Monday, July 2, 2007

This lil light of mine....

For almost 10 days I have secretly been scared that the cancer has spread to my bones.....I have been in pain...severe pain that came out of nowhere....I wake up in the morning and my back and shoulder blades are killing me, my sternum is killing me and my joints and muscle aches like I've been in a car wreck. I have been silent about my fear of the cancer spreading to my bones but it's been hard to keep silent about my pain...yesterday I woke up in so much pain that I had to use my liquid morphine....I haven't had to use that since my last hospitalization in May.

So what do I do? I call my Momma of course........who else can I share my fear with at this point without devastating my Children....I do share my fear with Jim because he finally caught a glimpse of some of the pain. My Mother immediately puts my mind at ease.......I love my Momma...she had been checking out the side effects of my Xeloda (oral chemo) and even though I did this myself in the beginning with the packet the drug company gave me it failed to mention.....back pain, chest pain and muscle and joint pain....Whewwww! I have been off my morphine patches for a lil over 2 weeks and I think that is why I am now having pain from the Xeloda. I have tried to keep my use of pain medications down to barely used because up until this point I could handle it...but I'm going to be utilizing them more now that I know it's just going to be part of my every day life (pain that is) while I continue on my way to find remission from all this cancer chit. lol

I should of figured out when I left the hospital in May why they sent me home with such strong narcotics....liquid morphine, Norco and the morphine patches! This too I shall get through....there is still so much living to do!

I had a rough time Saturday even though we spent it at the lake, I never managed to get out and visit with anyone and I wasn't up to visitors but Sunday was fabulous and almost every member of my huge Irish family was there to celebrate 2 family birthdays who both turned 17...tons of pictures were taken and I was even able to get a picture of me and all four of my kids....very rarely can I get them all at the same place, but yesterday was a day of celebration and family and good friends...food was fabulous, the kids all enjoyed the beach, my Son-In-Law and my Husband went out fishing together for the first time with many more times to come....the sight of them 2 out on the water together fishing and talking just warmed my heart....I love my SIL...he's my Daughters perfect match and he has so many of my Jim's traits.....can't get better than that! lol

I'll share the some of the pictures by tomorrow.......there is so many from other family members too! I think there was probably 30 of us out there.......Some even came from out of state just to hug me and tell me how proud they are of me and to battle on like the pink warrior that I am......I needed that extra kick on the ass to get back in my warrior mode.....watch out cancer here I come! lol lol lol

53 comments:

princesssaurora said...

You are the ultimate pink warrior my dear Kim!!!!  Battle on... sending prayers for pain relief.  Even the good meds have dang side effects.... it sucks don't it?

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

pharmolo said...

I'm glad you found out what brought on the boney pain, Kim, and that it was just the side-effects of the Xeloda. Good to hear you had a nice weekend.

icewitch96 said...

Im glad that you were able to find the orgin of your pain!  You're in my prayers!

Love,

Jenn

mumma4evr said...

I must tell  you that you do kick ass!!!!  You are a strong pink warrior!!!!
becky

frankandmary said...

I've heard strong martinis, shaken not stirred, by a naked husband, help with bone pain.
~Mary oxoxo

dwhee70041 said...

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chat2missie said...

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lazarai said...

I'm so relieved to hear that it's the Xeloda causing the pain....and that you have weapons in your arsenal to fight it. No shame in squelching the pain -- that's why they gave you the meds!

Sounds like a wonderful party yesterday!!! I'm glad you're staying busy and happy with your friends and family.

Keep fighting, Kimberleigh!!

Hugs,
:) Carol

swferstl said...

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klconard1 said...

(((((((((hugs and prayers)))))))))) I shed tears when reading this.  I know so well what it's like to have such pain and be fearful of what it is.  I am rejoicing with you.
loving you
karyl

candlejmr said...

I can't wait to see the pictures...especially the ones of you and all your kids!!  I know how hard all this cancer shit is for you and I am so glad that your momma has been doing the investigating for you.  Once your momma, always your momma!! (lol)  And thank heaven's for momma's!!!!

Love you!!
((hugs))
Jeanne

wwfbison said...

