Summer Revisited 2005

"Water Fountain"

kmh 2005

Incorrigible.....Who Me? lol

incorrigible : incapable of being corrected or amended: as a (1) : not re formable : DEPRAVED (2) : DELINQUENT b : not manageable : UNRULY c : UNALTERABLE,

This was/is a word that has been used to describe me as far back as I can remember. I think the first time I heard the word I was in kindergarten and I was reading my teacher comments in my report card to my parents, at their request mind you! At the time I thought it must of been a great word, and I was being praised.........not! It stated that although I am a good student, when the teacher was on one side of the room trying to conduct class I was on the other side trying to conduct my own. What can I say? I'm a natural born leader! lol lol lol

The next time I heard the word, I maybe was six years old.  I over heard it in a conversation between my Brownie Leader (1st step of becoming a girl scout) and my Mother. It was the reason I was being kicked out of brownies.   Oops my bad! even waaaaay back then, I guess. Something to due with an ice ball to her face during our trek through the woods on a winter's day. I never claimed to have perfect aim and I'm sure I wasn't really aiming at her anyway!  Pfffft!!!!

My next memory of the word was during my 5th grade year. I had just moved to a new neighborhood, and I guess I still wasn't a model student. The "word" came up in a short essay about self control that I had to write (by hand 200 times) and have signed by my parents. I must have wrote that damn essay 2,000 times during my year as a 5th grader. Boy! was I happy to see 6th grade! Poor Miss R. (teacher)

The next time I remember the "word" was during my 8th grade year, my offenses had to do with defacing school property, Moving my music teachers brand new car, with the help of my friends mind you from the parking lot to the school playground as an April Fools Joke.......he was not amused and 12 of us were suspended. Then there was a staged "walk out" by yours truly...they were going to cut out the hot chocolate that was given to us, the volunteer crossing guards on cold winter mornings........by the way we won that one! heee heee! My grade school was VERY happy to see our class through graduation. We are still talked about at that school all these years later! lol

The next time I heard the word was during my High School years... It was written onletterhead from the local police department and on file in my guidance counselor's office............along with the words "Coy" and "Photogenic" I adored my counselor! He saw the diamond in the rough and liked me in spite of myself and then revealed to me many years later when I went to visit him that he always admired my "spunk" and that he was very pleased to see that I did not loose any of it! lol

I was the kid that most parents were very thankful I didn't belong to them, but always adored me anyway.......I think the last time that "word" was used was by my Sister's Mother-In-Law.......it went something like this, "Kelly, I like your sister and all, but I sure am glad that Stevie met you instead of her!"

Funny thing is, I still don't have a problem with that WORD! lol lol lol

"Drive By" Photography

Illinois Barn 2006

 

Wisconsin Barn 2006

 

My attempts to capture a passion of mine "Old Barns" while speeding through the roads between Illinois and Wisconsin at 75 miles per hour........Now of course if it was something that captured HIS  attention we'd stop long enough to get that "Perfect Shot" Some things never change huh?? lol lol lol

I love the aged effects that old, falling down barns have. The wood is worn of most of it's color and it always makes we wonder about "days gone by."

Weekend Get-Away in pictures

       

 

   

Weekend Get-away!

      

"Tall Pines"
2006

What a weekend! My family and I spent a 3 day weekend up in Wisconsin Dells along with friends and family.  We spent the weekend up at Christmas Mountain Village and we had a ball! A lil skiing, a lil tubing, a lil snow boarding and a few injuries! lol

I kept trying to tell these guys you aren't getting any younger, but did they listen?? Nooooooo! One hit a tree (dislocated thumb) one hit a jump and landed to far forward on his ski, where they ended up piercing the snow and his body broke his fall, let's see shoulder injury and a possible cracked rib or two and these are the Dads! lol A couple of sore arms from the tow rope, and one 11 year old boy with a scraped face and a bruised ego. I decided to play it safe and played photographer the whole weekend! (I'm not happy with the shots I ended up with though, bad camera weekend)  But now I wish I would of at least "tubed" while I was there. We soothed some sore muscles in the hot tub, I'm not sure if the Dad's Egos will ever recover! I don't think they realized outdoor play and middle age would hurt so bad! lol

We stayed in the Villa's, very new and very nice. I must remember "bubble control" when using the Jacuzzi in the master bedroom, oops! They were half way up the wall, before I even noticed......but it felt great! Thursday had been my Sister's 44th birthday and we decided to sing a rather, loud and off key with different starts and stops rendition of Happy Birthday during Saturday nights dinner.....when asked by the wait staff if she was embarrassed enough, she said not for herself, but for all of us! lol I don't think Happy Birthday was ever sang with such.......finesse?? lol lol lol!

My youngest daughter was Queen of the Karaoke on our last night there in the lounge,  people were so impressed with her they started a tip jar just for her! It was a great mix of guests there and people could not get enough of her. The man that was running it, let her have her very own 'set' She sang, Let Er' Rip, Redneck woman, Crazy and ended it with "stand by your man" She was plied with kiddie cocktails that were bestowed on her by her new groupies, and they also started buying Mom and Dad thecocktails! Great fun was had by all. I of course, get all the credit, sorry Dad! But I'm the one who actually gave birth to her right?? lol lol

Eight adults, Eight kids and a lot of good memories! Can't wait to do it again next year!

