Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Even the Warrior gets battle worn...

I am falling into a pattern with this on again off again Xeloda (chemo)...Friday I had the energy, Saturdays all I do is sleep the day away whether it's a chemo week or not. Sunday one of my girlfriends turned 40 and her family had a surprise party for her, even though all I did was sit in a chair most of the day....I was exhausted by the time I got home several hours later. I slept yesterday away and  I will probably sleep the majority of today away too.........I HATE THAT!!!!

My appetite is in the toilet too..........nothing looks good, nothing tastes good except for my birthday girlfriends Mother's Italian sausage and green and hot peppers............YUM! So I'm back to living on propel water and bites of this and bites of that. I probably will end up calling the Doctor at some point and ask what I can do about the damn fatigue. I know I have to eat to get stronger and that will also bump  up my stamina...but when the site of a fork makes you want to cry every other week.....I don't know it's just some sick holding pattern I am stuck in.

Even the strong get weary and when I stop long enough and ask how much more of this can I take...I sometimes don't like the answer...but I look into the faces of my children and into the eyes of My Jim and I say I can do this one more day and each morning brings me one more day!

55 comments:

candlejmr said...

Oh sweetie, I am sorry you are feeling so worn out.  Just keep telling yourself "one more day"  One more day gets you closer and closer the end of chemo!

((hugs))
Jeanne

sybilsybil45 said...

My dearest Warrior,  It is only natural that you have down days/weeks even, but that dosn't make it any easier to bare,  It is at times like this that you can only rest and be carried along on your friends strengh, we are all praying so hard for you and sending good vibes your way.  I hope that tomorrow will be a beter day and that you will even find something tasty that will get the juices running.  My Love and Prayers  Sybil xx    Hang on in there our dear brave warrior  xxxx

astaryth said...

Feeling tired all the time... yuch! But, it's not forever, and you got the right idea, One Day at a Time! The eating thing... have you tried like sherberts and frozen pops and smoothies? A friend going thru chemo  once told me that if it wasn't for those 3 things (and ensure) she would probably have disappeared cause nothing looked/tasted good.

Hang in there! {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

eternallife23 said...

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frankandmary said...

Please do call the Doctor.  The fatigue is just made worse by the not eating. Even fruit smoothies don't do it for ya, huh?  A moose tracks shake?
I know all this is helping you gain insight, but enough insight now. Some wellness , please. ~ Mary

cste609371 said...

try some fresh fruit like: blueberries, strawberries, ect...  cut into small  chunks and add to your fav juice (or cream decoco) freeze in a pop mold (seems, we all have them in a draw from when our kids were smaller) yummy & good for you...

keep you chin up & relax a bit, brighter days are comming with lots more eneregy!
http://journals.aol.com/cste609371/writingsshortstoriesbyStewart/

Good day,
Cheryl from MA.

canyonsun04 said...

What about some nutritional shakes, you can also put them in a bowl and freeze them , some people like them frozen and more ice cream like.  Boost is really good, maybe that would help with some of the fatigue, because your right you need to eat :(
Hugs Babe
Ang

mariebm56 said...

Why don't you talk to your doctor about taking vitamins....I mean BIG doses!
Did you find out more about Empower?  
Maybe your body is just telling you to rest. You might expect too much....you've been through a lot & need to take it easy.....RELAX~
{{{HUGS}}}
Marie

malagutigrrl said...

Do you want to eat?  AND ENJOY IT?  Seriously, you'll be wantin' to smoke an old fashion joint.  It will give you your appetite, EVERYTHING will taste wonderful (remember Jane Fonda in 9-5?), AND it will make you feel better.  Ask around. Trust me, somebody you know can get you some.  And you'll be surprised as hell, I bet, at who it turns out to be.  It's like gay people.  If you don't think you know any, you just don't know which ones they are.
And if you have any qualms about the idea, just remember: GOD MADE IT.

shoot4mephoto said...

Kim,
With all due respect. I read one of the comments about mariujanna use. I just wanted to let you know. I have done research on that and personally witnessed my brother in law die from a heart failure and respiratory infections from mariujanna while fighting his cancer. He was an addict before he was diagnosed and he never stopped smoking even after the cancer specialist warned him that his smoking could lead to fatal lung infections...I watched my hubby watch his brother die..Less alone there is a fungus on mariujanna leaves that you can breathe in that can cause a deadly fungal pneumonia.. Especially when your immune system is already down.. Ensure or maybe some juice frapps... I would only wish you the best and I wouldn't feel right not sharing.
Lisa

kirkbyj05 said...

