Letting go

I'm still having trouble adjusting to "Vacations over mode" I can't seem to focus on anything long enough to ponder it,  But in a sometimes chaotic life, that can be a respite.  School will be starting and for the first time in a long time, I'll only have 2 children in school. A 7th grader and an 8th grader.........My 18 year old graduated this past summer and my 21 year old has informed us she's no longer interested in pursuing her college classes.  How hard letting go is sometimes.  Since their birth we are instinctively always taking care of them, are they warm enough, are they hungry, do they need help with this or with that, can they make at least one decision without our help? And then Wham!!!!! They are in the last few years of teenage life and you suddenly are aware they 're taking over their own lives and you are no longer privy to there deepest darkest thoughts, their dreams and their plans for their future.  When did they grow up? How is it you can remember as if just yesterday their nose needed wiping, bath time is over and you are gently tucking them in bed whispering "sweet dreams lil one"

Having a blended family of yours, mine and ours has put a few years in between children, so its almost like raising two separate families.....I can remember all the times it was just Jim and I and our blended daughters, then "our" last two children came along and we started everything over again....Diaper bags, double strollers, pulling all nighters over a new tooth, just when we had our first two children finally in school full time.  Sometimes I wonder, "What was I thinking?" but then the last two lil ones fall asleep and I fall desperately in love with them all over again.  Now they too are starting to show me what individuals they really are outside of my mothering....the early years of me answering all their questions taking my view on things as their own, with no questions asked and then, what seems like such a short time later, they have their own explanations and views and no longer take mine as the end all.

This is what we are supposed to do anyway......Give them life and love, then guide them to be the best they can be up until young adulthood.......then let them go and pray they take as good care of themselves as we did.  I always used to say, "Geez! I can't wait till they are grown and gone already!" and all the empty nesters would say, "You're gonna miss them!" and I would think,"Yeah right! and how many years is it gonna take me to actually miss them?" And then I find myself missing them already, even though that haven't actually moved out on their own yet.  Their lives have just become so busy with work and school and friends that we hardly see each other anymore, just like I did at their age.  The thing that helps me through the "baby grown up blues" is that I hope when they get a lil bit older they come back to the "fold" just as I did.  But, when I think, would I like another chance at raising them again? the term "Hell no!" comes to mind instantly! It was hard enough the first time but worth every "lost moment of myself." ...........Now I have time to rediscover me again Ü