Guess Who's Guest Editor?? lol

Woooo Hooooo! I'm Guest Editor for a week, I get to walk just a small way in Joe's shoes!  So here is a little about me and why I chose my selections.......As noted in my all about me section, I have spent my last two  decades doing different things for different people. My last selfish decade was between the ages of 10 and 20 after that...... My 20's were spent as a new wife and birthing babies. My 30's were spent raising babies and it wasn't until my 40's that my life finally slowed down enough to reconnect with myself. My babies, (4 of them mind you! lol) turned into good kids, then  likeable teenagers ( I know.....an oxymoron! lol) with the oldest two reaching adulthood and both are strong women who are forces to be reckoned with themselves!

One way that keeps me connected to who I am, is being able to write again. I wrote a lot B.C. (before children) but as every parent knows especially Mothers, that it's very easy to loose yourself once you become a parent! Now that I have time for me again.....I spend time with friends, time with my cameras and time with my blog! My blog is what keeps me connected to who I was, who I am and who I am still destined to find in myself.

The best feature of blogging by far is meeting other people through their own journeys in life. It is a great community to share, learn and teach others about different experiences and life styles. Before I became Jim's wife, before I became Mother of 4, I was this woman/child. So my choices in choosing other journals and blogs to share with all of you have to do with some pretty amazing women that I have had the pleasure of discovering, getting to know and come to care about through blogging.

Who among us doesn't love Jody over at Dust Bunnies of North America ? But as I told her, my heart is over at her journal  Letters To Gabe She is an amazing Mother of 5 who's oldest son Gabe, heard the call of the Army (just likehis Dad before him) and enlisted in the Army during wartime and is now stationed over in Iraq. My own heart, the part I call my Mothers' heart, hasn't taken a full beat since he left for his tour of duty. He is a constant in my heart and my prayers.

And there is my friend JJ, over at Adventures of an Eclectic Mind . This is a woman who has lived every small child's fantasy, she joined the circus and had many travels with it.  Now she is spending this part of her life taking care of the needs of all kinds of animals! She walks with the animals and talks with the animals and takes some really great photo's of them too! I am so jealous I could just spit, but then again that wouldn't be very lady like, would it? lol  I always said when I was a youngster,that I was going to spend my life living among the animals,  and in a way I still kind of did, but I had children instead! lol

Now onto my friend Marti Porch Stories I just love her too! She is at the same stage that I am, kids almost grown, totally in love with her Husband and remembers to slow down and soak up the moments of each and every day. Her time is spent between the present and the past reminiscing about the days gone by and her journey to this point in her life. She knows the value of spending time with family and old friends.

Now I want you to meet Ashlee, I found Ashlee over at The Telling of Me during last summer. She is fresh faced and a newlywed and is just now questioning the universe. She is a 30 something year old professional woman who is just starting to question the world around her, staying true to herself, living a fufilling life and remembering to have a good time doing it!  She is enjoying time with her husband before starting a family of their own. Young love, fresh view of the world and endless possibilities........I remember that time in my life and I am excited for her!

 Now I want you to meet a very new friend of mine Jackie. I just discovered Jackie only a couple of weeks ago over at Waiting to Exhale  Jackie is only 1 out of 2 J- Landers, who's life story so intrigued me that I had to read every entry in her archives. She is one tough lady and I admire her for that. She married young, became a mother of 2 handsome boys, lost herself, divorced, married again, had 2 more amazing children (twins) and ended up having to raise them on her own, she devoted herself completely to these last 2 kids. She like me, made some mistakes along the way, but picked herself up and learned from them. She now has time for herself, time for her heart and is once again opening herself up to the possibility of dating again (after a very long, long time) and has some fear of giving her heart and herself up again to the possibility of love. She is getting to enjoy watching her grown children become all they were meant to be.

Those are my 5 of 6 journals to share while I am guest editor this week. I wanted my 6th choice to be totally new and totally random! So I went to the AOL 'People Page' then onto the 'Blog' page and in the search field I typed in 'grand kids' because this is the next stage I will be entering hopefully this decade, I'm 40 something! (my oldest is getting married in July!)

So for the next journal I chose the first journal I opened on the page my search sent me to and what I found was a very new, very funny, 50 something year old man who just started blogging a few days ago and finds the humor and the beauty in his everyday life. He is a Husband of 30 years, a Father of 3 daughters (something I can relate too, except I was gifted with a boy too!) and a very proud Grandfather!   I thought what a way to start blogging! Being featured by someone unknown toyou and getting the early recognition that being featured gives a blogger! So please stop by and welcome him. He has a lot to teach other's about enjoying life!   

 ladies and gentlemen...my 6th choice.... I am pleased to announce.........A Journey Through the Fifties  

Another "Telling" lol

I did an entry awhile back called "The Telling's" it was about old family stories that have been passed down from one generation to the next. This entry will be about a family story that is sure to be passed down from this generation forward! lol

I come from a large, rather loud, rather obnoxious, Irish Family....it's a blessing and a curse! lol We love each other unconditionally and only we are allowed to talk about each other behind each other's backs! lol lol lol  We create laughter were ever we go and have adopted more and more people into our family......we recruit strangers were ever we go, we are a lively bunch in public!(lol) Even in death our charm and wit are apparent! An Irish wake is never mournful, it is a get-together to celebrate their life, tell stories, take 'hits' off the family flask (lol) and it always ends up at a pub! lol

This is a telling of Uncle Emmett's funeral.............This was a man who told it like it was and never had a kind word for anybody, he always told you the truth whether you were ready to hear it or not! He was one of my favorites! lol

He lived a hard life and died an even harder death, he had lung cancer. Did he stop smoking? No, he didn't think their was a reason too, although he did quit boozing after my Father's early death at the age of 41, he felt guilty. My dad was the oldest sibling and Emmett was a true Irish twin, less then 12 months between them. They gave my Grandmother every gray hair she had. They were the sinners, while her other 5 were the saints of the family.

