Friday, February 24, 2006

Here we go again.........

Well, my 3rd tour of duty as the "Go to Mom" for everything you can't talk about with your own Mother has kicked in. My last daughter who is a Freshman in High School this year has taken the same route as her two older sisters, along with some wayward friends to find safe haven in me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about it, but it does give me a few more gray hairs to worry about. I learned with my oldest child (who is now 23) if I wanted her to trust me, I had to make it easy for her friends to trust me too. I experienced the same thing with my Middle Daughter who today is turning 20. Somewhere around 20 they return from the "dark side." They usually enter the "dark side" around 14 and then us parents are in for a rather bumpy ride, if we are privileged to really know what our children are doing, not just think we know what our children are doing.

I had one of my youngest daughter's friends show up at my door steps last night, coatless and in tears..it's still rather chilly in Chicago, even more so after the sun goes down. This child is most like me out of all my kids friends and she scares me the most. She is fearless, and really good at getting around her parents rules. That is not to hard to do when your Mother is a stay at home drunk and your Father avoids the Mother at all costs, so there is no great meeting of the minds. This child is just wanting someone to acknowledge her being, someone to make her feel special, it really doesn't matter who it is (this is what scares me!), she just wants love and attention and it going about it the wrong way.

She was out with a male friend from school, who just came out of the closet to his immigrant parents. Their reaction to his news? Send him back to Poland.....I guess that will make a straight kid out of him some how (sarcastic tone in my font.....can ya tell?) Being that my best friends since I was 10 years old is a gay male friend of mine....I can relate to this much better than most parents from my generation. The two of them spent after school at a local coffee shop in the area and met another group of teenage males two days ago. She and one of the new boys sparked instantly.....she's 14, he's a 16 year old drop out....RUN CHILD RUN!

So they agreed to hook up last night with a few of the new guys friends and go out cruising, not a big deal for most but I don't see anything good about a freshman girl out cruising with a bunch of 16 to 17 year old boys. My child was not part of this mind you, there is no going out on school nights, just to do nothing....they want to hang with their friends, then they hang out here, under my roof, not under my nose. I respect the kids boundaries and they respect mine, it's all good until that trust is broken. Well her gay friend left her in the car with the boy she liked and one of his buddies while the gay friend and his new beau went into a store. The older boy put the moves on her in the back seat and even though she was enjoying the kissing, it soon lead to some serious petting and that freaked her out, she tried to let him know he just crossed her line and he backed off and apologized but in the next heat of the moment he was all hands again. She fled the car and made her way to my house (How? I do not know, I'm just glad she got out of that situation albeit a lil scared, and scared can be a good thing.)

My first reaction was to hug this child so I did, my next reaction was to tell her that if he truly liked her, and was genuinely sorry for the wandering of the hands that he would of stopped the first time she told him to. He wouldn't of wanted to run the risk of running her off scared if he really liked and respected her. I then let into her about getting in cars with people she just met, the age differences, the expectation differences and I'm sure the "experience" difference between the two of them sexually and tons of what 'could of happened!' After awhile I drove her home, I'm sure shaking in her boots, but like I said......."A lil fear goes along way at keeping someone vigilant about keeping themselves safe!" I talked to her again at bedtime just to make sure she was ok and I talked to her again this morning before school, she is still very freaked out of what I told her about "What could of happened" because I spoke the truth about things that happened to me at that age and friends of mine, I didn't embellish, I didn't stretch the truth, I told her the hard, cold truth about what can happen at the hands of a stranger or an acquaintance.......I reiterated the fact that most woman are harmed or killed by someone they know and not by the hands of a stranger.

I sure am glad this is my last Daughter! But I am seriously wondering what my Son and his buddies will bring to my doorstep when they are becoming of age in the next couple of years!!!  Lord give me strength, cuz I'm gonna need it.

19 comments:

msluckymonkey said...

