I want so much but need so little and that humbles me. I have been a bit melancholy the last few days...just when I think I have dealt with all there is to deal with ..... it washes over me again....at unexpected moments....a lump in my throat will present itself...a tear will fall slowly off my cheek....half the time it is for relief that this part of my life is over, half the time it is for fear that it will return... it will take sometime but I'll have to get used to that....I have so much to loose.
For a woman who has been truly, madly, deeply in love with the man she chose to marry all those years ago, a new love for him has emerged...he is the man I always thought as him to be and his love for me is there for all to see simply by looking into his eyes when he is looking at me...I love that look..it becomes the both of us. I feel closer to him now then ever before....love ebbs and tides through the years, it's what keeps it fresh for us....those content moments when all is well and calm and then how we rise up and meet adversity together as one....he for me and me for him...no words necessary.....just the wanting to be there for one another. I still can't find the right words, the perfect phrase to tell you how wonderful this man is to me....how perfect for me as a man can get.
There was a time when I was first diagnosed that I felt I needed to say the words "I'll understand if you walk away now" I knew it was going to be rough and I knew he would have a hard time watching me suffer through it and after his initial anger of me voicing those words to him, he reminded me of the vows he had spoken and that this is just another way of expressing them. It is easier to be with someone in good times and health, we really don't spend any time thinking about the "in sickness" and "in bad times" when we are standing at the alter. It's nice to know that I have chosen a man that meant every word he said.
Life is beautful and I am thankful!