Sunday, August 6, 2006

!st week of August in rewind.........Oye Vey! LOL

My Week in rewind.......

Monday is a blur already to me.........I think it was spent telling everybody that I have cancer and that we will all be ok!

Tuesday I met with Dr. McDreamy the surgeon who will remove my left breast very soon (as it sits right now I have 2 major tumors, 1 minor tumors and about 4 or 5 smaller tumors all packed into my left breast) I now know that I have grade 3 breast cancer HIGHLY AGGRESSIVE, I knew that already because they came out of nowhere fast and furious, much like the taxi drivers in Jamaica last month! lol ( I went by myself for this. I drove there and home by myself for this I'll explain at the end of the entry as to why)

Wednesday I met with McDreamy again and had a mammotome biopsy, painless and as usual I talked right through it.....believe it or not McDreamy, Nurse Kathy and I had a fun time! lol He patched me up and I again drove myself home......I wanted to do this alone too!

Thursday I took off my lovely ace bandage and saw what looked like an over thumped melon....bruised, battered and bloody, not to mention my skin is so delicate......nice word delicate, that's about the only thing delicate about me! lol Ok Maybe my hands are still considered delicate! lol But Thursday night my Middle Daughter needed to move out of the apartment that she once shared with old Boyfriend, the one that was diagnosed last Thanksgiving as schizophrenic and then later changed to severely bipolar.........the one who is now stalking her. Well as we are pulling into her apartment complex I see him by her apartment with her permission to remove his not working car out of the garage and I don't even wait for Jim to stop the truck, I fly out of it and go after him.........pretty delicate huh??? lol I told him this was his last warning to leave my Kid alone......I reminded him that this does not have to get nasty but Momma will bring nasty if he touches her or bothers her again.....he took off quickly, so did his Mother who I didn't know was standing a few feet behind me....She already knew how I felt about her from our one and only conversation.......she has listened to me and stopped harassing my kid......I told her I'd get real ugly with her too if I had too! Well, anyway..........Earlier Thursday afternoon, the cancer was confirmed with a quick call from McDreamy to the Pathologist.......this coming Wednesday they hope to have the full report and I will learn exactly whatkind of breast cancer I have....(there are a few) and what stage I am at.....right now preliminary reports with nodes unseen....I am Stage II or Stage III. That really won't be confirmed until after the mastectomy. Thursday night was spent in the ER from over doing it helping with the Middle daughters move, the jump from a moving vehicle and I just needed reassurance that was what it was supposed to look like.....A over thumped and squished melon! lol

Friday day was spent at the New Cancer Hospital that I will be visiting a lot.........met with The Oncologist.... Dr. Serious I shall call him, had some blood work, went over most of the pathologist report, was told they are still waiting on the Estrogen receptor, progesterone receptor and the her 2 reports to see if they can kill a majority of the tumors by shutting down the estrogen or progesterone in my body. Also found out I have MANY tumors of various sizes in my left breast.........I call them "party crashers" totally uninvited house (me) guests! lol I also saw McDreamy again and he just wanted to see a visual of the biopsy site for himself since I was a little freaked out about the blood pooling.......he said my was not the best he's seen, but nowhere near the worst either.........Ok, I can live with that! lol I also met the Breast Care Coordinator and was overwhelmed with information........Jim was with me on Friday, he insisted.......I was over ruled and I am glad he was there to catch most of what I missed after I heard the words  Stage II and Stage III........Ok, So I already knew I was going to be in a battle, now I that it's a lil tougher battle and I will have to be even more of the fierce warrior I am, to kicks it's little ass! They also scheduled a CT scan and Bone Scan for next Friday.............the Mastectomy will pre-empt all that testing if I can get it done earlier in the week.....I have the A-TEAM from everyone I have spoken to about my Doctors.......I'm in good hands and I know it! I was also told by the A-Team they really don't think cancer will invademy right breast ever, so they won't be taking that one off........that one will have to wait for the reduction and lift a good 6 months after the mastectomy and chemo has finished......I am gonna be one lop-sided woman! lol And I have no problem with that....it will bring attention to my breasts along with my fashionably 'Hot' bald head to the need for breast cancer awareness......my new journey and role in life!
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Now why I want to do a majority of this by myself.......I was raised to be a strong minded, strong willed woman....what made that difficult for my Mother was that I took that initiative a little earlier than she wanted me too........like 12 years of age........but because of being damn good at being strong minded and willed I prefer to do some of these things by myself..........I remain calm, and I remain in control of the Cancer and the fear that it causes in most people...........If I were to take my Beloved Husband with me, I probably would fall apart (still haven't done that, it's not my MO anyway, I'll explain more on that in a minute.) If I let my Mother take me.......same situation.....anyone else and I would end up making sure they were ok........so I go by myself......Jim, My Mom and other family and friends will invade the Hospital as it is, when I have my surgery........One big love fest!