Since my Uncle knew of is upcoming death, he planned his own funeral. Nobody could ever tell this man what to do anyway! He picked out his funeral home, he picked out his mass cards, he picked out his casket and he picked out what he was to buried in. He chose a very nice suit. He hated suites, he wouldn't be caught alive in one but thought it was necessary to wear one after his death. He chose the shoes, the shirt, and the tie.  The tie is where he got the last word, literally! lol

There he laid, in all his glory for everyone to view him, say a kind word about him or tell the truth about him. He looked very dapper in his suit, almost proper! lol  It wasn't until you actually went up to say a prayer for him or forgive him for his many trespasses against you that you noticed the tie. At first when you looked at it, it was a very nice tie, light gray with a black print on it. But, In his horizontal position you actually got to read the tie..........there in tiny print were the words "F*** YOU" written all over it! lol He did get the last word after all........."You didn't give a rats ass about me when I was alive, so why the tears now!" God I miss that man! lol lol lol

 

to view the first "telling" click on link ~~>  "The Telling"

Monday Photo Shoot "The Garden"

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Monochromatic

John Scalzi blog ~~> "by the way....

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Share some of your favorite  black  and white photos. Older pictures are good, but what you also might think about is seeing how some of your favorite color pictures look in black and white -- most computer photo editors will let you make a photo black and white (or sepia-toned -- that's monochromatic, too). This is an opportunity to look at some of your best photos in a new way.

   

       "The Garden"

        kmh 2005

"Quiet Winter Morning" photo

kmh 2006

"Winter Moon" Photo

                             

 kmh 2006

Weekend Assignment......Best money ever spent

Weekend Assignment #95: The Best Money You Ever Spent

To visit other journals who participated in this weeks weekend assignment click on John Scalzi blog link  By the way

For me it would have to be every family vacation we have taken, for so many reasons. Many of my fondest childhood memories are when my parents used to load us all up in the car for our yearly trek to the east coast. My Mother grew up in a small town called Lake Mohawk in New Jersey and my grandparents lived there until I was 8 or 9 years of age. When I first started blogging, I did an entry about how much I loved that place, to read click here ~> Endless summers of my youth

   

For my own family, we take several vacations a year, we take the kids up to the northern woods of Wisconsin for a week of fishing, relaxing and clearing our minds of every day intrusions. I love it because there are no interruptions, no phone, no television, no computers to loose hours on. It is days spent fishing, or laying around the beach and every night is a bon fire with the other families that book the same week we do year after year. We also take a trip down south to Kentucky to spend time with Jim's side of the family. They have a huge reunion every summer, we ride horses at his brothers and spend time at a private club with his oldest brother.....good time there! I have some rowdy sister in laws and we have way too much fun when we are together! lol

My favorite would have to be the trips that just Jim and I take with each other each year, it's good to get away from home, the kids and the daily stress that accompanies every day life. We also take a trip away from the house and each other once a year, where I travel with my girlfriends and he takes fishing trips with 'da guys' lol!.... yours, mine, ours and the family kind of vacations!

Just the memories and the photos alone make this for sure the best money we ever spent!

The many layers of me......

          

I was born an innocent, we all were. My childhood was of another matter. Enduring what I had to endure,  I added layer upon layer of brick and motor which I had to apply to save the little girl lost in me. I managed to keep her safe even though there were plenty of times I thought I lost her for sure. My saving grace came from my Mother's love for me. She is was made a difference in my outcome as an adult. Because of her I did not succumb to the dark side even though I had plenty of bruising inside and out, to send and keep me there.

After therapy I learned how to peel back the many layers of me. Each layer had a purpose of being there, a reason for it's existence. But in order to become who I am today, I had to shed those layers no matter how painful the process was....... because under all those layers I was able to find my inner self, my inner beauty.

I did not want my childhood to define who I was even though it had a part of who I am today. I see to many people letting their past hold them back and even hold them under, when the power to set themselves free was in their own hands. Every once in awhile I will have that fleeting moment when something happens and it takes me back to my childhood, but it no longer silences me. I speak up, I defend my existence and I let it be known that no one has the power to make me feel less than I am.

When your a child you have no choice and you have no voice but as an adult, people do to you what you allow them to do to you, it is up to you to find your self worth and let it be known to others.

We have a winner! lol

 For "Picture This" and the winner is...................... Annie from No ones home! (<~Link)Annie it's now your turn to keep this game going, find a picture of your choice and let the game begin! Thanks for all who played along! Hadon  (<~ link) you ran a very close second!

                 

  "Can't you just SAY your my boyfriend?"

Round Robin Challenge...Super Model

This is my entry into Carly's over at Round Robin Photo. The topic of the photo challenge was "SUPER MODEL" and the first thing I think of when it comes to modeling is..........ATTITUDE!

And trust me this sweet child of mine has plenty of attitude! This photo was taken of her a few years ago on Halloween, when she was a "Pop Star" Can you say.....DIVA? lol lol lol

 

                     

To view other bloggers interpretation of "Super Model" please visit the link I provided above.

 

 

Heard it in a love song...........

