Saturday, February 24, 2007

So it starts......(again)

A year ago this month I was at my General Practitioner office having my yearly check up....I was a good girl, I had my pap test, my breasts examined and had the typical blood work drawn....I was also handed a referral for a mammogram...I had started my base line of mammogram's at the correct age of 40....no need to worry, no breast cancer history in the family....I had my follow up mammogram's at 41 and 42...I skipped my age 43 mammogram and ended up with breast cancer 4 months later...no need to cry over spilled milk right? So I don't.

So this February, I schedule my womanly check up but this time I went to the woman center to have my testing done, I wanted to have it done by a doctor who specializes in women's health care...I want to be thorough this time around....I want nothing left unturned...I owe that to myself. So around my birthday is the time that I have this done.... it's a good way to remember the time I had it done ....about a week ago Tuesday, I had my check up....everything looks great Kim...we will call you if there is a problem....I bounce out of the office with my new found exuberance for life......Yesterday, late afternoon....phone rings..

Nurse:Is this Kim?
Me:Yes it is.

Nurse: This is so and so from so and so's office, I'm calling you to give you your test results and your results came back abnormal so the doctor wants to do a Colposcopy.
Me: Abnormal? You know that I just finished chemo for my breast cancer right?

Nurse: Oh...No I didn't know that......ok, then we need to see you as soon as possible
Me: barely able to keep my composure, trying not to hyperventilate, feeling my eyes fill up with tears.....oh no! Please not again, not this soon! Could this be because of the chemo? I did have lesions everywhere. (internal)

Nurse: I don't think so....we can fit you in March 14th?
Me: Quick on the math, that's 3 weeks away.....3 weeks to over think, don't you have anything sooner?

Nurse: No, I'm sorry
Me: Ok, I guess I have to wait......thank you.....goodbye

So now after a mini melt down, a mini what if? I put a call into my cancer Doctor...my Oncologist...I relay everything that was said and I'm told instantly.......Kim don't freak out just yet, it is normal for a pap test to come back "abnormal"following chemo....have the test and have them send over a report when finished.....don't loose sleep over this Kim.....It's too soon to worry......I remember not worrying about the lump in my breast either....I was told it was probably nothing.

Today is my middle daughter's 21st birthday....it's a big deal, it's a big celebration....so I will keep this to myself a lil while longer....my kids have already gone through enough. Jim just holds me and let's me cry.

So here we go again........


Colposcopy - What is a colposcopy?


 


39 comments:

lsfp1960 said...

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siennastarr said...

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lanurseprn said...

Hey Kim, I know you want to freak out, but don't yet. ok?  Your body has just been through the fight of it's life.  It's ok to show some abnormalities on a pap right now.  I had an abnormal pap a few times throughout my life and I didn't even have chemo. I had the colposcopy and it showed nothing.  They couldn't figure out why the pap was abnormal.  So just be cool. I know it's hard considering your history, but it really could just be nothing.  Mine was.....a few times!
Enjoy your daughter's celebration.  
Hugs to you, Pam

danica1023 said...

Sending hugs and prayers!  Please listen to the Dr. and don't freak.

ginabommer said...

kim, i am sending prayers your way...... and i have had two colposcopy's..... fyi..... please be asked to be put to sleep..... really.... i am praying...love..gina

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Kim...
 I know how worried you must be, I can't say i wouldn't be feeling the same...but please try not to stress over it too much....if your Dr. thinks it's normal for a pap to come back abnormal after chemo....they must see this often.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!  Keep us updated
Hugs,
Terri

mzgoochi said...

holding you up in prayer. love you and God Bless you!

pharmolo said...

Follow your doctor's advice - I'm sorry you were put through that, very unprofessional from that nurse.

mosie1944 said...

I'm so sorry, and I'm praying you're OK.

pippa1116 said...

i got that call two different times.  and had a colposcopy both times.  after the second one, everything has been great.  I pray that this is just something as a side effect of the chemo and turns out to be nothing.....but I also think that because of you history, they should get you in there a lot sooner.
tina

ajquinn354 said...

Kim, you hang in there dear, could be a false reading (I've had that happen a couple times) or something minor.  Know you are concerned after all you've been through but, keep positive.  You are always in my thoughts and prayers.  Arlene (AJ)

sunnyside46 said...

It's nothing more often than its something.
No words will do, I know.
holding you in my  heart,
Marti

jonathanfoxley said...

i have nothing to say apart from i'm thinking of you in my prayers
lucy x

lindaggeorge said...

Why does life love to kick you just as you're getting back up?????

I'm sure you will be fine, it's probably just a blip after all your Chemo.  My sister had an abnormal result before she had breast cancer. She had to have a minor op and has had no problem since. Its been 15 years since her breast cancer and I was partying with her tonight. She's had the all clear for everything  for years. Hang on in there, it will soon be behind you.

Linda x.

astaryth said...

I know it is hard, but deep breaths! Like you Dr said it is probably because of the chemo.... most important is that you are getting the check-ups. Holding you in my thoughts with fingers crossed till I hear a confirmation of what I am sure is a false reading!  If your oncologist thought it was anything he would have you in there tomorrow! {{{Hugs}}}
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind/
http://adventuresofaneclecticmind.blogspot.com/

jmorancoyle said...

     No, here we don't go again. Until someone actually tells you you have a problem, worrying and crying will not help anything. Get busy. You can do this. You can get through this. If it were something to worry about, you wouldn't have to wait 3 weeks to find out. Take care, be calm, and say a prayer or two. I will, too.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

chat2missie said...

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tendernoggle said...