Dear Kim..your friend's mother's Italian sausage sounds absolutely delicious!  I went daft on Salami....strong flavoured ones, as the chemo took away my taste buds and appetite. I just couldn't get enough of fresh salad spinach either. I woke each night after one and a half hours sleep, that was normal, and just had to wad it up into a tight ball and eat it as though I were a 'spinach addict'. I probably needed the iron from that.  Maybe you could just ask her to make you some more?  
The steroids I was given gave me an appetite.   Are you on those at all?  I know they have side effects, constipation being one and really bad heartburn another but they made me want to munch and graze all day and night. I took those for three days only, after my chemo treatment.
I understand and know your sleeping pattern.  Sometimes you just have to give in and go with the flow. Listen to your body.  
Mary is right though....you must get in touch with your doctor to see if he can help you out with the side effects.   I suppose if Bryan my husband had been able to cook for himself, he can't, I would probably have stayed in bed a lot more often and not eaten.  But I had to cook as normal just to make sure he ate.  
Each chemo treatment works differently on your body so I can't say what will truly work for you.   Only a doctor can, but there must be ways they can help you.  Please don't suffer indefinitely...you must have a decent quality of life.  
Thinking of you lots and praying for a lift in your energy and spirit.  Hugs..Jeanie xx

sunnyside46 said...

it must get to be so hard sometimes.
I bet you may feel like you have to be strong for everyone else....
Bless your heart.
Love,
Marti

shauneenie said...

Dearest Kimberleigh...It must be harder than most realise...I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you!! Keeping you in my prayers and praying for strength to return....warriors do get weary....but thats why you have us LOL Love and hugs((((()))))))....Shauneen

glensfork4 said...

When my friend Holly was going thru Chemo for Lupus she did smoke pot to help her eat...that was the ONLY thing that worked....she was very sick and slept alot too, but that did help her.

Michele

nhd106 said...

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madcobug said...

Dear Kim, I am so sorry that you don't have an appetiate. I saw a Dr on TV that made up a cookbook for people like you. He was saying whatever you thought you could eat no matter what time of day or night to go for it. I pray that soon can eat better and gain some strength. Helen

mpnaz58 said...

You're doing just about all you can do...and no one can ask for more...maybe not even you!  Keep doing what you're doing...its getting through the next day.  Take care...
xoxo ~Myra

midwestvintage said...

 I just read about this stuff today and don't know anything about it except they have done some studies on it.  Check it out.  It may help with the fatique.

http://www.frs.com/research/fatigue.asp

 Hope it gets better for you.

 Julie

ajquinn354 said...

Kim, you just hang in there dear, have several friends going through cancer treatments and having similar situations, but time does bring relief and  hearing good reports from the Doctor on your C is worth it.  Just don't ever give up, you are our strong Warrior dear. Heck your girlfriends Mom would be glad to make you a pot of the Italian sausage and green and hot peppers, if you can enjoy eating that....pick up the phone, lol.  We all know it's the pattern you are in right now, wish we could be there to give you a big hug dear and do what we could to help with your appetite and fatigue.....it will get better.  If you aren't up to doing anything, then just relax and get your rest and eat those hot Italian Sausages.
Love to you....Arlene (AJ)

plieck30 said...

Just here to wish you well and I know it won't be long you will be writing one of your upbeat entries. In the mean time sleep if you feel like it. Caring about you, Paula

princesssaurora said...

Sending you prayers... for strength and an appetite.  Try to eat whatever strikes your fancy... Go to 7-11... look at the junk food... maybe something will pop.  Same thing at the food store....

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

heavenlybama said...

I'm so sorry you're so fatigued.  I would go to an organic health store.  The employees can be a big help in using some products that might help.  Your dr. won't say anything about it because, by law, he can't give you a recommendation.  Hang in there Pink Warrior!  I'm praying for you.
Hugs,
D
http://journals.aol.com/heavenlybama/journey-to-success

ktkamanski said...

Hoping you find comfort soon and a day of sunshine in the near future! Rest now and with hopes that your tomorrow brings a smile!
Katie
http://journals.aol.com/ktkamanski/AlwaysBelieve/

gandsbrock said...

I'm sorry your energy and hunger is in the tank.  :-(  I would send you some of the food I've been eating, if I could.  You wouldn't be able to resist.  I guess you gotta take a day at a time.  You can do it!
Stephanie

tendernoggle said...

Call your doctor's office  Kim and tell them what is going on...there may be something that will help with this....
I am still praying for you...God bless you,
love ya,
carlene

s0ngbird1962 said...

(((((Kim)))))  Hang in there warrior and fight on....  My Mom just got word that she is in remission.   I just know that "R" word is just around the corner for you too.  Believe....

lisa41076 said...

Awwwwwww Kim, hope you feel better soon, Hugs Lisa

sdoscher458 said...

(((Kim))) rest as you need to...sleep can help heal. It's not a case of you being lazy ya know. Speaking as an old hippie I sure wish they would legalize weed, it's been proven to be of benefit for chemo patients. You would think they could remove the stuff that makes you high and keep the good stuff that makes you hungry. Hope you feel better soon, keeping you in my prayers my friend...Sandi

sugerb6 said...