Now....my usual MO for any kind of emergency or crisis is....I take charge, I am fierce, I handle it all, I am a rock until it's all over..........so I will have my weak moments from time to time, but I will not "loose" it until it's all over and I am cancer free.......then and only then will I cry me a river.......that's who I am, that's who I'll be!

So what you are seeing is not an act, not a benefit for others, I'm not in denial and I have no fear..........I will laugh my way through this and I will help others deal with my cancer and maybe theirs...........Told ya! I'm one tough Irish Broad! lol lol lol

Saturday night I had a blast at the lake again with my family and my friends......cook outs, cocktails, bonfires, great music and I found myself sitting in the huge circle watching these people that I love, having a good time, catching up on each other's lives and children and thankful that I had one more wonderful memory to look back on when I need too!

Even with cancer.............life is good and I am loved.........and for that I am very blessed!

Oh, so how am I spending my Sunday??  quietly.......Jose Cuervo was a friend of mine last night....so I am avoiding that friend today and taking it easy......maybe some fishing and an afternoon nap with my forever bed buddy.....Jim! ;)

25 comments:

xomywayox said...

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mosie1944 said...

Looks to me as though you know yourself pretty well.  Fight on!

sugarsweet056 said...

Dear Mosie sent me over. :)
Sending lots of good thoughts & prayers your way.
Please know you'll have LOTS of support here in J-Land, let me know if there is ever anything I can do!
Come visit my journals sometime...would love to get to know you better.
Blessings,
Sugar

http://journals.aol.com/sugarsweet056/SUGARSLIFE/
http://journals.aol.com/sugarsweet056/PRAYING4U/
http://journals.aol.com/sugarsweet056/MYBELOVEDFURRBABIES/

queeniemart said...

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ann7inflorida said...

I am the same way. I'll battle things alone mostly to keep a clear perspective and when it's all said and done, then I break down. I also -just know- things. Like I -know- you are going to come through this and be fine. It aint gonna be easy but you WILL kick it's ass. No doubts about that. LOL @ how you got in fruity boyfriends face! LOVE IT!!! Happy Sunday, Kim! ~Ann {Your cheering squad in Florida :)}

mutualaide said...

Good luck to you and as you know, we are all in your corner, when you need us!  

nelishianatl said...

I definitely understand why you went alone.  I did too to get the results of my brain scan four years ago and came home with other devastating news.  Drove myself there and home.  Didn't fall apart until waaaaay later.  Strange how that works but we know ourselves very well.  Jose Cuervo has been a friend of mine on occasion as well.  lol
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WishingandHoping/

bmorrrick said...

Good Morning Kim,

I hope you're having a good weekend.  Just love the way you give funny names to the doctors, puts a smile on my face while reading your entry.  You are setting such a wonderful example of how to handle tough situations....I admire your strength and attitude, and feel certain that both of these, along with God, will get you through this.  Keeping you in my prayers.

Take Care,
~Bilinda~

imshadowraven2 said...

I never had any doubt you would handle this any different than you are. As you said we all do things in our own way and us tough broads handle EVERYTHING anfter all we are the Queens.................love ya Robin

cneinhorn said...

if anyone is gonna kick those party crashers asses it will be you kimberleigh...i know it!  bid jose farewell for a few days and take it easy okay.  

thinkingoutloud said...

You are tough!
And remarkable.
You have the absolute best attitude to deal with this.
And that will get you through this.
Love n prayers-
Niki

siennastarr said...

