Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Half way done, reflections and another full circle

I had my fourth and final A/C part of my chemo treatment yesterday......I was a lil more tired during and the rest of the day and night with this one, but like I have said before, "How hard is napping? Right?? lol Dr. Serious (Oncologist) and I had a brief chat about what changes will occur when I start the Taxol....for one I will stop the Emend (anti nausea) the day of chemo and the following 2 days after that....I also won't have to take Zofran anymore with the Taxol (this is the one that I had complications with the last round of chemo. I will be taking A steroid the night before my first Taxol and the morning of because some people have an allergic reaction to the Taxol and the steroids will help with the reaction if I have one. I will still need the shot the next day of Neulasta (white and red blood cell builder shot) My red blood cell count was a lil lower than before but nothing to worry about right now (anemia) And I won't have to be on any antibiotics with the Taxol either (cutting my med intake in half YAHOOOO!). Just one more bad week with this last dose of A/C and my down days will be few and far between!!! Again EVERYONE HAPPY DANCE WITH ME! lol

I am having a real difficult time as well as many of my other family members convincing a few of them that I am not dying from this, my Brother being the most difficult to convince. I think a lot of it has to do with all the remorse that has built up in him since the end of our childhoods and about the way he treated me during my childhood. Being raised with an alcoholic abusive Father was never easy and was even harder on my oldest sibling my Brother, for my Brother took the brunt of my father's wrath more so than my Sister and I and in turn, he took it out on us, especially me.....I never could hold my tongue! Big Surprise on that huh? lol My Brother was in so much pain growing up that the only way for him to let some of that escape was if he took it out on my Sister and I and let's just say my beatings were viscous....and there was always a threat afterwards of if I told....I finally held my ground my 16 year....he was warned by me that if he ever laid a hand on me again, I would have him arrested and that was the end of that.....I couldn't even like, and sometimes hated (but always loved) my Brother until my 30's and then I was able to forgive him.........he has never been able to forgive himself and that is why he his having such a hard time dealing withmy cancer.

In a way this Cancer has brought a few things full circle for me in many ways and how can I not be grateful for that?

29 comments:

psychfun said...

Prayers still coming! Good luck & let us know!

thisismis72 said...

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imshadowraven2 said...

Doing the happy dance here. Im so glad we are half way just imagine soon this shall be over and you can begin to take control of your days again. And i agree about your brother remorse is a heavy load to carry.

                           ~~~Robin~~~

glensfork4 said...

Glad 1/2 the meds are gone. Hope you get to feeling better and get REST! Full Circle-yeah, I know all about that. God knows what He is doing, we are under His will.
Michele
http://journals.aol.com/glensfork4/these-are-my-thoughts/

mawmellow said...

((((((Kim))))))))
  I never cease happy dancing with you !  Once again, you are amazing.  Love you, my dear soul sistah !

midwestvintage said...

 I have always found that the family members with the most unfinished issues are always the ones that have the worst time.  Guilt takes over every thing.  Hopefull he can forgive himself, harder then being forgiven I know and I am happy you have forgiven him.  Glad your starting the taxol.  Now thats one I remember from my Oncology days.

                           Julie

candlejmr said...

You know that anytime you have great news I will be dancing right beside you!!  I'm so glad you and your brother were able to make peace between the two of you.  I'm sure growing up the way you did was tough for all of you but it's so nice to see that as adults, you can get past all of that.  After all, you have a VERY clear picture of all that is important today!!!!

Hang in there my friend and get all the rest you need!

((HUGS))
Jeanne

brandyp0509 said...

Doing the happy dance with you about the meds.  As far as the brother goes sometimes it really takes a horrible event for people to come "full circle" and it's such a good thing that you were able to forgive him and hopefully some day he can forgive himself as well.  ----Brandy

nelishianatl said...

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lanurseprn said...

Good luck with this treatment.  You are strong...I'm sure you'll be fine.
Pam

ashleekr said...

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Dancing for you and your ability to always find the "positive" side in everything...
Ash

kbeatty99 said...

I am so glad its almost over for you.  You are a wise woman to see the full circle.-k

dwhee70041 said...

Kim, I'm dancing!!!!!  David

pharmolo said...

That's the tougher part of it over, Kim. Hope the Taxol is less severe on you. Thanks for sharing some of your background, does not sound easy. However, with a life-changing event like cancer, things tend to come out of the woodwork as you say. Carry on as before, you're doing just fine :-)

pippa1116 said...

you know what? I have a problem holding my tongue too. always have and probably always will. maybe that is part of what makes us fighters when something serious goes down.
great to hear that treatment is progressing.....every treatment is one more behind you!  
be good and
take care
tina

sangrialel said...

Hope this last round goes well!!  Linda

astaryth said...

You wrote: "In a way this Cancer has brought a few things full circle for me in many ways and how can I not be grateful for that?"

Only YOU could find a reason to be Thankful to Cancer. ::shaking head:: You are Amazing!

siennastarr said...

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schoolgal040 said...

Hello~
Anytime one comes full circle is a great thing. I was blessed growing up with no abuse, but then later married an abusive husband in my early 30s. Do I forgive him? No, I can't say that I do. When someone tries to kill you, its pretty hard to forgive.
I'm so glad that your getting towards the end of treatment, except the Taxol.

Take good care,
Gayla

tendernoggle said...

You never sease to amaze me with your strength.....God bless you and keep you in His light.
love ya,
carlene

cgferrer71 said...

YOUR STRENTH IS AMAZING AND THIS IS HARD FOR OTHERS TO TAKE.. BE PATIENT SOMETIMES PEOPLE DONT KNOW HOW TO REACT TO ANOTHER PERSONS ILLNESS. KEEP POSITIVE.

ajquinn354 said...

Bless you dear, hang in their and keep that positive attitude and smile on your face every day.  It's hard when a family member is going through his own thing like your brother is, just tell him to believe.......you care about him.......he's worried about you dear.......Bless you......Arlene (AJ)

chevyz71gurl74 said...

::::::Doin the happy dance with you:::::

hehehe...Your strength is amazing Kim =)

Hugss..~Terri~

gandsbrock said...

Yes, I'm doing the happy dance with you.   You are one strong chick.  Hopefully your brother will accept the gift of your forgiveness so he can loosen up and enjoy you in the here and now.  

gosso23 said...

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thisismis72 said...

Congrads,
about the viv's
Missy

raeganfay said...

:: Does the FAERIE dance::  Hey Faeries love to dance and are like Super de duper happy... plus they got Luck and Magick on there Side... So it couldn't hurt :)  Glad things are looking alil brighter... Gotta love that Pixie Dust.... ::giggles::

CeCe of Nowhere, USA!  http://journals.aol.com/raeganfay/nowhere-usa/
Dreaming Under the Stars   http://journals.aol.com/raeganfay/DreamingundertheStars/

nightmaremom said...

Congrats on your Vivi!!
hugs
d
http://journals.aol.com/nightmaremom/Thisandthatandhockey/

http://journals.aol.com/mydsdesigns/DsDesigns/

ajquinn354 said...

Kimberly.....congratulations on your 2 Viva's, we all voted for you as we knew you were a sure winner in how you handle your daily life and all you are going through. Couldn't think of a more deserving winner.....Arlene (AJ)