Kim, I too had an abnormal pap smear result...and it was found to be  pre-cancrous cells...I had to have my ceverix scraped and some type of surgery done several times... I can not remember the name of it now...BECAUSE That was over 30 years ago....SO please try not to worry...God bless,
love ya,
carlene

plieck30 said...

Since all has been said I will say you are in my prayers. Paula

psychfun said...

Prayers on the way but I would just stay neutral...I know hard to but especially in light of what he says. Enjoy the 3 weeks with you wisdom of life being even more precious because if you worry so much then you waste those 3 weeks and I wouldn't waste one moment regardless. When it is nothing you will be kicking yourself you let worrying take up the opportunity to be joyous you know.

missy92980 said...

Oh Kim... Don't freak out just yet! You know that the docs said this is normal.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for calm and comfort.  HUGS
Missy92980

promiseluv372 said...

Sweetie, Try and NOT think the worse... it probably is normal after chemo... I know saying "don't freak" is easy but NOT freaking is next to impossible.  

My prayers are with you.. I will light my prayer candle daily for you! I really believe it works.

Hang in there! You really are a strong woman..

Happy birthday to your daughter

Love,
Promise

lazarai said...

Hey Kim,

I can see why you'd be freaked out, but let me assure you that with or without breast cancer, abnormal pap tests are well, normal! I will be 50 next month, never had breast or any other cancer (knock wood), BUT... when I was in my 20s, I had an abnormal pap test...and a colposcopy, which I remember as being where they just scrape off the cells around the cervix....and then I went on to have my two girls in my 30s. When I was 38 and all done with childbearing, I had an abnormal pap test that again showed "abnormal" cervical cells, possibly pre-cancerous, and I was told I could have outpatient surgery where they'd remove those cells and I could go home that day. OR, due to the frequency and volume of my periods at the time, a partial hysterectomy would be an option too. So I chose door #2 - let them remove my uterus, kept the ovaries - and all has been well ever since. Actually, I highly recommend saying good-bye to your uterus if you're done childbearing -- I have been 150% times happier without periods and sex is great when you don't have to worry about pregnancy!! And I still get my yearly paps & mammograms and in 12 years, it's been all clear.

I have to say, I know MANY, MANY women who have been through "bad pap tests" and in only ONE case, did it turn out to actually be cancer. So don't freak out!! EVEN if you hadn't had chemo, a bad pap test result doesn't have to mean doom.

Love & hugs,
Carol

ukgal36 said...

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emabecmar said...

i can understand what your going through beings i had cancer also. just remember to breathe and take it one day at a time. I will keep you in prayers. ((((((((hugs))))))))))
Cindy

randlprysock said...

I am sending prayers your way.  Just keep thinking positive.  Hang on to hope and never give up the fight.  
Lisa

rdautumnsage said...

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gosso23 said...

Oh Kim, I am so sorry. I can't believe it. I am praying that everything will be ok.  I can tell you not to worry, but I know you will anyway. I just have to say you are a strong women who helped me through so much and it just breaks my heart that you have this to worry about now. If you need to talk please email me.
Take care sweety,
Trish

lmitc89854 said...

You've got my prayers, I am crossing my fingers and wishing on stars for you.

am4039 said...

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inafrnz247 said...

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gandsbrock said...

AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!  Sorry, just a minor freak out.  {{{{Kim}}}}  Okay, your onc says not to freak out - so we won't, not just yet.  Not unless we need to.  Kim, you are in my prayers.  Love ya lots and I hope this turns out to be nothing other than a chemo thing, or just a mistake. Take care, Stephanie

rjet33 said...

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unicornsteph80 said...

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bmorrrick said...

Oh Kim,

I've been out of town, so I'm behind on alerts.  I'm sure you must have felt so overwhelmed after getting that call.  I have to say, I was an office manager for a very busy OB/GYN practice for several years, and the nurse who called you would have been reprimanded for her behavior.  There is no excuse for making you wait that long for an appointment!  Especially once you told her about what you've recently endured.  She should have worked you in THIS week!  Just for your peace of mind....I do know that an abnormal pap is very common, probably much more than people realize.  My doc did colposcopies several times a week, and the results were good at least 90 percent of the time.  I've never had one done, but I'd talk to the ladies afterward.  Many said it wasn't painful, but some thought it was.  Some preferred to have it done as an outpatient, not in the office.  You might want to ask some questions about the procedure and how your doctor does it.  I'm keeping you in my prayers, and hope you can get this done sooner, so you won't have to wait and worry.  If you didn't already ask, you might want to ask them to call if they have a cancellation.  I didn't mean to write a "book" here, just thought maybe I could help with a little info.

Take Care,
~Bilinda~

blessings2 said...

Hi Kim!  I pop in every once in awhile to read your journal since you posted a link on the AOL Breast Cancer boards.  I hope your panic is subsiding!!   I am a BC survivor (almost SEVEN years!) and I had an abnorrmal pap sometime after my chemo (don't remember if it was the first post chemo or the second).  My doc did the HPV test, which came back negative, and told me to come back for a repeat pap (I can't remember if it was 3 months or 6 months).  I did, and it was normal, and has been normal ever since!!  I am betting that your abbie-normal result was because of chemo.  Chemo wacks everything out!!  Hurray you're done with that!!!!!!!!   Hang in there warrior-lady!                             --Bethany

helmswondermom said...

It's good that you called your oncologist so he could give you a better perspective.  I hope all goes well.
Lori
http://journals.aol.com/helmswondermom/DustyPages

ekgillen said...

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ravenjuiced said...

Fuck, I don't believe this. I'm not a religious man, but I'll pray for you.

Fred