Saturday is my Big Irish (extended) Family Christmas Party, and I can't wait to finally see all of them. Cancer has been very cruel to my family, One of my Aunts and one of my Uncles didn't win their battle and because of that everyone and I mean everyone is devastated that I was diagosed with cancer. For some (Hell most) of them they haven't even been able to see or talk to me. Even though I could of used the support I understand why they all find "seeing me" very difficult. It's all about comfort levels and I will not cross someone else's to appease my own.
So I am hoping that when they do "see" me tomorrow, they will see that I will survive cancer, and maybe they will stop thinking the next time they see me will be at my funeral. First of all I ain't a Funeral kinda girl.......hate them! My first funeral was my Father's and that destroyed me. I still go to funerals but it's not what I want for myself and forget about burying me.....not gonna happen any time soon or even when it is my time to go. Call me crazy but I want to be cremated, mixed with sparklies (lol) and tossed into a few helium balloons and left to wander where ever the four winds take me! lol I've always been one who loves a great adventure and I have suffered from wunderlust my whole life so why not continue with that even after death. My poor Irish Catholic Grandmother would have a fit if she even knew of my intentions after death! lol
It was my wish that My Grandmother not be told about my cancer, she will be 88 years old in February, she is the Matriarch and she has already experienced too much heartbreak in her life. She buried her Husband at the age of 31 and was left to raise her 7 children ( ages 15 and under) on her own and when she could no longer do it, she had no other choice but to have her family split up after they were accepted into Mooseheart. Click on this link to learn more about the "Moose Club" and Mooseheart ~~~> Welcome to Mooseheart - The Child City . She buried her first born Son (My Father when he was only 41), she buried her first Born Daughter ( 52,Cancer) and then she Buried her second born Son (55, cancer) That is the hardest thing a Parent will ever have to do....burry one of their children and she has buried 3 out of 7 plus one of her 18 grandchildren, the 31 year old Son of the Uncle I lost to cancer. So I do not want to put that woman through more heartache then she has already seen and I don't want her heart to be heavy with what I am going through.....who knows maybe when I am finished with chemo and I get the "all clear" from the Doctors I might let her know then and she can see for herself that cancer isn't always a death sentence. I come from a long line of strong woman and now you can see where some of it comes from.
It is from her that I also get my very raunchy and wild sense of humor......My fathers whole side of the family "suffers" from it! lol Gramma Annie is the one that I get all the "TELLINGS" from, stories past down from one generation to the next and I come from a wild bunch let me tell you! It has always been with a lively sense of humor that we have survived many challenges and boy am I glad that humor is a big part of my DNA! lol lol lol
Now for another "Telling" WARNING!!!!!! Not for the delicate ears so click out now if you are easily offended. LOL LOL LOL
Now Gramma Annie is the Mother of 7, The Grandmother of 18, The Great Grandmother of 27 and Great Great Granmother to 1 and while at a Family Christmas Party of few years ago....I had a quiet moment with her and I had always wondered but never asked, why she never found anyone else (after my GrandFathers passing, now remember she was only 31 years old!) to spend the rest of her life with. There were never any men around while I was growing up and I do know of a man that she met a few years after my Grandfather died but way before I was even a twinkle in my Fathers eye....She was maybe 35 and dated him for awhile thinking the whole time he was single only to find out that he would no longer be able to see her because he had lied to her and that he was married and his wife was about to be released from (what they referred to back then) the Insane Asylum. But after him there was never anyone else.....so I asked her "Gramma after all these years why didn't you ever fall in love again or did you just not want to? Wasn't there ever anyone special? You've been alone for over 50 years? Didn't you want love again?...........and her answer to me (Now mind you I am expecting this love story kind of answer, about loving only one man my Grandfather, and that every man after him paled in his shadow....you know a story that I could share with the great grandchildren and future generations) and her answer went something like this.........(finale warning adult content)
"Well, Kimmy all my life I was looking for a man with a thick wallet and no dick and all I kept finding were men with thick dicks and no wallets!" Now I about fell outta my chair....this was an 80 something year old woman....all I could mumble after all my chit's and giggles stopped was, well that's another story that can't go down in the family story book but can be shared with the rest of the family when they have reached adulthood themselves! Now me and the rest of my adult siblings and cousins got a kick out of it, but her adult children were not amused!!! lol lol lol
Now are some of us gonna burn in hell? Probably but it will be one hell of a party! lol lol lol
There are other "tellings" somewhere in my archives you are more then welcomed to find and enjoy reading them!
Gramma Annie now suffers from macular degeneration so she will not be able to tell by looking at me that I have been ill.