Chemo Brain huh? lol

They said with Chemo, if you can make it through your third day, the rest of the treatments should be a breeze....so here I am and I am doing well! The meds they are giving me for nausea are working perfectly, even though I am not thrilled with my "MENU" of medications...I will do what I have to do, to get through this.

The only side effect that I am experiencing is the loss of vision, or should I say the blurred vision....it's driving me nuts and for someone who thought she knew what fatigue was, I can now say I know fatigue....even though my mind is alert, my body wants to sleep and I have to keep my eyes closed for longer periods of time.... small price to pay in becoming a Breast Cancer Survivor!

I made a mistake in my earlier calculation on when I should have my last chemo treatment.....it should be on January 2, 2007. If I can stay healthy and on my chemo schedule, I should be back to my old self come February. My treatments are every two weeks for 16 weeks and only the firsts 4 treatments are the supposed to be the roughest.

Thanks for reading and thanks for caring and thanks for all the prayers sent up in my name! Everything is going very well and I am truly blessed!

Having a good day!

Just got back from taking several more inches off my hair! Talk about deja vu, This looks a lot like the pixie hair cuts I used to get as a small child!  When I get used to it, I will try to get another picture to share with you all........I'll have to do it soon though I have about 10 more hair days....then it's the bald chick with the funky earrings until I can grow back my own! lol

I misunderstood my Oncologist..I will need eight weeks of chemo, not six....such is life! So at least it will all be over with around my 44th Birthday and I can start the rest of my life then.....44 year old broad running around with perky new boobs, a tiny waist and a new attitude! lol lol lol

Still feeling pretty good even after chemo....a little forgetful and a little tired, but life is good and I am thankful!

John's Monday Photo Shoot....HORSES!

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Horses!

Time to get equine for this week's photo shoot:

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Horses are nice. Show us a horse picture you've taken. It can be new, or one from your files. It just needs to have a horse in it. Donkeys, mules, ponies, zebras, and quagga are also acceptable, and I'll be impressed if you have a picture of a quagga in your files, being that they've been extinct for 125 years and all.

Life sized  bronzed Statue

My personal archives
kmh 2005
 

To view other participants in John's blog please visit

Here'sssss Johnny

Quotes for the Day.......

Quotes for the day....


When we are strong, we are always much greater
than the things that happen to us

Thomas Merton


If you are going through Hell, keep going.

Sir Winston Churchill

(That one cracked me up! lol)

Yesterday, Chemo and another gift from a J-Land Angel!

 

 Yesterday, (Chemo Day) was a rough one......I cried a lot before I left for the hospital, in a Walmart parking lot, in the waiting room at the Doctor's office, in the Nurses station, then my last tear was shed while seeing the Doctor....I love my Doctors! They are fighting as hard as I am to beat this Cancer!

 

After that last tear, which was once again when the subject of how my kids are handling this as well as Jim and I....I found my strength to once again "cowgirl up" which by the way is a term that basically mean....You know what you've got to do, just do it and NO WHINING!"

 

I finally met someone close to my age going through the same type of cancer that I have and it was the first time I didn't feel so out of place. I am very thankful that in my 5 trips to the cancer center that I have not seen one sick kid.....that would break my heart for sure.

 

So Jim, My Mom, our two new friends (Val and her DH Jim) and I took our chemo class together. I of course had to cheat, I was already hooked up to my chemo bag while attending class. It's not that I'm an over achiever or anything (LOL) But because I had to reschedule the chemo class earlier last week to yesterday, due to the fact I had my porta-cath put in and was not up for par at class, the only other class available was a half an hour after my first chemo treatment started....so in I rolled with my 'Chemo cocktail' lol

 

Afterwards I came home to a lovely surprise waiting outside my door!!!  Thank you Angel Jeanne! Your care of me has lifted me up and pushed me to be a better patient and woman. When I am all well again, I will "Pay it forward" on your and my other J-Land Angels behalf. That term means that when a blessing has been brought to you by someone else in your life, you repay their kind deed by helping someone else.

 

Isn't this gorgeous!!!!

 

kmh 2006

kmh 2006

 

Life is good and I am thankful!

Where my head is at today 9.26.06

Accepting the fact that I have Breast Cancer and had to have a Mastectomy was sooooo much easier than accepting the fact that I have to have chemo........how weird is that?? lol Some where late afternoon yesterday, after I finally ventured out into the sunlight since the placement of my porta-cath on Thursday, I finally accepted the fact that I had to have Chemo to up my odds of beating breast cancer.......it's a good thing that happened, since I will be having my first Chemo treatment around 1:00 o'clock this afternoon.....So begins the second phase of my battle with Breast Cancer.

I should be finished with it before Christmas and will be able to start the New Year, literally with a new lease on life.....funny how I have heard that expression all of my life but now I know it's true meaning.

I haven't yet blogged about how this is affecting my children....even thinking about it makes me an emotional wreck...so here goes......

Our Oldest Daughter, Melissa (the 23 year old Newlywed) handles a crisis like me, wants to know everything, then wants to know what to do about it....deal with it now, fall apart later. She has been a rock.....and I love her dearly!

Our Middle Daughter, Amanda (The 20 year old also living out on her own now) has had a rough time dealing with my Cancer at all, it was so difficult for her in the beginning that she actually pulled away from me. She confided and cried to my Mother, I had to let each of my children deal with this in the best, safest way for themselves, so even though I needed her, she needed to distance herself from me for awhile. She said just seeing me hurt her....so I love her enough to let her grieve and when she was done she came around and brightened up my days.