Kim, I'm not sure if the convienence stores in your area have what is called a Mt. Dew Freeze...my sister loved them. She was able to taste it somewhat and it soothed her throat. She was like you and unable to eat, she couldn't stand Boost or Ensure because of the icky feeling it left in her mouth. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Love
Debbie

gehi6 said...

So glad to read that the treatment is showing some good results.  Let us hope that they mean remission is around the corner.  I am sure your family and husband appreciate the fight you are making to stay with them  day by day.  Gerry

ukgal36 said...

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chat2missie said...

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lmitc89854 said...

Ask your friend to have her mother make more of her dish!

gosso23 said...

Keep fighting Kim. I know how you feel. Some days are just unbearable. I know it's hard and I feel so bad for you having to fight again so soon, but you can do it. I know you hate to sleep the day away but go ahead and rest up. Take care
Trish

csandhollow said...

It is a good fight.

layla44808 said...

Kim, from what I have read of your journals, you have shown more fight and strength than alot of people..So, take a down day when you need it..Because you will be back with full force in no time, I'm sure..
Sheri

caswellcs1 said...

Weepping may endure for a night, but, joy comes in the mornning.  The Lord has been so good to me, so much better than I been to myself; to me he's been my everything and as long as I have him, I don't need nobody else. Ony this mornning he started me on my way, and because of his goodness and mercy, I saw a new day.   Ain't it funny how you feel shows on your face; but, the true joy of a smile is your light within. It's not how the face looks, but how the eyes shine and when you want to take over, I'll stay alert and have a outward smile for you.

astoriasand said...

A friend of mine  got like this Kim and she managed to get down porrage all the time with honey in.If it was only a spoonful.This built up her strength.Rest and try anything if it's only water.Water is still feeding.Prayers still being said thousandfold.I have faith I am waiting for the next posting.Take Care God Bless Kath
Astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

kidzmakeucrazy said...

ok I am not saying this to be funny, but maybe a fatty before lunch will make you want to eat more, probly won't help with the fatigue but it will sure give ya the munchies....

you can delete this message if ya want, I won't mind.
but I really think it will help.
I had a friend who said it's the only thing that got her thru chemo.

I wish you and yours the best.
MELISSA

sangrialel said...

I hope that you get your energy back again soon!  Linda

mztishgray0726 said...

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loves2fishnboat said...

Kim....get up, get up we miss you.

rdautumnsage said...

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mumma4evr said...

keep having the small bites when you can...it is better than nothing!!! sending hungry hugs to you!
becky

acoward15 said...

I wouldn't say I'm fussy about my food, but my appetite has never driven me to wish to consume anything from the toilet.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/acoward15/andy-the-bastard

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Thinking of you Kim....
Hope you are able to eat a little
something here and there and keep it down.
Drinking plenty helps... we are all here for you!

Love and Hugs,
      Terri

rbrown6172 said...

{{{kim}}}  you are in my prayers.
gina

hestiahomeschool said...

You are deep in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie.

bookncoffee said...

I hope you get the energy and appetite back soon.  Prayers being said too.  Funny to have no appetite but the italian sausage and green hot peppers.  Hubby's growing the peppers.  LOL He has been toasting peppers sliced long ways with feta cheese in them.  Oh so good.  
:>)

totallymentalben said...

{{{{ Kim }}}} You've always known what to do...use every bit of strength you have, and when that's not enough draw more from the people who love you. The ones there, and the ones here too.

When my father was ill the doctors prescribed appetite stimulants that were able to help some; maybe that can work for you too. Your situation with the sausages - which sound yummy, btw - reminded me of something I read years ago about the origin of fettucine alfredo that may be of use. Alfredo was a chef whose wife was experiencing a very difficult pregnancy, and despite his  best efforts she wouldn't eat anything and it was affecting her health. Finally, in a fit of frustration, he put together a mixture of pasta and every rich ingredient he could find, and once she tried it she couldn't get enough of it. Find something that works for you, even if it's one thing, and use it.

Ben
http://journals.aol.com/totallymentalben/better-left-unsaid

mutualaide said...

You are in my continued prayers ... and each day may you find that little bit extra that you need to get through.  

ladyvictoriak said...

Just wanted to let you know Kim, I've been thinking about you.  Hang in there ;-)

Viki

blpltt said...

Hello Kim - I've come over from Kath's SIMPLE RHYMES; you're on my list now.  What a story !  Never realised how lucky I was, 8 years ago, to get off with a simple mastectomy.  I don't know how I would have coped with what you take in your stride.  Will tag along with you on your journey.
Bunny.

thinkingoutloud said...

I hope you are feeling better.  
The treatments are exhausting in themselves.

Bless you:)
Love,
Niki

pippa1116 said...

warriors need their rest also.  take care and hugs and prayers to you.
tina