"The Troll and Me"

This woman married her High School Sweetheart only to lose him to his stubborn Irish Pride and TB at the early age of 31. Leaving behind 7 children.......there were only 5 when he was first diagnosed but oh those weekend visits home provided 2 more mouths to feed as if they could afford that......but love does find a way. Shortly after my Grandfather Emmett Brennan passed away my Fathers family was accepted into Mooseheart. It is a place for second chances all due to the wonderful order of the moose clubs.

This woman knows heart break.........she's buried her oldest son my father Mike, her second oldest son Emmett and her first born daughter Ann.....my Father due to the hold of that almighty bottle, and my Aunt and Uncle to Cancer....now she has to live with mine...we tell her things slowly, she has lost her sight due to Macular Degeneration a few years earlier, but don't let her fool ya...she can take ya down at 2 feet! lol

She's  lost her fair share of grand babies and great grand babies too. She is our rock, our matriarch and she is in high demand when it comes to family gatherings. We are everything bad and good about your a typical Catholic Irish family.

In the end....it REALLY is all about family, who you love and who loves you back...thank God I got that early...I didn't need cancer to show me that.

This is one proud Great Great Grandma! 7 kids, 18 grandchildren ,33 great grand children and 1 great great grand child....where ever we go it's party! lol lol lol This is the author of all "THE TELLINGS" she shares family stories with us for us to pass down from generation to generation...I'm surprised at how many times someone WASN'T arrested! lol Although a whole generation 3 Brennan Brothers kinda left Nova Scotia without time to pack..........We still never figured out what happened up there but all 3 left in a a hurry and married the 3 Cavanaugh Sisters....mi vida loca baby....for sure!

She's smashing the hell out of my new boob.......can you say OUCH!!!!!!!! lol

Tags: generations, family

My Brat Pack! lol

My Rachel, My Lil Jimmy, Me, My Amanda (aka) Bob and My Melissa

These are the reasons I fight without hesitation when it comes to doing what I gotta do just to have another tomorrow. They are the biggest joys of my life and the biggest pain in the ass's at times....but weren't we all at some point in our lives?? lol lol lol

The family resemblance is uncanny! lmaoooooooo These are two of my Fathers younger Brothers...there were 5 Brothers all military branches served and 2 Sisters...Uncle Bob and Uncle Steve had to give it up for me.......I'm now the hottest bald member of the family......sorry guys! NOT! lol lol lol

More photo's to post tomorrow.....some of The Troll too.....Grama Annie who I get all "the tellings" from!

This lil light of mine....

For almost 10 days I have secretly been scared that the cancer has spread to my bones.....I have been in pain...severe pain that came out of nowhere....I wake up in the morning and my back and shoulder blades are killing me, my sternum is killing me and my joints and muscle aches like I've been in a car wreck. I have been silent about my fear of the cancer spreading to my bones but it's been hard to keep silent about my pain...yesterday I woke up in so much pain that I had to use my liquid morphine....I haven't had to use that since my last hospitalization in May.

So what do I do? I call my Momma of course........who else can I share my fear with at this point without devastating my Children....I do share my fear with Jim because he finally caught a glimpse of some of the pain. My Mother immediately puts my mind at ease.......I love my Momma...she had been checking out the side effects of my Xeloda (oral chemo) and even though I did this myself in the beginning with the packet the drug company gave me it failed to mention.....back pain, chest pain and muscle and joint pain....Whewwww! I have been off my morphine patches for a lil over 2 weeks and I think that is why I am now having pain from the Xeloda. I have tried to keep my use of pain medications down to barely used because up until this point I could handle it...but I'm going to be utilizing them more now that I know it's just going to be part of my every day life (pain that is) while I continue on my way to find remission from all this cancer chit. lol

I should of figured out when I left the hospital in May why they sent me home with such strong narcotics....liquid morphine, Norco and the morphine patches! This too I shall get through....there is still so much living to do!

I had a rough time Saturday even though we spent it at the lake, I never managed to get out and visit with anyone and I wasn't up to visitors but Sunday was fabulous and almost every member of my huge Irish family was there to celebrate 2 family birthdays who both turned 17...tons of pictures were taken and I was even able to get a picture of me and all four of my kids....very rarely can I get them all at the same place, but yesterday was a day of celebration and family and good friends...food was fabulous, the kids all enjoyed the beach, my Son-In-Law and my Husband went out fishing together for the first time with many more times to come....the sight of them 2 out on the water together fishing and talking just warmed my heart....I love my SIL...he's my Daughters perfect match and he has so many of my Jim's traits.....can't get better than that! lol

I'll share the some of the pictures by tomorrow.......there is so many from other family members too! I think there was probably 30 of us out there.......Some even came from out of state just to hug me and tell me how proud they are of me and to battle on like the pink warrior that I am......I needed that extra kick on the ass to get back in my warrior mode.....watch out cancer here I come! lol lol lol

Tags: Xeloda side effects, pain managment, family, breast cancer stage IV, working toward remission

Even the Warrior gets battle worn...

I am falling into a pattern with this on again off again Xeloda (chemo)...Friday I had the energy, Saturdays all I do is sleep the day away whether it's a chemo week or not. Sunday one of my girlfriends turned 40 and her family had a surprise party for her, even though all I did was sit in a chair most of the day....I was exhausted by the time I got home several hours later. I slept yesterday away and  I will probably sleep the majority of today away too.........I HATE THAT!!!!

