This blog/journal started out as a way for me to get back in touch with things that were important to me, when I was teenager filled with angst which I later figured out was pent up hostilities and rage from a sometimes wonderful childhood and a sometimes not so wonderful childhood...I used to write all the time. Mostly about love and the current relationship that I was in at the time. To the people that I would occasionally share some of my writing with, told me to continue writing, that I was good at getting "feelings" onto paper.
I stopped writing when the first child came along...no further explanation needed to those that know how all consuming children can be and deserve to be.....what I didn't realize was how much of me I was giving up or how estranged from me I would become. Small price to pay for the joy of parenthood....I didn't even realize how much I missed writing until I started it up again with this blog. I started out first testing the waters with glimpses into my past, then into figuring out my past and how it effected me and made me who I was becoming....we all bring so much of our past into who we are today...good or bad it's there.....this blog became very therapeutic for me and let me go deeper than I was willing to when I was seeing a therapist....at the keyboard there are no eyes sizing you up and down, there is no glancing at the clock to see if "your time is up" you can write until you feel better which is what I do.
This blog also touched on my home life, the lives of my children and has basically also served as one long love letter to my Husband Jim. I have shared my poetry, my view of my world behind my camera lens and shared almost every detail of my experience of going from a breast cancer patient to a breast cancer survivor....although I feel 'stuck' in between the two right now.
Over the weekend I was perusing the blogs looking for new or new to me blogs and sometimes I just click on other peoples lists of other peoples journals if I like what I have read in theirs......birds of a feather kind of theory.......I came across so many abandoned journals with their last entry date and time posted then it's as if "poof" that life either stopped becoming so interesting that the owner just fled or their life became so busy that time was the issue at hand..either way they left their mark in J-Land then just packed up and left without any explanations....I for one can't see myself giving this blog up any time soon....the need to purge my thoughts to words is still there. while jumping from abandoned blog to abandoned blog I felt the same way I feel about a lone shoe one sometimes see discarded on the side of the road, I wonder about the owner, I wonder about the other shoe.....I feel it's loneliness (strange I know! lol) I feel bad for the abandoned blog..with its past just sitting out there for all the world to see but nothing of its present time, of its hopes for the future.
I guess I'm just feeling melancholy....I'm working through something that I can't explain right now, but you can bet when I do....it will be right here in my blog as another chapter in the book of me.