatty kind of guy to a more quiet, withdrawn young man. My first instinct told me drugs, I knew a lot about them, they were part of my youthful past too. While me and the rest of the family went south for the holiday, my daughter and her boyfriend decided to stay here and had Thanksgiving dinner with my Mom and my Sister. I was brought up to speed on the boyfriends condition from all three of them, they were each worried.
The last frantic call came from my daughter while we were driving back home from Kentucky telling me "W" had laid down after he came home from work, seemed to be fine, but when she went in to check up on him a lil while later, he was sitting up in the bed, asking Amanda to "kill him" He would not go see a Doctor nor would he let Amanda take him to the hospital. I told her it was time to call his family, they needed to be involved and they could possibly have him check in. ("W" is 21, Amanda is 19)
This seems to be an entry that will have to be written in series, so much to still write about.