For almost 10 days I have secretly been scared that the cancer has spread to my bones.....I have been in pain...severe pain that came out of nowhere....I wake up in the morning and my back and shoulder blades are killing me, my sternum is killing me and my joints and muscle aches like I've been in a car wreck. I have been silent about my fear of the cancer spreading to my bones but it's been hard to keep silent about my pain...yesterday I woke up in so much pain that I had to use my liquid morphine....I haven't had to use that since my last hospitalization in May.
So what do I do? I call my Momma of course........who else can I share my fear with at this point without devastating my Children....I do share my fear with Jim because he finally caught a glimpse of some of the pain. My Mother immediately puts my mind at ease.......I love my Momma...she had been checking out the side effects of my Xeloda (oral chemo) and even though I did this myself in the beginning with the packet the drug company gave me it failed to mention.....back pain, chest pain and muscle and joint pain....Whewwww! I have been off my morphine patches for a lil over 2 weeks and I think that is why I am now having pain from the Xeloda. I have tried to keep my use of pain medications down to barely used because up until this point I could handle it...but I'm going to be utilizing them more now that I know it's just going to be part of my every day life (pain that is) while I continue on my way to find remission from all this cancer chit. lol
I should of figured out when I left the hospital in May why they sent me home with such strong narcotics....liquid morphine, Norco and the morphine patches! This too I shall get through....there is still so much living to do!
I had a rough time Saturday even though we spent it at the lake, I never managed to get out and visit with anyone and I wasn't up to visitors but Sunday was fabulous and almost every member of my huge Irish family was there to celebrate 2 family birthdays who both turned 17...tons of pictures were taken and I was even able to get a picture of me and all four of my kids....very rarely can I get them all at the same place, but yesterday was a day of celebration and family and good friends...food was fabulous, the kids all enjoyed the beach, my Son-In-Law and my Husband went out fishing together for the first time with many more times to come....the sight of them 2 out on the water together fishing and talking just warmed my heart....I love my SIL...he's my Daughters perfect match and he has so many of my Jim's traits.....can't get better than that! lol
I'll share the some of the pictures by tomorrow.......there is so many from other family members too! I think there was probably 30 of us out there.......Some even came from out of state just to hug me and tell me how proud they are of me and to battle on like the pink warrior that I am......I needed that extra kick on the ass to get back in my warrior mode.....watch out cancer here I come! lol lol lol