It's fun Tuesday ..aka Chemo Day!

I'm off for my chemo, I'll update this entry when I get back...so far, knock on wood, that steriod they gave me to take every morning while on this chemo made for a pleasant but sleepy week....talk to you soon! Small blessings indeed!

 

UPDATE: All my blood work (cbc's)came back great, I have the numbers of a person not sick with cancer! Lets just put all our good thoughts into another week of feeling good even if I'm just a lil sleepy and I will try to stop waking up on the floors around my town! lol

Thank you all for your warm wishes, your prayers, your karmas, your words of wisdom, your angels sent to watch over me. Once again you have carried me! I  love and adore you all for that!

 

K.

Just possibly the best damn song ever written :)

I had my Mastectomy August 16, 2006.....3 days later while still in the oncology unit my heart went into A-FIB. I was rushed to the Heart Hospital (same campus) and by the 5 day I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was sitting in my bed with my door closed watching my husband Jim try to catch up on some much needed sleep ( he never left my side) I was thinking about how much of this having cancer is going to change everything and everybody.......tears started welling up in my eyes......it was a quiet cry, I didn't want to wake my Jim and I didn't want him to see me defeated by all this.

My room was in one of the corners and even with my door closed I heard what was a violin and an acoustic guitar in the hallway and they were playing "What A Wonderful World" I never did get to see who was playing but suddenly my outlook changed it still was a wonderful world and I was going to remind myself of that everyday. I never had the chance to tell whoever was playing that they made a difference in my life.

Image one sunny winter afternoon while up in the chemo room while I was sitting in front of the floor to ceiling windows a 50-ish couple comes in with violin and guitar in hand and starts playing old, wonderful standards for the cancer patients. I wait for them to finish their set and then I tell them how much they changed my life that day. How that day I was thinking  my life was over, that I would never be happy again....I told them about "What a Wonderful World" did for my outlook on my new life.....they thanked me for thanking them and proceeded to play it for me again....of course I cried like a baby....They day of my Chemo graduation they were there again and played it for me as my gift......it just reinforces life.......my life force.

Even though cancer isn't so wonderful..... life and the world still are, so when I need to be reminded of that again somehow that couple is sent into my life to bring back the wonderment of it all over again!

Life is good and I am blessed!

"What a Wonderful World"
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Out of the mouths of babes......

This was left in my comment section....I am so impressed with these two young bff's!

Ok, How cute is this Cathy F (11years old) and her BFF Hayley......

While at camp Hayley told Cathy something for people who survived cancer. It is "Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon!" Even though Cathy F has never met anyone with cancer it inspired her....She told me to now take this and BELIEVE!     

From the 11 year Catherine F

melancholy baby.....day 472

My Mom says she misses my smile, my laughter.....I didn't even realize that I had lost it. I know my mind is still very active it's just that my mouth isn't as much anymore. I used to be talker.....hopefully not to the point that I annoyed anyone and people always seemed drawn to me, but now I think I keep all conversations locked in my head. I'm not sure if it's the Cancer and the Chemo that keeps me quiet with being to tired and sick most of the time or if it's the tons of pain medicine they have me on make me too stoned to share what's on my mind........quiet is not my norm. It could of been the whole brain radiation too, they said that WBR can alter ones personality. Maybe it's because after 44 years of talking non stop people finally feel the void...I hear the whispers  "she's so quiet now! I'm not used to her being so quiet!" It's been a while since chemo took my voice but it did this time I can either yell really loud or talk in a broken whisper.........my side effects are always so goofy! lol

The steroid is helping with my appetite....I find myself having to have a lil something in my stomach every couple of hours or I get the dry heaves now. With food comes nutrition, with nutrition comes strength. I had to stop my physical therapy while doing chemo, I was too weak for both, chemo first then hopefully at some point when I get to remission or a milder chemo and can do both.

I hate the fact that my blog seems to be taken over by my breast cancer, but cancer and it's treatment has taken over my life so there doesn't seem to be anything else to blog about, I get grounded from leaving the house by myself, I can't run off for hours with my camera anymore, one reason I have seemed to misplace it (oops!) some times when my weakness and my balance is real bad I'm banished to my room until someone gets home.....I'm feeling a lot older than my age.

I am craving my old life, my healthy life........I guess everyone that  goes through a life changing event does..........today is 472 days since my diagnosis........seems like forever then again seems like only yesterday...... I miss hanging out with all our friends, but with my immune system being compromised I have to avoid large groups and public places.....my Son already passed along his "PINK EYE" to me, but being breastcancer awareness month "PINK EYE" seems appropriate! lol

For those of you who have put off their yearly mammogram ......it's time to do it....they say if caught early enough the success of a cure looks good.......I caught mine early enough but it didn't do me any good....too aggressive....so a day can really make a difference, don't waste your tomorrows thinking it can't happen to you, because it can and it does....I'm living/dying proof of that.......no longer curable only treatable......what does that mean? That means until they either find a cure I am going to be dealing with cancer the rest of my life.....even if I'm one of the lucky ones that finds my way to remission the threat of it coming back will always be there.

Bubble Wrap Anyone?

