Today I am overwhelmed.......last night I was angry and emotionally drained....I went to bed at 6:30 and slept until 10:00 and was back in bed asleep my 10:30.
When I was first told I had cancer, I accepted it right away....Ok, what do I do? When do I do it? When will I be done with it? I gathered all the information and I broke it down into 3 steps. Step 1 being the removal of my breast and the recovery, mind and body from that, step 2 being chemo.... the part I feared the most....I did that with very minimal complaining, step 3 was to have the other breast lifted and the new breast finished with a new nipple and a tattooed areola.......doing the math, setting the final surgery and having to wait a few months in between following my chemo I had it set in my mind that I would be done with cancer by next month......all 3 stages completed.........NOT!
I picked up my films yesterday and went for my 3:20 appointment to see my surgeon who request that I have the mammo/ultra sound before the right breast lift, I found a new lump in my right breast, the right breast that I begged the Doctors to remove because of the cancer in the left breast.....I was told let's just worry about what is wrong with you and fix that, there is a less than 5% chance that the cancer will ever invade your other breast. So after reviewing my films, my Surgeon does another breast exam, finds the lump himself and is very concerned, the mammo/ultra sound films show nothing to be concerned about, but they have missed cancerous tumors before, so now he wants me to have a MRI Breast Test....highly more accurate at finding cancerous tumors and he said whatever it is he wants to take it out and have it biopsied.........so there goes my surgery date of April 4th......the date I thought I could finally put cancer behind me.
I can't tell you how defeated I feel, the reason I could and did stay so strong during this whole ordeal is because I knew I had an end date....just like labor and delivery I could bare the pain because I knew that it had an ending.......now I have no idea of when this is going to end...I know I will bounce back quickly from this set back, I always do! It just takes me about 24 hours to deal with it then let it go...come what may....I will do battle again! I am a warrior in pink of course....my new signature color ;)
So cancer if you're coming to get me....I'll be ready and waiting for you!