Everybody Happy Dance with me!!!!

I had a great check up with Dr. Serious yesterday! Yahoooooooo!
Cancer marker tests were down 10 points.......any reduction is a welcome relief! lol Also my lungs are in no need of a future lung tap......can I get an amen on that one?? lol I will be having a thoracic CT/Scan in a couple of weeks to see if the tumors in my lungs have shrunk significantly to make sure the Xeloda Chemo is working it's magic.....then another Brain MRI in about 6 weeks to see if the tumor that is there is gone all together and then I will be a good candidate for a chemo booster they wanted me on before but because of the brain tumor it was too risky for a stroke....crossing fingers that I am able to do the booster!!!!

SIDE NOTE --Forgot to add that I started my 3 round of the Xeloda Chemo this morning too and I have lost a lil bit of hearing in both ears due to the Whole Brain radiation...keeps the teenage noise level down to bearable....side effects will wear off in a few weeks! lol

Every day that gets me farther from last Friday strengthens my life force .....it's amazing how much better I feel and I have energy to spare now. I will not over load myself......Jim won't let me for one, but I actually have done lots of laundry and shopping and I even cooked dinner last night......food is no longer my enemy! lol And did I mention a bowl of Moose tracks (ice cream) last night didn't hurt! lol

I wanted to show you how much my hair had grown before the radiation took it all away again....funny how only the lil stubborn gray/white hairs stayed! Grrrrr! Jim said my hair looked fiber optic because the ends were still blonde but the roots came in darker! I thought I took on a more schnauzer look myself! lol lol lol

The other two girls are my partners in crime....they went with me for my appointment yesterday...and they were making fun of me how I can't walk a straight line yet and how my words seems to escape me from time to time...so I called them Dirty Rat Bass Turds and said, "Hey you try walking around with a brain tumor and then tell me how easy it is!!!" Even Doctor Serious laughed out loud on that one and then left the room for a minute and then poked his head back in the door and asked again. "What did you just call your girlfriends?" I repeated DIRTY RAT BASS TURDS!! He laughed again and left the room............I think personally we made his day! lol lol lol

It's a great day to be alive and I ain't missing another moment of it!

 

   

The picture  above was to give you an idea how fast my hair grew back from my last chemo (first round) which was January 2,  2007 until my last round of whole brain radiation a week ago. If I knew how many brain cells I would have had to sacrifice now I think I wouldn't of been such a wild child during my teens! MY BAD!!! lol lol lol

Me, Mar and Michelle ( I think this was taken over a month and a half ago.........chemo brain, radiation brain, blonde moment, bald moment I have lots of excuses now! lol lol lol)

Tags: living with cancer

Good thing it's waterproof mascara! lol

Here I sat all smug that I went 2 whole days without a tear slipping away from me........then my J-land Angels arrive all boxed up neatly with the prayers and wishes to make all bad and scary things disappear here on earth......Mary, Stephanie, Nancy, Rebecca, Kathy, Mary Jo, Carlene and Christina....Tears of love, tears of joy, tears of compassion from people worlds away from each other....You are angels among many of us and I am so appreciative that our paths were meant to pass and that we have each other to share "Life" with!

I hope your hearts can feel how much love I have for all of you! I feel every good wish, every prayer sent my way, I feel all good vibes and great healing....I love you all! every lurker, every new reader, every dear old friend before I got sick....I had a great mentor on how to do this right, with grace and dignity and to share with all that may need to take something away from what I write....Pam (just one girls head noise) and Lahoma who for the brave shared her own experience with BC and dared to show the aftermath of her double Mastectomy if it helped or reminded one person do their "damn mammogram!" lol

We teach each other so many things, but what we all walk away with is a sense of life is good and we are blessed!

Happy just to be.......

I can't tell you how much "life" has been brought back to me since my last radiation on Friday.....I remember on New Years Eve and we were all together at the drop of midnight and I just flew into my Brother's arms and cried and cried....I was so happy that I could put that part of my life behind me......4 months of chemo and I kept saying to myself......New Years Eve and this will be all over with....didn't work out that way after all but it was a good symbolism of coming in and out of everything I had go through last year.

I have felt so lifeless during my three weeks of whole brain radiation............kinda just breathed in, and breathed out....didn't have any more energy to do more than that.  I spent this weekend out at the lake and even though I needed lots of naps in between, I had fun at the luau, was even able to sip a lil frozen rum runner down my throat and finally my appetite came back....it was an all protein weekend and my body responded by feeling stronger each day.........I actually woke up yesterday with a big ole smile that I couldn't take off my face if I wanted to!  I had been an emotional wreck the whole 3 weeks of rads.......cry at the drop of a hat, had a butterfly land on me and sent me over the edge with just the sheer unexpected joy of it trusting me so much.

I feel a renewed strength coming back to me, I was a lil worried that it wasn't going to return, I couldn't get over how exhausted I was, 24/7.....but I can feel this new energy swelling up my heart and my spirit and it's about to bust all over!!! lol

Thank you all again for holding me up when I was to weak to take on the fight and for all the love sent my way....I owe you all so much and I love the J-Land community...YOU GUYS ROCK! lol lol lol

Nap time again.....I didn't have my camera out this past weekend but I'm sure I'll get some pictures from the people who did bring camera's and I will share with you all....