The melody of this song is haunting, the meaning of the song has to do with time. In the innocence of youth, you think you have forever, then at some point love finds you and you start living through your heart, then your family begins and your heart grows larger than you ever expected, then mid life hits and some wonder what happened to their youth and some spend time back at 15, to wonder what might have been? Then in your golden years, you once again realize what life is all about and if your lucky, you'll live long enough to be satisfied with how you lived your life. Its's a very poignant song.

written by
FIVE FOR FIGHTING 

"100 Years"


I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Everyday's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

My 5 guilty pleasures

I stole this from Nettie over at Jersey girls private thoughts (private Journal)

List five of your guilty pleasures............

1) Seven glorious hours alone, five days a week!  (When school is in session.....Good Times! )

2) LouisVuitton  (hand bags and accessories)

3) Ferrero Rocher Chocolates

4) My down feather bed

5) Time.....with my journal and my camera!

Picture this....photo contest

          

 

A while ago Danielle over at Everybody knows had started a "caption that photo" contest where every week, the winner from the previous week would enter a photo (theirs or one found on the net) and then everyone who reads your journal can come up with a witty caption for the photo. Danielle started this fun blog game up again and I was the winner of her entry. So here is my photo for you to send in your funniest caption and I will announce the winner on Thursday morning! Just leave your caption in the comment section of this journal entry and I will post the winner Thursday morning! Have fun!!!

Trouble in Paradise?? Naa!

Uh oh! Trouble in paradise? Naaaaaaaaaaa!

DH's place of employment has offered him a position in what he calls Nirvana......otherwise known as Wisconsin! Now, don't get me wrong I like Wisconsin, but damn it they have bears there!! And I ain't having nothing to do with bears. Well except for the Chicago Bears, but after last night's loss to the Panthers, that is nothing but a fleeting moment of what could of been.

When DH and I first started dating we talked about everything! We talked about future children, where we wanted to live, where we wanted to visit, and all of our favorite things. The only thing that we never discussed was were we would like to retire to. I had visions of out west, somewhere warm and picturesque and he had visions of dairy farms, lakes and north woods country. We should of talked about this before we married! lol

Green Acres keeps running through my mind now........Dahhhling I love you but give me Michigan Avenue!!!!!!!! (I'm a Chicago girl! What can I say! lol)  I am not cut out for country living, it's a nice place to visit, but I have no intentions of living there! lol And I have an INSANE fear of bears and Wisconsin is loaded with black bears! I can't even let my mind go there!

Over the years since we married, we have talked about were we wanted to go and spend our golden years and his choice and childhood dream has always been Wisconsin owning sometime type of lodge on a lake and it does sound lovely in my mind, but hello! BEARS!!!!!!! Now with the job offering to relocate him there I keep saying, "See ya on the weekends love!" His job won't be in jeopardy if he turns down the position, but his marriage might be if he accepts it! lol Me and my daughter are vetoing this move ( along with our older two daughters who live nearby us now) and my son, my only lil boy, the lil traitor that he is, wants to move to Wisconsin too! lol

So the other night DH is having trouble falling asleep, so he decides to get up out of bed and makes his way down to the family room. Now being that he is like my security blanket when I sleep, now I can't fall asleep! So I make my way down to the family room and what do I catch him looking at on line?  Real Estate in Wisconsin!!

I just say, "See ya on the weekends love, I'm going back to bed!" So for all those that are out there in a serious relationship right now and are planning on getting married, PLEASE make sure when your looking into your future, that you both end up in the same state after retirement! lol lol lol

My zip code will never include BEARS! Well, maybe Koala's....lol lol lol

Red light, Green Light!

In my entry below, I mentioned the story of playing crossing guard to possibly the worlds slowest turtle! So here it goes...

 

It was a late Sunday morning in the early summer, and I was out doing my weekend errands. I was driving down a road that I don't frequent much and then I remembered why. There is a large Catholic Church and Sunday mornings are very busy around there, it is only a two lane street and with Sunday Mass letting out, the wait in traffic can get insane.

So I am sitting there, biding my time and I see this 'LUMP' fall off the side of the road, from the curb and I realize it's a turtle. Now with all this traffic, I know for sure it will never make it across the street. So what does any other animal lover lunatic do? Why block the road both ways by turning her suburban sideways in the street of course! lol

I had just recently suffered an injury to my neck from my over joyous little boy who at the time was four. He kamakazied from the rear in an attempt to hug my neck and I ended up with whiplash! lol So here I am stopping Sunday Church traffic, trying to get to this turtle, so I can pick him up and put him in the grass on the otherside of the road. The trouble is with me being slow to bend because of my neck injury, every time I would get down to his level the lil bugger would just make it out of my reach.

You would hear his shell scrap across the pavement, then go "clunk" when he would pause for his next step. So it went like this........scrape..............clunk!............ scrape........... clunk! Until he caught wind of me that is! lol Now going at what he felt was warped speed it went more like this.....scrape..clunk! scrap..cluck!...scrape clunk!!! But he still managed to stay one turtle step ahead of me! lol

By now there were a few church goers laughing at me because they saw my intent, but I'm sure they couldn't figure out why in the world this turtle could out run my grasp. They couldn't because I wasn't wearing my neck brace any longer even though it smarted as hell to bend over and hang my head. The people in the first few cars could see why I was doing what I was doing but the other church goers a few cars back were now getting annoyed with me and letting me know it by blarring their car horns at me. Let me tell you it wasn't very Christian like if ya ask me considering they just left the place that just absoluted their sins right?

Well what seemed like and eternity which was probably 5 minutes from one side to the street to the other, the lil guy finally made it to the other side unharmed. He only needed a lil boost from me to get up over the curb on the otherside and we both went about our own business.

