Friday, January 6, 2006

Where does one begin (4th in series)


This is 4th in a series.....to read from the beginning click ~~> on this link  Where does one begin? (1)


Now mind you this is a conversation I had between 12:00 a.m. to 2:30 in the morning!. I was livid with this woman to begin with, what right did she have to call my daughters home in the middle of the night just to upset her? Where is this woman's common decency? I think only crazy people call to confront people in the middle of the night anyway.

By the end of our conversation, she was in tears giving me every excuse as to why she lashes out at my daughter and why she treats her own son the way she does, I had to remind her several times that this 'intervention' wasn't about her it was about her son W! Here is yet another one of her rambling's on that night.

Her: I was raised in a very controlling home by a mother who was over bearing herself........(now she tells me this part in tears, in a whiney voice that makes nails on a chalk board sound pleasant!) When I wanted to get married (boo hoo's some more) I wanted to have the blue bridesmaid dresses....my Mother wouldn't let me have the blue bridesmaid dresses ( now she's about to the hyper ventilate ) my sister had just gotten married the year before I did and she has her bridesmaid dressed in blue.........My mother forbade me to have the blues dresses because  (now she is sobbing quietly for a minute or two) My Mother didn't want me to have the blue bridesmaid dresses because she didn't want the wall of family portraits and wedding pictures to show both mine and my sister's wedding photo's with both sets of bridesmaids dressed in blue ( now she can barely catch her breath.

I literally had to put the phone down for a minute, I was about to loose it myself ( not in a good way either).....I composed myself and said, what the hell does that have to do with the current situation your son is in? This isn't about you  Sharon! it's about W!!!!

I told her she needed therapy! Hell! Her whole family probably needed counseling! But that my main concern was her Son's welfare even if it was not her main concern. This is when she told me she's already had counseling.....I couldn't help myself, I just had to say, "And hows that working for you Sharon?"

In the end I realized this woman is a poor excuse of a Mother and even  what  made it even sadder, a complete social idiot..........She apologized to my daughter for her treatment of her, which never held sincerity in it anyway, and I told her that if she ever harassed my child again, she would have to deal with me, on her doorstep. I told her that she didn't need to "parent" my child, that is my job and had her own family to deal with! I told her I finally knew why W would rather be alone, broke, and ill living on the streets then live under the influence of his Mother!  In the end she admitted everythinig that I had to say about her was true, that my assumption of her was correct. I found out later, that W's Father would help W from time to time but always did it behind his wife's back......what kind of Man/Dad can't stand up for his Son? I filed him under the 'Idiot file' also.

W ended up in the psych ward for almost 3 weeks with a diagnosis of Schizophrenia, It had nothing to do with my Daughter, it is mental illness, and for W's parents who's Father is a Pharmacist and who's Mother is a registered nurse....how skilled are they if they actually think my daughter would be capable of bringing this out in their son. His own doctor thinks it has been going on long before W even met my daughter. He is responding well to treatment and his medication for now, but with this illness, the patient will at some point think they will no longer need their medicine and most go off of it, only to have another episode land them back in the hospital and/or back on their meds......there isn't a cure only a treatment for it.

I don't know what their reason is to pass this all off on my daughter, maybe they would have to admit they are/were terrible parents not to see the signs, maybe they are just the kind of parent who blames other kid parents for their own children's lack  of responsibility in making some of the choices they did. What cracks me up most about this, was the Mother's insistence on W showing up at their church to have the "perfect family photo" shot, for all their church going friends to see. I wonder what the church crowd would have thought of her making her ill child sleep on a porch instead of his own bed.......would they think that was very Christian like? I'm beginning to see it's all about appearances!

Continued.........

14 comments:

sahockenberry said...

you know, as you were explaining this whole senerio, that he may have had schizophrenia...keep us posted, and let W know that you all are in our thoughts and prayers.
~Stacy~

my3gifts said...

I'm speechless...

redpoppy007 said...

