This has been possibly the most emotional week of my life....416 days into my cancer diagnosis and I am finally falling apart...Hayward Wisconsin was wet....fishing so-so....I had one evening on the boat alone with Jim when my 15 year old son called on the walkie talkie to tell Big Jim he had a tick embedded in his stomach and that he can feel it moving around.....Jim's best advice slather it with Vaseline...the head can't hurt you from what I understand the toxins are in the body....with vasaline it suffocates them...so they try to back out themselves..so we turn the boat around after maybe an hour of fishing (me no such luck! fish wise)(lol)......wasn't a tick after all it was an itty bitty leach...pick your ick factor! lol.....Jim was able to roll it up on a tooth pick and flush it away.....I never got back out to fish....something humiliating about trying to crawl in and out of a boat on all fours.....not sure if it's humiliation or humble pie......I basically cried all week........several times a day.......but when I read about Mother Theresa having to fight her own doubts after living what she has lived and seen the suffering she has witnessed I don't feel so conflicted between the whole religion-evolution as I AM very sure so people many do. I do believe in a better place than here....I have had family members cross back and forth before their last breath to share what they have seen....that itself is a true miracle! To me Mother Theresa is already a Saint........she took on the needs and roles far too many people were to afraid to take...........CAN YOU SAY ANGEL WHO ONCE WALKED AMONG US???
I didn't get out of the cabin as much as I liked...my legs are still giving me a lil trouble....but since I have been sick and haven't done hardly any family cooking I cooked up a storm in that cabin....I promised Jim I would gain 3 pounds I think he gained 12! lol....since I don't own a scale I will have to wait till Tuesday to see if I hit my goal....I'm still on a low dose of steroids so I have been eating a lot in the middle of the night...Jim said,"I don't care what time you eat just eat!" lol
I'm a smart woman, I know I'm a smart woman......now I have to get passed that stubborn Irish woman and maybe it's time to get a second opinion.....huh Mary?....I'm starting to wax and wane with this treatment of my cancer. Jeanne that book you sent me on HOPE OR WAS IT FAITH? (SORRY CAN'T SEEM TO REMEMBER AT THE MOMENT) The Author beat terminal stage 4 breast cancer after a rough spell trying to get her insurance to pay for the bone marrow transplant...The Insurance actually didn't want to pay because after all it was "ONLY BREAST CANCER"..that book made more sense to me than "THE SECRET" which did NOTHING but repeat what every other Author who was in the compilation of that insane book trying to sound like they came up with that term themselves! Anybody else with me on this one???? lol lol lol
Just what is the criteria for a bone marrow transplant anyway...I have numerous cancer tumors on my spine, my new belly boob, at least one so far on my liver......hoping the Brain tumor has gone for good...a couple on my left leg....I see Dr. Serious Tuesday...I can ask him my many new questions.....This Book that Jeanne sent me....the Author/Patient worked for General Motors....which my Jim does too....and even though her treatment (BMT) and remission and reoccurrence and remission once again....after all Ford has done for Breast Cancer Awareness (WARRIORS IN PINK) and you can bet if General Motors even tries to shy away from covering a bone marrow transplant if I need one to kill off this cancer once and for all....ohhh am I gonna get loud! LOL LOL LOL...Hence the name DEMANDNLILCHIT!!!!!!! I have no doubt that if I do need a Bone MarrowTransplant that my insurance won't let me down...if that can cure me or put me in remission then theybetter give me a chance at it or this 5'00 foot Pink Warrior is really gonna get her Irish Temper in a twist! lol
I am very grateful for everything they have done for me...excellent benefits...maybe $300 out of pocket on co-pays total for Specialists and medicine co-pays...forover a year...But I know I am worth much more than a car, an SUV and a truck and I am pretty sure my Husband, children, friends and my J-land-family will agree.
I was able to get out for a long car ride and did get some amazing wild life shots...give me some time and I will post them on "Photographic Memories" Blog soon (found on top of side bar)
Again the tears I have cried in no way compromise my strength to do my best and beat this beast and have the rest of my HAPPILY EVER AFTER........DAMN IT!!!!!!!!...........LMAOOO!!!!!!