I'm glad to hear your Mama could ease your mind.  You are in my thoughts & Prayers and I hope you are feeling more comfortable soon.  
Lisa
http://journals.aol.com/wwfbison/life-on-a-bison-farm

astaryth said...

I would have been scared to death too! Glad it turned out to be a side-effect... and way to go Mom for knowing it and making you feel better! You ARE going to post the pic of you and all of your kids.. right?!?

astoriasand said...

You have beaten everything so far KIM you can beat the rest.We know you can,we also understand how hard it is on you.God Bless your Dear MOMA,and all your beautiful family.I am so looking forward to all the pics.You are Wonderwoman PINK WARRIOR in my eyes.Prayers still being said thousandfold.Take Care God Bless.Kath
astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

sybilsybil45 said...

Dear Kim, I was a bit worried when I hadn't seen news of you last few days. I am relieved to see that although you are in such pain you have been able to find out the reason. Good on dear old Mum's they are good at coming up with the answers.Prayers always winging there way to our good Lord for the pain to ease soon. Much Love sybil x

canyonsun04 said...

Yep, there is a reason they sent you home with high powered pain killers!!! They are there to use, so I'm glad your going to utilize them, you shouldn't be in pain like that if you can help ease it with the help of meds. The weekend at the lake sounded nice :)
Hugs
Ang

wildautumn1 said...

Sorry you have been going through so much pain. I always want my mom when too! Keeping you in my prayers.

mutualaide said...

You inspire me Kim, to just do a little bit better every day.  Thank you.  

ajquinn354 said...

Kimberleigh, have been wondering how you were doing dear.....sorry you are in so much pain, but bless your Mom was checking all this out and knowing your med would cause this pain all over.  Glad you got to share the weekend with your family and loved ones and the birthday celebrants and get a chance to enjoy yourself.....you hang in their Pink Warrior.....we care and love you.....Arlene (AJ)

jckfrstross said...

so sorry you  have been in that much pain:( enjoy your 4th:)

Deb

inafrnz247 said...

Pain sucks...  No matter where it originates from.  It is no wonder, with all that your body and mind and heart has endured, that you are scared sometimes.  Perhaps more than you even allow yourself to express, fearing that your thoughts might become reality once they are voiced.

Kim, you ARE that warrior woman...  You face this demon with the utmost strength and determination and dignity.  And yet, you also allow yourself to feel the pain ~ for without it, there is no victory.  

Sunday must have left you feeling victorious, with the presence of all your family surrounding you.  I look forward to seeing your photos!  

Peace and hugs,

Michelle

cindyliz77 said...

I'm so relieved for you Kim and glad you had your mom to ease your fears. As I know you've been told, you're an inspiration to so many people and happily I'm one of them. You are going to beat this and everyone will celebrate with you whether we can be there or not!!

Hugs & prayers ~ Cindy

jerseygirlphotos said...

glad mom did her homework and eased your mind.  looking forward to seeing some photos of the festivities :)

gehi6 said...

Hooray for a little relief in figuring out why the pain.  So glad you were able to make it to another family gathering.  Your family sounds like just what you need to help get you through these ordeals  A good family. Can't beat those.  Gerry
http://journals.aol.com/gehi6/daughters-of-the-shadow-men/  

nhd106 said...

Yay Mom...they sure are the best, aren't they?
Nancy

madcobug said...

I am glad that your Mom had done some research and was able to ease your mind. Glad also that your Sunday was a good one. Helen

shauneenie said...

YAY PINK WARRIOR!!! Sooo happy your Momma was there for you!Also happy you had good day on Sunday! Praying for painfree days!!!!!!!Love and hugs,Shauneen ((((())))))

thinkingoutloud said...

RUT RO!

I'm sorry you have been having so much pain.  BUT I'm glad the warrior is back.
Watch out>>>

Love n prayers 2u-
Niki

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Hey Kim =)
Sorry you have been in so much pain girlie, I'm glad your mom done some research and found out why. Hope the pain eases.
So glad you were able to go to the lake...can't wait to see the pics... Sounds like you have a great SIL...

