Friday, February 3, 2006

Looking Back..........

Whewwww! It seems I snuck past depression this winter without any big issues. Here it is the beginning of February already and I noticed that it stayed light outside until just a lil past 5:30 yesterday evening.  For me sunlight plays a major role in gauging the passing of winter.

Because of my passion for life, people have a hard time understanding what winter does to me, it all started 12 years ago. I think what triggered it was the fact that I had spent half of my life with my father and half of my life without him, he died when I was 16 and it was almost the 16th year since his death. I don't know why that was such a huge "marker" of time, but it really did a number on me. I don't think most men really understand the role a Father plays in a daughters life, if they did and they could think past themselves for a moment, some of them might stick around more often. I cannot tell you how many grown women are a lil messed up in their own way because of "Father Issues." With my Father choosing booze (yes I said choose! You can either choose to get help or your choose NOT to, it is a choice to me) over his relationship with his family, particularly me made it very difficult for the young men in my life when I was younger. They had to jump hoops to prove to me that they had staying ability. It's not that I was insecure because I wasn't, I just needed them to prove how much they wanted to be with me.  What a diva! lol lol lol

I did 2 years of therapy and almost 3 years of meds back then, but at sometime shortly after that I decided to go med free. I don't suggest this for anyone, but it did well for me. I have learned to battle it in other ways..... Now I am almost symptom free. I still get the blues now and then and my share of the winter doldrums, but nothing like it was back then. Here is a link to some positive ways I handle this, I blogged about it my first winter of writing again. It was a four part series. 
"Dealing with Depression"


Sometimes is good to look back now and then, it helps you to see just how far you came!

12 comments:

jmorancoyle said...

    It's good to hear that someone is making progress over one of these roadblocks. It is encouraging. I know what you are saying about an alcoholic father. My father choose to drink as well, and believe me, I have a lot of fall out because of it. I don't get depressed often, but I do tend to hold people away. It is very hard for me to get close to anyone. Where I do have some friends, I have siblings who avoid friends altogether. None of us want to get hurt again. Realizing that and putting it before me, makes me try to break down those barriers. I think it is working.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

hadonfield78 said...

Yes Dear, I totally understand getting Blue in Winter.............
I Love the sun, I love the warm weather.
Winter only brings me down abit.

ashleekr said...

Kimberleigh, you are so right about the "father" issue - if fathers realized how it would affect their children FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE, they might think twice about the decision they made.  Once again, we are so alike - I am always a little more down in the winter - when the summer sun is shining is when I am happiest.  Have a good weekend!
Ash

dwhee70041 said...

Having to deal with depression can be a daily issue.  It was "then" and it still is today.  At least I'm old enough to know what it is and what causes it.  My father was a wonderful, loving, strong man.  He was my mentor, my teacher and my friend.  I miss him today and much as ever.  Thanks for you post.  David

sunnyside46 said...

I am pretty deleriously and witlessly delighted most of the time,but winter nights setting in so early bothers me, too. Here I go off to check out your link.
Marti

mikesprincess420 said...

Hey there, SO I'm really new to this blogging thing,LOL. I saw your site and can relate to your pain. I too suffer from seasonal Depression. I am still "playing dress up" as you put it,lol  however it really puts a damper on things. I am very happy for you that you have had a good year. For some reason I know alot fo people who have also had great a great year....so far! Hopefully it stays that way. I just wanted to send alittle prayer your way. Thanks for blogging.
Erica
http://journals.aol.com/mikesprincess420/crazychic

samnsmile5 said...

Depression is pretty prevalent in my family and I know it's difficult to deal with and live with.  I'm glad you have had a good winter and that you're feeling good.  
Michele
http://journals.aol.com/samnsmile5/lettingitallsinkin

sdoscher458 said...

You are so right about Fathers.  It's remarkable that any of us grow up with any kind of self worth and appreciation for life.  I'm glad that you have conquered your demons, we all have so much baggage from childhood...Sandi

siennastarr said...

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shayshaydc said...

Sounds like you are handling things really well!!! That is good that you have learned how to battle depression!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)

am4039 said...

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randlprysock said...

Oh I totally agree with this entry.  I'm the daughter of divorced parents and then there was a horrible thing that happened with my stepdad and it was really rough.  I grew up looking for love in all the wrong places.  And I put my precious Rob through the ringer testing him for staying power also.  So I can really relate to that one.  I still think there is much of me that is broken and won't ever be quite right, but with a lot of counseling, some memories coming back that allowed me to heal, and a lot of exercise and a healthy diet, I am staying fairly sane.  It's hard though.  I was a perfectionist seeking love and it's hard for me to not be perfect and let my hair down and just let things get messy in life.  Life is messy though.  And I get those depressions sometimes and they are real bummers.  That's why I'm so glad to be leaving my cleaning business behind.  It's gotten to where I can't be around it or I'm depressed.  Time for something new.  Hugs,
Lisa