You don't have to tell me twice what a strong broad you are! lol  You have proven that time and time again!  I have no doubt that you will kick the Big C's ass, and be back to normal in no time!

You rock, Michelle!  You really do!  I admire you so much, and pardon me if I cry a bit writing this... it's not because I am scared for you, or don't think you will get through this.. oh HECK NO.. it's because you bring back memories to when I was diagnosed and I remember how I used my sense of humor to get me through it all.  And, it did!  I never stopped being optimistic!  I fought that Cancer with my prayers and my strong will (with a little chemo and surgery thrown in.. but still..lol)I did ALL THE HARD PART! lol   Just like you will...   I am woman..hear me ROAR!!

Roar away my friend!!!

Love you
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Hopefloats/

siennastarr said...

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blueblueandblew said...

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psychfun said...

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angcrewswife said...

I hope you dont mind me stopping by, Ash sent me. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers for continuous strength and a speedy recovery. My mother in law is currently fighting a battle with breast cancer that she self diagnosed and doctor confirmed. She too has became a Breast Cancer awareness activist/participator. Her spirits are up as she threatens to smack the kids around with her fake boobs in a box (her words not mine) . I see a lot of spirit and strength in you, that I see in her. With that spirit, strength and a sense of humor I have no doubt in my mind that you will prevail against this obstacle in the middle of the road.
Take Care.
http://journals.aol.com/angcrewswife/LifeinTx/

pippa1116 said...

you are an amazing woman and once again, i thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. tina http://journals.aol.com/pippa1116/SteelMagnolia

memes121 said...

You are a wonderful person friend. Tammy http://journals.aol.com/memes121/AsIAM/entries/2006/07/16/the-healing-garden/711

dklars said...

We are much alike in "crisis."  I deal well during, it's the after when I fall apart.  I totally admire you for sharing this and your attitude is just awesome.  I am keeping you in my prayers.
~~Kath~~
http://journals.aol.com/dklars/SecretGarden

astaryth said...

Yep, I understand completely.... In a crisis I remain calm, handle everything that needs to be done... Then, when it's all over I go sit in a corner and shake <LOL>.

Your A team sounds like the best... you just keep on keeping on and we'll keep sending the good vibes your way!
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind
http://adventuresofaneclecticmind.blogspot.com/

luddie343 said...

God bless courageous people like yourself!  It amazes me how you can pull so much humor out of your pain, and in the small way I can personally relate, I also fully empathize.  CATHY  http://journals.aol.com/luddie343/DARETOTHINK/  

mzgoochi said...

mine was stage four and aggressive. so, you WILL overcome this Kim. no doubt in my mind. hang in there, stay tough, and never give up!

Love, Lahoma

cste609371 said...

OH MY GOSH KIMBERLEE! I HAVE NOT STOPED BY IN  MONTHS AND SO VERY MUCH IS GOING ON. THANK GOD YOU HAVE THAT WONDERFUL HUSBAND JIM AND LOVING FAMILY BY YOUR SIDE. I LOVR YOUR WITT AND THE WAY YOU TAKE IT ALL ON WITH THE PASSION OF LIFE YOU FEEL AND SHOW TO OTHERS. I HOPE THAT FREAK STAY AWAY FROM YOU DAUGHTER- YOU DONT NEED THAT STRESS NOW. Being raised to be a strong minded, strong willed woman is going to be what get you by. you have to feel bad for those who put their head under the covers and dont fight. I lost my best friend to lung cancer in 5 month- she was 37!her husband was a non supportive bastard, her dad was dying of lung cancer (he died 2 months before she did) she got depressed and I swear that's what made the cancer kill her- no fight- she stopped caring. She did not fight- you could see she gave up - it was in her eyes. I know you wont give up, I know you going to beat this and its that  gusto you have! Your whitt in so inspiring- I told you before- you should write for a comedy show. If you ever need an ear I'm an e mail away.  
CSte609371@aol.com
Cheryl

http://journals.aol.com/cste609371/writingsshortstoriesbyStewart/  

am4039 said...

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pprrrr39 said...

Wow.......you have a very positive outlook and i admire you for that . I believe that helps.

My thoughts and prayers are with you
Hugs
Jayne