Tuesday, December 5, 2006

For those who have wondered how Jim has handled this....

Later today is my 6th chemo treatment (2nd of the Taxol drug) what I learned from the first Taxol treatment was that even though I have an unusually high pain tolerance I will be asking for something a lil stronger to help with the pain this time! If it was just me at home, I would just work through it (the bone pain is intense at times), but because my children have to witness it from time to time, I can't let that happen again........Did I mention my middle Daughter moved back home over this past weekend?? She will be 21 in February and like me, learns life lessons the hard way and a bunch of young 20 something year olds living all together isn't as much fun as it was when they all first moved in together almost 2 years ago.....another "I told you so" spoken and a welcome home! Well, actually just her things moved back home and she spends almost every night at her Boyfriends place.....Oh, and I am the Grandmother to 2 mutant  (extremely large) white hamsters....Violet and Lily.....funny how they don't get spend the night at her Boyfriends huh?.....Lily decided to tour my home on her own this past Sunday afternoon and evening while the rest of the family watched the Chicago Bears football game at my Sisters....after 5 minutes of returning to my home and my 14 year old Son screaming "Lily is gone" and while I was changing into my Jammies for the night......Lily decided to exit my master bathroom and give me a lil thrill I wasn't ready for!........took almost 10 minutes for my heart rate to go back to normal after that! lol

I have a good number of male readers that have been following my journal from time to time and have wondered how my Husband Jim has been dealing with or handling watching the Woman he promised "forever" to, battle cancer....First let me tell you I fell in love with and married a Man's Man.....very strong, very masculine and one who loves me so much it scared him in the beginning..... He was with me when I was prematurely informed I had very aggressive (cancerous) tumors via my Radiologist (and who I will be forever grateful for the early heads up..you know us Mom's we put everybody else first and without that early heads up) Who knows how long I would of put off going to my Oncologist if he (the radiologist) didn't tell me "Don't wait, do it now!!"

Jim has been my soft place to land and my rock for many years and he meant every vow on our wedding day....he has seen me atmybest and seen me at my worse (even before my cancer diagnosis! lol) and has loved me unconditionally every moment since we first fell in love at first "date" back in 1986......we met in 1981 for the first time  and even though we both belonged to someone else I told my best friend at the time, that I didn't know how and I didn't know when, but I was going to marry that man some day and we finally did after becoming a couple in 1986 and then married in 1990. He had a 3 year old Daughter and I had a newborn Daughter (Melissa and Amanda) when it was finally our time and after we married we added two of our own to that mix (Rachel and Jimmy) and have been living happily ever after until my illness hit in July of this year.

That man has seen me scared and so very ill at times that only my eyes were able to watch him cross a room. He became the "rock" for the rest of my family during my 9 hour surgery and one week stay in the hospital....he watched them get ready to send me home early, learned how to change my bandages and my drains, then watched them try to stabilize me after my heart went into Atrial fibrillation and then moved me to the heart hospital where I had to continue the rest of my week stay at the hospital, he took care of my basic, every day needs while I was in the hospital where I never had to rely on the nursing staff or the "call button." he bathed me, fed me, soothed me, loved me and slept by my side every night, on a not so comfortable lounge chair, he laughed with me, he cried with me and he pushed me when just when I thought I couldn't take anymore......which seems to follow an every other week pattern during chemo! lol! He understood without words, that our intimacy would be challenged and neglected (which I know is hard for any hot blooded man! lol) but both of us know our love has more facets than just physical love anyway. He has seen me fall, crawl and be too sick and weak to cry, he has helped maintain some type of normalcy in our home for our children's sake,  gave up his hunting season, he has gone to the drug store up to 6 times in one day to buy stool softeners, laxatives, suppositories, enemas, finally a prescription phoned in by my Oncologist to just get back home again only to turn around and go back out for sanitary napkins and tampons for his teeange Daughter.......now that is love! lol lol lol  Like I said, I married a man's man but one who had no problem walking around the drug store and asking forhelp in locating these items when his wife was home, weak and bed ridden most of the time for the first few weeks following surgery and then 5 days a week following each chemo treatment since then. He has been with me at every Doctor's appointment and every chemo treatment and pushes me through every weak moment since diagnosis.

So this is the Man I fell in love with the very first time I saw him at the young age of 18, and who I knew I was destined to spend forever with and finally did get to start that forever with at the age of 23. Now here I am soon to be 44 (February) him 48, and I have more love and more respect for that Man, who has spent the last 20+ years of his life putting his love for me and his children before his own needs to give us a beautiful life and it is for him that I battle with all my might to beat this terrible disease, just to spend a lil more of forever with him and finish raising our last two babies (14 & 15) and maybe I can be around a lil longer to spoil the hell out of future grandbabies to come.....nothing in life could be sweeter than a longer life with Jim and the following generations....that will be my every Christmas wish, every Birthday wish, every New Years resolution and every falling star wish the rest of my life.......how ever long I am meant to be.

Life couldn't get better than this...... only my health can and I'm working on that my friends......I'm working on that! ;)

36 comments:

lindaggeorge said...

All the best with this next round, wish there was some way of helping, the best I can do is send loving thoughts.

Linda x.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/lindaggeorge/GeorgeMansions/

imshadowraven2 said...

All nthings happen for a reason they say and i for a long time questioned how this could happen to you my friend and as time has went on  i think maybe i know why because the almighty knew you were a tough irish broad who was loved by many and knew that you would touch many lives and you would get us thru and teach us many things along this rough road you travel. I love you my friend who i may never meet but who feels as closer to me than some i have met...........Robin

mawmellow said...