"This too I shall get through....there is still so much living to do!"
Amen sista!!!! Thats the Kim we know and love...so optimistic and a Pink Warrior for sure!!!  Kick cancers ass!!!!

Hugs,
Terri

molly146012 said...

Praying for you as always... :) Molly

lisa41076 said...

Kim, you are in my thoughts always, Love and Hugs Lisa

ukgal36 said...

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tendernoggle said...

Bless your heart....Please don't hold that kind of thinking inside...Go to your mama or your doctor and let them know...They can help you...But I can understand you not wanting to hear anymore bad news...God bles you Kim...I pray that He heals you and destroys ALL the cancer cells,
love ya,
carlene
ps.
Thank God for mama!!!

nelishianatl said...

I've read you quietly for a long, long time and have never heard of or met anyone quiet like you.  We've talked a bit in the past and just wanted to let you know that I didn't leave.  I found a lump tonight.  I am calling the Dr. in the morning.  I think of how you've paved the way for all of us on how to handle this.  Maybe it's nothing.  Maybe it's something.  I'm going to find out soon.
Your in my mind and heart and prayers always.

You're my friend,
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WishingandHoping/

stepjammer said...

I"m glad you have a little less to worry about, at least.  Hope you are feeling better soon.  

plieck30 said...

So glad you have your Mama to call. Mamas always know best. Paula

carolhehe said...

I am so glad your mama is there for you. Nothing like the love of a mother for medicine. It sounded like you had a wonderful reunion with family. I am sorry you hurt so.

sdoscher458 said...

I am so happy that you are surrounded by loving people it just means so much for your inner strength. Your fight has many twists and turns that are not pleasant, but fight on my beautiful warrior friend...fight on....love you,  Sandi

beckiepainton said...

Hello, I popped here from Marys, just saying hi! I hope the pain subsides and you keep as well as you can beckiexx

sunnyside46 said...

all that love will build a wall between you and the evil cancer cells.
sending my brick....
Love
Marti
http://journals.aol.com/sunnyside46/MidlifeMusings/entries/2007/07/

gandsbrock said...

Whew.  Thank goodness for moms.  It sounds like you had a great family reunion.
Stephanie

rdautumnsage said...

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raeganfay said...

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raeganfay said...

oops me again... I wrote my linkie addy wrong...   it's http://journals.aol.com/raeganfay/nowhere-usa/

CeCe Beth of Nowhere, USA!

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

I will be praying for you...can't wait to see the pix..Keep fighting Kim!  Your family and you are in my prayers daily!  Big hugs,TerryAnn

kirkbyj05 said...

Dear Kim,
I have been away in Scotlland at a family wedding and have got behind with my alerts.  There you were suffering al this pain when Mom new the answers. Bless her and you too.  Its not funny being so debilitated.  My pain from the Arimidex which is given to keep my type of cancer at bay was just too unbearable and I had to change it.  You are an inspiration and so brave to put up with what you have!  We could all do with hindsight sometimes, to see where we go wrong or the obvious but for now....I hope you stay painfree and comfortable.   Keep taking all the pain relief you can.  Quality of living is what it is all about dear friend. Praying so hard always for you and your family so that you can conquer this.  Much love.    Jeanie  xxxx

layla44808 said...

Your family get together sounds like a wonderful time..
It's a nice thing when you can have so many good things to say about your SIL.
Glad to hear that your mind is more at ease...Gotta thank those Mamas....
Sheri

lanurseprn said...

I'm so glad you had fun with your family. Use the pain meds to keep the pain level down. If it gets to high, the meds can't bring it down to a tolerable level, so stay on top of it.  
Have a good day today...
Pam

randlprysock said...

Hang in there girl!  Prayers!
Lisa

stupidsheetguy said...

It's good to see you enjoying things as best you can. I loved it that all those people came, and that you managed to get your kids all together. More strength to you!

heavenlybama said...

Thank God for Mama's!  You're in my thoughts and prayers!
Hugs,
D
http://journals.aol.com/heavenlybama/journey-to-success

nay0114 said...

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pprrrr39 said...

Sorry to hear that you have been in so much pain.... i sure hope that it has subdued now

hugs Jayne