I agree with all that you have said about the getting in cars with men you barely know. I was 16 before I first started to date and that got ruined big time. I learned from it but I was 20 before I fell in love the first time. Am still in love. My mom made it a strict rule for us that there was no dating until we were 16 and there was none of that going out on school nights/ weekend nights with boys unless she knew them GOOD. I'm glad you gave her that talking to. It also shows her trust in you for her to come to you instead of someone else. At least to me it does.
   http://journals.aol.com/msluckymonkey/Mylilworld/
         ~Brooke

stansgirl2004 said...

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buggieboo1 said...

you did good!  my 15 year old is testing me!

Sharon
http://journals.aol.com/buggieboo1/ThisMommasDrama/

gdlywom said...

You did a GREAT JOB!  That child needs SOMEONE...and at least she's smart enough to seek out a loving, caring adult to help guide her through the "rough spots."  She will be a better person because of you, and will always remember you.  She will be a better parent in her future, just like you were determined to be to your children.  LOL

   

chat2missie said...

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sdoscher458 said...

You earn brownie points in heaven for this one. More people should be willing to help a youngster like that...it would create a more caring world. Sandi

gdireneoe said...

I hope I can perpetuate this very same thing...staying with my kids I mean...thank you. ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

madcobug said...

Glad you were there for that girl. Fourteen is to young to be out loose like that. Shame on her parents that don't care what happens to her. Helen

randlprysock said...

Good for you for talking sense to this girl.  So sad that some mothers have to drink.  The kids need them so much and it's a terrible shame to bring a child into the world and just abandon them for a bottle to make one forget life and sleep life away.

There's a child who will want to forget more than anything growing up with a mother like that who can't or doesn't seem to care enough to pull herself together and be a mom.  Although I'm sure she has her reasons, it's hard to watch it go down just the same and to see the damage it's doing to those in the same life with that person.  I will say prayers for the family.  Hope the mom gets help soon.    

It's so good you are there for her daughter and yes, to be closer to your own as well.  What a smart mommy you are!!  She really could have beed hurt.  Hopefully this was a wake up call for this friend.  Kids tend to think not me, not me, nothing will happen to me.  Hearing from someone close to them might just make a huge difference in their life someday.  
Hugs,
Lisa

shalalamenow said...

Thank God she has someone like you to talk too about things like this. You are a very good woman! I really hope that your infleuce on her really helps her. You stay sweet and keep that love you have. I wish thier were more people out there like you.
http://journals.aol.com/shalalamenow/JustRambling

mzgoochi said...

Thank God she came to you Kim. You're a good mom and friend.

hugs
Lahoma

csandhollow said...

u a good mom.

astaryth said...

Thank goodness that girl has you! As for your son... well, I'm sure he will have a surprise or two for you just like the girls did <eg>
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind
http://adventuresofaneclecticmind.blogspot.com/

am4039 said...

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thegirlnexdoor77 said...

I had the same rules for my oldest daughter and still have two more children to raise.  Youngest will be four next year.   I just pray I continue to confirm my love and they continue to follow my loving not binding rules.  prayers for your daughters friend.  Hugs to you.  TerryAnn.

jmorancoyle said...

    In some respects, boys are easier. At least they aren't the ones who wind up assaulted in cars. I swear most of us who have lost our virginity during high school did so because of boys who didn't know what no really means. Good luck to you, and to you my prayers.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

shayshaydc said...

I think it is wonderful that you were there for her!!! My daughter is 21 and she is coming back from the "dark side".... lol....  http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)

siennastarr said...

You are a mom after my own heart!  My daughters friends always used to come to me with problems they couldn't go to their own parents about.  I tend to be, like yourself, a very open minded person... open minded enough to listen, but also able to give sound advice when needed.  
I'm so glad you were there for her.. and able to let her know the error of her ways, and that she could have gotten herself into a world of trouble!


Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Waitingtoexhale/

dizarra said...

Good for you for not shutting the door, she obviously needed someone to talk to;
it's a little harsh calling someone a 'stay at home drunk' tho-unless you know the
circumstances, you should be careful in not to judge; I know about that 'darkside'
children go through-unfortunatly my son never got out of it.~Diane~ http://journals.aol.com/dizarra/StorysFromtheCityTalesFromtheSea