The rest of our day probably went something like this........

Me: A funny thing happened on my way to run errands today, there was this turtle........

Him: A terrifying thing happened on my way to the pond today, there was this crazy lady.....and I do mean CRAZY!

lol lol lol

Pardon me, but is that a bunny in your cleavage?

Ummmmmm....Yes it is!

I have been an animal lover and a momma in training all my life. I wanted to save every animal in my path whether in needed an intervention or not! lol I was the kind of child that brought every animal home that I either found wounded or found wandering lost and wanted to keep them. My poor Mother had a slew of critters to nurse back to health from dogs to cats, and birds to bunnies...I also rescued a few insects along the path of my youth.

A few summer's ago, a momma rabbit made the mistake of making her nest in the middle of our back yard, Maxx  our Black Lab made the mistake of removing a newborn from the nest (without harming it) The petrified momma never returned to the baby therefore it were left exposed to the elements all night without the shelter and warmth from each other and the nest. I'm not sure how old the baby was, but it's eyes hadn't even opened yet. By the time I found the baby, it was very wet, cold and barely breathing. So what does a Mother do for quick body heat? You guessed it! Right into the cleavage! lol

I wasn't sure of this baby would make it, being that it was out of the nest all night and without food, so I hopped (pun oh so intended! lol) into my truck and sped off to the nearest food store, Yes bunny still positioned in the cleavage, I had to keep the baby warm! The nearest thing I found to animal baby milk, was kitten milk. My next stop was off to the pharmacy section for a hot water bottle and an eye dropper. The conversation I was having my Husband during all this via the cell phone was hysterical! Come on girls you know what I'm talking about.......(me) I found a baby bunny in the yard, it was out of the nest all night. (Jim) what do you mean you found a baby bunny? (Jim) So where is this bunny now? (me) Umm, in my bra. (Jim) What do you mean its in your bra? I didn't have time to explain everything so I cut him off, after all... I was on a mission and I was in full Momma rescue mode! lol

Sad to say, the baby didn't make it. It passed away later that afternoon. Me and the kids were devastated. But I had another mission, I was still watching the nest to see if the Momma Bunny would come back, I wasn't sure if there were anymore babies left unattended in the nest, if so they would be very hungry by now. I waited to check the nest until I was sure the Momma Bunny was not returning and I found one bunny safe and sound still burrowed in the nest.

My husband and I took turns with a newborn feeding schedule for the next few weeks, we were very careful not to touch the rabbit with our hands, we slowly weaned the baby off of the kitten milk and started introducing it to the native plant life around the prairie that we planned to release "Squirt" in. I believe in letting nature take its course, but sometimes it needs a lil help. What I found extremely funny in all this was my Husbands help in this bunny mission. He is a dedicated hunter, call him a die hard hunter, but the compassion that his grown man showed this baby bunny just melted my heart! Big bad hunter...........hah! lol

Jim and Lil Jimmy took squirt off to find his own destiny while me and the girls sniffled at home. My son came home in tears and my Husband remained quiet the rest of the afternoon. We still pass this prairie and someone always mentions squirts name and we all wonder where his life took him.

Did I ever tell you about the time I became a crossing guard to possibly the slowest turtle in the world? But that's another story! lol lol lol

Summer Memories 2005 (photo)

kmh 2005 archives

Whre does one begin? Final in series

This is final entry in a series.....to read from the beginning click ~~> on this link  Where does one begin? (1)

A stipulation for W release from the hospital was that he stay at his Grandparents house Monday through Friday and then go to his parents house on the weekend. He was not allowed to return to his and Amanda's apartment or to work.  He had out patient therapy Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. and his grandparents house was very close to the hospital.

His family was still some how blaming Amanda for his illness. They thought he had to much stress from working and taking on all the responsibilities of covering their bills. What the doctor failed to realize is W's Mothers head games would put more stress on him then the responsibilities of becoming a responsible young man. It seemed to me that his Mother delighted in his breakdown, so she could rush and say, "See you need me!" I had even asked her during that nightmare of a conversation on the phone that night, why would a Mother of a 21 year old man, still want him to need her? He was finally working, he was maintaining his own apartment, he was paying down his fine and his debt to society and he had a girlfriend that was at his beck and call when ever he needed transportation to and from his job and his parole officer. His parents were no longer needed, I found out his father even showed up at W's job one day to tell him how proud he was of him, but the Mother seemed to want  him to stay dependant on them.

Since this time, W has been released from his daily out patient family and on his own accord moved back in the apartment with Amanda. His stress level from living at the grandparents house and parents house has all but disappeared. He has been recently informed that he was no longer covered on his parents health insurance, and his job's insurance didn't kick in until January 1st of this year, so this huge hospital bill, therapy bill and medicine bill is falling back on his shoulders. I was afraid the strain of having yet another curve ball thrown at his might set him back, but he is looking to see if the hospital could adjust his bill and find other ways of paying down his debt.He is back to working full time,  putting weight back on, taking his medications and knows their is a long road ahead of him on this.

Has his Mother learned anything from this? Did she NOT learn what her controlling ways have done to this young man? absolutely not! Upon her realization that W was not going to call it off with Amanda and was moving back into the apartment, she laid one more thing on him....... She brought up the amount of money W's stay at the hospital cost ($30,000.), the amount of money for the $650.00 a day out patient therapy sessions, the cost of his daily medications (3) and  what did his Mother say to him? She said........"Maybe I'll just kill myself so your Father can collect the insurance and pay off your debts!"