Since I had my chemo on Tuesday and I usually don't feel any sick side effects till the upcoming weekend I thought I had a few days of "normal" allotted to me..........WRONG! Wednesday I was a good girl, stayed in the house, off the stairs ate what little I could but drank all the water I was supposed to. So Thursday I finally go to buy a refurbished lap top (DELL) and go to pick it up, The sales man gave me $20 bucks off the lap top, a free mouse, and all the cables I needed......I'm thinking this is going to be a good day..........right??

Feeling so good, I'll stop off at the grocery store.....now mind you I only buy maybe 15 items and while I'm standing there waiting for the girl to finish putting my bags in the cart, I get overly warm and next thing I know I passed out on the grocery store floor....I feel as if I'm in a very restful sleep, but there is some man talking to me....my eyes won't open.....finally I open my eyes to see what the fuss is all about and it's all about me! The back of goldylocks is flipped up over my head, I am still flushed in the face and my rescuers don't know if they should leave me down on the ground or sit me up and pour cold water down my throat. I didn't want an ambulance called, I didn't want a family member called......I just wanted to sit out in the cool breeze for a few minutes...so they all followed me out to my truck, put my groceries in the back of it and all said they would follow me so I made it home safely. I had enough attention  for one day and promised that I would drive extra slowly to my house less than 2 miles away.

I make it home, leave the groceries in my truck (nothing was perishable) and climb into my bed, M Sis-in-law calls I groggily tell her I passed out at the jewel but that I'm home, she doesn't hear the "home"part. I tell her I need to rest and hang up......she calls my Mother and gets her all upset, Laurie is getting dressed and plans on hitting all the Jewel Stores in my neighborhood since she doesn't know which one I shop at.....My Mom tells her to wait and calls my cell phone, I answer the phone from my bed and tell her that I'm fine and that all I need is rest......she clicks over to tell Laurie I'm home and fine. "Search for Kim called off" lol lol lol.... My poor Sis -in-law was so freaked out!

I guess I don't care where I put my head to rest.....now all the other times I have just fallen over, this time I justpassed out......what a weird feeling. I've fallen at a funeral, I've fallen at the hospital, I have fallen out of the tub, into my bedroom wall and so on.......bubble wrap I tell ya! BUBBLE WRAP!

Time to happy dance again! lol

I knew it! I knew the chemo drug (Navelbine),the chemo drug that my body can't tolerate..... is driving down the tumor marker test numbers (another huge decrease). Dr. Serious doesn't seem to think its the Navelbine that has made me so sick. , no matter how much I tried convincing him it is. First dose (full dose) became familiar with my toilet, second dose (Half dose,didn't SEE the toilet) third dose (full) made plenty of visits to the toilet....so today I go in plead my case but because of the tumor markers going down significantly in the last month and the tumors I once felt in my left leg are gone and Jim can't find any signs of the ones down the sides of my spine, I was given another full dose!

He thinks it's the lack of steroids in my body that are making me sick, so once again I am being put back on steroids...a milder one this time Prednisone, at a low dose so I don't get the weird side effects I had on the other steroid(Dexamethasone) in previous treatments. They should also help with my appetite and my nausea ..... lost 8 pounds being ill since last dose. I am now wearing a size 7 in the junior section thanks to my "Extreme Cancer Make Over." All I have to say is I better get to enjoy this body of my youth for quite awhile after I'm put in remission! lol lol lol

Well, I just wanted to let you know how my visit with Dr. Serious went and if you don't see me around much in the next week or so, I'll be face to face with the tidy bowl man! lol 2 more rounds of this chemo, then another tumor marker test, if they are still declining then no other testing (scans and such) until 2 more rounds....Lets hope it continues to work for me and not stop working in another month like the others have.

GO ME!!!!

what the..........?

Very strange, I added an entry late yesterday afternoon, about my hair finally starting to come back, I clicked save, I re read it after I saved it and I took my later afternoon nap. When I woke up from my nap. my nextel (when trying to log on to the net and AOL told me 404 not found, so now I can't access AOL from my phone anymore and when I logged onto my blog just now that whole post is missing....this happen to anyone else???

 

XOXO

KIM

AOL...............love/hate relationship! lol

Good thing is first I compose it in my file, under "new" on the top of tool bar, that way if my computer locks up or aol boots me it's still sitting on my desk top, then I mail a copy of it to myself so I can re enter if it gets eaten by aol ...thank god this one wasn't a soul searing entry it was meant to share my good mood and my feeling good for a change so here is what aol ate for a midnight snack last night.

(Yesterdays entry)

Today I don't feel sick, today I don't feel weak.....but tomorrow is Chemo Tuesday and I will feel good for a few more days then it will start all over again.....oh how I love those "Feel Good" days! 

My hair has finally broke through my scalp, it looks so dark again, I wonder if I'm gonna have that schnauzer look again. If I do, it's gonna be me and a bottle of Nutrisse hair color as soon as it's long enough to dye! The weird part of it's re growth is that I have a streak from the front of my head to the back of my head right down the center that shows no sign of re growth...what I was thinking was, then just dye the sides black leave the all natural white scalp untouched and instead of looking like a schnauzer I can look like PePe LaPew! Whatcha think?? lmaoooo

Today is good day and I am blessed!