I remember when my first born turned 6 weeks old......I remember thinking and patting myself on my back, what a dutiful, caring Mother I have been. Six Whole weeks dedicated to someone besides myself, that was a long time to a person who hadn't known how self centered she was until she gave birth to that beautiful baby girl. I remember thinking "WOW! six weeks.........when do I get my break??" What an IDIOT I was.......I had just turned 23....two weeks before her birth.
So fast forward 20 years and here I sit........a 2 week post-op breast cancer patient, with tram flap reconstruction, with a new boob that had about 4 very LARGE syringes of fluid removed from said, new boob yesterday and wondering..................WTF!!!!!
Then as fast as that thought crossed my mind, again I said, WTF......WOMAN it's only been 2 weeks since the Mastectomy and the reconstruction.......why am I pushing myself so hard? I answer that question almost immediately........I'm a control freak! I like to know what's around the corner, so I can prepare myself for what's around the corner and with cancer.......it's out of my control! That's pretty tough for a control freak!
Then quickly my mind flashes back to one of the funniest movies I have ever seen and we all know how much I am into humor! ;) That movie called ...."What about Bob?" (Bill Murray, Richard Dreyfus) and I say to myself........BABY STEPS BOB, BABY STEPS! lol
Can a woman who is used to running full force into life learn at 43 to even take baby steps? I'm wondering already what kind of day this is going to be?? lol I think I am back to being really pissed off again..... lol! I can carry more weight on my shoulders when I am pissed off........a trick learned early during a sometimes very difficult childhood. Now I know the "WHY'S" to all my childhood times revisited.....I would need this "THICK SKIN"
Boy my mind cycles fast!