Now tell me, what kind of parent, lays this on their already fragile child's mind? I don't think Amanda knows how hard this is going to be, the one lesson she did learn out of this was not to ever be without her own income. She found full time employment less then a week of W's admittance into the hospital. She for the first time was able to cover all the expenses of the apartment and her car insurance. I told her how very proud I was of her and asked her if it felt good to know she could rely on herself when she needed to and her answer "yes!" was sealed with a smile that said, "I feel good about myself."

What the future holds for Amanda is uncertain, right now she wants to be in W's life. W's future is even more uncertain, but his illness with schizophrenia will always be his constant companion. I can find my solace in this by knowing what will be, will be and I can say for sure Amanda will find her own strength in this and her own way. Maybe not on my time schedule, but on her own.....after all this is her life anyway. And I remember a girl, that was even more stubborn on living her life her way, no matter what her own parents wishes were....and I turned out just fine!

Now, as for W's mother??  I can't even let myself go there! But she has been warned. Sometimes the most harm doesn't come at the hands of a stranger, sometimes it comes by someone who claims to love you. I hope that someday soon, W's Mother get the professional help she needs and that until then W"s should keep her at arms length and concentrate on what's best for him.

Old Book Farm (photo)

 

  "Old Book Farm"

  kmh 2006

Where does one begin (4th in series)

This is 4th in a series.....to read from the beginning click ~~> on this link  Where does one begin? (1)

Now mind you this is a conversation I had between 12:00 a.m. to 2:30 in the morning!. I was livid with this woman to begin with, what right did she have to call my daughters home in the middle of the night just to upset her? Where is this woman's common decency? I think only crazy people call to confront people in the middle of the night anyway.

By the end of our conversation, she was in tears giving me every excuse as to why she lashes out at my daughter and why she treats her own son the way she does, I had to remind her several times that this 'intervention' wasn't about her it was about her son W! Here is yet another one of her rambling's on that night.

Her: I was raised in a very controlling home by a mother who was over bearing herself........(now she tells me this part in tears, in a whiney voice that makes nails on a chalk board sound pleasant!) When I wanted to get married (boo hoo's some more) I wanted to have the blue bridesmaid dresses....my Mother wouldn't let me have the blue bridesmaid dresses ( now she's about to the hyper ventilate ) my sister had just gotten married the year before I did and she has her bridesmaid dressed in blue.........My mother forbade me to have the blues dresses because  (now she is sobbing quietly for a minute or two) My Mother didn't want me to have the blue bridesmaid dresses because she didn't want the wall of family portraits and wedding pictures to show both mine and my sister's wedding photo's with both sets of bridesmaids dressed in blue ( now she can barely catch her breath.

I literally had to put the phone down for a minute, I was about to loose it myself ( not in a good way either).....I composed myself and said, what the hell does that have to do with the current situation your son is in? This isn't about you  Sharon! it's about W!!!!

I told her she needed therapy! Hell! Her whole family probably needed counseling! But that my main concern was her Son's welfare even if it was not her main concern. This is when she told me she's already had counseling.....I couldn't help myself, I just had to say, "And hows that working for you Sharon?"

In the end I realized this woman is a poor excuse of a Mother and even  what  made it even sadder, a complete social idiot..........She apologized to my daughter for her treatment of her, which never held sincerity in it anyway, and I told her that if she ever harassed my child again, she would have to deal with me, on her doorstep. I told her that she didn't need to "parent" my child, that is my job and had her own family to deal with! I told her I finally knew why W would rather be alone, broke, and ill living on the streets then live under the influence of his Mother!  In the end she admitted everythinig that I had to say about her was true, that my assumption of her was correct. I found out later, that W's Father would help W from time to time but always did it behind his wife's back......what kind of Man/Dad can't stand up for his Son? I filed him under the 'Idiot file' also.

W ended up in the psych ward for almost 3 weeks with a diagnosis of Schizophrenia, It had nothing to do with my Daughter, it is mental illness, and for W's parents who's Father is a Pharmacist and who's Mother is a registered nurse....how skilled are they if they actually think my daughter would be capable of bringing this out in their son. His own doctor thinks it has been going on long before W even met my daughter. He is responding well to treatment and his medication for now, but with this illness, the patient will at some point think they will no longer need their medicine and most go off of it, only to have another episode land them back in the hospital and/or back on their meds......there isn't a cure only a treatment for it.

I don't know what their reason is to pass this all off on my daughter, maybe they would have to admit they are/were terrible parents not to see the signs, maybe they are just the kind of parent who blames other kid parents for their own children's lack  of responsibility in making some of the choices they did. What cracks me up most about this, was the Mother's insistence on W showing up at their church to have the "perfect family photo" shot, for all their church going friends to see. I wonder what the church crowd would have thought of her making her ill child sleep on a porch instead of his own bed.......would they think that was very Christian like? I'm beginning to see it's all about appearances!

Continued.........

Where does one begin? (3rd in series)

This is 3rd in a series.....to read from the beginning click ~~> on this link  Where does one begin? (1)

Even though I wished Amanda would not have had more than a casual friendship with W, wishing was not going to make it happen, it will have to run its course. Like I said, I liked W.....just not for my daughters boyfriend. Even though he had been homeless for 2 years, without a job, a felony record, (driving related) still on probation, I ALWAYS treated him with kindness and respect, I opened up my family and my home to him,  I gave him guidance whenever he asked it of me, he is a very likable young man, he is only guilty of making a few really stupid decisions when he was 18 (didn't we all?)

