Again many, many thanks for those who are lifting me up right now, every good wish, every prayer spoken in my name makes me think of that Bette Midler song "Wind beneath my Wings" I have always been a high flyer my whole life, but it feels good to be carried during my weak moments........which by the way I still haven't had yet. Your mind has amazing coping abilities and I'm to busy learning all about breast cancer to let it break me down.
Some of my J-Land friends had a few questions or was uncertain of exactly what is taking place right now since the discovery of the first lump. So here goes...........
First and foremost.......I'm not a whiner, or a woe is me kinda person, I am a this happened to me for a reason and right now I believe the reason is because I can handle the disease and the treatment better than anyone else I am close to.......so that is why I haven't or won't do the "Why Me?" thingy. I also think it happened because of me having no fear in sharing my life with no holds barred and keeping it real with my warped sense of humor, I think I could possible inspire others who are going through their own battles with illness.
Second of all there isn't any history of breast cancer in my family, so far only 1 case of lung cancer (terminal Paternal Aunt Dolly LOVED THAT WOMAN! and I am often compared to her by other family members) The second case of cancer in my family was My Paternal Uncle Emmett aka Uncle Bunzo (Another fantastically sarcastic and funny man) To read about his humor even at his own funeral follow this link http://journals.aol.com/demandnlilchit/Ishavedmylegsforthis/entries/2006/01/25/another-telling-lol/1204
I turned 40 in 2003, I had my check up, my always entertaining pelvic exam and my pap smear, breast exam and my first mammogram....everything came back 'unremarkable' That's wonderful in medical lingo, but I would of hated that term if it was ever used to describe myself! lol In 2004 I did the same tests all over again and again I was 'unremarkable' I made my appointment in 2005, but the only thing I did not follow through with was the mammogram.....I had another "female check up" either February or April of this year (I'll find out for sure when I see my GP again soon) and again I had everything done except the mammogram.......I think I am kicking myself in the ass about this right now........but since the breast exam by my GP showed no abnormalities and thought I could put of the mammogram maybe one more year.......wishing I would of done it now......nothing I can do about that now so let's move on shall we?
Mid spring of 2006 is when I first felt some pain in my left breast (they say breast cancer is painless) I beg to differ now. I felt the pain when Jim hugged me tight, it felt like a PMS boob...soar, but not enlarged.....I remember saying a lot to him when cuddling, Watch my boob! When I discussed just all the mood swings, sore breasts, fatigue with my GP, they said sounds like peri menopause to me.....so I didn't pay any more attention to it........I would have days and days where my left breast felt like it was engorged with breast milk (I breast fed all my babies) and when your engorged you in pain, when you are having PMS your boobs become swollen and tender, so I didn't really think anything suspicious.
While in Jamaica, I noticed the large dimple on top left side of my left breast, and I noticed that the right side of my breast was still soft, but the left side was hard with defined borders. I went to the Doctor 4 days after arriving home and she found only one lump (5 o'clock position on the left breast) I couldn't get a mammogram time slot with a ultra sound time slot (right after one another) until almost 2 weeks later, by that time there were two tumors.
So that is how it started and by today I will have the results of my biopsy and that will tell my what kind of breast cancer I have. There are several different types with different treatments and prognosis. So I will know more later today in which to do battle with this disease, but as it stands now, I know for sure I will need a mastectomy and Chemo.......I am not a candidate for just lumpectomy...my tumors are too large and two many......I will find out if I need radiation only after they remove the breast and some lymph nodes, I was able to get into the Oncologist's sooner than August 25, they are seeing me this Friday and I will probably have the mastectomy some time in the next week. So see your prayers are working....In less then one week I was diagnosed, seen by a surgeon, biopsied and now will meet the man who will fight to save my life....Thank you for your good thoughts, your good wishes and your prayers!
I have no fear at this point, I have no reason to cry and I am over being angry now........Now I am ready to do battle and laugh myself healthy again.......my glass has not been knocked over, it's always half full.....probably with tequila but hey it's half full! lol lol lol