Thursday, February 9, 2006

"Old Love" revisited

I once had a young man care very much about me, and all these years later, I know he love me. There was something about Kevin that kept me drawn to him, we saw each other off and on over 3 year period but I never knew how he felt about me. His eyes told me he loved me, but his words let him down.......I understand that now, but at 19 I didn't. He wanted to be with me more then I knew, I found that out after it was too late.

I think we all have those lost loves, the ones that we still think about from time to time even though we are perfectly content with who we are with now. I've always known Jim (DH) is my forever love, the one who I was meant to be with, he is the one that I would of regretted loosing. I don't regret loosing Kevin, what I do regret is we left a lot of words unspoken.

The last time I saw Kevin he had come looking for me, what he didn't know was I had been married to Jim for a little more than a week. When I saw him walking up to me all I could do was search his eyes. I saw what I had always seen just hidden behind them, but it was now too late. I covered his mouth with my finger, I didn't want to hear what he was finally ready to say to me, then I kissed his mouth the way old friends kiss, not the way old lovers do. I then whispered, "I know" and I walked quickly away........ I didn't look back and he didn't call my name or try to stop me.

My mind flashed back to the last time I had seen him before that...... again he had come to look for me and found me at an old stomping ground of mine. The club and the dance floor were full of people, and the old love song "Never gonna let you go" by Sergio Mendes was softly playing. Kevin walked up to me and kissed me the way old lovers kissed and said, "This song says  everything I could never say."


Never Gonna Let You Go ( Sergio Mendes )

I was as wrong as I could be to let you get away from me
I'll regret that move for as long as I'm living
But now that I've come to see the light
All I wanna do is make things right
So just say the word and tell me that I'm forgiven

You and me
We're gonna be better than we were before
I loved you then but now I intend
To open up and love you even more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

Looking back now it seems so clear
I had it all when you were here
Oh, you gave it all and I took it for granted
But if there's some feeling left in you
Some flicker of love that still shines through
Let's talk it out
Let's talk about second chances

Wait and see
It's gonna be sweeter than it was before
I gave some then but now I intend
To dedicate myself to giving more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

[break]

So if you'll just say you want me too...

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

Never gonna let you go
Hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go


At some place and time we both let go..........but I do know now that you loved me then.... never leave words unspoken...... there is always too much to loose.

17 comments:

sunnyside46 said...

isn't it magic how words can make you tear up for people you have never known? what a sweet sad story
Marti

mawmellow said...

sighhhhhhhh and you know what i'm thinking....

buggieboo1 said...

h

madcobug said...

I had one of those also. The look in the eyes do not say the words that need to be spoken. Helen

nelishianatl said...

I still have one of those loves.  May he be blessed always, with whomever he chooses.  
Nelishia
WISHING AND HOPING

happysunshien said...

::sigh::  I think we all have one of those...Mine was named Brad...

kelly

dwhee70041 said...

h

mum24boyz said...

I also knew someone who loved me very much, After he died, I had one of his best friends tell me: "You know, he did love you very much" bittersweet to hear..

Robyn :)

sdoscher458 said...

I know when we go back into the shadows of our memories our emotions feel so real, especially having the hindsight of age to view it with.  I think such memories are wonderful though..they also shape our souls...and you are a romantic....Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/LifeIsFullOfSurprises

gdireneoe said...

Oh hon'...I am fortunate enough to be married to my "what if".  We were apart for two completely desolate years...and it was necessary.  The night we began to come back together, we talked all night...I told him I would NEVER not tell him EVERYTHING...and I've kept my word to this day.  Love this entry. ;)  C.  http://journalsa.ol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

samnsmile5 said...

I enjoyed reading this...it's so true how there can be someone in our past, someone we have loved and remember them still...but know that we are perfectly content with who we are now and where we ended up.  Thanks for sharing this!
Michele
http://journals.aol.com/samnsmile5/lettingitallsinkin

candlejmr said...

h

shayshaydc said...

So often we do leave words unspoken!!! Your entry made me think back to a real special time in my life!! My very first boyfriend!!! ahhhhhhhh!!! Thanks for the memories!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)

am4039 said...

wow just like in the movies, I think we always have a love somewhere.  I know I do.  Just never seemed like the right time.

zosche973 said...

LOVE THAT! ~Diane~ http://journals.aol.com/dizarra/StorysFromtheCityTalesFromtheSea

siennastarr said...

h

grofsand said...

....A STROLL BENEATH THE EVENING STARS ALWAYS HAS ME WONDER AND SING THIS SONG...............

SHOOTING STAR
(Words and Music by Bob Dylan)


Seen a shooting star tonight
And I thought of you.
You were trying to break into another world
A world I never knew.
I always kind of wondered
If you ever made it through.
Seen a shooting star tonight
And I thought of you.

Seen a shooting star tonight
And I thought of me.
If I was still the same
If I ever became what you wanted me to be
Did I miss the mark or
Over-step the line
That only you could see?
Seen a shooting star tonight
And I thought of me.


Seen a shooting star tonight
Slip Away.
Tomorrow will be another day.
Guess it's too late to say the things to you
That you needed to hear me say.
Seen a shooting star tonight
Slip away.