And now for this woman, to disrespect my daughter in any and every way she could was something I could not sit back and tolerate. Now mind you I could hear her at times screaming from he other end of Amanda's house phones while Amanda was trying to tell me what was going on through her cell phone, I heard the garbage spewed at my daughter, but as soon as she found out I was now on the same phone conversation thanks to the technology of 3 way calling, her tone and manner changed drastically, she might think she can bully a naive girl of 19, but NOT this Momma Bear!

I began telling her that W has talked to me several times about his youth and home life, she attempted to speak to me, I informed her NOT to interrupt me again, until I was finished! Her reasons for having W homeless at first seemed like the very same reasons Amanda was pushed out of the nest, He didn't want to follow house rules, I didn't have a problem with that. With children, especially if you have more than one child has to abide by at least a few house rules. But some of this woman's treatment to her son, was in excusable. Below are excerpts of our conversation.

I said I understood why W left their house and because he showed no motivation on self improvement, I understood why she let him, at the time he had just turned 18. One night W had become very ill and needed to see a doctor. He wouldn't go, because he didn't have the insurance or the money for the visit. I remember when Amanda was out on her own and staying at different friend houses every night so she could be with W, she too had become very ill. Now even with me mad as hell at her at the time, that was MY BABY, there was no way I was going to have her out on the street, with no place to go when she was ill, I went and picker her up, brought her home, fed her, took her to the doctor, picked up her medicine and made sure she was getting her health back, I could be mad at her again.....when she was well, but right now my Mother instincts kicked in and I nursed her back to health. She left again of her own accord when she was well, to be back with W instead of working.

Now when I discovered W had caught the respiratory infection that Amanda was just starting to get over, W had no place to go, As much as I liked him W was never going to be an over night guest in my home. I still have the two younger children that at young teens and are very impressionable so sleep overs would never be an option.  Amanda dropped W off at his parents that night and came home to finish getting well herself.

Conversation bits with W mother..........

I told her I understood her disappointment in her son, but what kind of Mother could leave her child, the baby she gave birth to, out on the streets suffering while he was sick? I told her of my own experience with Amanda when she was sick, that I had to put away our differences while she was ill and get my child well again and what did she do for her child? Did she welcome him into her own? NO! Did she seek medical attention for him? NO!  Did she offer him food? NO! did she at least try to alleviate his symptoms with over the counter medicine? NO! did she at least let him sleep in his own bed during his illness? NO..........she made him sleep on their porch!!! I found out this is where W would go sleep some nights when he didn't have a buddy's house to crash at.

Her response to my questions............

Hers:......... I'm very sensitive to cigarette smoke and he smokes!

Mine: So does Amanda, but I don't allow anyone to smoke in my house she along with any guest that I might have at my home does their smoking outside!

Hers: but he stank very bad of stale cigarettes!

Mine: So make him take a hot shower, have him wash his cloths and let him sleep in his own bed for the night, NOT ON A DAMN PORCH! burning with fever on above 95 degree summer nights!

Her final response: but....but......it's a very nice porch! it's a three season porch!

Mine: I said, Lady do you know how ridiculous you sound to me right now, that is your child and he was ill!

Continued.........

Where does one begin ( 2 in series)

This is 2nd in a series.....to read from the beginning click ~~> on this link  Where does one begin? (1)

 

The call to "W's" family was made, they came in quickly took him with them and poof he was gone. W's father has always been polite to my child, W's Mother is a different story. I'm still trying to figure out the pecking order in that family. The Mother has said some strange things to my daughter and to W, nothing that I felt I should of interjected about, but strange things indeed. W's father left telling my daughter he thought it would be a good idea if Amanda came over to their home the next day.....Amanda called me sobbing, her world was falling apart, here she was left in their Apartment, no job of her own therefore no income to cover expenses. (Yes this is what I warned her about, but with the ears of a stubborn child, she  tuned me out and thought nothing could happen.)

The next day Amanda tried calling W several times, first his voice mail picked up then his cell phone was turned off, she was left with no information for herself and for me. Her messages left on W's family phone went un returned, she literally was left in the dark for days on what happened to him, or where he was. I personally think that was very cruel of his parents, they knew she cared deeply for him and would be inconsolable until she could speak to him. I am beginning to believe every word W had to say about his Mother and his Fathers lack of balls for a better way of putting it.

Now back to the beginning of the first entry of this series, the phone call. It was a Friday night or should I say early Saturday morning (very) when my cell phone rang, I looked at time and saw that it was 12:17 a.m., the phone never rings with good news at that time of night. It was my daughter calling me from her cell phone, crying so hard that I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, then I would here her defend herself to someone that I could not hear. I had to scream into the phone for her to settle down and tell me what was going on.

It seems W's Mother had called her up a few minutes before that and woke her up out of what I am sure was a restless sleep, to torment my daughter, tellingher W is gone and he is never coming back, that he has suffered what they thought at the time was a nervous break down and that it was all Amanda's fault. They had taken W to the family Doctor the day after they took him out of the apartment and the Doctor insisted he be taken to the hospital for an evaluation, they ended up keeping him. I know in my heart it is where he needed to be, but I was very curious about his parent's motives. I could only stand a minute of listening to my child cry while defending herself to that woman, then I yelled to Amanda to make it a 3 way call.....That Momma was about to meet THIS MOMMA and it wasn't going to be pretty!

Continued.......

