Well, my 3rd tour of duty as the "Go to Mom" for everything you can't talk about with your own Mother has kicked in. My last daughter who is a Freshman in High School this year has taken the same route as her two older sisters, along with some wayward friends to find safe haven in me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about it, but it does give me a few more gray hairs to worry about. I learned with my oldest child (who is now 23) if I wanted her to trust me, I had to make it easy for her friends to trust me too. I experienced the same thing with my Middle Daughter who today is turning 20. Somewhere around 20 they return from the "dark side." They usually enter the "dark side" around 14 and then us parents are in for a rather bumpy ride, if we are privileged to really know what our children are doing, not just think we know what our children are doing.
I had one of my youngest daughter's friends show up at my door steps last night, coatless and in tears..it's still rather chilly in Chicago, even more so after the sun goes down. This child is most like me out of all my kids friends and she scares me the most. She is fearless, and really good at getting around her parents rules. That is not to hard to do when your Mother is a stay at home drunk and your Father avoids the Mother at all costs, so there is no great meeting of the minds. This child is just wanting someone to acknowledge her being, someone to make her feel special, it really doesn't matter who it is (this is what scares me!), she just wants love and attention and it going about it the wrong way.
She was out with a male friend from school, who just came out of the closet to his immigrant parents. Their reaction to his news? Send him back to Poland.....I guess that will make a straight kid out of him some how (sarcastic tone in my font.....can ya tell?) Being that my best friends since I was 10 years old is a gay male friend of mine....I can relate to this much better than most parents from my generation. The two of them spent after school at a local coffee shop in the area and met another group of teenage males two days ago. She and one of the new boys sparked instantly.....she's 14, he's a 16 year old drop out....RUN CHILD RUN!
So they agreed to hook up last night with a few of the new guys friends and go out cruising, not a big deal for most but I don't see anything good about a freshman girl out cruising with a bunch of 16 to 17 year old boys. My child was not part of this mind you, there is no going out on school nights, just to do nothing....they want to hang with their friends, then they hang out here, under my roof, not under my nose. I respect the kids boundaries and they respect mine, it's all good until that trust is broken. Well her gay friend left her in the car with the boy she liked and one of his buddies while the gay friend and his new beau went into a store. The older boy put the moves on her in the back seat and even though she was enjoying the kissing, it soon lead to some serious petting and that freaked her out, she tried to let him know he just crossed her line and he backed off and apologized but in the next heat of the moment he was all hands again. She fled the car and made her way to my house (How? I do not know, I'm just glad she got out of that situation albeit a lil scared, and scared can be a good thing.)
My first reaction was to hug this child so I did, my next reaction was to tell her that if he truly liked her, and was genuinely sorry for the wandering of the hands that he would of stopped the first time she told him to. He wouldn't of wanted to run the risk of running her off scared if he really liked and respected her. I then let into her about getting in cars with people she just met, the age differences, the expectation differences and I'm sure the "experience" difference between the two of them sexually and tons of what 'could of happened!' After awhile I drove her home, I'm sure shaking in her boots, but like I said......."A lil fear goes along way at keeping someone vigilant about keeping themselves safe!" I talked to her again at bedtime just to make sure she was ok and I talked to her again this morning before school, she is still very freaked out of what I told her about "What could of happened" because I spoke the truth about things that happened to me at that age and friends of mine, I didn't embellish, I didn't stretch the truth, I told her the hard, cold truth about what can happen at the hands of a stranger or an acquaintance.......I reiterated the fact that most woman are harmed or killed by someone they know and not by the hands of a stranger.
I sure am glad this is my last Daughter! But I am seriously wondering what my Son and his buddies will bring to my doorstep when they are becoming of age in the next couple of years!!! Lord give me strength, cuz I'm gonna need it.