I want so much but need so little and that humbles me. I have been a bit melancholy the last few days...just when I think I have dealt with all there is to deal with ..... it washes over me again....at unexpected moments....a lump in my throat will present itself...a tear will fall slowly off my cheek....half the time it is for relief that this part of my life is over, half the time it is for fear that it will return... it will take sometime but I'll have to get used to that....I have so much to loose.
For a woman who has been truly, madly, deeply in love with the man she chose to marry all those years ago, a new love for him has emerged...he is the man I always thought as him to be and his love for me is there for all to see simply by looking into his eyes when he is looking at me...I love that look..it becomes the both of us. I feel closer to him now then ever before....love ebbs and tides through the years, it's what keeps it fresh for us....those content moments when all is well and calm and then how we rise up and meet adversity together as one....he for me and me for him...no words necessary.....just the wanting to be there for one another. I still can't find the right words, the perfect phrase to tell you how wonderful this man is to me....how perfect for me as a man can get.
There was a time when I was first diagnosed that I felt I needed to say the words "I'll understand if you walk away now" I knew it was going to be rough and I knew he would have a hard time watching me suffer through it and after his initial anger of me voicing those words to him, he reminded me of the vows he had spoken and that this is just another way of expressing them. It is easier to be with someone in good times and health, we really don't spend any time thinking about the "in sickness" and "in bad times" when we are standing at the alter. It's nice to know that I have chosen a man that meant every word he said.
Life is beautful and I am thankful!
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14 comments:
What a beautiful entry....I know you feel so lucky to have your husband...but I truly believe he is a lucky man too...because you are a very special woman!!
((hugs))
Jeanne
You truly are blessed in more ways than one, Kim.. You have a husband that many only dream of having. You are going to be fine.. I just know it! Keep those healthy thoughts, and stay strong! :)
Hugs
jackie
i love how you continue to find the blessings kim.
You truly are blessed to have married a man who meant every word of his marriage vows. I think that's a rare thing these days.
Have a good weekend.
Pam
What a blessing you are to one another...
I couldn't have found a better husband myself.
Keep your chin up Kim! =)
Hugs,
~Terri~
Awww this entry made me cry because I am so happy that there are guys out there that mean what they say at the alter and you have that higher love. I thought I had that for 22 years, but it turned out that I didn't he never meant what he said. But I know all things happen for a reason some we'll never understand.
Take care, Chrissie
That is so nice. Yay for the good guys in the world! (and the good gals)
Stephanie
Kim, you are indeed bless to have that special DH in your life.....what you went through was hard enough, but to know he'd be there every step of the way had to encourage you to not give up....you are one lucky lady. You two have done what marriage really means, not everyone is so fortunate to figure out that in love you are with each other through the good, bad, rough times and supporting each other. Yea isn't that something, Britney coming out now and making bald the thing to be now, though she wouldn't hold a candle next to you and how gorgeous you are....have a good weekend dear.....Arlene (AJ)
Kim, it sounds like you have the same type of love that I sheared with my husband...I hope and pray daily that my daughter will this type of love also.
love ya,
carlene
Hi Kim,
What a beautiful entry! I hope you let Jim read it....I know exactly what you are talking about, we've been married 37 years, and he's perfect for me and vice versa! It is so true about the "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"...we were talking about that ourselves last week. When you are young and say those words, you don't really think about them. But what a treasure, to have a loving spouse during those dark days of illness. Keeping you in my prayers, as always.
Take Care,
~Bilinda~
Kim, I know he loves you just as much as you love him. It's easy to tell that he is the kind of man everyone looks up to....and appreciates.
Smiles,
David
what a wonderful love story
Marti
I was reading yesterday that cancer survivors can suffer from post traumatic stress disorder which makes alot of sense with what you have been through. They say the entire family can go it in varing degrees. So take it easy and hopefully this too shall pass.
Julie
What a beautiful entry
hugs
Jayne
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