My appetite is in the toilet too..........nothing looks good, nothing tastes good except for my birthday girlfriends Mother's Italian sausage and green and hot peppers............YUM! So I'm back to living on propel water and bites of this and bites of that. I probably will end up calling the Doctor at some point and ask what I can do about the damn fatigue. I know I have to eat to get stronger and that will also bump  up my stamina...but when the site of a fork makes you want to cry every other week.....I don't know it's just some sick holding pattern I am stuck in.

Even the strong get weary and when I stop long enough and ask how much more of this can I take...I sometimes don't like the answer...but I look into the faces of my children and into the eyes of My Jim and I say I can do this one more day and each morning brings me one more day!

Do I get an AMEN from the choir?? lol

First of all with my brain being overwhelmed between being nuked, and zapped and my chemo brain...I apparently show up a day early for my test results...totally my fault I have the right date and time in my cancer journal that I take with me to every appoint ( so I can take notes and keep track of all my tests and the subsequent results...I saw that it was Friday but Thursday felt a Friday to me so I went! lol Good thing they love me over there! They new how important those test resutls were to me and mine and he snuck me in and gave me all the good news! lol

So now for all the GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!

Both my cancer tumor marker test levels were way down....I can't seem to find the exact numbers to give you but one is back in the double digit and the other one went from 197 last month down to 133 this month... here are the links to better explain what a cancer tumor marker test are....the two I have done once a month are.. Cancer Antigen (Ca) 27.29: Blood Tests  and  CA 15-3: The Test .

And now for the even better news...all the small nodules (to small to consider tumors yet) in my lower lobes of both my lungs have completely disappeared! Yahoooo! and the lymph nodes that all tested positive for cancer in the middle chambers  of both lungs......well, all but one is still active! another AMEN from the choir please! lol and the two largest tumors that are located in the upper lobes of both lungs where the size of walnuts.....one has shrunk at least 50% and the other one almost 50%......so the Xeloda is working!!! and I only have a small puddle of fluid in my lower left lung that will eventually re- absorb itself...no lung tap needed!

He did want to show me that he had some (light) concern for a spot on my liver now, and my new left breast..........He gave me a stern warning not to worry about it, that we will keep an eye on them and only do more if it warrants it.......You know my nickname for him is Dr. Serious he means what he says and says what he means...I trust him explicitly.

So we know we are on the right chemo regimen and that is truly a blessing, I will have another Brain MRI in less than 3 weeks to see how well the whole brain radiation did and if Dr. Serious thinks I will be able to take that chemo booster we had discussed in the beginning about my new treatment plan...then I will be given it intravenously every 3 weeks (still have my porta cath) and hopefully remission will be right around the corner!

I remember when I was younger and I wanted everything...............now it's just time....such a simple request...but what I hold almost as precious as my family...Thank you for this time and more time!

Started out happy dancing and made myself cry.....what roller coaster this past year has been!

Love to you all!

1 or 2? lol lol lol

I had taken my youngest Daughter Rachel to get her eyebrows waxed, it was only the second time that we had done this, as pretty as this child is she is cursed with Oscar the grouch kinda eyebrows....I'll blame that on her Fathers side of the family.....the ends literally grow the other way...so at the ends they are overlapping one another...so she wanted the wax job as part of her sweet 16 birthday package....no worries I thought last time I was a horrible Mother and laughed at her pain....I tell her beauty is pain and pain is beauty.

So the two of us walk into the salon and there is a language barrier....I announce that I would like my daughter to have her eyebrows waxed and the woman says........one or two?.... I say to myself HUH??....I say both of course why would anyone just have one eyebrow waxed right?? again she says 1 or 2.......I reiterate 2!!!!!! she then points to my eyebrows and says one or two? Now I get it she's asking if I want mine done.......I say hell no I just got mine back from chemo and nobody's going near them! lol lol lol

She did a beautiful job on Rachies eyebrows.....no more Oscar the grouch eyebrows! lol lol lol

In response to a comment that was left

Anyone who was really ill should take it and not crave sympathy from the masses, only people with a shallow mind does that...Are you really ill or is it just a shallow attempt to get silly attention if you are ill be ashamed for sharing misery of pretend bravado, you are silly woman either way.
#56 Comment from misixxxxx - 6/20/07 10:41 AM

 

I crave nothing but more time with my family, I have 4 children who still need their Mother...if that is selfish then call me selfish I want to be here for them! I blog about my experiences so that the next person that is diagnosed with ANY type of cancer won't have to do that long walk alone. I am not shallow or an attention seeker.....my blog only changed tempo when my life did last year when It was found that I had Breast Cancer which even a mastectomy and four months of chemotherapy could not stop now it has invaded other parts of my body including my brain.

 

Now, for you MISIXXXXX I would spend more time trying to help the next person along then trying to knock them down. And if you had an ounce of intelligence you would of scrolled down my side bar and read from the beginning up until now about my Illness (cancer stage IV) before you would have passed judgement on my character ...When all the world can see it is your character that is in question. Shame on you...but something horrible must be wrong with your life if this is how you behave or react to someone else's life threatening illness and if that fact is so...... I PITY YOU ALREADY! You don't ever have to subject yourself to my blog again.... I wish you nothing but the best even if you are incapable of reciprocating.