Our youngest Daughter Rachel, (15 years old) has built a wall around her, I have offered her and my younger Son Jimmy counseling if they want or need it. They both refused, Both have a hard time opening up to adult figures.....(it's the teenage thing to do) Rachel has told a few close friends that I have Cancer but does not want to discuss it any further. Rachel has been seen by a Psychiatrist since the 3rd grade since being diagnosed with ADD/ADHD who monitors her medicine and her school progress. Yesterday was the first time seeing her Doctor (since my diagnosis) and he fears that when this wall she has built up cracks, she will be in for a very hard landing. Knowing my child so well, we have already prepared for that. She needs to escape the "large elephant in the room" from time to time and finds sanctuary in her Poetry, song writing and my Sisters house.

Our Youngest Child Jimmy, (14 years old)  Who is also under the Psychiatrists care for ADD/ADHD, finally felt and dealt with my cancer yesterday. He said while in Spanish class that he got a little overwhelmed with it and found himself unable to concentrate for the remainder of the day.... he knew Chemo was starting today. Before school even started I went to the guidance offices to let them know that life is not like it used to be and that I knew they would have days like these and that they needed a private, quiet place to regain their composure. For the first time I was asked to leave the Doctor session and let the Doctor talk to them without me. He needed to see them drop their brave faces around Mom....Jimmy almost lost it in the room, but Rachel stepped in and answered the Doctor's questions on how "They" are handling it. 

Then it was my turn to talk to the Doctor with them excused from the room...he told me why he asked me to leave and with just the mention of how my Cancer is affecting my kids, the onslaught of hot salty tears once again, slid down my face. I'm a pretty tough Broad, but when it comes to my kids I'm a cry baby.....I spent their whole life protecting them from things that "hurt" but I can't protect them from the hurt my Cancer is causing them.....just let that sink in for a minute and you will feel just a small amount of my anguish.

So this is were my head is at today....still affected from the sadness yesterday but more determined today to do battle royale with the help of my Great Doctors, My loving Husband and my supportive Family, the best circle of friends a girl can have and my J-Land friends!

Cancer? Do you really think you can kick my ass??? You better think again!

Feeling sunny again! lol Thank you!

Feeling better today, only once in awhile do I feel the porta-cath under my skin. I'm not sure where my head is at today though. The intent is to have a good day and go do something, the only problem is I don't really have the energy to do it. I think it's going to be another jammie day....it's also a good thing I have no shame..I'll go anywhere in my jammies! lol I gave up coffee before my trip to Jamaica back in late June, but today I decided maybe a lil boost of caffeine might be in order, so off to the drive through window at Starbucks....jammies and all! When I get that "look" from someone wondering "what is that crazy woman doing running around public in her jammies?" I just stick out my tongue and say (with a wink! lol), "Insanity has it privileges!" I love the stunned looks on their faces as I go about my merry way! lol lol lol

So far I have gone to the grocery store in my jammies, much to the embarrassment of my two remaining High Schoolers living at home, I have driven them to school in my jammies, I've gone to the lake to watch football games in my jammies with our friends and family.....this is not too new for me, I spent last New Years Eve at a party in my jammies...me and my SIL thought let's be comfortable this year and go in our jammies, so that's what we did....and let me tell you, we were the most comfortable people there! No high heals, no fancy clothes, no muss no fuss....just jammies and slippers! That is what I plan on wearing to this years New Years Eve party too! lol lol lol

I want to thank some of my Chemo Angels who have sent surprises to me since I have been diagnosed. I'm still a kid at heart and I STILL love presents! Of course with every package that has arrived, I had to convince the DH that I haven't been shopping on eBay! lol I was 'grounded' from Ebay for awhile.............MY BAD! lol lol lol

Thank you Jeanne from Journey to a new me for the book Chicken Soup for Breast Cancer survivors, and for the lovely Cancer Journal, and for the Pillow that was sent to me on your behalf to hold gently between my post op arm and post op breast (It really works in relieving the pain of skin on skin!) and also for the 'Queasy Pops" that were sent to me....I haven't tried them yet, I will wait till chemo starts and run the use of them past my Oncologist.

Thank you to Marsha from Mellow and sometimes not so mellow for the beautiful Cancer PINK shawl hand crotched by her in her prayer group! I love the concept of what your group does, with every stitch that goes into it, a silent prayer is said for the recipient...When I want to feel a hug, all I have to do is wrap that around my shoulders or lay it across my lap and I feel it girl! I just adore you Marsha but your already know that! lol

Thank you to Brenda over at Brenda's way who must own stock in the Hallmark company! She sent the most beautiful cards while I was in the Hospital and then again while recovering from home...for only knowing each other a short time she nailed my personality from the pinks, the shoes and shopping cards she picked out for me...I wasn't feeling so feminine after surgery, but those cards reminded me yes I am still a woman! Thank you!

Thank you to Sheila from over at Needles and Hooks for the pink and beautiful caps she crotched for my soon to be bold and beautiful bald head! Those are going to be perfect on the upcoming cold Chicago winters! I love the different shades of pink you chose and I especially love the one with the very soft trim around the edge of it! I will be styling for sure girl friend!

There are times when I am feeling down and all I have to do is remember why I decided to share this very personal journey of having Breast Cancer, if it just reaches one person.... who it might help, or make CANCER not such a scary word, or alleviate their worries for even just a minute then I am content and joyous.......These amazing women who I have mentioned above have done that for me along with all of you who have left me uplifting and comforting comments. Thanks for always being there to catch me when I fall.....your kindness has touched me more than you will ever know!!!!

 

Life is good and I am blessed!