 

 

Where does one begin? (series)

I'm having a hard time letting go of a phone conversation I had right before the Christmas holidays. Mostly because of how disturbing the conversation was and because even 3 weeks after having it, it is still leaving me just shaking my head. The conversation was with my middle daughter's live in boyfriends' Mother, it was the first and probably last conversation I will have with that woman. My Middle Daughter is the one that has pushed the "Tough Love" envelope with me many times, but since my own Mother never gave up on me, I was a far more difficult child, I can't give up on her. For those that need to be brought up on speed on what my "Tough Love" punishment was just click on this old entry about it. "Tough Loving It"  For those that aren't sure if it really works, it has for me.

Before my Daughter met this young man, she finished her last year of High School with merit, had plans to continue her education, had a job, was dating another young man who had ambition of his own and was continuing his education in the computer field  and she was responsible in her personal life, I had no huge worries. Then along came the current boyfriend....No job, homeless, a felony record (driving related), probation and no direction for a better life. (Can you say Mother's worst nightmare?) I didn't even want to meet him, I hoped the infatuation would pass quickly.....it didn't.

After a few weeks, I finally broke down and agreed to meet him, what I found was a young man who knew he did wrong, was trying to make amends, was living a clean life and just needed a lil push in the right direction. He treated my daughter with kindness and respect, I found myself liking him for who is was, but still wished he was only just a friend to my daughter. Needless to say my daughter soon quit her job, stopped coming home on some nights and lied to me about seeking employment. I gave her a set time (generous amount mind you) to find a job, start her continuing education or she couldn't use my home as a flop house anymore. She decided when her time was up, she didn't want to follow my rules any longer and chose to become homeless along with her new boyfriend and some other friends (as referred to in the older entry)

After what seemed a lifetime, the boyfriend found full time employment, they found an apartment together along with another couple and moved in. Their bills were being paid, the apartment had food and life was going by very smoothly. I stopped worrying about them even though my daughter was not working and contributing, because that was ok with the boyfriend even though it was not ok with me. I have had many conversations with this young man about his background, his home life and his goals, I waited to hold my final judgment.

Around the Thanksgiving holiday he started exhibiting a change in behavior, he lost weight rapidly, he was no longer sleeping, he seemed to go from an overly chatty kind of guy to a more quiet, withdrawn young man. My first instinct told me drugs, I knew a lot about them, they were part of my youthful past too. While me and the rest of the family went south for the holiday, my daughter and her boyfriend decided to stay here and had Thanksgiving dinner with my Mom and my Sister. I was brought up to speed on the boyfriends condition from all three of them, they were each worried.

The last frantic call came from my daughter while we were driving back home from Kentucky telling me "W" had laid down after he came home from work, seemed to be fine, but when she went in to check up on him a lil while later, he was sitting up in the bed, asking Amanda to "kill him" He would not go see a Doctor nor would he let Amanda take him to the hospital. I told her it was time to call his family, they needed to be involved and they could possibly have him check in. ("W" is 21, Amanda is 19)

 

This seems to be an entry that will have to be written in series, so much to still write about.

Time Passages

kmh 2006

Even the moon waited to see what a glorious day this could be

Funny how it's only when I look at pictures of Jim and my beginning and every year in between do I notice the passage of time. For what has seemed like time standing still whenever I am with him, time shows itself to me in our photo's.

We look like such children with our faces smooth with youth, our hair shows no thinning or stray hairs of gray. I still see his boyish face when I look at him today and wonder if he can still see glimpses of the girl who turned his head? I am still thankful for those days when we still take each other's breath away. My heart remembers his beautiful young face.

At no other time, do I realize the passage of time more profoundly then when I look at the faces of my children, I can still see their newborn faces,  hidden in their adult  and teenage faces. To them it feels like a lifetime ago, to me it seems no more than a minute.

The memories of young love when you counted the hours and minutes apart from one another, the love letters written, sent and treasured. Now we spend most of our time saying "Remember when?" along with the daily "I love you's"

I wish more of the moments could go by a bit slower, so I can wrap myself up in them. But as anyone one with children knows, sometime life is to hectic to sit and savor the moment. Life goes by in cycles, not always lining up with each other at the right time, the right moment. But when they do.........and you are keenly aware of it being that special moment, don't be in such of a hurry to exhale.......hold onto it for just a bit longer and remember how good it felt. Being able to do that makes the not so perfect times seem just as perfect.

White Barn in Winter (photo)

  

kmh 2006

Happy Dancing!!!!

Look Ma! I'm dancin'..........HAPPY DANCING!!!!!!!

I finally decided on which computer that suited my needs best and bought it! What can I say...I'm very anal about making large purchases, I like to shop around and then compare prices.........I always have to not just get a good deal, I have to get a great deal! Just because a girl likes nice things doesn't mean she has to get taken to the cleaners obtaining them, I think I am a sales persons worst nightmare! After all you don't get called, "SATAN" by just every sales person! lol (There's an entry somewhere earlier about that whole fiasco! lol)

While on computer hiatus, I finally did get out with my camera and shoot some new photo's, I hope to be posting some of them tomorrow. I did save some of my old photo's that I had stored on my old, now dead, computer before it crashed, so I didn't loose everything. I still plan on having the old computer looked at and see if it's is repairable, that way I might be able to save the other pictures I didn't save to CD and loose all my music down loads on top of it. That very old saying, "You don't know what you lost till it's gone" is really ringing true now!

I guess the ads are going to be a permanent fixture on top of the journals, that saddens me, but I think most of us fought the good fight, even if we weren't rewarded a victory for it.

Well, since I have been gone for so long, I have a lot of reading (journals) to catch up on.

Until next time!