I love Jim, too, for taking care of my dear sister !!!

pharmolo said...

It's very good to hear you have a Rock of a man to stand beside you at this time, Kim :-)

midwestvintage said...

 What a wonderful husband you were blessed to find.  My husband has seen me through 11 surgeries, 2 cancer scares, death of siblings and parents and been my rock also.  A good man is great to find.  Hope your next chemo goes well.  Get something stronger for pain.

                Julie

chat2missie said...

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lanurseprn said...

Best wishes to you for your next round of chemo!!  
Pam

siennastarr said...

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sangrialel said...

You have a wonderful husband and you deserve a little more of forever with him!  Linda

dwhee70041 said...

Kim,
You are so correct, Jim is a man's man.  I have wondered how I would handle the issue if it happened to my wife.  I would be just like Jim, at least until it was all over.  It would be extremely difficult watching the one I love go through everything that you are enduring.  A man must stand by his woman and be there to take care of her when it is needed.  Thank you for sharing this with us.   Hang in there, it will all be a memory soon.
David

randlprysock said...

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tendernoggle said...

This journal entry would be a great present to your husband... God bless you,
love, carlene

ajquinn354 said...

Wow what a beautiful tribute to your hubby - you sure are one lucky lady to have shared all these years with him.  Reading your words about him and how he has been there for you through thick and thin was so heart touching.  Arlene (AJ)

stupidsheetguy said...

I just read the story of a great man here, inspired by a great woman. I wish you both 100 more happy years together. He should be honored by your words!

Jimmy

mzgoochi said...

((((JIM)))) That's for being such a good guy and taking such good care of you Kim. This was an awesome entry. Stay strong!

Love, Lahoma

onestrangecat said...

what a great man you found.  glad you managed to get together!  you both are so very lucky.

Kathy

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

I am so happy for you that you have him to be there for you!  And that is my wish for you as well!  you are an inspiration and have been since I have know you!  I am glad to know someone as strong and loving as you!  Hugs,TerryAnn

ekgillen said...

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am4039 said...

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inafrnz247 said...

What a moving entry... You are truly blessed with an angel.  I'm so glad you have each other.  Your love will outlast any and everything.

Michelle

candlejmr said...

What a wonderful tribute to that fantastic husband of yours.  You are a very lucky woman in more ways than one!!!

((hugs))
Jeanne

jonathanfoxley said...

i cryed when i read this entry, i found it so moving to read the love that you and Jim share. yet again what you write has filled me with inspiration to conqor my own lifes little battles
lucy x

lazarai said...

I have tears in my eyes reading this, Kimberleigh...I think you are BOTH very lucky to have found each other and true love!!

Rock on!!
Carol

pippa1116 said...

you have such a wonderful man.  I hope i find that love some day!  
i hope your pain is not too bad. my prayers are with you.

tina

kbeatty99 said...

Your love is wonderful.  Thank you for telling us.-k

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Oh my goodness Kim...
done got me crying over here =(
(((((((((((Kim))))))))))))
Loved this entry...

Love N Hugs
~Terri~

dornbrau said...

Here's hoping you have a good 6th.  How wonderful that you have such a loving man by your side through this phase of your life.  How wonderful that he should have such a loving woman by his.

lmitc89854 said...

I had a man like that too. My best friend forever. I know he is waiting for me. Bless you.

gandsbrock said...

I love hearing how passionate your DH is for you.  *sigh*  So romantic.  I hope you are doing okay... - Stephanie

sdoscher458 said...

((Kim)) this was a beautiful tribute.  I know you are a true romantic, and it is wonderful that you have a great guy like Jim. I know that if it were reversed you would do whatever you needed to do to help him too....no greater love is there. I hope that you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and happy New Years.  Love, Sandi

knowwriter said...

You are beautiful!  Keep fighting. You have Hope, Courage, Faith and Strength

http://journals.aol.com/knowwriter/AmazingAdventures/

plieck30 said...

Not all men could be this caring in the face of such a serious illness. I'm so glad you have Jim and I know you would have done the same for him. Paula

winivere2002 said...

Hey, Girl! Grabbed my Santa hat to come by for a visit and wish you Merry Xmas from The Glass Box! Wishing you peace and lots of love!!! Hope your holidays are as special as you are!
Love, Win =.)
http://journals.aol.com/winivere2002/TheGlassBox/
ps... Thank you for always being such a great inspiration.

mrmaninthemoon said...

Hi Kim, Thank you for your encouraging words. I have stopped by many times keeping up to date on your progress. I find inspiration in your journal. Guido brought you to my attention and I mentioned in my journal that I do visit yours. You are a fighter, very spirited, and I know you have the strength tho beat this. Thank you again for your kindness, Bless you and I am always thinking of you. Riss
http://journals.aol.com/mrmaninthemoon/thisismyworld

bmorrrick said...

What a blessing it is to find your soulmate....huh?  I know personally, when I was so young and took my wedding vows, I didn't pay that much attention to the "in sickness and in health"....when you're young you think you'll always stay that way (ha).  I'm so glad you two found one another, especially since you've got him to lean on during such a tough time.  This is quite a love letter you've written for him!!  Hope you're feeling better.

Take Care,
~Bilinda~

rebuketheworld said...

Your very lucky...I know few men who have his character. It seems they are a dying breed in our age bracket....AND AND AND, he is quite lucky to have YOU! I gotta give props to both, its so rare that a good match in marriage happens. Happy for both of you. ~Raven