As mentioned far back in an earlier entry, my childhood caught up to me, and I was raising 4 small children the youngest being a new born the next only 11 months old, then the 6 and 9 year olds, plus my 2 year old neice a few days during the week, and taking care of my Husbands 83 year old Grandmother who I adored and was suffering from Alzheimer's and multiple TIA's (mini strokes), plus taking care of a new large house, I just snapped. I thought I could take on the world but I learned differently that year. I am a strong woman but I was up against something that was stronger and my mind and body and soul gave in.....it was 1992 and I was 29 years old.
Most days were spent locked away in my room sobbing with my newborn in a bouncy chair and my 11 month old in her walker, the older two at school. I kept that part of me hidden, accepting something that was bigger than me, accepting that I can't do it all only made me feel more desolate. It wasn't until my 6 year old daughter came home from school one day and found me on the floor, rocking back and forth did my little secret come out. She placed a call to her daddy at work telling him, "Mommy is rocking on the floor and she isn't holding a baby!" I had locked myself.... in myself.. and couldn't find a way out, something I could do at will from surviving my childhood became forgotten to me.
There was something freeing though in letting go, only those that have gone through this know what I'm talking about. It's as if everything is packed into the basket of a hot air balloon and you are on the ground watching it drift farther and farther away from you, when in fact you are the one drifting farther and farther away from it. You are tucked safely away somewhere, you just don't know where that somewhere is and your OK with that.
After meeting with the experts and my family by my side at first I was diagnosed with severe depression and I was told there are three types of people when it comes to depression, one's who can be treated with just medication, ones who could be treated with just talk therapy and one's that needed both......I fell into that category.....both.
Let the healing begin....or try to at least..........
(to be continued)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I WOULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT WHERE YOU WERE IF I HAD THAT LOAD TO BARE. THAT IS ALOT FOR ONE PERSON TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALONE KIM.
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN ALL MY CHILDREN WERE BABIES AND BEING DEPRESSED TOO. THANKFULLY, I HAD THE LOVE OF MY FAMILY TO PULL ME UP OUT OF IT.
KIM.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Now this is one topic I am very familiar with. I am looking forward to the rest of your story. ~ Sooz
h
I was told there are three types of people when it comes to depression, one's who can be treated with just medication, ones who could be treated with just talk therapy and one's that needed both......I fell into that category.....both
I've been there, done that. Don't miss it a bit nowadays!!
it sounds like a terrible time. I am so sorry. I wish I could find the other part of the story. I would love to hear how you make your way out.I am so in awe of people who have triumped over such odds.
Marti
Post a Comment