How insightful this last year of my life has been for me. I continually learn new things about myself which I turn around in my head for a while, look at the pros and cons of what I have discovered and try to be a better human being after the revelations. I think what I have learned the most is recognizing my own personal growth and how easy it is to identify a person who hasn't experienced it yet. You know what I'm talking about, how many times have you ran into someone from your past and you sense they are stuck there, still viewing the world through only their eyes and not trying to view it any other way.
With the onslaught of reality TV, you get to see what other people think of themselves and then almost as an after thought, what others see in that person, most of the time it is the extreme opposite. It makes one wonder Is everyone seeing me in the same way I see myself? Last night's 'Trading Spouses' was a good example of that, One Wife was very supporting of her large family, you could see her "goodness" and dedication and not even question it, while the other Wife seemed self absorbed and really had no clue as to how other's perceived her. She threw a last minute party in her new house and thought she was a total hit with everyone who attended while you could plainly see the shock this woman caused in every situation at this party.
There almost seems to be extreme opposites in every situation in life, there are those that want to go through life with their head clearly in the sand and then there are those that need to know every intricate detail, I am one of those, I understand everything better if I know everything there is to know about it, what I do with that knowledge later sometimes escapes me, I either file it away somewhere in my brain for future use or simply delete it, ( I can only store so much information! lol)
Maybe it's because I don't seem to enjoy surprises, I like to know upfront, I wanted to know the sex of my children before they were born, some accommodated me with peeks during the ultra sounds and some made me wait and see.....my last one, my only son made me wait and see, the other's were met with "No sign of manhood" simply stated by the ultra sound techs. I shot down any attempts for a so called "Surprise 40th Birthday party" for myself......I am uncomfortable if thrown into the spot light without seeking it first myself. Some may think of it as a control issue, but I don't think it's gone that far yet, it's more like the security of knowing what I'm dealing most of the time and allowing for slight variations as life always manages to throw a few curve balls, and being quickly able to adapt when they do. Maybe it was a simple surviving mechanism developed early because of it's necessity.........(enough time spent on the shrinks couch over that one! lol)
I look forward to every 'AH HAH' moment now, always thankful for the lesson learned even if it's a painful one, I've learned to take what I need from it, apply it and then move on and try to be the person I want myself to be, and try to keep it real, without any facades to hide behind, otherwise I wouldn't be living my life as.......me
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