Well, as good as I felt and looked Saturday for the two parties we went to I have been paying for it since then. Yesterday I had just enough energy to go out to breakfast with Jim then it was back in my jammies and back to bed, which was kind of nice.....spent the entire day in bed with Jim watching football.....and did I mention that my BEARS won again, in an exciting overtime moment?!?!? lol I love the back and forth of sudden death in overtime.
I'm still having trouble with my legs today ( I want to go go go, but they don't want to) but I think that could be from wearing my high heeled boots all day Saturday (10 hours) It's been a very long time since I had on heels (since July) But I keep telling myself a lil while longer and I can put all this behind me and by summer I should have all my old energy back, and my hair (loosing eye brows and eye lashes now) and I can wear all the high heeled shoes I want to! lol
I have found that dealing with cancer is a lot like childbirth the first time.....your scared, you don't know what to expect, it's more painful than you thought, but in the end it's a new life, metaphorically speaking of course. Having Jim and the kids makes it so worth the effort, I'm not ready to say my goodbye's just yet. When your baby, our 14 year old Son; who is trying to be more of a man than the lil boy that I knew, lays his head in your lap and says more to himself than you "I just don't know what I would do without you Mom" how can I not fight like hell to make sure that doesn't happen for a very long time?
Out of all this I only had one dark day, and that is when I was unable to walk and found myself crawling to the bathroom and unable to pull myself back up onto my bed.....I was mad as hell and refused Jim's help..it was at that moment that I finally broke down, and said, " I Give up, it wins! I can't do this anymore, I don't want to do this anymore, I can't take this anymore!" as I collapsed on the floor and cried my eyes out, breath holding sobs racked my body as Jim took me in his arms and rocked me. After my crying slowed down enough for him to be able to quietly speak to me, he whispered into my ear, "You are the meanest, toughest woman that I have ever met and you're gonna let cancer beat you?" I know those aren't words of love to many, but those are exactly the words that I needed to hear, he reminded me who I was and what I was made of and that is just what I needed to get my Irish temper up and get pissed off enough again to finish what I started.....kickin' cancers ass!
So here I sit today with my 7th treatment tomorrow and only one more to go after that........better days are coming, they are coming and I will be ready to enjoy every single one of them!