She sounds mentally unbalanced herself! The nerve of her!

mum24boyz said...

wow, how insane..sounds like even though they are 2 educated people, they don't have a clue as to how to deal with their own son..how sad..I would never let my son go without medical care, or sleep on a porch when he has a bed..WTH?? Woman is crazy..that's where w got it from, obviously..Now I would just take your daughter back home, disconnect the phone, and let her have some time away from that family..all of them..

Robyn :)

sdoscher458 said...

I think if she had mentioned "blue dress" one more time I would of gone through the phone for you! Good lord, you have to feel sorry for any kids this woman raised.  Tell your daughter to run, not walk..it could be in the gene pool...Sandi

psychfun said...

Wow! Actually, just like John Nash from a Beautiful Mind, it could have just came on due to the stress, but perhaps they did start to realize symptoms were earlier. If anyone saw a Beautiful Mind, try to get your hands on "A Brilliant Madness" It is a documentary with John, his wife, one of his sons (other is also a genius & Schizophrenic...from a girlfriend prior to his wife!) and his colleagues & psychiatrists in there. Here is a link to explore with some interviews etc:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/nash/

Sounds like their family really does have some things to work on. I do hope they get help.

deslily said...

I've known too many that do not practice what they preach.. but that's a whole other story..

It sounds like a classic case of "it can happen to anyone but not in my family".. you know "everyone else gets cancer but i won't"?!..  but when it hits you in the face that your child tells someone to kill him or her, i think that should have opened their eyes at least enough to get him to a doctor!  That i will never understand.

No one knows how he will handle the news and the meds.  Many do what you said, feel good and go off meds.. then wind up back on them.. as long as the lesson is learned that it's for llife that they be on the meds they can have a normal and good life..but until then, ..it's scarey.

By the way.. I didn't know you came back to aol and for weeks i kept trying your UK address... very glad i found you again!!.. Happy New Year  (hoping it gets better then this entry!)

http://journals.aol.com/deslily/HereThereandEverywhere/

http://herethereandeverywhere2ndedition.blogspot.com/

bgilmore725 said...

The good news is that your daughter's boyfriend is getting the help he needs. His parents need some kind of help as well. There is someone who calls me from time to time to share her thoughts, and it always leads to craziness on the phone. Whenever I sense her losing control, I try to keep my end of the conversation calm and non-threatening. I try to be understanding. But sometimes even that is not enough, and I have to tell her the conversation is over. If she doesn't say goodbye, I will hang up. When she called me too many times in the middle of the night, I told her to not call me in the night unless someone had died. She finally got the message. It has strained our relationship, but so be it. I hope things work out for you and your daughter, and that her boyfriend is on the mend. He may have to disconnect from his mother completely while he seeks his own life apart from hers. It's like recovering drug users have to disconnect from their former lifestyle and former friends in order to start over. He may have to do the same. He needs our prayers, but so do his parents, and your family for being involved as your are. Take care, Bea

zosche973 said...

Blue bridesmaids gowns???? What a NUT! And I'm afraid W will adventually get worse; your right, no cure. It IS treatable tho-and you know what? I wouldn't worry too much if I were you, your dauther is NOT an idiot, and she will soon see living with him is NOT easy.....it's gonna take some time; be PATIENT! ~Diane~

shooser1 said...

Hey!  Where'd the rest of it go????  You can't leave us hanging!!!  

Sheila

PS  Go get 'em Momma!!!

plieck30 said...

I'm exhausted from reading about this young man. I don't know what to say except prayer for them and for your daughter and you for being involved in this. Hope some how some way it all works out. You look very nice in your new picture. Paula

sunnyside46 said...

I am beginning to see how this woman ticks....seh isn't too far fro th eblue bridesmaids dress thing either , is she ?
Marti
http://journals.aol.com/sunnyside46/MidlifeMusings/

smfdbabycakes said...

i have to say that you are a very calm woman for not getting up in the middle  of the night to beat that woman's ass. i will never understand how a parent could do that to the person they carried for 9 months. and no matter how stupid your daughters action are you have stuck by her like every great mom should do. in your case i hope that your daughter opens up her eyes and gets the hell away from this guy and his crazy family. stay strong.......diana

siennastarr said...

h