A peacock without plumage! lol

So this is me again....the day after letting my hair scatter to all four winds that blew that day....I have been going out without head covering in hopes that other people who are self conscious about something about themselves say a BIG ...."SO WHAT?" It is not the size and shapes of our bodies that defines us....it is who we are in our hearts and the hearts of those that love us that determines our true character and self worth.

Your self worth is what you deem upon yourself...........carry yourself high and others will follow suit....be strong and other will see you strong, be compassionate and others will show compassion....

Life is good and I am blessed and I am thankful for every moment. It is not the cancer that causes me to weep, it is the love that I receive unconditionally, from family, friends and strangers that I have only met in my heart....the simple, loving bond of human connection is what fills my heart as well as my eyes with tears....you are all so precious to me and I love you dearly!

Lovingly,

Kimberleigh

 

Paying it forward!

I recently was asked to pay it forward for a lil boy who lives in Ontario, Canada...he is only 7 years old and I did check it out on Snopes.com first. He has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia....his wish is for lots of Birthday cards and wishes and if you can find it in your heart please take the time to show this little boy, a Mother's Son a little of what the J-Land community and American's with hearts can do in making a few wishes come true.

His birthday is coming up............you lifted me when I was weary, can you lift little Shane too? Thanks Kelly for passing on lil Shanes story!

I will add the information that I did on Snopes.com, It's my time to pay it forward to a warrior smaller than me....but who has tremendous amount of his own courage!

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Shane Bernier

Also I will add Shanes Wish page

Shane's Wish

Side note: I am battling a war that I did not sign up for, mine is no noble cause...I fight for personal reasons, such as more time with my Jim and my loved ones.........the true hero's out in this world are our American Soldiers, they signed up for this fight, to keep our country free, to keep our liberties free.....they fight for the Red, White and Blue....they fight for me and you! They are the truest of hero's and have been generation after generations and I am very proud to have come from a very military family.....Both sides of my family as well as both sides of my husbands family.....GOD BLESS and keep our soldiers safe and God willing bring them home soon!

Some kind of freedom.....

Well, I just spent the last hour sitting outside under one of our tall birch tree's plucking my head hairless......With my Youngest Daughter Rachel by my side and Jim and lil Jimmy checking in on me telling me that I am beautiful and not having hair makes no difference....made for a quiet acceptance that I am once again bald.....a few tears fell but with a few hugs from my baby girl, the trials and tribulations seem sacred. There is a freedom knowing that you are going to lose your hair (once again) and knowing that it will come back again when it's ready. I chose not to buzz it, but let it come out at the root as to with the hopes that if it all came out follicle and all at the same time, it might just grow back in at the same pace instead of here there and everywhere......weird part is that just at the nape of my neck where the radiation didn't reach that hair won't pull out with a crow bar....I have fringe! lol

I'll post a new pic with my bad, bald self soon.....Rachel told me my eyes are even more beautiful when I don't have hair.........how cute is she??? What a sight we must of been sitting on the bench grooming myself like a baboon, letting the wind carry my hair where ever the four winds blow...I feel at peace now knowing that it's all over and new hair can start coming back.

One tired Pink Warrior....battles on!

Again it seems my words and thoughts might fail me, but I'm gonna try to get an entry out anyway....again being stubborn pays off! lol

Saturday was spent out at the lake enjoying watching my friends and family live each moment without a care in the world which helps me to forget some of my cares too....if only for a little while. I socialize when I can, I rest when I need to and I need those days out in the fresh air....even if I get the chills in temperatures in the high 70's...I have no problem sitting by the lake all wrapped up like I'm going to the Chicago Bears game in mid January! lol

I like being on the oral chemo (Xeloda) much better than the AC & T that I had to have through an IV every two weeks at the cancer center...this stuff doesn't bring you to deaths door, but I will be feeling much better come Friday when I have my last radiation...then I think I get a week off, then a new brain MRI to see if that tumor has shrunk, become dormant or has left the building all together! lol No tumor could mean all cancer cells floating around my brain could all be nonexistant too! I promise I will have Jim take a picture of me and my mask on the radiation table my last time around...then you can also see how much hair has grown back before it leaves it's place of residency again! lol

This past Sunday I was able to run my fingers through my hair and see the beginning of my hair loss again....We still haven't told Jim's family that I have been sick all this time, we are going to wait until the family reunion or shortly before to let them know....we decided since they didn't handle it very well the first time around we will let them enjoy these past few months with peace in their hearts. By the time I see them again I will be bald and neither one of them could handle seeing me that way so Goldylocks was forever worn in their presence....small, itchy inconvenience on my part.

Last week My Baby Boy turned 15....I have lost all vision of his sweet baby face....he had a fantastic weekend....caught a rather large Walleye out at the lake (catch and release) and when on a 3D archery hunt with the grown men and outshoot almost all of them......except for his Daddy of course.....so right now I have two fifteen year olds until next month when Rachel turns 16.......did I mention that she has her permit and in Illinois you have to have 50 hours behind the wheel with your permitted child??  There isn't enough XANAX to get me through all that.....so my family has been pitching in and white knuckle driving with the child.........like I don't already have enough stress in my life huh??? lol lol lol

Tags: Finding the right cancer treatment, Stage IV Breast Cancer