Finding my way again

Even the mighty stumble from time to time.....and I have stumbled! I ended up having to see the plastic surgeon on this past Tuesday instead of the scheduled Thursday appointment due to needing to have more fluid drained from the new breast. We both agreed maybe the drain should of stayed in for a few more days......am I going to worry about that? NO! The surgery saved my life, who am I to complain about having to have a needle stuck in the side of my boob (An obnoxious sized needle with a obnoxious sized syringe! lol) The new boob is numb as can be, so there is no pain involved, I even took a cell phone call from my kids while laying on the table, with a Doctor hovering over me, draining fluid off of my new engorged breast. The "MOM" in me kicked in.......I had to find out if there was any homework that needed to be done, that both of them made it home from the bus stop and to make sure they started their chores before I came home........call me a multi tasker! lol even Dr. Hollywood was impressed! lol lol lol

Now yesterday, which was Wednesday was NOT a good day for me....I had to see Dr. Serious......the cancer Doctor. We needed to go over my treatment schedule..........my official diagnosis? T2 N1 STAGE IIB breast cancer.......what does all that mean? Here is a link that might help you understand all the 'Doc Talk'  ACS :: How Is Breast Cancer Staged?  I am lucky, it had only spread to 1 sentinel node even though I had 3 tumors in my left breast and a lot of small masses......Yes, there are times when you can use the words 'LUCKY' and 'CANCER' in the same sentence.

I will be starting my Chemo on September 26th.....For me, the word "CHEMO" really screams "You have cancer woman!" That one word really brings it home to me and I spent the majority of yesterday weeping. I don't think I care about loosing my hair and I know they have made great strides in dealing with the side effects of chemo, so I know I don't have to worry about that....but I can't help but feel powerless over the fact that I have to do something that I really would rather not do and oh how I wish that it had never touched my life..... The part that hurts me the most is watching people who love me watch me struggle through this. Without Chemo treatment I have a 50/50 percent chance that it will show itself somewhere else in my body (soon) with Chemo the odds are 80/20.

That 20% scares the hell out of me.........I was tough this time, but having it return will surely start wearing away at my resolve. What keeps me strong is that it is ME who is going through this and not one of my children........that would break my heart....I am glad that it is ME instead of someone that I love dearly.

Now for those that are squeamish please click out of my Blog now.....I have decided to post some post op pictures for those that I might be helping in their future.....we all know and love women with breasts .......from our Mothers, to our Sisters, your Wives, our Grandmothers, our Daughters and our girlfriends. I chose to have reconstruction because I am only 43 years old and I didn't want cancer to leave a permanent mark on who I am.....I will have scars, I will be bald and I will still have days where all I can do is weep, but I can't let Cancer alter who I am and who I am to become....I have children to finish raising, I have a forever love, My Husband Jim who I want to spend more of forever with.....I will recover further from the Mastectomy, I will do my chemo treatments, I will take my medications, I will keep my follow up appointments I will find my way again.

I opted for the TRAM FLAP reconstruction....what that means is they used tissue and muscle from my abdomen to reconstruct my left breast.......major surgery? YES! But it was the fastest way to reconstruct and get me on my merry way to chemo. More on flam trap click on this link provided.....  Deciding about Breast Implants for Reconstruction after Breast Cancer Surgery

The new breast minus areola and nipple (to be added after treatment)

 

The donor area and newly relocated belly button

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.......make sure your loved ones make and KEEP their mammogram appointments....I didn't last year and I didn't this year even though I had the breast exam..... I didn't follow up with the mammogram and now you see where that got me?