Today was no chemo Tuesday, just had some blood work ( tumor marker test) so they will have the results for my appointment next Tuesday.... this is when the new chemo I'm trying usually stops working for me, the visible tumor on the outside of my left breast is no longer flat against my skin and is a very angry red in color......I don't think that's a very good sign....I think Dr. Serious will probably order another new thoracic cat scan and I need to do my six month follow up pelvic exam too. Life sure is different for me than in was 16 months ago. Sometimes I feel like a life size voodoo doll! lol lol lol
My Son Lil Jimmy's hamster passed away 3 days ago and it devastated him, I think he was finally able to put that kind of painful loss to what my cancer can do now....he begged me don't ever give up Mom...........I love you and I will really miss you! That was kinda sweet to be missed more than a deceased, beloved hamster. Like I have said before death is only painful for those that are left behind. I don't think I could bare losing Jim or survive the broken heart of losing ones child. It was breaking my heart to see him so broken hearted so we now have a new hamptster named "Carson" Lil Jimmys smile is back on his face and that puts the smile back on this Momma's face!
Life and death.... a cycle that is as old as time and still just as painful. I am at peace with whatever life or death has in store for me.....it's knowing the heartbreak my loved ones will go through is what brings tears to roll down my face instantly. That is when all this seems so unfair.....I'm the one that gets cancer and they are the ones who get punished for it.
Do I believe that we all meet up again somewhere? Yes I do whether its called heaven, another realm, hell for some or maybe just somewhere over the rainbow, but I believe that when two hearts love each other so much, they are destined to find one another again and that's also the reason I believe in love at first sight.....those two hearts were together already before....I'm not a very religious person, but I know the power of true, ever lasting love..otherwise how do we survive our children's teenage years without killing them! lol lol lol